Forget About Her Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Some quick background. My ex and I were together for 5 years. She left me back in January, and ended up meeting this guy who she was together with for about 3.5 months after me. Things didn't work out between them, and she came back to me. First, as friends, and then she said she wanted to try and work things out between us. (This all happen about a month ago) Anyway, I am seeing someone (not extremely serious), but I was unwilling to stop talking to all the other girls just because she wanted to get back together. Well, we started hanging out for about 2 weeks, EVERYDAY! Things were great. On Thursday we got in a fight, and I refused to talk about it with her over the weekend. I talked to her last night and she said that we can't get back together, that it is never going to work and it's over! She met a guy this weekend at a club, and he is a "really great guy". I know absolutely nothing about him or who he is. I want to believe that her making this decision has nothing to do with a guy she's known for 3 days, but I think it may. She told me she had to get off the phone, and I asked why. She said b/c she just got a text message from that guy. She's so co-dependant it's ridiculous. The problem is, I love her so much. I can't imagine being with anyone else or loving anyone else the way I love her. I can't imagine settling down with anyone else or trusting someone like I trusted her. Of course, she reduced me to tears on the phone, and begging. She eventually said she would think about it, but that was to shut me up. Any advice, help? PLEASEEEEE
outdated Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Sorry to hear about this man. It's a real bummer, but she is playing games with you. You said it yourself- she is so co-dependent it's ridiculous. This is why it will not work. She has to have someone at all times, and therefore will never be able to have a real relationship with anyone. I'm discovering that my ex is much the same way. She comes, she goes, theres people in between- it's a f***ing whirlwind and it doesn't make any sense. In my opinion, you should stay away from her, at least for a while, until you won't be reduced to tears- very unsexy, no offense. If you truly believe in this, then you know what you must do, but I think that in many ways you will be better off without her. She is just stringing you along.
Author Forget About Her Posted May 24, 2005 Author Posted May 24, 2005 I feel like she is stringing me along sometimes, but I really feel like she loves me. She tried to kiss me a couple of times during the time we were hanging out, and I backed away each time. I want to believe that she really wants to work it out with me. Believe me, I know that I shouldn't cry in front of her, and I'm not a big cryer, but she is the only one that can reduce me to that BS. Everything she said the first time when we broke up is what she said this time.
blind_otter Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 NO crying, hon. It isn't attractive. My opinion? It's an axiom I learned in massage school. "If if hurts, don't do it." Stop letting her back into your life and initiate no contact. See how you feel after 6 months without her mind games. Someone who "really loves" someone else wouldn't say "I have to get off the phone this random guy I met over the weekend is texting me". That's a harsh way to get someone off the phone.
Author Forget About Her Posted May 24, 2005 Author Posted May 24, 2005 I was going to call her and tell her that she is absolutely right about us not being able to work it out. I was going to say it hurts because i know I don't want to be with the person I really love. I didn't mean to get so upset on the phone last night, but your phone call just compounded some other things that happen yesterday and was kind of the straw that broke the camels back. I feel like neither one of us put any real effort in to trying to work things out over the past couple of weeks, and that's probably why we couldn't work through a single fight. I don't think it's unreasonable that it hurts to finally find out that it's not going to work. What do you guys think?
ConfusedInOC Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by Forget About Her Any advice, help? PLEASEEEEE Yes. You moved way too fast. Two weeks was not enough time to feel each other out and she didn't seem like she was sold that you had changed or improved. See, there's a post on here by UNIVERSE, and I'll have to find it, where he explains the CORRECT way to fix things with an ex. That is to take it EXTREMELY SLOW. It should have taken you both 6 months to feel each other out. Two weeks is entirely too short a time. All you did was confirm whatever her fears were. When someone has a negative opinion of you, it will take them a VERY, VERY, VERY long time for them to change it. And you can only do it by not rushing things. For me, if I ever got to hang out with my ex again, I would just try and treat her like a friend and that is it. I will make darn sure I am not disrespected and that I don't go out of my way to please her. In fact, I already know I will be sure to not make myself accessible at all times. She needs to know I have a life and I am comfortable and independent.
ConfusedInOC Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by Forget About Her I was going to call her and tell her that she is absolutely right about us not being able to work it out. I was going to say it hurts because i know I don't want to be with the person I really love. I didn't mean to get so upset on the phone last night, but your phone call just compounded some other things that happen yesterday and was kind of the straw that broke the camels back. I feel like neither one of us put any real effort in to trying to work things out over the past couple of weeks, and that's probably why we couldn't work through a single fight. I don't think it's unreasonable that it hurts to finally find out that it's not going to work. What do you guys think? I think you should just implement no contact and heal yourself. Much like I need to do. Find yourself.
blind_otter Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by Forget About Her I was going to call her and tell her that she is absolutely right about us not being able to work it out. I was going to say it hurts because i know I don't want to be with the person I really love. I didn't mean to get so upset on the phone last night, but your phone call just compounded some other things that happen yesterday and was kind of the straw that broke the camels back. I feel like neither one of us put any real effort in to trying to work things out over the past couple of weeks, and that's probably why we couldn't work through a single fight. I don't think it's unreasonable that it hurts to finally find out that it's not going to work. What do you guys think? Nope. No Contact means no more contact, no explanations, no nothing. Let it go for a while. Heal.
Author Forget About Her Posted May 24, 2005 Author Posted May 24, 2005 I think I am going to send her a text message early in the morning before she leaves to Ohio saying something like "Your words...two peas in a pod."
ConfusedInOC Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by Forget About Her I think I am going to send her a text message early in the morning before she leaves to Ohio saying something like "Your words...two peas in a pod." No!!! Don't say anything. If you contact her, you only confirm you are weak.
Author Forget About Her Posted May 24, 2005 Author Posted May 24, 2005 I don't know OC...This will be the one last time of contact. I think it's worth saying...Anyone else have an opinion on this?
dgiirl Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by Forget About Her I don't know OC...This will be the one last time of contact. I think it's worth saying...Anyone else have an opinion on this? Depends on what's your motive for texting her?
mullins Posted May 25, 2005 Posted May 25, 2005 Dont text, if you get a reply it will most likely be something you dont want to hear...more pain and heart ache, i know, i keep making the same mistake. Start NC now, it really does work, and kicks in quite quickly.
blind_otter Posted May 25, 2005 Posted May 25, 2005 Originally posted by Forget About Her I don't know OC...This will be the one last time of contact. I think it's worth saying...Anyone else have an opinion on this? No Contact means no contact. Don't be a silly little kid who wants the last word. No words are the best last words. I don't think it's worth saying. Moooooove on!
Author Forget About Her Posted May 25, 2005 Author Posted May 25, 2005 Thanks for the advice guys. I actually texted her before I read any of your responses. She DIDN'T respond. Big surprise, right? Well she's in Ohio now, so it's kind of a forced NC for at least the next 8 days. This really sucks. I can't believe she would pull **** **** agai.
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