Shallow Hal effect... can I make myself attracted to her?

November 3, 2015

If you meet an emotionally stable woman who is hot and fun to hang out with let me know. But until then I'll take hot-crazy over frumpy-boring any day.

I see one in the mirror every day!

November 3, 2015

Read the story I posted above about WW2.

The crux here is... she was happy when she was hot, crazy and fun. She had a happy life. There were certain things she doesn't want back like the promiscuity and heavy drinking... but overall, her old life was very happy. Her "new life" is not happy or joyful. She's miserable and depressed. She was a popular model who got paid to fly around the country meeting her fans and signing autographs. She hung out with celebrities and musicians. She was partying at mansions and living her dream. So don't think I'm the only one who wants her old life back. And BTW... she was totally BiPolar, BPD and GAD during that time. And while she did take medications back then, it was nothing of the magnitude she's prescribed now. Sickness=depression, depression=worse mental health, worse mental health=more medications, more medications=more side effects, more side effects=more sickness and depression and that cycle repeats.

All that glitters isn't always gold, though.

Why do so many celebrities get caught up in drugs and destructive behavior? Because the downside to fame and glamour and celebrity is often quite dark. Just because someone has all the trappings of success does not make them happy.

I agree that I think your GF is having a hard time at the moment, but I don't think "getting that life back" is her answer.

I don't think you're her answer either, no offense.

And I also don't buy that WWII story, either. The medical community's understand of mental illness (or a lot of illness) back then was not exactly advanced.

November 3, 2015

Responses in bold

Ya know it might sound selfish but what I find myself wanting to say to her is this;

"I do everything for you. I work all day to support us. I clean the house. I do the laundry. I cook your meals. I spend my weekends helping you run your errands. Instead of spending my money on the things I enjoy, I buy you gifts to make you happy. And when we have sex, I make love to you like it's my last night on earth. I do everything for you and I never resent you for it. I'm kind and supportive to you. I do everything any man could possibly do to show his love for a woman. And I only want three things in return. Love me. Make love to me. And be sexy. That's pretty much the easiest job in the world. I can't think of any person who wouldn't love to have their sole responsibility in life to be loving their partner and staying sexy. Why is that too much to ask?"

Diet is 90+% of weight. You are misinformed to think otherwise. Calories in and calories out. This determines weight, with some modifiers for medications or conditions. Exercise won't help one bit with a chronic overeater. They will compensate for the energy used by eating back whatever they lost, plus extra.

November 3, 2015

Maybe another question would be are mentally stable women attracted to you?

I can't imagine being drawn to someone who relishes in so much drama.

Like moths to a flame, I think unstable people tend to seek each other.

November 3, 2015

Diet is 90+% of weight. You are misinformed to think otherwise. Calories in and calories out. This determines weight, with some modifiers for medications or conditions. Exercise won't help one bit with a chronic overeater. They will compensate for the energy used by eating back whatever they lost, plus extra.

All good unless you throw in the med issues with her thyroid, that takes the calories in calories out theory and throws it right out the window.

https://www.holtorfmed.com/tips-for-losing-weight-with-a-thyroid-problem/

November 3, 2015

There's a joke me and my guy friends have.

There are two kinds of crazy women... hot-crazy and just crazy-crazy.
Hot-crazy is great.
Crazy-crazy is a nightmare.

My GF has actually fallen outside these categories. I thought she was hot-crazy. I guess she was in the past before these worthless doctors turned her into a medicated zombie. But it seems there is a third category I didn't know about... it's medi-crazy. When a person trades all the good parts of their personality for a chemical lobotomy. I'd rather deal with a person who has some issues than someone who's in a medicated trance for their whole life. That's a sad trade off. I'm a bit crazy myself. I think her unmedicated self would be far preferable to the psychiatric guinea pig these doctors have made her. I f***ing hate prescription drugs and the way a doctor would rather turn someone into a zombie than let them be a little outside the boundaries of "normal". Normal is f***ing boring. But medicated to the point of being sexless and overweight? That's just f***ed. The psychiatrists turned a beautiful, creative and exciting woman into a fat sexless zombie because they don't know how to accept someone who doesn't fit into their narrowly defined little box labeled "sane".

