Shallow Hal effect... can I make myself attracted to her?

November 2, 2015

So I was inspired to create this thread after reading another thread about spouses who gain lots of weight. I've tried to help her lose the weight but it's piling on really fast and I'm afraid she will be obese soon. I'm already looking at all the different options available to help her get back in shape, but I've been thinking about the "Shallow Hal Effect" and wondering if it's possible to trick myself into still finding her attractive.

I usually date thin women who are very attractive. I've been lucky in that regard. Most of the women I've dated have been 110-120 lbs and very sexy. I prefer petite women. My current partner was about 125 lbs when we started dating. She was about 10 lbs over her ideal weight but she was so sexy it didn't really bother me. I was also about 10 lbs over my ideal weight and I thought we would just work out together and get in good shape again. Well... that didn't happen. Now only 8 months later she's up to 160+ lbs and she's starting to look like a manatee. It's been a major bummer for me and it's causing me to question my feelings toward her. I love her very much, but I am not attracted to overweight women and she is now the fattest woman I've ever had sex with, by a margin of about 30 lbs.

I want her to get back in shape, and I don't want to break up with her, but I realize it's going to be an uphill battle. I've made a promise to myself that if she reaches 190 lbs I'm going to leave her. 190 lbs is considered obesity for someone her height, and 190 lbs is also my weight. I'm 6'2" and in pretty good shape. If she weighs more than me I'm giving up and finding another girl. Overweight people have always disgusted me.

All the advice for "dealing with a girlfriend who gets fat" seems focused on helping her lose the weight. I'm already doing that. It's pretty simple really. Drag her to the gym and make her eat healthy. But I read a comment saying most MC try to focus on retraining the boyfriend/husband to still see her as attractive even with the extra weight. And that's my question. How can I do that? Is there some way I can hypnotize myself into thinking she's still sexy when she's grossly overweight? Plenty of guys are chubby chasers. I'm not. But at this point I would do anything to make myself attracted to her. I considered trying to masturbate to "fat porn"... or trying to develop a fetish for fat girls. But that sounds more difficult than her getting in shape. I've always been attracted to skinny girls. Loving a fatty is turning into a real challenge for me. I love her, but I don't know what to do. How can I convince myself that "big is beautiful" when every molecule in my body say's otherwise?

November 2, 2015

Ok, but how does she feel about her weight gain? I doubt you can force yourself to become attracted to her, no more than you can make her lose weight if she doesn't want to or isn't ready for it, just so you can find her attractive - her health and state of mind are far more important than that...

November 2, 2015

Ok, but how does she feel about her weight gain? I doubt you can force yourself to become attracted to her, no more than you can make her lose weight if she doesn't want to or isn't ready for it, just so you can find her attractive - her health and state of mind are far more important than that...

She's probably thinking, "another 30 to go and I'll be 190 pounds lighter."

November 2, 2015

Have you looked into this deeper as to why she gained the weight.....????

New medication or change in medicine, depression, she changed something in her diet or behavior? Street with work or family or with you??? There also could be something with her cycle causing her to retain weight.

November 2, 2015

Have you looked into this deeper as to why she gained the weight.....????

New medication or change in medicine, depression, she changed something in her diet or behavior? Street with work or family or with you??? There also could be something with her cycle causing her to retain weight.

A combination of hypothyroidism, (which she is now on medication for) and weight gain from her BiPolar meds, also she's been sick and unable to work out. She always worked out a lot in the past. Now she has chronic illness. Her diet hasn't been great either, but that's my fault for taking her to fancy restaurants all the time. Of course depression was a part of it. And having a boyfriend who supports her...

She made some comments about choosing her mental health over her physique. It sounded to me like she was accepting her new life as a manatee.

Edited November 2, 2015 by deadelvis

November 2, 2015

If you tell a woman she's beautiful.... she becomes beautiful. it's magic : P

November 2, 2015

If you tell a woman she's beautiful.... she becomes beautiful. it's magic : P

Well then maybe I should start telling her she's skinny? Cuz I told her she was beautiful every day and she just got fat.

Or maybe if I tell her she's fat she'll stop eating her feelings and get to the gym.

November 2, 2015

Wow! Kinda sad how you talk about her and her weight. She clearly isn't happy in the relationship or else she wouldn't have put so much weight since she met you.

You might tell her she's beautiful but just by reading your post, it doesn't sound like you actually mean it.

She might (surely) feel the same way and that's what's pushing her towards food.

November 2, 2015

Most people gain some weight over time. The average 18 year old girl is pretty fit (although less so this generation). And most girls just aren't going to maintain that unless they are hardcore into healthy eating & exercise. Sure the odd person has a crazy metabolism, but 9 time out of 10 if you find a 50 year old women who looks slim and trim they are working HARD for it.

