I don't mind going slow but... [UPDATE: Worried about gf...]

[kismetkismet]

Yeah I completely completely agree. I mean I actually find her practical, logical, black and white thinking really attractive. I mean, its not the way I think at all, i'm much more of a free spirit, a dreamer (and people shy away from that label like its a negative but its not, it doesn't mean I've got my head in the clouds, I can see whats in front of me, but I can see more than that too! Everything was impossible until someone did it first, and then it wasn't impossible anymore)! I guess we're proof that sometimes opposite outlooks can attract! I used to think that being pragmatic made a person dispassionate, but that was narrow-minded of me and she shattered that illusion! We might come at life from different angles but we share all the same values.

 

But there's challenges with every kind of mindset and I agree if you're too hard on your self you can begin to restrict yourself.

I watched this film when I was about 19 (was a pretty ropey film) but there was a quote where he said "all you need in life is 20 seconds of insane courage, just 20 seconds of embarrassing bravery and I promise you something great will come of it" and that hit me somewhere right in the chest cause its so true. Whether you make a snap decision or you spend a lifetime thinking it over in the end it comes down to 20 seconds, to say 'yes', to step on a plane, to kiss her. I have a tattoo on each wrist, ones my sons name, one just says " :20 ", and I try to live my life now by both of those things.

 

When I was younger I used to make decisions on the toss of a coin.

Plenty of times what I set out to do ended in disaster but I'm glad that I didn't know that cause I wouldn't of done it, and sometimes it turns out the end goal was never the important thing it's the people you meet, experiences you have and what you learn about yourself along the way that make something worth doing!

I've made my fair share of decisions in the past that have turned out to be stupid but it's also been along that journey that the things I'm most proud of in my life have completely blindsided me!! I've grown up and i'm more responsible for my actions now, i'm a better man, but I still try to make sure I don't stop injecting that insane courage into my life!

 

Obviously I wouldn't say that to her in those words cause it makes me sound flaky as hell, which I'm not (anymore). I'm completely committed to her, to my son, my brothers, building a solid life (but I'll never commit to being totally ordinary, cause how boring is that)

 

You seem very thoughtful, mature, and aware. So I don't think that it's just her pulling a blanket over your eyes the way some others have said (and i wasn't sure at first myself). There is also something to be said for having one romantic and one pragmatic person in relationships. I don't think that OPPOSITES being together is a good idea, but personally - as someone that tends towards icy pragmatism - i have often needed to date someone who was considerably more emotionally brave and romantically inclined. I tried dating someone equally rational/pragmatic as myself and while it was a healthy relationship with good boundaries and communication, little fighting, and lots of intellectual and sexual connection - it was ultimately pretty emotionally passionless and cold and lonely. I left that relationship about 8 months ago, and am now head over heels with someone who is romantic and passionate and open.. he has had to drag me through the emotions a little bit, but part of the reason for my emotional walls is because i'm SO sensitive, not because I have no feelings at all.

 

I don't know if your girlfriend is like me, but if she is maybe you can help her to open up a bit, the way my current boyfriend has and the way my previous boyfriend couldn't (not his fault, we just weren't emotionally a match). Sometimes that relentless reassurance is what people that are afraid of being emotionally vulnerable really need. I think you might just need to really blow open the communication and remind her how much you are there for her, how serious you are, and that no matter what happens you're not going drag her through the mud. Also try to get her to open up about why she keeps her walls up and find out how you can help her to feel comfortable. It might be some work and patience but you obviously love her very much.. I would try to break INto the problem though rather than just waiting for it to go away on its own.

 

(i hope this wasn't too much about my own personal anecdotes haha, it is just the only way I know to offer advice with this)

[doeblin]

You seem like a good guy, and it is important not to pressure someone for holding out.

 

However, 5 months would be waaay too long for me.

 

I am skeptical it's ever gonna happen. The core dynamic of your relationship probably needs to change for that. And as someone else said, it's not likely she's just going to wake up one day craving your body. It's highly unlikely.

 

You called her reasonable and pragmatic, but her thinking is really peculiar:

 

Like I’m probably closer to you than anyone in the whole world. I know it sounds pessimistic but you shouldn’t like completely trust people. It’s not smart.

