What do you do when someone who you hate/has done questionable stuff/has hurt you is

[La Trese]

brought up in conversation by either an aquantance or mutual friend? I don't really want to talk about this person at all, but at the same time I know her she was a former roommate so a lot of people know that and ask whats up. I know how she likes to completely trash people and make up things about them if she doesn't like them to make other people look bad in order to I guess overcompensate for some of the really immoral **** she does. She is also really charismatic so if someone doesn't know her very well they think she is nice -- I did and didn't believe all the stories about her until, well, I got to know her.

 

If she is brought up in conversation by an aquantence who doesn't know her too well, usually I pretend I don't know her even if they insist. But what if this is a mutual friend who is closer to her than to me that knows I know her?

 

I feel like if I say I don't like her or try and defend myself by bringing up some of the really ****ed up **** she has done to me and to other people it will backfire because I am not a street fighter and she is, so she will definetly know how to twist things around and i'll be portrayed as the bad person. At the same time I feel like she is definitely making things up about me. I know when I was still friends with her she went around telling everyone god awful fake rumors about her former roommate that so thats why I am scared and that roommate is so sweet and she ruined her reputation. This isn't just an ex friend I am dealing with, this is a really bad person who does bad things to people but is charismatic so is good at doing **** and then finding new people to repeat the cycle.

 

I think I might be dismissive and be like "yeah, I don't like her and I don't really think too highly of her. I'd rather not talk about her so please don't ask me the details. If you would like my side of the story on something please let me know but I will not give any information"

 

does that sound good? or should i just be like i dont like her but i dont want anything to do with her so i'd rather never talk about her again? and just let go of the fact she is probably talking bad about me.

 

how would you handle this? I just really hate having this girl brought up or having to even acknowledge her but I feel like I am being forced to.

Edited November 3, 2015 by La Trese

[bluefeather]

I would just be like, "oh her? ugh.. yeah I used to know her, unfortunately," and leave it at that. Most people can take a hint like that and will drop it.

[Toodaloo]

Keep it vague and disinterested.

 

"Oh her, yeah I knew her a while ago. No idea what she is up to now - have you seen the new Bond film?"

 

Change the subject away each and every time. People would soon get the hint. They will also learn that there is a reason why people don't talk about her or spend that much time with her.

 

If you are pressed upon be honest. Tell the truth in as bland ad short version as possible and remind them that you don't wish to discuss it.

 

Actions always speak louder than words and this girl will eventually run out of people to move on to...

[eye of the storm]

If I truly cannot stand the person, I just say "I have not idea what is going on with her/him" and then start talking about something else.

 

If it is a mild distaste, I just say we lost touch, busy and all that.

 

Nobody has ever pressed me harder. (maybe it is my facial expressions)

 

If someone would press, I would state it is not something I want to waste my time talking about and then change the subject. If the person is from outer space and still keeps bringing it up (they probably have a motive) I would ask point blank what is this line of questioning about.

 

Again, being pressed hasn't happened to me but I was with a guy that was being drilled and that is how he played it...and it was perfect.