So if you ever get married, unless you are a fitness/nutrition nut, and only date fitness/nutrition nuts, it's probably not reasonable to expect your young bride to stay a size 4 forever. So yeah, there is a bit of a shallow hal when you're with someone for a long time and they put on weight. Same as most 20 year old women prefer a guy with more hair on their head than on their back, but will still find their husbands attractive in 40 years when the opposite is true.

But what you're talking about is a massive change to her look almost overnight. Putting aside, all the other issues you've had with her. Just the weight thing alone, is a sign of something seriously wrong somewhere inside of her. you shouldn't feel it's your responsibility to put up with that.

November 2, 2015

She's probably thinking, "another 30 to go and I'll be 190 pounds lighter."

...........

November 2, 2015

I don't mean to be insensitive about it. I'm careful to not mention it. She was a model in the past. She's very aware of it. I just try to be funny on the forum because it's easier for me than being serious. If I said "the love of my life is becoming obese and it makes me want to paint modern art on the bedroom wall with my brain as the paint and a shotgun as the paintbrush" I doubt people would respond any better.

November 2, 2015

A combination of hypothyroidism, (which she is now on medication for) and weight gain from her BiPolar meds, also she's been sick and unable to work out. She always worked out a lot in the past. Now she has chronic illness. Her diet hasn't been great either, but that's my fault for taking her to fancy restaurants all the time. Of course depression was a part of it. And having a boyfriend who supports her...

She made some comments about choosing her mental health over her physique. It sounded to me like she was accepting her new life as a manatee.

The above is so dismissive and uncaring. Please do her a favour and break up with her.

November 2, 2015

She is not getting good medical care if she believes she needs to choose between mental health and physical health. Being overweight really takes a toll on your body. You feel sluggish, and that doesn't help your mental well-being.

Aren't a lot of fancy restaurants serving teeny tiny portions of food on a huge plate full of garnish? Excercise is important, but, the fat she is carrying around did not materialize from nowhere. She needs to eat less. Have her talk to a nutritionist.

November 2, 2015

IMO, you are in love with a skinny girl and not her... if you don't love her no matter what then you don't really love her.. her body is all you care about.

Time to cut her loose if you aren't in love with her...

Women change throughout their life cycle as do men, her fighting her weight and you only loving a skinny girl is doing her no good..

This is about you and not her...

November 2, 2015

The above is so dismissive and uncaring. Please do her a favour and break up with her.

Why so serious? I'm not throwing her under the ice cream truck just yet. But I don't want to sit around watching her drown in frozen yogurt and thinking things are going to magically get better.

November 2, 2015

IMO, you are in love with a skinny girl and not her... if you don't love her no matter what then you don't really love her.. her body is all you care about.

Time to cut her loose if you aren't in love with her...

Women change throughout their life cycle as do men, her fighting her weight and you only loving a skinny girl is doing her no good..

This is about you and not her...

45 lbs in 7.5 months. She was a skinny girl this time last year. That's who I fell in love with. A skinny girl. I love her. But I do not love the extra addition to our family.

November 2, 2015

I just try to be funny on the forum because it's easier for me than being serious. If I said "the love of my life is becoming obese and it makes me want to paint modern art on the bedroom wall with my brain as the paint and a shotgun as the paintbrush" I doubt people would respond any better.

Being funny is fine.

Being funny at the expense of your gf is cruel. Would you like her to come on here and poke fun at your weaknesses and choose an animal that encompasses those weaknesses? It's cruel.

If you want to make jokes, make YOURSELF the butt of the jokes. That will help people relate to you rather than recoil in horror at how you describe your gf.

Now - to the weight - you say she has mentioned choosing mental health over physical health, but you know she can have both. She may not get back to 125, but she can get toned and better.

Perhaps come up with something that will inspire her to lose weight. Maybe a 5K you can train for together, a trip to a famous bikini beach.

Or how about choosing restaurants that specialize in health food?

Or cooking for her - how about learning to make healthier alternatives to foods you both love? Could be fun for both of you.

You can definitely help her without leaving her for having an outward manifestation of her inner pain.

November 2, 2015

this is still about you and not her.. her weight didn't change the person she is, her voice and personality are still the same...

if all she is to you is a pretty body then you will do nothing but be bad for her self esteem.. and with a low self esteem that will make how she looks at her gaining weight as her fault...

You said she has medical issues, hypo and depression and meds.. fer gawd sakes if you were going thru stuff and having a tough time I'd bet you would want her to be by your side.. well.....

November 2, 2015

Well I figure if it took half a year to gain 45 lbs then it should take about the same amount of time to lose that weight. If she makes the effort. I'm reminded of this quote from "catch-me-if-you-can"

"Two little mice fell in a bucket of cream. The first mouse quickly gave up and drowned. The second mouse, wouldn't quit. He struggled so hard that eventually he churned that cream into butter and crawled out. Gentlemen, as of this moment, I am that second mouse."

