Ashurii Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 First and foremost I'd like to say that you two sound incompatible. You say you don't want him to treat you like a friend, but that sounds like a piss poor relationship to me. You're completely against swearing and deem it offensive while he uses it casually and without even thinking twice about it while among friends. Not once in this thread, I believe, have I seen someone point out that the most important thing here was his tone of voice. The fact that he said something similarly to how he'd react with another friend and wasn't upset by the hot sauce is glaringly obvious to me that there was nothing hostile in the exchange at all.
Redhead14 Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 Like I said, he had a knee jerk reaction to a dumb prank that likely ruined his meal. He did not release an onslaught of anger and string of expletives and cause her to feel threatened. This is when it becomes abusive -- when the other person is feeling threatened. She's known this man for 5 years as a good friend and now dating him for 3 months. She's had lots of time to observe how he reacts and deals with people. If over those 5 years she's observed or knows that he's has some kind of history like this, then, yeah, she should take serious note of it. But one time in the heat of a moment which didn't escalate is not a big deal. She said he said he wasn't angry at her about it although I would have been. I don't like hot sauce at all. It burns my mouth and I get heartburn. So to me, that's abuse -- parents who put pepper or hot sauce on something to keep a child from putting it in his or her mouth is considered abuse by the way. 1
kpl Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 People make mistakes so I'm not trying to be too quick to jump to conclusions. But what concerns me is how the guy responded to the mistake - by getting on the defensive and telling her she was being too sensitive. Hell sometimes I upset a friend accidentally and it makes no sense to me but then I realise and I just say "Look I'm really sorry if I made you feel that way. I didn't mean to. How can I make it up to you?". 100% agreed. When I first read this I thought this was just a silly prank and he misspoke. Let's just say that it was. OP was upset and addressed it and he dismissed her which leads me to believe that it was not him misspeaking. I think it's troubling behavior because he tried to make you feel bad for feeling a certain a way and that is not OK. And on top of that he knew you were upset and still wanted some type of sexual contact. I find this guy gross. A real man would have just said I'm sorry I won't do it again and what can I do to make you feel better they would not have tried to engage in sexual acts knowing how upset you are. He screams disrespectful and if not physically abusive definitely verbally. 1
Recommended Posts