lostandhopeless23 Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 Hello. I met a guy in one of my classes around April of this year. We started hanging out, but I feel I did a lot of damage during this time. For example, the first time I met him I said I kind of felt sorry for him and then asked him to dinner. A few weeks later, I told him I liked him and asked him to kiss me, but then I pulled away. We kept in touch over the summer where I guess I continued to send mixed signs. Like I asked him what would he do if I met my real true love, and said that I wanted someone who was ideally older. I also told him he didn't have to contact me if he didn't want. He got angry at that and told me it's obvious I didn't like him and that he doesn't want to be pitied. I really didn't pity him, I'm just really scared of rejection and I was more conscious of social standing (like I really felt I should be a rich, good looking fraternity boy..he's none of those things). Anyway, I told him I was just insecure, and we kind of patched things up. A few weeks later he told me he didn't love me (I wasn't expecting love) and a few more confusing things I don't quite remember. I think he just felt rushed. I just remember telling him I don't need a committed relationship. anyway, college starts again, and we hang out. I kind of make it clear that I don't like him again even though I do. I just assumed he didn't feel anything for me, so I didn't want him to feel bad. We start hanging out a lot, like 2/3 times a week for 5-8 hours. My feelings for him really intensify. I've literally never felt this way about any guy. I have this thing called semi formal for my sorority. It's quite a bit like homecoming. Since school started, I've kind of jokingly asked him to find me a date. we have dinner, and I asked him to set him up with a roommate of his because he is tall and something. My friend replies "I'm tall", and I don't know why, but I asked him to semi formal. I then freak out in a way and say it's obvious I shouldn't take him to this dance. we don't like each other, we shouldn't date. Then I tell him I like him and I want a relationship with him. He rejects me. I say that I don't know if I can remain friends with him and still have feelings for him. He starts crying. I apologize and we talk some more about things I honestly don't remember. I'm not very happy the next week, and do some thinking about my life. I use to only truly want to date what I perceived as "high status men", but then go around with the geeks/nerds of the world because I'm pretty and how can they reject me. Really screwed up thinking, I know. Anyway, I posted something along those lines on a website (It went something like, It's weird that I spent years chasing after nerdy guys when I don't really respect them). he finds out this post and realizes it was me. Tells me he doesn't want to see me again. I make a ton of grand gestures, and he accepts my apology. We go to dinner again. he seems really apathetic to me. I break down. he pretty much told me that I send to many mixed signals, and he just wants to start over. It also seemed like I just wanted a relationship, and not him. I asked him if it would bother him if I kissed another guy. He said it would have bothered him last week, but he doesn't care now. It's just one sided. He also said that if he didn't want me, he would have found me a date semiformal like I asked. This was 2 weeks ago. We hang out for a week. Things seem kind of back to how they were before the mess of the previous week. I re invited him to my semiformal a few days ago, in a more cute way (l made cupcakes and it was nice). we are also again hanging out for hours at a time at least twice a week. I've asked him if another girl asked him on a date would he go, and he said no. I don't think he wants another girl. I'm doing my best not to send any mixed signs. I still really want him. He should know that. I also don't want to keep on hanging to something that won't happen. I'm at a loss at to what to do next. Any suggestions are appreciated.
oberkeat Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 This isn't a healthy relationship. You sound like you're not satisfied in a relationship unless there's drama involved. He sounds like an inexperienced dude who has trouble with emotions. No offense, but you both need to do some maturing before you're fully equipped to be in a stable relationship, IMO.
Author lostandhopeless23 Posted November 2, 2015 Author Posted November 2, 2015 This isn't a healthy relationship. You sound like you're not satisfied in a relationship unless there's drama involved. He sounds like an inexperienced dude who has trouble with emotions. No offense, but you both need to do some maturing before you're fully equipped to be in a stable relationship, IMO. I don't think i need drama to be satisfied in a relationship. I'm currently unhappy because I caused all of these issues when I really didn't have to. he is pretty inexperienced. so am I. we are both in our early 20s and have never been in real relationships. do you suggest I take a break from him and everything? People say I need to do some maturing, but how do I do that? I already have a part time job. I'm about to graduate from college. I have a nice job lined up. I don't go around drinking/clubbing. I don't know what I need to do to be a mature person. I feel obsessed with this, and I know it's not healthy. Like sometimes I wonder if I'll find someone who I like just as much as him. I'm really scared of being alone. This is the first guy I've actually developed real feelings for, and I just made a mess of things. I wish I didn't. I'm planning to see a therapist sometime this month. I can't believe how confusing life has gotten.
siriusp Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 Why on earth send mixed messages? You ask him to kiss you and then you pull away??? I think you might need to sort your head out before you get involved with someone else..... poor guy must be wondering what the hell? I hope I don't sound harsh but that just sounds crazy. I didn't bother reading more as that was enough to make my eyes pop out of my head... I don't see the point of this kind of behavior at all?!! Why did you do that? 1
Author lostandhopeless23 Posted November 2, 2015 Author Posted November 2, 2015 Why on earth send mixed messages? You ask him to kiss you and then you pull away??? I think you might need to sort your head out before you get involved with someone else..... poor guy must be wondering what the hell? I hope I don't sound harsh but that just sounds crazy. I didn't bother reading more as that was enough to make my eyes pop out of my head... I don't see the point of this kind of behavior at all?!! Why did you do that? i don't know. i felt like a guy should make a first move, and if he didn't that he wouldn't really be interested. I feel really bad thinking about it now. i asked him to kiss me, he leaned in, I turned away. I really messed up.
Author lostandhopeless23 Posted November 2, 2015 Author Posted November 2, 2015 any other suggestions are appreciated. Thanks.
Recommended Posts