Shallow Hal effect... can I make myself attracted to her?

November 3, 2015

It's just depressing to me that this is the final outcome. I wanted her to get off all these terrible drugs and be a normal person again. Fit, healthy, and sexual. But instead I'm getting onto drugs so we can both be fat, emotionless zombies with no sex drive. I can't wait to lay around the house in sweatpants getting fat and never having sex. This is exactly what I hoped for when we started dating. Sweet.

November 3, 2015

That's a really sweet story. Good to hear that she is doing well and pursuing her dreams. Break-ups don't have to be all bad. What you said proves that break-ups can be really good for both parties. You sound like a good person.

I take the same approach as you. I'd rather be honest with myself if I don't want to be in the relationship and let the guy go as anything else would feel like stringing the guy along. I was with a guy for a few years who I wasn't really in love with as much as he was in love with me and I feel bad for letting it carry on as long as it did. It wasn't the right thing. You think to yourself that you'll wait and see if you change your mind, but really it's just making it worse for the person you are with. In order to resolve it, it's a case of learning to deal with uncertainty when making a decision. It's hard to know whether it's the right decision to let them go, but it's better than being at a half-way point when nothing is happening going forward.

Sorry long winded reply but I can totally see what you are getting at!

Thanks for the compliment.

I agree. And this communication not only prevents you from wasting years with the wrong person...but it also can PREVENT a breakup if you start that communication chain early.

One thing I learned from that breakup that is if I'm honest early and often and set my expectations...then things really can change. If they don't, then you feel better about the relationship since you gave it your best shot.

And when it's all said and done, life is way too short to live a life that's 'alright I guess'. There is no glory in being your own martyr.

November 3, 2015

It's just depressing to me that this is the final outcome. I wanted her to get off all these terrible drugs and be a normal person again. Fit, healthy, and sexual. But instead I'm getting onto drugs so we can both be fat, emotionless zombies with no sex drive. I can't wait to lay around the house in sweatpants getting fat and never having sex. This is exactly what I hoped for when we started dating. Sweet.

Wait, why are YOU getting on this meds you abhor so much?

I'm confused. You spend pages and pages railing against them and now you announce that YOU'RE going to start taking them?!

Why? Why do you think that's such a good idea?

November 3, 2015

It's just depressing to me that this is the final outcome. I wanted her to get off all these terrible drugs and be a normal person again. Fit, healthy, and sexual. But instead I'm getting onto drugs so we can both be fat, emotionless zombies with no sex drive. I can't wait to lay around the house in sweatpants getting fat and never having sex. This is exactly what I hoped for when we started dating. Sweet.

Your sarcasm here doesn't fool anybody. You came here for advice, and by the looks of it, you have had plenty.

Why come to a forum and complain about the loss of attraction to someone you love when 26 hours later your grand master plan is to continue in a life of drug induced misery?

This doesn't make sense.

Go to the shaman, go to the Buddhist monk if you refuse real medical professional help. At least you will have known that you have tried everything you could to help her, if not help yourself.

And quite frankly, I know you are the one that needs the help.

Edited November 3, 2015 by lilmissjava
Typo

November 3, 2015

Wait, why are YOU getting on this meds you abhor so much?

I'm confused. You spend pages and pages railing against them and now you announce that YOU'RE going to start taking them?!

Why? Why do you think that's such a good idea?

I don't know why. I think I'm giving in to her brainwashing. She thinks medication is the answer to all of life's problems. She's talked me into getting on something because she thinks I have a mood disorder. While I might indeed have a mood disorder, I think most of it stems from being unhappy with having a partner who is overweight and has zero libido. I can't help but wonder if she just wants me to be fat and sexless like her. She won't get off all the terrible drugs she's on, so her solution is for me to get on drugs too. My psychiatrist appointment is tomorrow. I don't even know what to say to him;

"I've been having terrible stress and anxiety because my girlfriend is on a boat load of prescription drugs that kill her libido and make her fat. Can you give me something to stop my anxiety, kill my libido and make me fat? That way we can both be sexless, overweight and emotionless."

It's the 'Merican way. If you can't beat em join em. I'm having one final wank tonight in case my junk becomes a useless decoration tomorrow.