Yeah, it isn't smart to give out your bank details to a person you barely know, but this is a different situation, innit? She knows you 2,5 years now, you've been going out for 5 months. How will this trust magically appear?

 

I truly understand when a girl doesn't want to have sex on the first couple of dates, but 5 months of sleepovers? Something is off.

 

we’re going really slow but I feel like its fast cause I’m about 10 steps ahead in my head

??

So it's fast, when she knows it's slow, because she thinks about marriage and breaking up?

 

Id be really upset if we split up. I think that's not something most people even think about. But statistically we’d be more likely to split up next week than make our golden wedding anniversary!

I think lot of people in relationships wonder about splitting up from time to time. There are also a lot of people who occasionally wonder whether they've turned the stove off. But if you cannot leave your apartment because you're terrified it's gonna blow up when you're not there, then you are a chronic worrier whose life is impaired because of this anxiety. It's not likely to go away by itself.

And really what are the terrible consequences of having (safe) sex with your bf?

 

sometimes life's a b*tch and theres nothing you can do.

I have no idea what exactly she's talking about here. "Sh*t happens, therefore you shouldn't have sex with your boyfriend" ?!

It's not very reasonable and pragmatic.

 

I’d love to act in the moment, get a “why not” tattoo

But it's not about buying a boat to sail around the world, is it? It's much more mundane than that. It's about being intimate with your partner.

Does she really think it's reckless to have sex with her boyfriend of 5 months? Her examples are telling.

 

 

 

 

This vortex of her mind is not going to suddenly change by itself.

 

Listen, some aspects of this relationship might be really good, but it's hard to say it's amazing as a WHOLE, you know?

Well, you must know: you wouldn't have made this thread otherwise.

 

She probably needs some kind of therapy. With or without you.

(She most likely would feel intensely pressurized, if you'd suggest therapy... so Catch-22)

[lil_missy]

Not sure if it has been mentioned before but is she a virgin?

 

If she is then she might be timid about her first time

[MrDuck]

You called her reasonable and pragmatic, but her thinking is really peculiar:

Yeah, it isn't smart to give out your bank details to a person you barely know, but this is a different situation, innit? She knows you 2,5 years now, you've been going out for 5 months. How will this trust magically appear?

True!

I think this is where she's got two very different sides. Like I say, if you met her, if you worked with her, or hung out with her, you'd have her down as sarcastic, sure of herself, stoic as well as being incredibly pragmatic and logical and all the rest of it.

And its not that she isn't all those things, because half the time she is just that! But there is another side, or maybe just a deeper side, that I see the closer and closer I get. She's got a really big heart, kind, loyal, generous, but along with that she's actually pretty shy and that also seems to be where this more, like you say, peculiar kind of thinking and almost insecurity comes in.

 

I truly understand when a girl doesn't want to have sex on the first couple of dates, but 5 months of sleepovers? Something is off.

Right. And her staying over was a kind of slowly slowly catchy monkey!

But, that said, back before we were dating we had a little vs big spoon debate when out with friends and this is a girl who's input was " The don't touch me kind of spoon", and I wouldn't of thought one person and the table doubt that to be true. Yet when she stays over now she wants to cuddle into me, that's how we sleep.

 

So it's fast, when she knows it's slow, because she thinks about marriage and breaking up?

So she says..

 

I think lot of people in relationships wonder about splitting up from time to time. There are also a lot of people who occasionally wonder whether they've turned the stove off. But if you cannot leave your apartment because you're terrified it's gonna blow up when you're not there, then you are a chronic worrier whose life is impaired because of this anxiety. It's not likely to go away by itself.

I like this analogy a lot!

I'm definitely the kind of guy that dismisses that kind of though, like of course I'd turn it off. Then you get the people who worry about it. Then you get her who would double triple check the stove before she leaves (but she'd deny ever doubting it was off for a minuet).

I agree though, if you're not living the life you want because of anxiety then that's an issue

 

 

And really what are the terrible consequences of having (safe) sex with your bf?

Well quite. I, in the past, haven't been particularly sentimental about sex, so it isn't really a massive deal to me.

