justinje Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 So it's been a little over three weeks since my ex and I stopped talking. The relationship is a long story but the summary is it was only 5 months (I know) but it was an intense 5 months. Talked everyday all day, etc, it was complicated and it ended abruptly with very very little, if any, closure on my part. She called it off. So the first days after I was distraught obviously, then the next week I was actually okay, in fact I was happy! I thought that the relationship was a little toxic, that I was better without her, I was implementing a plan to work on myself and focus on me. Then mid way through week 2 through now I started to miss her. Gone was the anger and in was the longing to talk to her, missing telling her about my day, missing being the one she wanted to share everything with. Then the last few days the thoughts of why she hasn't contacted me have crept in. Was there someone else at the end? Was she lieing? Was I played the whole time? Was she with someone now happy and not thinking about me at all? Was she relieved she didn't have to talk to me anymore? Not only do I know what you have to do but I'm implementing it. I'm going to the gym, I'm joining new groups, trying to meet new people, traveling to see friends, talking with family, focusing on me. And I was off to a good start, but now I'm faltering. I haven't had contact since I got the breakup text (yep text, a very long and really really nice breakup text....). I've stayed strong but I've come close the last few days to reaching out. I blocked her on all media, but I broke down and actually searched her yesterday, I can't see anything since we're not friends anymore but her profile pic didn't change and her relationship status is still hidden. Did she go back to her ex. Did she sleep with her guy friend that weekend. I don't want to care, two weeks ago I didn't, so why do I now? Is this a stage?
bmajor Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 Wow. Apparently we were in the same relationship except mine was a year long and I just ended it for lots of little lies that were being told. I understand exactly what you are going through. One day I feel great and like I made the right decision and then the next day I am wondering what he's doing and who he is seeing. I blocked his phone number but I used to get emails from him and now nothing. I think every feeling is absolutely normal. It is definitely a rollercoaster just hang on tight to the rail when you're going on the downslope. And for me I found that praying has helped tremendously. I'm so sorry that you are going through what you are going through but I'm so thankful that I'm not the only one.
itisdanielle Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 I think it's normal. They always say that grief isn't linear, so you don't necessarily feel better as each day goes on. I'm the same. I go for a few days feeling fine, then I can have a day where I feel as down as at the beginning of the breakup.
Itspointless Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 It is normal. It is: 1. chemistry: hormones that your body is missing 2. the neural adjustment to her being as you were in fact a two person biological system (yes this is true) and 3. it takes time to adjust and you will go through a lot of cycles of grief (mental) with the realization now that she probably really (!) is gone. This will keep you busy the coming weeks/months or perhaps even years. Keep doing the things you do. Take care of yourself.
madde Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 As it was said, it is normal. Although it was only 5 months as you said, but they were intensive 5 months and with almost no closure. It could be very hard to cope with it, but step by step you will get your closure within yourself. For this time just keep going. I am almost in 4 months after similar break up - 6 months and no closure - and I could say, I am far away from first weeks horrible emotions and anxiety, I could live week or more without any bad emotions and then one day you wake up or see something that remembers of him and simply know - this day would won't be nice, but I learned simply go through and don't fight against emotions. Let them out, don't hold them inside. I did opposite thing and was fighting with huge anxiety because of no expressed emotions on first weeks. Keep going and take care of yourself. You will get through this.
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