Edited November 3, 2015 by deadelvis

November 3, 2015

I don't know why. I think I'm giving in to her brainwashing. She thinks medication is the answer to all of life's problems. She's talked me into getting on something because she thinks I have a mood disorder. While I might indeed have a mood disorder, I think most of it stems from being unhappy with having a partner who is overweight and has zero libido. I can't help but wonder if she just wants me to be fat and sexless like her. She won't get off all the terrible drugs she's on, so her solution is for me to get on drugs too. My psychiatrist appointment is tomorrow. I don't even know what to say to him;

"I've been having terrible stress and anxiety because my girlfriend is on a boat load of prescription drugs that kill her libido and make her fat. Can you give me something to stop my anxiety, kill my libido and make me fat? That way we can both be sexless, overweight and emotionless."

It's the 'Merican way. If you can't beat em join em. I'm having one final wank tonight in case my junk becomes a useless decoration tomorrow.

You are unbelievable. After all your bluster about how bad you think medication is, and all she has to do is talk you into taking them and you change your mind? Jesus christ. They are optional, you know. Why take them, if all you're going to do is lord it over her?

Let me ask you something, though. How are the drugs y'all on now any different from the coke and whatever else you used to take? I used to date a guy who was addicted to both cocaine AND Ativan. Now that was a fun combination ...

Y'all have more issues than just this one. I think I mentioned it earlier—oh right codependency. Here you are, actively railing against the very thing you're ABOUT TO DO, and have no discernible reason to do it other than she talked you into it? Tell that to your psychiatrist and see how many prescriptions you get out of the deal.

I don't see how this is going to solve any of your problems.

November 3, 2015

I'd trust a shaman, a monk, a yogi or an exorcist before I'd trust some drug pushing shrink who gets kickbacks from big pharma. No thanks.

Hell, I'd trust a fortune teller, a faith healer or palm reader before I'd trust those crooked bastards.

Ok atom Cruise....you are unbelievable.

You are very unsupportive of your GF where the weight gain is directly related yo her medicine snd her sanity ( especially yo deal with your crap)

November 3, 2015

You are unbelievable. After all your bluster about how bad you think medication is, and all she has to do is talk you into taking them and you change your mind? Jesus christ. They are optional, you know. Why take them, if all you're going to do is lord it over her?

I hate legal drugs. HATE THEM. I think they are the f***ing Antichrist.

Let me ask you something, though. How are the drugs y'all on now any different from the coke and whatever else you used to take? I used to date a guy who was addicted to both cocaine AND Ativan. Now that was a fun combination ...

I used to be a drug addict, but I also used to use psychedelic drugs for mind expansion. Taking LSD and painting a self portrait is like shaking hands with god. Drinking a bottle of whiskey every night and snorting a gram of ketamine off some strippers ass was like selling my soul to the devil. I think taking pharmaceutical drugs is probably worse than either

Y'all have more issues than just this one. I think I mentioned it earlier—oh right codependency. Here you are, actively railing against the very thing you're ABOUT TO DO, and have no discernible reason to do it other than she talked you into it? Tell that to your psychiatrist and see how many prescriptions you get out of the deal.

I hate psychiatrists. I think they are making the western world into mindless zombies. They use drugs to make us into slaves. Emotionally vacant consumers who wander around like the walking dead, looking for our graves. They keep us toiling away at our 9-5 jobs, oblivious to the joys and passion of life. The best way to keep the people enslaved is to poison their minds with drugs. I'd rather die with a gun in my hand than be a brainwashed sheep for the rest of my life. There's a quote from Zapata that goes "I'd rather die on my feet than live on my knees". I think I'd rather blow my head off than sign it over to the pharmaceutical companies. Yet here I am trading my soul for a life of servitude. Somebody should just shoot me in the head.

I don't see how this is going to solve any of your problems.

Me neither.

I do not want this. I hate this situation. I want her off the horrible drugs. I certainly don't want to get on a bunch of toxic pharmaceutical poison. This is basically the last chance for us to stay together. I'm only doing this for her. She thinks drugs are the answer to life's problems. Maybe killing my sex drive and getting fat will fix our relationship. Then our libidos won't be mismatched anymore and I'll be happy with her weight because I'll be a manatee too. Or maybe I'll just have a bad reaction and blow my head off. At this point I don't even care. I tried to get her off the drugs and she refused. Now I'm doing this for her. If this doesn't work I'll just give up and move on. If you don't hear from me on LS anymore it means I had an adverse reaction to the drugs and killed myself, or maybe it means I'm too retarded from the mind numbing poison they're going to prescribe me to even type on a keyboard anymore.

Edited November 4, 2015 by deadelvis

November 4, 2015

You are CHOOSING to do this to yourself.