I get the impression that she's more concerned about the, I dunno, 'attachment' side of sex than the actual act (that's my impression at least).

Though through my eyes 5 months in we're already attached to the point that sex wouldn't make a massive difference on that front. But then maybe that's easy for me to say having had plenty of sexual partners in the past and I certainly don't mean to be coming across like "If this all went south next week we're going to be hurting bad whether we've had sex or not" That makes me sound like a massively inconsiderate jerk I just mean in my eyes if she's trying to maintain some kind of emotional wall by keeping a physical distance then I don't see how that works (nor do I think it is working).

 

But it's not about buying a boat to sail around the world, is it? It's much more mundane than that. It's about being intimate with your partner.

Does she really think it's reckless to have sex with her boyfriend of 5 months? Her examples are telling.

Now there's an idea!

 

 

I don't know! But I hear what your saying.

 

Listen, some aspects of this relationship might be really good, but it's hard to say it's amazing as a WHOLE, you know?

Well, you must know: you wouldn't have made this thread otherwise.

Yeah in know. Everything else is really really good! And I'm not throwing ultimatums around. I'm not a spoilt teenager who wants sex next week or he's going to walk. That's not what I'm saying at all!! But my take on sex has always been that its a lot of fun! Equally like I want her faith in me to continue to grow, I believe with every piece of me that I could trust her with my life, she'd always come through for me, and I'd love for her to know that she can count on me like that, that I wouldn't let her down.

 

She probably needs some kind of therapy. With or without you.

(She most likely would feel intensely pressurized, if you'd suggest therapy... so Catch-22)

Yeah how do you say that to someone..

She knows what she's like, she'll refer to herself as being difficult or not a people person, but I think she sees that as something deep down in her heart not as like something that needs fixing.

Not that I see it as something that needs fixing, im head over heels, mad for the girl just the way she is. She doesn't need to change who she is for me. But we've spoke about the future, about a marriage, about kids.. but that's not something that can come to pass unless she's 100% in.

[MrDuck]

You seem very thoughtful, mature, and aware.

Thanks

So I don't think that it's just her pulling a blanket over your eyes the way some others have said (and i wasn't sure at first myself). There is also something to be said for having one romantic and one pragmatic person in relationships. I don't think that OPPOSITES being together is a good idea, but personally - as someone that tends towards icy pragmatism - i have often needed to date someone who was considerably more emotionally brave and romantically inclined.

Yeah I see that too. I think it works both ways too, my most serious prior relationship would of been with my sons mother, I'll always feel warm towards her because she gave me Bodhi, but as a couple we just didn't work, had some great times together but I know myself well enough to know I benefit from having solid, down to earth types around me, that's what makes me the best version of myself. In our relationship I was having to be the practical one, sort out details, it was a disaster. We made great friends but a terrible couple

 

 

but part of the reason for my emotional walls is because i'm SO sensitive, not because I have no feelings at all.

See I think this is her all over!

If you spoke to people we work with a lot of them would probably say she couldn't care less what people think of her, scared of nothing, a few of them would probably have her down as cocky. But the thing is the better I know her the more I see that's all front.. she's got a hilariously dry sense of humour which could probably deter a more sensitive guy but she's genuinely got a really big heart and she's actually really quite shy in social situations, I think that's what a lot of people don't get about her.

 

I don't know if your girlfriend is like me, but if she is maybe you can help her to open up a bit, the way my current boyfriend has...Sometimes that relentless reassurance is what people that are afraid of being emotionally vulnerable really need. I think you might just need to really blow open the communication and remind her how much you are there for her, how serious you are, and that no matter what happens you're not going drag her through the mud. Also try to get her to open up about why she keeps her walls up and find out how you can help her to feel comfortable. It might be some work and patience but you obviously love her very much.. I would try to break INto the problem though rather than just waiting for it to go away on its own.

Thanks, that's really helpful!

I'm happy putting my heart on my sleeve, so to speak, although I usually prefer actions to words, because in my experience that's what's really genuine, I have no problem with the words.

I'd like to think I show her how I feel, but we probably don't have too many discussions like the above. Mainly because I've held back from doing so in a way as I've always felt that she's not really in to that kind of thing and I guess that she'd think that I was being silly, or overly emotional. But actually writing it down I see maybe that's on me for assuming about her!

