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This relationship is over ... because I'm too WHAT???!!!

MissUnderstood

By MissUnderstood
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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MissUnderstood Member

MissUnderstood

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For the last year, I have been dating the man I quickly came to consider my soul mate. We are compatible in all the important ways (or so I've thought), including an overwhelming ambivalence about marriage (he's 53 and never been married, I'm 41 and the instigator of two broken engagements) and a scary-but-thrilling tendency to finish each other's sentences. Musically, philosophically, politically, humor-wise ... We do seem to be two halves of the same whole.

 

Imagine my surprise, then, to have been on the receiving end of the following proclamation this past weekend (I'm paraphrasing, but just): "I love you, I adore you, I can't imagine my life without you, I know my chances of finding someone else so remarkable during this lifetime are a million to one ... but you're too tall."

 

Yup. Too tall. Now, know this about me: At 41, I'm about 130 pounds lighter than I was at 20. I've spent half my lifetime reshaping my body and learning how not to be "the fat girl." To be certain, I'm more oak than willow, and nobody's going to mistake me for a supermodel, but nobody's going to stop on the street, point at me and laugh, either. Men flirt with me on a rather regular basis. My height does not appear to present an impediment on that front. And I suppose that's a good thing, because it's the only aspect of my appearance that is pretty much unalterable. Not that I'd want to alter it, anyway.

 

For the record, I'm 6 feet tall. The boyfriend in question is 5-9. He tried to explain that because of the way he was socialized, blah blah blah, he feels a need to be "the strong one." And apparently, the best way for him to do that is to be "the taller one." He simply can't work up the sort of physical passion for me that he thinks we both deserve to experience. (I risk giving you too much information here, but know that once I initiate love-making, all of his systems are go. I am the constant initiator, though, and have been for most of the relationship, a factor I might have considered a red flag some time ago but, admittedly, chose to ignore.)

 

Now, I'm not exactly a woman of steel. I routinely cry over beautiful dunks on the basketball court, Latin poetry, and Billie Holiday's incomparable phrasing. But, apparently, that's just not vulnerable enough.

 

Level with me, folks. What's going on here, and should I even be interesting in salvaging this relationship?

brashgal Established Member

brashgal

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You've been together for a year and NOW he tells you you're too tall? Sounds like a smokescreen to me.

ConfusedInOC Established Member

ConfusedInOC

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It tells me he is insecure.

 

If you want to keep this relationship, corner him and get him to talk.

 

I think being too tall is an excuse.

outdated Established Member

outdated

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Well, I've finally heard it all. After months and months of bs from exes, heard at the LS and received in person :mad: , I think this takes the cake. I feel that there's something more to this, but it sounds like you guys have a great relationship otherwise. Of course I could say the same thing about my past relationship, yet here I am too. I really think you need to get to the bottom of what is really going on- if he's that worried about being a short guy, then there's nothing that's gonna change that. See what you can dig up, and if you can't scratch past the surface, then walk away.

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MissUnderstood Member

MissUnderstood

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Apparently, my boyfriend spent our entire year together struggling with his aversion to my height. ("You have no idea how this has tortured me, how much I don't want to feel this way" is how he put it on Sunday, I believe.)

 

This cuts me to the core. Fiance No. 1's parents loathed me for a number of silly reasons, chief among them that I was taller than their beloved boy.

 

Maybe I need to start hanging out around more NBA arenas. I'm 6 feet tall, fer Chrissakes! No need to notify the Guinness World Record-keepers or the traveling freak show, is there?!!

CurlyIam Established Member

CurlyIam

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I'm 5'6 (well... almost) and I'd DIE to be taller. Of course, I don't know or understand the situation you're in, but that man has not been honest with you.

 

He's totally crazy. My roommate is over 6 feet tall and she's quite robuste. Her 5 years bf is... 5'8, skinny and rather... thin in apearance. Yes, they make a bit of an apparition together, but they love eachother a whole LOT.

 

I've never thought that height could be such a tough issue. I'm sorry, Miss! Ask him if that extra inch you've got over him is that important as to losing you...

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MissUnderstood Member

MissUnderstood

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Originally posted by CurlyIam

 

I've never thought that height could be such a tough issue. I'm sorry, Miss! Ask him if that extra inch you've got over him is that important as to losing you...

 

Curly, you are totally, and beautifully, on the money. If the only thing standing between the BF and I and true happiness is three inches, well, maybe we're not on such solid ground to begin with.