November 4, 2015

I think you're just "joking" when you talk about killing yourself, but if you're thinking about it seriously, you might want to look into some kind of counseling for yourself. It's a common problem for people who are caretakers to neglect their own health (and mental health), but you're no good to your girlfriend, yourself, or anybody if you're not healthy.

I know an older couple, old family friends, that's kind of like your relationship a few decades from now. Due to an abusive upbringing, she's very sick - physically, mentally, and emotionally. She takes dozens of medications. His entire life revolves around taking care of her. He's always been a lot healthier than she is, but as he's getting older, I see the grind is taking its toll on him and he's becoming more like her.

I've wondered many times why he's kept himself saddled with such a burden. I guess he has his reasons, as I'm sure you do, too.

November 4, 2015

You are CHOOSING to do this to yourself.

These are my choices.

A) Break up with her

B) Medicate myself into a zombie so I don't feel anything

C) Be miserable with her

I have exhausted my other options. My original goal was;

D) Get her off all the drugs she's being poisoned with and help her to regain her health

But she has refused that. She likes being a f***ing zombie and she'd rather be fat, sexless and emotionally vacant than get off all the toxic crap they've got her strung out on. So option D is off the table.

She takes more painkillers than a terminal cancer patient and more mind numbing drugs than an incarcerated serial killer. Seriously.

And why? Because she was raped as a teenager and rebelled against her ****ty parents? Because she was promiscuous and wild as a young adult? Because her personality doesn't fit into the neatly defined box of what society deems as "normal". **** that. Be yourself. If the world doesn't like you. **** them.

Edited November 4, 2015 by deadelvis

November 4, 2015

I still say go for option A

November 4, 2015

I have zero doubt that all of her problems stem from the sexual abuse she suffered as a teenager, combined with psychiatric misdiagnosis and years of being pumped full of drugs.

November 4, 2015

After a couple weeks of this

http://moviesmedia.ign.com/movies/image/article/769/769822/samjackson-black-snake-moan1_1172872529.jpg

She could go from

http://pad1.whstatic.com/images/thumb/8/84/Brainwash-People-Step-08.jpg/670px-Brainwash-People-Step-08.jpg

to this

http://images5.alphacoders.com/608/608422.jpg

November 4, 2015

First I felt bad for her, now I feel bad for you... you understand being in shape is not the only way to be happy in life... Right?? Your posts are so focused on your weight, her weight, etc... I assume you're young. I hope you're young because if so you have time to learn what it is that make relationships meaningful and fulfilling.

But anyway, there are so many issues here. I sense mental health problems from both your end and her end. Your posts are very disorganized and you seem to have trouble figuring out what you're really feeling. She's just an average weight right now... Forget about that "issue" for a second. I think you'd both be better off addressing your mental health issues separately. Break up.

November 4, 2015

It's more just desperation than seeking attention. My life is a disaster and I'm basically losing my mind. But I can see how it seems like I'm looking for attention, but it's really just a cry for help. I'm on the verge of having a complete nervous breakdown, which is probably why my GF has forced me to see a psychiatrist tomorrow and get on drugs.

November 4, 2015

I provide literally everything in her life. Her only job in this relationship is to love me, be sexy and keep me sexually satisfied. I'd love it if the roles were reversed and my whole job was just to stay fit, look good and f*** my partner. That sounds like the best job imaginable. I certainly wouldn't be sitting around drowning my feelings in frozen yogurt.

No it actually doesn't sound like the best job imaginable. It sounds like a job which would cause an existential crisis. What is my purpose? How am I contributing to the world? How am I growing as a person?

I would be eating ice cream too. Every person needs passion - and I am not talking about sexual passion. I mean passion for life and their mission and purpose.

I am not surprised at all that she has gained weight.

November 4, 2015

I love her. I can't abandon her. If I left her she would be literally living on the street. No job. No house. Parents are losers. No friends to help.

You can offer to help her for a time while she gets on her feet. Pay rent for her for 6 months or whatever. You don't have to dump her on the street.

Honestly if she was fit, happy and had a libido, I'd be perfectly happy with my life and I never would have joined LS in the first place.

Well, and you were sure she was being honest about her past, and if you were more comfortable with her past sexual choices.

You can IF yourself all you want, but an IF doesn't change the way things are. She ISN'T fit. She ISN'T happy. She DOESN'T have a libido. So you can wish for those things all you want, but it isn't happening without a major shift inside HER.

You can choose to accept her, choose to inspire her, or choose to leave her. But you can't make the changes FOR her.

November 4, 2015

No it actually doesn't sound like the best job imaginable. It sounds like a job which would cause an existential crisis. What is my purpose? How am I contributing to the world? How am I growing as a person?