(Not that I don't tell her that I love her, and I'm serious, I do, but theres certainly a lot more that could be said than just that)!

 

 

 

 

Not sure if it has been mentioned before but is she a virgin?

If she is then she might be timid about her first time

She is yeah (which is something that I was surprised to learn initially).

[Maxtor]

I have been dating a girl for 1 week. We had sex on the 3rd date.

 

I am not a Romeo and I have my share of "just friends".

 

With that said, when a girl is really into you, she doesnt ask to slow down, or avoid sex.

 

Maybe you need to let her go and find someone who is crazy about you.

[Glitters]

I guess its a typical case of opposites and confusion as a result. You probably havent got involved with a girl like her before . I'm sure she is as confused as you are but you coming on the board and talking to people while she thinking

 

Look, if you want to bring home a woman to your son whom you and he can respect, then go for her else, she doesnt seem like the one who would be your another sexual conquest.From what you have written about her, its hard to find.I'm not saying this because I'm a woman !

 

Does she know about your sexual experiences? From someone else?You told her?

 

To have sex with any one doesnt take long but to build a relationship takes much longer, then sex isnt an issue.If she was having sex with any guy, you wouldnt have been thinking about her long term partner,else why didnt the other women make it there ?

 

Anywho, if it suits both of you, no one else matters.

[lil hoodlum]

My main issue isn't the lack of sex but the lack of intamacy.

 

Waiting or holding out for sex is one thing and is understandable in some cases. However you have mentioned that the two of you have "softly made out a few times and cuddle a few times." I think that by 5 months dating the two of you should be past making out softly a few times. I mean what is the hold up in that area? Why are the two of you not groping, fondling, dry humping, and making out heavily at this point? With out that, I feel that maybe she just doesn't feel that way towards you, hence why I think you are more like her best gay friend.

 

I understand you like her alot and that she is special to you. If you want to hold out longer to see if something more developes, that is on you. I am just skeptical that it may happen anytime soon or at all. Maybe she just isn't attracted to you in that way.

 

Good luck to you and keep us posted on your progress.

[MrDuck]

You aren't here for advice. You are here for vidation and for people to tell you what you want to hear, which you already predetermined.

Its not that, its just that this is my life, and where I am, (at least where i am at this time), walking away isn't on my radar! We might have an issue, or a slight stumbling block, but she is my girlfriend. She is a girl who could realistically become the love of my life. I'm up for changing my approach but I'm not ready to make moves that jeopardize my relationship.

 

 

I guess its a typical case of opposites and confusion as a result. You probably havent got involved with a girl like her before . I'm sure she is as confused as you are but you coming on the board and talking to people while she thinking

Haha probably sums up what is the difference between me and her!

 

Does she know about your sexual experiences? From someone else?You told her?

From me I guess. I haven't gone into tons of detail, I have a son so she knows i'm no virgin I know shes had two bf's previously so she knows about my ex gf's, I haven't talked about every girl I've ever slept with. I'm not a kiss and tell kinda guy.

 

To have sex with any one doesnt take long but to build a relationship takes much longer, then sex isnt an issue.If she was having sex with any guy, you wouldnt have been thinking about her long term partner,else why didnt the other women make it there ?

True, she isn't like any other girl I've met!

 

 

Waiting or holding out for sex is one thing and is understandable in some cases. However you have mentioned that the two of you have "softly made out a few times and cuddle a few times." I think that by 5 months dating the two of you should be past making out softly a few times. I mean what is the hold up in that area? Why are the two of you not groping, fondling, dry humping, and making out heavily at this point? With out that, I feel that maybe she just doesn't feel that way towards you, hence why I think you are more like her best gay friend.

Oh well, define soft making out?

I never know where people draw the line regarding each "base" but I'd call it second? Making out, but above the belt! My shirt off (but she'd tell you I spend half my life with my shirt off ). She's only had her shirt off if i'm giving her a massage (I am an excellent masseuse). But not like as far as anything below the waist.