If you think hot-crazy is great, then you shouldn't wonder about why you have these problems!

November 3, 2015

All good unless you throw in the med issues with her thyroid, that takes the calories in calories out theory and throws it right out the window.

https://www.holtorfmed.com/tips-for-losing-weight-with-a-thyroid-problem/

Did you even read my post?

"with some modifiers for medications or conditions."

November 3, 2015

I think I missed Borderline Personality Disorder on your original list. Meds won't help that at all she needs therapy. Dialectical Behavioral Therapy has been proven to help. That is another on the list of very serious diagnoses. This is not a wish the pain away type of stuff going on.

It also makes perfect sense that she was traveling and doing "well" for a while that is the trouble with bipolar disorder, you can be manic and feel euphoric and not think anything is wrong and then crash and that crash can last a while. It also takes many ppl a long time to come to terms with some of these disorders so even if she said she was fine she was probably still struggling with them secretly. If she has BPD they typically are are resistant, not impossible, but can be a little resistant.

I think it is just sad though that you think this is what you deserve, half a relationship. You are missing the lesson here. There are plenty of emotionally healthy ppl who are attractive and if you think that isn't true you may need to rewire what you find attractive. There is a downside to dating unhealthy ppl, but I suspect you are not 100% healthy yourself.

November 3, 2015

Maybe another question would be are mentally stable women attracted to you?

I can't imagine being drawn to someone who relishes in so much drama.

Like moths to a flame, I think unstable people tend to seek each other.

particularly ppl who think they can "save" them.

November 3, 2015

Did you even read my post?

"with some modifiers for medications or conditions."

Did you read the OP's post, she has thyroid issues...

November 3, 2015

Did you read the OP's post, she has thyroid issues...

Yes, and I responded to the post directly, in which he said that exercise is more important than diet, which is as far from incorrect as possible. He was referring to normal people. I directly addressed that, and then also pointed out that both medications and health conditions can affect this.

November 3, 2015

While I can understand where you are coming from, and it's cool to have preferences, but to be disgusted by people who you have no commitment to or even have to talk to (fat people), I think you're getting what you deserve.

I've also read all of your insecure posts about your gf's past.. insecurity and being judgmental are also disgusting.

November 3, 2015

Maybe another question would be are mentally stable women attracted to you?

I can't imagine being drawn to someone who relishes in so much drama.

Like moths to a flame, I think unstable people tend to seek each other.

And emphatic YES to this.

A hot, emotionally stable woman really has her pick of suitors. And due to her emotionally stability, naturally weeds out the drama seekers.

November 3, 2015

All that glitters isn't always gold, though.

Why do so many celebrities get caught up in drugs and destructive behavior? Because the downside to fame and glamour and celebrity is often quite dark. Just because someone has all the trappings of success does not make them happy.

I agree that I think your GF is having a hard time at the moment, but I don't think "getting that life back" is her answer.

I don't think you're her answer either, no offense.

And I also don't buy that WWII story, either. The medical community's understand of mental illness (or a lot of illness) back then was not exactly advanced.

She had a difficult childhood and she was raped on two different occasions as a teenager. She has traumatic amnesia from one of the times she was violently raped. I believe the traumatic amnesia caused a spike in her cortisol production which eventually led to damage of her hippocampus. She was diagnosed as BiPolar as a teen, immediately after she was raped and blacked out the memory. Coincidence? Doubtful. She was on the wrong medications for most of her 20's. Antidepressants like Wellbutrin caused her to experience extreme mania which led to things like extreme promiscuity and self destructive behavior. I also believe this was her psyches way of trying to remove the pain of her previous sexual abuse. The classic rape victim who develops a rape fantasy.

But over time she seemed to grow out of being BiPolar. I have seen zero indication that she is BiPolar in the time we've been together. She also exibits zero signs of being BPD. I think that was a complete misdiagnosis. I've read numerous books about BPD and to be honest, I think I might have BPD, but she certainly does not. The only mental health issue I've noticed is she has extremely high anxiety. But then it turns out she was only having anxiety because it was a side effect of the mood stabilizer they had her on to control her BiPolar. And I honestly don't think she's even BiPolar anymore.

