Cali100 Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 Thanks for reading this post. Any advice you could offer would be great - thanks. My girlfriend of 4 years broke up with me a few days ago, and I am devastated. We're both in our early 30's. When I met her, I thought that she might very well be the one, and I saw us getting married after a few years. She was a really great girl, attractive, motivated, the whole package. I am a really nice guy, and I'll go out of my way to do things for her. I'm successful and have my own apartment, and I always paid for her when we went out. We never argued for the first 6 months of our relationship. When we moved in together, we were in a small apartment and that changed. We argued over a lot of things, and it seemed to kill our sex life. We tried taking a break about a year later, and it seemed to help. We both missed each other. We tried going to couple's therapy recently but it didn't work out, it seemed like it just made things worse. When she broke up with me she said that there were several things that she needed in a relationship that she wasn't getting from ours. 1. She doesn't think we have good communication and doesn't see us being able to solve problems together. We always ended up in an argument and she said I got defensive and didn't listen to her. 2. She said I didn't tell her I loved her enough, and that I wasn't affectionate enough. I wasn't raised in an affectionate family, so that's not something that I'm familiar with or that comes naturally to me. 3. She said she doesn't normally feel insecure in relationships, but that me having mostly female friends made her feel insecure in our relationship. I've never cheated on her and didn't plan to but most of my closest friends are girls. She said that she wants to get married and have kids and that if I wasn't sure after 4 years if I wanted to marry her, that she wasn't going to stay with me any longer. I felt that we had a future together but with our problems right now, it didn't seem like the right time to take the next step. I haven't talked to her since we broke up, and I believe in No Contact, but something inside me says that I might be repeating the same mistakes in my relationships. I really love her. I just think that we express our love in different ways. Am I making a huge mistake by not reaching out and trying to work on our issues more??
mightycpa Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 No. You've had 4 years to work out your issues and learn how to love amicably. Love doesn't conquer all. Sometimes you can love each other, but if the end result of your disagreements and problems is always a fight, then this is not a good thing. Couples therapy, especially flunking it, is a huge sign you're not suited to each other.
mystikmind2005 Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 No. You've had 4 years to work out your issues and learn how to love amicably. Love doesn't conquer all. Sometimes you can love each other, but if the end result of your disagreements and problems is always a fight, then this is not a good thing. Couples therapy, especially flunking it, is a huge sign you're not suited to each other. Agree. You need and deserve to find a woman who will love and accept you for who you are, because she does not.
Author Cali100 Posted November 3, 2015 Author Posted November 3, 2015 I was the one who wanted to stop going. She was very disappointed. I just didn't like going there. After that we didn't really talk about how our relationship was going to move forward. I know that she really loves me and wanted to work on solving our problems. I feel guilty now for not giving her my 100% when we started having problems. It seems like with my ex before her, we argued over similar issues, and I started withdrawing from the relationship. I don't know, maybe I did the same in this relationship. I wish I had told her more about how I felt about her. I miss her so much.
Marc878 Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 Fix yourself first. Doesn't seem like you're ready for a relationship. Read No More Mr Nice Guy
Poppyolive Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 What are you guys fighting about? Her requests seem reasonable, except your friends that are girls. She's in her 30s you need to let her go, especially if she is after marriage and a family. If after 4 years you do not know, then she's not for you. Don't waste anymore of hers or your time. My ex of 6 years had trouble communicating and resolving conflict. It was a pain to work through. He promised to work on it, didn't want to get married because of the conflicts, time kept passing by, I waited and waited for him. I became resentful. I bet she's tired of waiting. She needs to take her life/future/dreams into her own hands, whether you're apart of them or not.. And visa versa.
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