 

I understand you like her alot and that she is special to you. If you want to hold out longer to see if something more developes, that is on you. I am just skeptical that it may happen anytime soon or at all. Maybe she just isn't attracted to you in that way.

Good luck to you and keep us posted on your progress.

She is. I hear you! Thanks.

[Shepp]

and I hate Ice cream.

There's your problem - who sleeps with someone who doesn't like ice cream.

 

So this other stuff you say she took a while to do - announce your relationship, say I love you, stay the night - how did you get round that? Did she come round by herself or what?

[lil_missy]

Op I think given that she's a virgin, her wanting to wait isn't that abnormal.

A lot of girls in high school date someone for a year or more before losing their virginity. Your gf is older but she is prob just not ready yet.

It's a big deal and she is prob worried it will hurt and she doesn't know how much she will enjoy it yet.

 

If she has had sex before but still not having sex with you after 6 months then that would definitely be weird.

[doeblin]

Well, you should have said she's a virgin in your first post!

 

This makes the situation a little bit different, but only a little bit.

 

I still think she has a mild anxiety issue regarding sexual intimacy.

 

Have you ever tried to reach into her panties while making out?

Dry humping? Nothing?

 

I think you two might want to start taking small steps toward intercourse... HJ, BJ, fingering etc.

(She said she wants kids eventually, so she doesn't want to stay a virgin forever.)

 

She should slowly get accustomed to being naked together.

 

 

If she's really really anxious about going third base even after 5-6 months... well, I'm just a bloke from the internet, but maybe going to some kind of therapy would help.

 

Start taking those steps.

 

Do not pressure her though.

 

Be cool.

[kitty12345]

OP , where did you find this girl? When you break up with her, can I please please date her ?

 

Jokes aside, she is probably scared of being another one of those girls you have been with before.

[scooby-philly]

Hey OP,

 

I'm a pretty decent guy. Not perfect, but pretty decent. I do admire guys who can respect a woman's wishes (and vice versa - been in two relationships where I was just a "trophy" to prove they were normal). You are generally concerned with her well being and you aren't in a rush yourself, which is good.

 

However, I'm very, very surprised that more people on this thread haven't pointed out that she's not being very respectful of you. I'm not advocating rushing into things - and it sounds like you've learned that lesson at a young age - so good for you. But you need to be honest with yourself. If you're a physical guy, if you are a touch-based guy, she's too wrapped up to be what you need. Leaving "sex" aside - you seem to be apologizing for her behavior. Not all the time, but enough to make me wonder if you realize that she needs to respect you as much as you respect her for there to be equality in the relationship. I mean heck, one her messages you posted early in the thread she admitted to over-thinking things. She either needs to learn to trust and go with the flow or you need to accept that she has now become your "project".

[MrDuck]

There's your problem - who sleeps with someone who doesn't like ice cream.

After all these years theres my issue!

So this other stuff you say she took a while to do - announce your relationship, say I love you, stay the night - how did you get round that? Did she come round by herself or what?

Urm, depends on the thing really.

Announcing our relationship: someone guessed, so then we had no choice but to tell people (everyone and their grandmother would of known within the hour anyway .

Saying I love you: I did this first. I never pressured her (you can make someone love you), she told me she loved me out the blue, about a 1.5-2 weeks later.

Staying over: I was more proactive about. More in the sense I reminded her that spending the night didn't mean I was expecting sex right then. She could just stay over (I even offered to sleep on the couch the first night she stayed at mine following a work do, she never made me though ).

 

 

Op I think given that she's a virgin, her wanting to wait isn't that abnormal.

A lot of girls in high school date someone for a year or more before losing their virginity. Your gf is older but she is prob just not ready yet.

It's a big deal and she is prob worried it will hurt and she doesn't know how much she will enjoy it yet.

Yeah that's true.

When I was in my last year of school I 'dated' a slightly older girl for a bit so I guess I've never really been in that boat before of being with a girl who's not that experienced.

 

If she has had sex before but still not having sex with you after 6 months then that would definitely be weird.

Yeah I do see I should of made that clearer. I would definitely be more wtf if she was sleeping with other guys and just not me!

[MrDuck]

Well, you should have said she's a virgin in your first post!