I would be eating ice cream too. Every person needs passion - and I am not talking about sexual passion. I mean passion for life and their mission and purpose.

I am not surprised at all that she has gained weight.

Well it would be nice if I had the time to pursue my passions. My half written autobiography. The half finished screenplay. My unfinished first album. My numerous unfinished paintings. The hundreds of books on my shelf I haven't had the time to read. Taking classes at the local college. She could be learning how to do origami or weaving Navajo blankets for all I care. I barely have time to eat, sleep and jack off. Working a 9-5 is about the furthest thing from my "passion". I wish I had all that free time to chase my dreams...

November 4, 2015

Last night I was depressed, at the bar, getting hammered. My friends GF showed up at the bar and started drinking with me. I guess they were arguing at home so she walked to the bar. After a few drinks she started hinting that she wanted to have sex with me. She's a gorgeous 21 year old with a perfect body. Of course I was a gentleman, even when I walked her back to his house and she casually asked me to f*** her. I was completely respectful about the whole thing, but she's so hot, it was a real test of my willpower. But the whole thing reminded me again how easy it would be for me to move on. I literally have super hot women begging me to f*** them and yet I'm still hanging onto my sick, overweight, sexless, former prostitute of a girlfriend. What is wrong with me?

November 4, 2015

And what we both want is to have a normal life together. But when one person is really sick, neither of you get to have a normal life. Eventually either she will start to get better, or she will let me go to have a normal life.

I don't mean this in an insulting way, but you are extremely ignorant about both mental and physical illnesses.

If you really believe that people who take pain killers are pussies...I just... I just... wow.

Look, your "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" thinking may work for some things in life.

But mental illness is not something you can just choose to get over. You said you have felt suicidal, but there is a huge difference in SITUATIONAL depression (which I have had as well) and chronic depression. If you are a healthy-thinking person, and are going through hard times, it doesn't take much to get back to the healthy-thinking. But when the depression is deeply ingrained into your identity and how you view the world, it isn't easy.

You also can't just "get over" bi-polar and BPD. You can learn coping strategies. You can learn methods to minimize the negative outcomes from it. You can learn to hide away the parts of your pain that affect other people or yourself. But you can't just say "I don't want a personality disorder anymore, so I will decide to think and feel in a healthy way now."

You also can't just pull yourself up by your bootstraps and decide not to have fibromyalgia and other chronic physical illnesses. You can choose not to let your IDENTITY become that of a sick person, but you can't just say "I don't want to be in pain, so I refuse to be in pain." Doctors don't understand a whole lot about fibromyalgia, but the PAIN is real, and it can be debilitating.

And lastly, when you got with her, you chose her because she was "hot and crazy". You do know, don't you, that you will NEVER NEVER have a "normal" life with someone who is "crazy", right? You can have someone who is crazy and thin and sexy, but you always will get the bad parts of crazy too - the cheating and the lies and the arguments and the weight gain and the helplessness....all the things that "hot and crazy" brings with it.

November 4, 2015

I'm just saying I'd rather have what I signed up for... hot and crazy. This whole "fat and medicated" thing is not what I signed up for. I feel like I got the old bait and switch. Especially regarding her sex drive. I doubt I'd have gotten involved if she had started out by saying;

"I have zero libido. We will have a passionless relationship. I'll only f*** you out of pity. I'll rarely orgasm. And six months from now I'll be 40 lbs fatter and sitting around watching TV while you support us. And I'll be so medicated on drugs I won't feel anything."

November 4, 2015

Meanwhile ... Back in the normal world ... Us normal gals have to compete with the "hot and crazy" girls ... Can't tell you how many guys have chosen the hot and crazy lunch plate ... but a steady diet of that and one's senses get overwhelmed and then one comes out of the fog and just wants plain old chicken noodle soup ... Mmm mmm good

November 4, 2015

I'm just saying I'd rather have what I signed up for... hot and crazy. This whole "fat and medicated" thing is not what I signed up for. I feel like I got the old bait and switch. Especially regarding her sex drive. I doubt I'd have gotten involved if she had started out by saying;

"I have zero libido. We will have a passionless relationship. I'll only f*** you out of pity. I'll rarely orgasm. And six months from now I'll be 40 lbs fatter and sitting around watching TV while you support us. And I'll be so medicated on drugs I won't feel anything."

Wait ... You mean you think crazy people are stable? Hmmmm

November 4, 2015

“Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.”

― Charles Bukowski

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Shallow Hal effect... can I make myself attracted to her?

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