Except she's not being the second mouse. Hell, she's not even the first mouse. She's turning into the bucket full of cream.

November 2, 2015

I feel for the poor girl. Her body is going through a myriad of changes and her boyfriend has publicly declared her a sea cow.

If you can't be supportive of the girl you supposedly love, let her go.

Life is too short to be picking about a little weight gain when it is clearly a result if variables that she cannot control.

What's next? Face lifts when her laugh lines become prominent?

November 2, 2015

this is still about you and not her.. her weight didn't change the person she is, her voice and personality are still the same...

if all she is to you is a pretty body then you will do nothing but be bad for her self esteem.. and with a low self esteem that will make how she looks at her gaining weight as her fault...

You said she has medical issues, hypo and depression and meds.. fer gawd sakes if you were going thru stuff and having a tough time I'd bet you would want her to be by your side.. well.....

I didn't make her fat. In fact I've tried to help her stay fit. i take her to the gym and buy healthy food. She's the one hell-bent on getting fat. I'm just trying to keep things light. (not pun intended)

I've stood by her and continually told her that she's beautiful. But there's only so much I can endure. I've got gorgeous women trying to flirt with me every time I leave the house and yet she doesn't seem to show the slightest effort to stay sexy. I pay for everything, I provide literally everything in her life. Her only job in this relationship is to love me, be sexy and keep me sexually satisfied. I'd love it if the roles were reversed and my whole job was just to stay fit, look good and f*** my partner. That sounds like the best job imaginable. I certainly wouldn't be sitting around drowning my feelings in frozen yogurt.

November 2, 2015

I feel for the poor girl. Her body is going through a myriad of changes and her boyfriend has publicly declared her a sea cow.

If you can't be supportive of the girl you supposedly love, let her go.

Life is too short to be picking about a little weight gain when it is clearly a result if variables that she cannot control.

What's next? Face lifts when her laugh lines become prominent?

When you start out at 115 and end up at 160 over the course of one year... that's not a little weight gain. Her old friends barely recognize her.

Laugh lines come from being happy. Obesity comes from being lazy and gluttonous.

Edited November 2, 2015 by deadelvis

November 2, 2015

You can't make her lose weight, and expecting her to lose it quickly is unrealistic. It's easy to gain weight, much harder to lose it.

I agree with some others, you can't ignore physical health in the name of mental health. The two are interlinked.

This girl sounds so terribly unhappy

The will to want to lose weight will come from HERSELF, once she loves herself, and deems her health worthy to battle for.

You can't make her do it, and I don't think you can force yourself to be physically attracted to her rolls...

As I have said before, it shouldn't be this much work!!! 8 months? You two should still be just drunk on love - still in the honey moon F'ing like rabbits stage.. The everything is bliss period.

I could maybe understand if you were trying to salvage a 10 or 20 year relationship.

But 8 months? This is all so crazy.

November 2, 2015

IMO, you are in love with a skinny girl and not her... if you don't love her no matter what then you don't really love her.. her body is all you care about.

Time to cut her loose if you aren't in love with her...

Women change throughout their life cycle as do men, her fighting her weight and you only loving a skinny girl is doing her no good..

This is about you and not her...

Agreed ^^^ especially since when you combine the weight gain with the host of other problems the OP has written about her. DE I would strongly suggest you end things with this poor soul ASAP! Send her out to find someone that will accept her many flaws and love her for who she is. Then you can go and meet your Miss Perfect and start with a clean slate.

Life's too short to spend with such a damaged person!

November 2, 2015

You can't make her lose weight, and expecting her to lose it quickly is unrealistic. It's easy to gain weight, much harder to lose it.

I agree with some others, you can't ignore physical health in the name of mental health. The two are interlinked.

This girl sounds so terribly unhappy

The will to want to lose weight will come from HERSELF, once she loves herself, and deems her health worthy to battle for.

You can't make her do it, and I don't think you can force yourself to be physically attracted to her rolls...

As I have said before, it shouldn't be this much work!!! 8 months? You two should still be just drunk on love - still in the honey moon F'ing like rabbits stage.. The everything is bliss period.

I could maybe understand if you were trying to salvage a 10 or 20 year relationship.

But 8 months? This is all so crazy.

Right, but that's for normal relationships. She has no libido from the countless head-meds she's on. So no F'ing like rabbits. There's not honeymoon bliss when one person is unhealthy both mentally and physically. I had hoped her health (mental and physical) would improve, we'd get back in shape together, she'd get off all these god-damn prescription drugs and get her libido back. I pictured us fit, happy and F'ing like bunnies. Instead it's been 8 months of watching her get sicker and sicker, fatter and fatter and more and more depressed. Not to mention she has zero libido. But I do love her. I just hate the situation I find myself in. It's totally f***ed. I'm getting on antidepressants this week just to deal with this ****

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Shallow Hal effect... can I make myself attracted to her?

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