Frankly, I think the only thing wrong with her mental health is that she was raped as a teenager and it's caused her to have some serious issues. Even her physical health problems may be a result of the increased cortisol production and hippocampus damage from having traumatic amnesia surrounding her rape. I was shocked to learn that not one of her numerous therapists has ever suggested that the reason she doesn't remember being raped is due to traumatic amnesia, and none of them have ever examined that as the cause of her mental and physical health problems.

So honestly, I believe if she was gradually weened off of all her various drugs she would be perfectly fine. I don't believe she is mentally ill. I think 95% of her problems are the result of her medications and the repressed memories of her sexual abuse. She finally getting treatment for her ankylosing spondylitis, and I think once she's getting treated for that condition, she would be much healthier with just the occasional pain killer or xanax to deal with pain or anxiety. And I really believe that with all of my heart. I blame the rape, misdiagnosis and a general tendency to be overmedicated by inept psychiatrists for 95% of her problems.

November 3, 2015

These are the drugs I think she should be on;

biologics for her ankylosing spondylitis

levothyroxine for her hypothyroidism

occasional hydrocodone for pain

occasional benzodiazepines for anxiety

that's it. period. no mood stabilizers. no antidepressants. no antipsychotics. none of that bull****.

And I'm confident if she was on that regimen of drugs she would be healthy and happy.

November 3, 2015

and maybe some hypnotherapy to deal with her traumatic amnesia and bad childhood.

November 3, 2015

She had a difficult childhood and she was raped on two different occasions as a teenager. She has traumatic amnesia from one of the times she was violently raped. I believe the traumatic amnesia caused a spike in her cortisol production which eventually led to damage of her hippocampus. She was diagnosed as BiPolar as a teen, immediately after she was raped and blacked out the memory. Coincidence? Doubtful. She was on the wrong medications for most of her 20's. Antidepressants like Wellbutrin caused her to experience extreme mania which led to things like extreme promiscuity and self destructive behavior. I also believe this was her psyches way of trying to remove the pain of her previous sexual abuse. The classic rape victim who develops a rape fantasy.

But over time she seemed to grow out of being BiPolar. I have seen zero indication that she is BiPolar in the time we've been together. She also exibits zero signs of being BPD. I think that was a complete misdiagnosis. I've read numerous books about BPD and to be honest, I think I might have BPD, but she certainly does not. The only mental health issue I've noticed is she has extremely high anxiety. But then it turns out she was only having anxiety because it was a side effect of the mood stabilizer they had her on to control her BiPolar. And I honestly don't think she's even BiPolar anymore.

Frankly, I think the only thing wrong with her mental health is that she was raped as a teenager and it's caused her to have some serious issues. Even her physical health problems may be a result of the increased cortisol production and hippocampus damage from having traumatic amnesia surrounding her rape. I was shocked to learn that not one of her numerous therapists has ever suggested that the reason she doesn't remember being raped is due to traumatic amnesia, and none of them have ever examined that as the cause of her mental and physical health problems.

So honestly, I believe if she was gradually weened off of all her various drugs she would be perfectly fine. I don't believe she is mentally ill. I think 95% of her problems are the result of her medications and the repressed memories of her sexual abuse. She finally getting treatment for her ankylosing spondylitis, and I think once she's getting treated for that condition, she would be much healthier with just the occasional pain killer or xanax to deal with pain or anxiety. And I really believe that with all of my heart. I blame the rape, misdiagnosis and a general tendency to be overmedicated by inept psychiatrists for 95% of her problems.

I don't want to get into a medical talk here...but Welbutrin has not been proven to cause mania - it is highly unlikely.

1) promiscuity from sexual history of trauma could be possible may not be the reason.

2) You can not grow out of Bipolar - big reason ppl have trouble treating it. You have episodes some can be manic and some depressive. Sounds like she is on the the depressive side from what you have said. It doesn't have to be a wave of emotions at all times the depressive can last longer than the manic and mania can occur and be rare.

