notinept Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 I'll spare you the details but I recently met (4-weeks ago) a woman who'd been divorced about 6-months ago. We definitely hit it off very well chatted in our 'own little world' for 4-hours (met at our hiking club), I asked her out for something 2-weeks out after numerous hints/signs from her, we met and continued our getting to know each other chat at another event, and then went out on our date a few days after. That 1st date felt like it was our 100th date and then we exchanged a few (morning after date) texts, and then I went away on a business trip for a week (no contact). I called her when I got back (8-days later) but no answer so I left a message to give me a call or text, so then I texted her the next day but no response (that was a week ago now). She had recently joined the club and had been going to an outing several times a week but she hasn't been out to a single one since our date. She even cancelled the only event she'd signed up for, in the middle of the night (the website logs signups etc. for all to see), only a few hours after I'd left her my voice-message. I did overhear her telling some of the women in our group that she had cried herself to sleep the night before (our last hike), and she had told me that she hasn't been sleeping very well lately. I'm almost certain that she is pulling away from everyone/everything at least partly because of me and how quickly things are (were) happening between us, but I'm not sure how to handle this (her) ? I want to do whats right, we've made a special connection in a short time and I don't want to ruin it. Does she just need time and space ? Any suggestions would be much appreciated (I'm new to dating a recent divorcee )!
Httm Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 6 months of divorce is often not enough time. 1 year+ is much healthier. There are a lot of confusing emotions, feelings, and instabilities. Step away and date someone whonis really ready for a relationship. 1
Author notinept Posted November 3, 2015 Author Posted November 3, 2015 Her actions are actually healthier than someone who's just looking for a rebound, because one of the signs that she's not living in denial (rebound types) is the fact that she is pulling away, and from more than just me. Do I need to step back ? For an extended period of time ? Yeah I probably do, and I have no problem with that, for now. Quitting on someone (even though you get along with them in a special way) is the very reason there are so many divorces. I'm not a quitter ! There's a better way than flippantly saying 'next' every time you come up against a challenge.
bluefeather Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 Her actions are actually healthier than someone who's just looking for a rebound, because one of the signs that she's not living in denial (rebound types) is the fact that she is pulling away, and from more than just me. I don't know what you mean by "not living in denial." There is no particular attitude associated with rebound. A rebound is going out or having sex with someone just for the experience of the act. Once it has been done, there is no longer a need to go further in a relationship. Just because she pulls away from other people or things, it does not mean that you were not used as a rebound. People can use others as rebounds and not even know it until later. Do I need to step back ? For an extended period of time ? Yeah I probably do, and I have no problem with that, for now. Quitting on someone (even though you get along with them in a special way) is the very reason there are so many divorces. I'm not a quitter ! There's a better way than flippantly saying 'next' every time you come up against a challenge. In my opinion, you may have actually messed up by taking a step back already when you went "NC" for a week. If I slept with someone and they never reached out for a whole week, that would be enough time for me to see it as a one night stand and move on.
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