Haha

Have you ever tried to reach into her panties while making out?

Dry humping? Nothing?

Yeah (hell, i'm a guy ) she hasn't made a big deal of telling me to stop but if I do that she'll just kinda grab my hand where it is, stopping me moving it for like 5/10seconds, and then move it higher up her body. Which I read as a 'not happening'.

Dry humping: Not really. Enjoyable as foreplay, but I'd end up seriously revved up with no where to go..

(She said she wants kids eventually, so she doesn't want to stay a virgin forever.)

Well exactly.

And she's just not someone, I don't know it seems weird to say, but she's not someone who you'd expect to be particularly sentimental about sex, I guess only because she's not the sentimental type, about almost everything she's so matter of fact.

I think people would be genuinely surprised if they knew we weren't having sex (which isn't a big deal), but it leaves me kind of wondering sometimes if its like a sex thing or like a emotional-intimacy-type-thing.. But then again maybe that's her rubbing off on me and making me start over thinking

I think you two might want to start taking small steps toward intercourse... HJ, BJ, fingering etc.

She should slowly get accustomed to being naked together.

Yeah I agree. I guess whats hard for me is knowing when to, 'gently push' her, and when to give her time. That's probably more on me because, like I said above, I've never been in a relationship with someone who wasn't sexually experienced.

Start taking those steps.

Do not pressure her though.

Be cool.

 

 

OP , where did you find this girl? When you break up with her, can I please please date her ?

Hahahah.

Nope, she's all mine, 'fraid you'll have to find another one brother!

Jokes aside, she is probably scared of being another one of those girls you have been with before.

I haven't had that many relationships before though. I've had a few flings, holiday romances and some relationships that weren't serious. But I've only actually been in love the once before!

Edited November 11, 2015 by MrDuck

[MrDuck]

Hey OP,

Hey

However, I'm very, very surprised that more people on this thread haven't pointed out that she's not being very respectful of you. I'm not advocating rushing into things - and it sounds like you've learned that lesson at a young age - so good for you. But you need to be honest with yourself. If you're a physical guy, if you are a touch-based guy, she's too wrapped up to be what you need. Leaving "sex" aside - you seem to be apologizing for her behavior. Not all the time, but enough to make me wonder if you realize that she needs to respect you as much as you respect her for there to be equality in the relationship. I mean heck, one her messages you posted early in the thread she admitted to over-thinking things. She either needs to learn to trust and go with the flow or you need to accept that she has now become your "project".

Respectful how?

I don't really know what you mean by a touch-based guy? I do consider touch an important element of a relationship but I'm not one of these mega all over her, public displays of affection, kinda guys. I'm pretty laid back in life, that's normally what I try to carry into a relationship too.

 

 

The bolded is funny cause that's an inside joke! I'm always telling her to go with the flow, just sommer, she always hits back that she hates the flow :lmao:

[kitty12345]

(you can make someone love you),

How ?:(

 

You know the girl inside / out ! How

 

I need tips!

 

I would die to have a girl like yours. Does she have a sister at least ? A twin would do !

 

(I recently got dumped )

[MrDuck]

(you can make someone love you)

How ?:(

oops *Can't.

I meant to say you can't make someone love you. That would be no life anyway, its human nature to want to be loved for who you are. To be loved for someone your not I cant imagine would be so fulfilling.

 

You know the girl inside / out ! How

I need tips?

I would die to have a girl like yours. Does she have a sister at least ? A twin would do !

(I recently got dumped )

Sorry to hear that mate! I don't know who I am to give dating advice but I guess i'd say you'll meet the right person if you don't wait till then to start living, you're responsible for your own happiness, and people are attracting to people who are happy.

[kitty12345]

Some guys are so lucky ( you OP ! )

 

From where I see, its her inexperience in overall dating and sexual thing. It seems like you are her first kind of thing.

 

What I like here is that you recognize her qualities which is always more important for a serious relationship.Of course, you can have friends with same qualities but the sex makes the difference.

 

Good Luck

 

P.S. I'm jealous

[DrReplyInRhymes]

If you want to wait to do your special deed,

I think that's pretty cool, but not something I'd need,

I'm an extremely physical guy, I demand closeness and touch,

Sex is a healthy part of a relationship, without it, I'd think it'd be tough.