3) I wouldn't be surprised with what she has going on if the BPD was misdiagnosed but she needs to be evaluated by a professional for that - I will say this most mental health professionals steer clear of this diagnosis because it follows you big time. It is notorious for being difficult to treat and low success rate.

4) Bipolar ppl can feel anxious all the time as well and it might not be a singular anxiety diagnosis.

5) Blocking out trauma is common

I know you mean well by web md'ing her diagnosis but the more you talk about this the more ignorant you sound. Trauma plays a huge role in our mental health and there is no doubt that some of her issues probably stem from her being raped but then so what. She is still struggling and she is still going through this. IS your point to say that if that is the case she should just get over the rape.

OP listen - this is bigger than you! Walk away now. There are a ton of diagnoses here none of which you are capable of handling.

November 3, 2015

I don't want to get into a medical talk here...but Welbutrin has not been proven to cause mania - it is highly unlikely.

Not true. Antidepressants, especially when used without a mood stabilizer are very risky for BiPolar people. It often pushes them into extreme mania. Especially Wellbutrin.

1) promiscuity from sexual history of trauma could be possible may not be the reason.

People with sexual abuse develop mental health conditions much more frequently than people without a history of sexual abuse.

2) You can not grow out of Bipolar - big reason ppl have trouble treating it. You have episodes some can be manic and some depressive. Sounds like she is on the the depressive side from what you have said. It doesn't have to be a wave of emotions at all times the depressive can last longer than the manic and mania can occur and be rare.

Not true. Many people do.

3) I wouldn't be surprised with what she has going on if the BPD was misdiagnosed but she needs to be evaluated by a professional for that - I will say this most mental health professionals steer clear of this diagnosis because it follows you big time. It is notorious for being difficult to treat and low success rate.

I know her very well. She does not have BPD. But in my research I came to the conclusion that I actually do have BPD.

4) Bipolar ppl can feel anxious all the time as well and it might not be a singular anxiety diagnosis.

I honestly believe it's all related to her repressed memories. And I think she may have been sexually abused as a child also and blocked out those memories.

5) Blocking out trauma is common

Yep. I think I may have blocked out some early memories too.

I know you mean well by web md'ing her diagnosis but the more you talk about this the more ignorant you sound. Trauma plays a huge role in our mental health and there is no doubt that some of her issues probably stem from her being raped but then so what. She is still struggling and she is still going through this. IS your point to say that if that is the case she should just get over the rape.

Read about cortisol production and the function of the hippocampus. I read about this stuff a lot. And not just on WebMD...

OP listen - this is bigger than you! Walk away now. There are a ton of diagnoses here none of which you are capable of handling.

Some doctor who see's her for one hour a month will never know her the way I do. Their diagnosis so far have been absolutely useless. Nobody else is putting in the time and research to help her get better. I have no other choice.

Answers in bold

November 3, 2015

Answers in bold

But clinicians are trained to spot signs and symptoms in an hour. If she is going to the same guy over time he is probably picking up on new things as time goes by and better understanding her symptoms. I'm not saying to blindly trust doctors but geez you are not one.

And simply saying many ppl grow out of bipolar isn't true they were then just misdiagnosed. You wrote other stuff but I'm not getting into it. You have to get your finger out of her diagnoses. Let her work through that, especially if you are just going to tell her what she is doing wrong and what meds she needs to take.

Can you imagine this at all? Mentally struggling to cope, life itself feels overwhelming and constantly contemplating suicide and here you come....babe maybe we should try to eat well and diet...babe that medicine probably isn't right...babe i don't think that diagnosis is right...babe, what do those doctors know at all.

OP you are not being as supportive as you think. And if you really think you have BPD you should go see someone. Stop making these issues about you and leave her so she can heal. You too are not good for each other.

November 3, 2015

Didn't you post that you two finally broke up a little while back?

November 3, 2015

These are the drugs I think she should be on;

biologics for her ankylosing spondylitis
levothyroxine for her hypothyroidism
occasional hydrocodone for pain
occasional benzodiazepines for anxiety

that's it. period. no mood stabilizers. no antidepressants. no antipsychotics. none of that bull****.

And I'm confident if she was on that regimen of drugs she would be healthy and happy.