 

This still sucks, though.

scarlyjones Established Member

scarlyjones

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:confused: holy crap :confused:

 

 

 

Whoa.............this CANT be his REAL reason. Wow. Uh,............tell "shortie" to come clean with the real reason.

scarlyjones Established Member

scarlyjones

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This isnt some small issue. It sounds like hes being real short with you. Tell him its the little things that count. Tell him it may be a tall order,..but it will size itself up in the end. Talk to ya shortly,

 

Scarly...

tanbark813 Established Member

tanbark813

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That's funny. Women go off everyday on how they want a tall man, won't date short guys, etc., etc. and it's perfectly acceptable. Then the tables are turned and they get all bent out of shape.

 

:cool:

scarlyjones Established Member

scarlyjones

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The tables arent "turned",......just "shortened"

tanbark813 Established Member

tanbark813

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Or maybe they're made out of wood from the Amazon. :D

scarlyjones Established Member

scarlyjones

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Seriously though,....Im not sure if this is his real deal or not,..but, it wasnt cool of him to be with you for this long and then suddenly bring this TALL thing up. Thats why I think there has to be more to the story. "Little" does he know,....hes making a "BIG" deal outta this. Tell him to get lifts for his shoes. Case solved.

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MissUnderstood Member

MissUnderstood

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Scarly, I'm a frustrated girlfriend and you are a frustrated copy editor! Trust me on this one.

 

Yeah, guys, I tend to agree with you: There's something else going on here. I didn't just wake up 6 feet tall on Sunday. I'm starting to believe that BF has serious commitment issues (one might even call them "problems") and that my height is just a convenient whipping boy.

 

But still, we are terrific together in so many other ways, it's sad and a shame for it to end like this.

FolderWife Established Member

FolderWife

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Oh for crying out loud. Wear flats for the rest of your life, and walk around slightly hunched over. And buy him a pair of Clods :mad:

 

5-9??? That's only 3 inches shorter than you...get some thick insoles, and GET OVER IT!!!

scarlyjones Established Member

scarlyjones

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:confused: copy editor? :confused:
FolderWife Established Member

FolderWife

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I apologize for my reply...you're boyfriend's an ass :mad: Find a midget, and introduce him to her :lmao:

 

What an idiot :mad:

scarlyjones Established Member

scarlyjones

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why should she pretend shes shorter the rest of her life because HE has issues? Doesnt it make more sense for him to work out HIS problems? That way she doesnt have to be something shes not. :p

FolderWife Established Member

FolderWife

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Originally posted by scarlyjones

:confused: copy editor? :confused:

 

:lmao: *snort* :lmao:

FolderWife Established Member

FolderWife

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Originally posted by scarlyjones

why should she pretend shes shorter the rest of her life because HE has issues? Doesnt it make more sense for him to work out HIS problems? That way she doesnt have to be something shes not. :p

 

In other words, why should my husband work to resolve his porn addiction because I have issues with it? Doesn't it make more sense for me to work out MY insecurities? That way he doesn't have to give up something he doesn't want to give up.

 

In my opinion, if a relationship is worth it to you, then you should be willing to make small changes.

 

Arguing with you is fun :p

 

scarley....I was kidding when I said she should hunch over...her boyfriend is an idiot ;)

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MissUnderstood Member

MissUnderstood

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No flats! No hunching!

 

It's his problem, mine by association only. Of course, we all know that even if I were a perfect lil' gal who'd just rest there on his arm and look purty, there'd be some other flaw of mine that he could pick until a scab formed.

 

This is making me feel much better about the whole thing. No, really.

scarlyjones Established Member

scarlyjones

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:p I had a "hunch" you were joking :laugh:
FolderWife Established Member

FolderWife

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:confused: I WAS KIDDING!!! :lmao: HE'S AN IDIOT! YOU'RE FINE!!! HE'S AN IDIOT!!!
FolderWife Established Member

FolderWife

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:lmao: You guys :p

 

I should not be having so much fun at poor missunderstood's expense :( But this is just the most rediculous thing that I've heard in my entire life :mad:

 

That moron should've at least MADE UP an excuse that was better than, "you're too tall"

 

Oh BALOGNA! Say..."You're too old" or something...but YOU'RE TOO TALL!?!?!?!?

scarlyjones Established Member

scarlyjones

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:confused:
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