[Shepp]

Urm, depends on the thing really.

Announcing our relationship: someone guessed, so then we had no choice but to tell people (everyone and their grandmother would of known within the hour anyway .

Saying I love you: I did this first. I never pressured her (you can make someone love you), she told me she loved me out the blue, about a 1.5-2 weeks later.

Staying over: I was more proactive about. More in the sense I reminded her that spending the night didn't mean I was expecting sex right then. She could just stay over (I even offered to sleep on the couch the first night she stayed at mine following a work do, she never made me though ).

I'd be less concerned because this has been a steady theme throughout your relationship - she hasn't suddenly put the breaks on, she's always needed some, additional thinking time.

 

 

I waited a long time for my (now wife), sex wasn't an issue for her but committing at all was, especially the emotional commitment. The thing with an emotional connection is it tends to be something that just happens, you cant force it, and if its there its hard to stop it too.

 

 

If it was me i'd give her the more time she wants. She hasn't said never, and she has come through on that in the past.

Id probably want to have more of an in-person chat about 'why' though, not to pressure her but because you're genuinely don't seem sure if its a physical or emotional issue, and sure its "her" issue, but as long as your a couple then it becomes something that effects both of you and something you should be able to work through together...

I think settings everything though pick a time when your alone, it seems natural, she seems receptive. I'd keep it out the bedroom too.

[MrDuck]

Some guys are so lucky ( you OP ! )

From where I see, its her inexperience in overall dating and sexual thing. It seems like you are her first kind of thing.

 

What I like here is that you recognize her qualities which is always more important for a serious relationship.Of course, you can have friends with same qualities but the sex makes the difference.

 

Good Luck

P.S. I'm jealous

 

Yeah, I know I am her "first kind of thing" haha, definitely her first serious thing.

Ah I absolutely do see her qualities, I love the girl, and I consider myself a lucky guy.

 

 

 

 

I'd be less concerned because this has been a steady theme throughout your relationship - she hasn't suddenly put the breaks on, she's always needed some, additional thinking time.

True

 

I waited a long time for my (now wife), sex wasn't an issue for her but committing at all was, especially the emotional commitment. The thing with an emotional connection is it tends to be something that just happens, you cant force it, and if its there its hard to stop it too.

Also very true

 

If it was me i'd give her the more time she wants. She hasn't said never, and she has come through on that in the past.

Id probably want to have more of an in-person chat about 'why' though, not to pressure her but because you're genuinely don't seem sure if its a physical or emotional issue, and sure its "her" issue, but as long as your a couple then it becomes something that effects both of you and something you should be able to work through together...

I think settings everything though pick a time when your alone, it seems natural, she seems receptive. I'd keep it out the bedroom too.

Yeah, I think this is very much what I want to do. I don't want to walk, nor be too much like 'well come find me when your ready babe', I care about the girl a lot and I want to work through stuff as a couple.

I take on board though that maybe my timing isn't always bang on, and I maybe need to let her come to me a bit more.

[MrDuck]

We talked about Christmas last week, she's intending to drive from her parents to mine in the late afternoon and spend the end of the day and boxing day morning with me and my brothers. Then she's invited me (and Bodhi) to go with her to her nans boxing day afternoon, which is a pretty big deal (for us) because I'll meet all her family I haven't met yet and it feels like a committed, serious couple thing.

 

 

She also invited me to go with her too her brothers wedding (in January) which again I'm taking as indicating a good level of seriousness.

 

 

We also had a really good chat at the weekend, she was more vocal than she's ever been about how she felt, about me & us.

 

 

So I guess I'll just let things progress for a little bit and see how to play it from there

[Glitters]

Looking in from outside , I guess she wants a deeper emotional connection with you than something that is based just on sexual desire, which we all know, vanishes quickly with nothing to hold on for long term sustainability.

 

Does she know that you are serious about her? I mean , not just wanting to have another fling? Do you , personally see her as a serious relationship girl with you?

 

She could be getting the ' bad boy ' vibe from you , which is keeping her on her guard.

 

Meeting family etc is a good sign !