Wait Dr. Google,

You are not a trained medical professional in any one of those specialized areas.

All medical reverberations aside;

Simply put, you cannot stay with her. Consensus here says so. She is no longer the person you are attracted to, why are you torturing yourself? People change and evolve, sometimes not for the better as in her case, accept it and move on. You have stated over and over how unattractive, lazy and fat she has become, but yet you want a magic wand waved to revert her back to the way she was when you first started dating her.

Her past that you have described in great detail; she is not going to come to terms with that any time soon. Many people never recover from events like that, or they suppress them and they emerge months, years or decades later, and more importantly, the willingness to begin to regress back to these traumatizing events.

Not all people are strong like you, the way you climbed out of the depths of despair with your addiction, she is going to need much more than a kick in the butt to even start her healing journey.

November 3, 2015

But clinicians are trained to spot signs and symptoms in an hour. If she is going to the same guy over time he is probably picking up on new things as time goes by and better understanding her symptoms. I'm not saying to blindly trust doctors but geez you are not one.

And simply saying many ppl grow out of bipolar isn't true they were then just misdiagnosed. You wrote other stuff but I'm not getting into it. You have to get your finger out of her diagnoses. Let her work through that, especially if you are just going to tell her what she is doing wrong and what meds she needs to take.

Can you imagine this at all? Mentally struggling to cope, life itself feels overwhelming and constantly contemplating suicide and here you come....babe maybe we should try to eat well and diet...babe that medicine probably isn't right...babe i don't think that diagnosis is right...babe, what do those doctors know at all.

OP you are not being as supportive as you think. And if you really think you have BPD you should go see someone. Stop making these issues about you and leave her so she can heal. You too are not good for each other.

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/09/090929141530.htm

regarding outgrowing bipolar... that was the first one that popped up on google but I've been reading a lot about all these things and there has been more and more evidence that many people do in fact outgrow BiPolar. My GF was the one who first mentioned that she believes that her BiPolar symptoms have become nearly non-existent.

This article suggests that nearly half of young adults diagnosed with BiPolar have outgrown in by age 30.

Edited November 3, 2015 by deadelvis

November 3, 2015

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/09/090929141530.htm

regarding outgrowing bipolar... that was the first one that popped up on google but I've been reading a lot about all these things and there has been more and more evidence that many people do in fact outgrow BiPolar. My GF was the one who first mentioned that she believes that her BiPolar symptoms have become nearly non-existent.

last comment ill make about her diagnosis and I'm done.... the title of that article is misleading the study states that they become less symptomatic over time. BIG difference than I no longer have bipolar I would also still argue accounting for misdiagnosis in adolescence.

Also, reading an article still doesn't make you a psychiatrist or therapist. You can be informed but not at the risk of this girl getting her proper care. Leave the diagnosing to professionals.

November 3, 2015

These are her decisions to make and you might be causing harm by interjecting yourself, your wishes and your goals, into her decision-making about her life and health.

I understand your perspective and interpretations, but understand that they are yours. They are your guide for how you want to live. She has to makes her decisions for her life to meet her goals, not to please you.

What oldshirt and others have suggested is the more caring, respectful way to go- to get her the assistance she needs from others, from professionals, rather than to influence or control it yourself.

November 3, 2015

Dead - you continually reject any advice given. At this point, you have made your bed, and you can lie in it. No one forced you to get involved with this girl. No one forced you to move her in. You did this all to yourself. You are the one that made these choices.

You seem to think you are better qualified to diagnose and treat mental health diseases than professionals who hold medical licenses. What school did you receive your doctorate from?

You seem content to pursue mentally ill women (here is a hint - many "hot" as in seek attention with their bodies) women do have issues.... Many of my friends are beautiful. They were born weathly (I was involved in polo and show jumping horses growing up) and that life style allows for a certain level of commitment to beauty. But they fill their lives with education, travel, the arts - and less in the way of drugs, partying and boob jobs. And as young, weathly and educated - they don't go for unstable ex-partiers.... My point is - hot doesn't have to be crazy, but it depends on what kind of circles you run in.

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Shallow Hal effect... can I make myself attracted to her?

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