Shallow Hal effect... can I make myself attracted to her?

[StBreton]

“Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.”

 

 

― Charles Bukowski

 

I love Bukowski.

 

"Never underestimate the stimulation of eccentricity."

 

--Neil Simon

 

I get it OP. But you must be getting something out of this ... What is it? Why do you stay? Boggles my mind. This is the time of your life ... You're young ... Is this what you want to sow? Maybe go for eccentric instead of crazy next time.

[deadelvis]

I love Bukowski.

 

"Never underestimate the stimulation of eccentricity."

 

--Neil Simon

 

I get it OP. But you must be getting something out of this ... What is it? Why do you stay? Boggles my mind. This is the time of your life ... You're young ... Is this what you want to sow? Maybe go for eccentric instead of crazy next time.

 

“Like anybody can tell you, I am not a very nice man. I don't know the word. I have always admired the villain, the outlaw, the son of a bitch. I don't like the clean-shaven boy with the necktie and the good job. I like desperate men, men with broken teeth and broken minds and broken ways. They interest me. They are full of surprises and explosions. I also like vile women, drunk cursing bitches with loose stockings and sloppy mascara faces. I'm more interested in perverts than saints. I can relax with bums because I am a bum. I don't like laws, morals, religions, rules. I don't like to be shaped by society.”

― Charles Bukowski

[central]

No matter how I parse everything that's been said, I don't see this as a successful relationship now - or ever.

[No_Go]

I'll tell you why you stay with her: she makes you feel important and needed.

 

I'm experiencing similar "hero" syndrome, so it sounds all so familiar. When my alcoholic nasty abusive ex who didn't even know how to flush the toilet was mooching on my money and destroying my house and nerves, I just couldn't even think of leaving him. HE left few times, I was the one begging him to come back. It was not love. I thought the sucker would die on the street from hunger (no job) or his dependencies. It felt like love at that time, but it was the scare that I won't manage to save him. I rejected smart bright attractive guys for this... Person.

 

Guess what. When I finally managed to break free from this horror ... He just moved to another host. No losses for him (of course he continued with lies, alcohol, prescription pills, unemployment.. The essence of his existence).

 

Ohh and he also have told me he has had mental issues and "interesting" youth (read criminal) because of abuse in his childhood. Well, being well too familiar with childhood abuse I doubt his story was even true.

 

I'll bet money your GF will do something similar when you finally decide to liberate yourself. Don't worry too much about her future... Easier said than done, I know. But I can foresee her mooching on another "hero" and surviving on his pity...

 

Do yourself a favor and try to continue your life without her. It will be hard but not impossible.

 

Oh, and about "hot and crazy": I can relate here too - I've been attracted and attracted many of those. They usually host on not so crazy people (but emotionally vulnerable) and soon after they leech, the "hot" part goes away... Which you've seen yourself evident from this tread..

 

 

Last night I was depressed, at the bar, getting hammered. My friends GF showed up at the bar and started drinking with me. I guess they were arguing at home so she walked to the bar. After a few drinks she started hinting that she wanted to have sex with me. She's a gorgeous 21 year old with a perfect body. Of course I was a gentleman, even when I walked her back to his house and she casually asked me to f*** her. I was completely respectful about the whole thing, but she's so hot, it was a real test of my willpower. But the whole thing reminded me again how easy it would be for me to move on. I literally have super hot women begging me to f*** them and yet I'm still hanging onto my sick, overweight, sexless, former prostitute of a girlfriend. What is wrong with me?

[lana-banana]

Last night I was depressed, at the bar, getting hammered. My friends GF showed up at the bar and started drinking with me. I guess they were arguing at home so she walked to the bar. After a few drinks she started hinting that she wanted to have sex with me. She's a gorgeous 21 year old with a perfect body. Of course I was a gentleman, even when I walked her back to his house and she casually asked me to f*** her. I was completely respectful about the whole thing, but she's so hot, it was a real test of my willpower. But the whole thing reminded me again how easy it would be for me to move on. I literally have super hot women begging me to f*** them and yet I'm still hanging onto my sick, overweight, sexless, former prostitute of a girlfriend. What is wrong with me?

 

You are desperately insecure.

 

A gorgeous 21-year-old would kick all your anxieties into high gear and you'd be just as miserable, but you'd also be terrified that she'd leave you. Yet now you're in a relationship where your insecurity is "working" for you. With each flaw (real or imagined) that you discover, you are increasingly gratified by how much better you think you are than your girlfriend. You love to compare yourself to your girlfriend; you love feeling justified in your absolute contempt for her and her lifestyle; you love feeling unquestionably superior and in control.

[BC1980]

I'm just saying I'd rather have what I signed up for... hot and crazy. This whole "fat and medicated" thing is not what I signed up for. I feel like I got the old bait and switch. Especially regarding her sex drive. I doubt I'd have gotten involved if she had started out by saying;

 

"I have zero libido. We will have a passionless relationship. I'll only f*** you out of pity. I'll rarely orgasm. And six months from now I'll be 40 lbs fatter and sitting around watching TV while you support us. And I'll be so medicated on drugs I won't feel anything."

 

Why don't you say all of this to her face? I'm being serious. Tell her she is a fat, medicated manatee. There have been people who have come to LS about a partber's weight gain but have done so in an empathetic manner. You have been extremely cruel when talking about her. If you can do so much better, why not leave? I understand that you might want out because the terms have changed, and that is your right. We can all have standards and conditions, but maybe try showing a little empathy.

[BC1980]

Last night I was depressed, at the bar, getting hammered. My friends GF showed up at the bar and started drinking with me. I guess they were arguing at home so she walked to the bar. After a few drinks she started hinting that she wanted to have sex with me. She's a gorgeous 21 year old with a perfect body. Of course I was a gentleman, even when I walked her back to his house and she casually asked me to f*** her. I was completely respectful about the whole thing, but she's so hot, it was a real test of my willpower. But the whole thing reminded me again how easy it would be for me to move on. I literally have super hot women begging me to f*** them and yet I'm still hanging onto my sick, overweight, sexless, former prostitute of a girlfriend. What is wrong with me?

 

I don't know what's wrong with you. You're all over the place with your posts. You sound manic at times. It sounds like you want to be her caretaker.

[Captivating]

Love Machine,

You call this lady "a poor soul" who has to be discarded ??? What's wrong with you suggesting this and the shallow boyfriend??? It's a shame! What will be your suggestion when you two need to deal with similar health issues with the weight gain side effect? Watch out! What goes around, comes around.