Author Sara109 Posted November 2, 2015 Author Posted November 2, 2015 I just don't feel like talking to him Am I over reacting? How would you handle this? I appreciate all the replies I have received. Thx
Author Sara109 Posted November 2, 2015 Author Posted November 2, 2015 He claims he has never sworn at his ex's when he was upset with them I am confused why he got so upset over something really small. He claims he wasn't upset with me last night.
Author Sara109 Posted November 2, 2015 Author Posted November 2, 2015 I have known him for 5 years, we really good friends before we started dating. We have been dating for 3 months
Gaeta Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 How long have you been dating? Please answer How long have you been dating?
katiegrl Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 I think this is one of those things where you had to be there... as I said before when my fiancé pulls pranks on me, or sneaks up on me... or just gets me by surprise or something (we're just playing around with each other), I have been know to hit him (not hard) -- it's just a reflex reaction, again just playin around with each other, or call him ass or something, all in good fun then we both end up cracking up!!
Gaeta Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 I have known him for 5 years, we really good friends before we started dating. We have been dating for 3 months 3 months: Dump him. If you had been dating for over a year or 2 I would have given him a SERIOUS warning that anything close to this one more time and I'd break up instantly with him. After only 3 months this is a sign he is prone to impulsive and violent behavior. The fact you were friends for 5 years means absolutely nothing. Men don't act the same with their friends than they do with their girlfriends.
katiegrl Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 I think this is one of those things where you had to be there... as I said before when my fiancé pulls pranks on me, or sneaks up on me... or just gets me by surprise or something (we're just playing around with each other), I have been know to hit him (not hard) -- it's just a reflex reaction, again just playin around with each other, or call him ass or something, all in good fun then we both end up cracking up!! Could it have been like that ^^ OP.... or was he really angry?
Gaeta Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 I think this is one of those things where you had to be there... as I said before when my fiancé pulls pranks on me, or sneaks up on me... or just gets me by surprise or something (we're just playing around with each other), I have been know to hit him (not hard) -- it's just a reflex reaction, again just playin around with each other, or call him ass or something, all in good fun then we both end up cracking up!! meh..... You F-in B*tch ...as a reflex reaction?
thecrucible Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 He claims he has never sworn at his ex's when he was upset with them I am confused why he got so upset over something really small. He claims he wasn't upset with me last night. What else did he say? Did he express concern for upsetting you? What sort of words did he use?
J21 Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 You guys act like brother/sister. The whole spoil each other's food for fun doesn't sound romantic at all.
Gaeta Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 You guys act like brother/sister. The whole spoil each other's food for fun doesn't sound romantic at all. I completely agree with this. This is because they were friends for 5 years before dating. He doesn't know how to treat her like a girlfriend. She just continues to be a 'buddy'. 1
Author Sara109 Posted November 3, 2015 Author Posted November 3, 2015 Hi said he was sorry for how he reacted and that is how he is with his guy friends and it just of slipped out. He said he would never hurt me and do anything on purpose. He said he is a human and made a mistake. I asked if he wold have reacted the same way with his parents he said no. I told him I didn't like how he reacted it, as it raises a red flag. He said that if I were to ever think that he would hurt me then that means I don't know him. I told him the same, I never swear and I have always frowned upon swearing and I told him that he should know me by now and he shouldn't have mistaken me for one of his friends. He said that I need to grow a thick skin and that I am over reacting. He felt like I wasn't understanding him. This is because he looked right into my eyes and clearly said I am an a**h*** for what I did. He pulls so many pranks on me and I never ever swear at him. He said it was an accident. That is something that is hard to believe. He has not sworn at me before.
Gaeta Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 Stop saying he swore at you, he CALLED YOU NAMES. He called you an A-hole!!! He said that if I were to ever think that he would hurt me then that means I don't know him. None sense, he did hurt you by calling you an a-hole. He said that I need to grow a thick skin and that I am over reacting. He felt like I wasn't understanding him. Here is the warning I gave you earlier. He will do it again and he is warning you he will and you better get use to it.
casey.lives Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 Just tell him.. did you know this is the first time you've ever sworn at me?? it can be a sign of comfort.. which is bad because it's become too comfortable .. you should never be too comfortable in your love life. But i think you should just point it out and express your sadness and slight disappointment about it. I'm sure it will awaken his inner moderator. I have been guilty of this and upon finding out .. lets just say: i don't like my love life to be ill mannered. Love and Respect are two in one for me. 1
Author Sara109 Posted November 3, 2015 Author Posted November 3, 2015 I feel really foolish because he asked for a handjob later that night and I did give him one. I feel like that didn't help the situation. He probably thought everything was fine. I feel really stupid for doing that.
Maggie4 Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 Sara, I know you feel bad but if you believe he is truly sorry, I think you should forgive him. Like I said initially, seems like he treats you like one of the guys. Guys do say that to each other. I don't think he is an abuser just for this incident. He is a bit of an idiot, yes, and of course you need not put up with the immaturity. But in every relationship, we need to be able to forgive.
katiegrl Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 meh..... You F-in B*tch ...as a reflex reaction? No! Did not realize he called her THAT. I thought he called her an ass.... My bad.
thecrucible Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 I could be really wrong but he comes across as a massive twerp who doesn't respect women. Just the fact that instead of giving a proper apology he redirects it to you "overreacting". A guy who really respects you would feel bad and try to make it up to you, not gaslight you like that. 2
Gaeta Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 No! Did not realize he called her THAT. I thought he called her an ass.... My bad. Only later in the thread I read he called her an a-hole but is there a difference between being called a B or an a-hole? coming from your boyfriend.
Gaeta Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 you should just point it out and express your sadness and slight disappointment about it. Sadness and slight disappointment at being called an a-hole?? I would make this a HUGE deal, one he would never forget for the rest of his life.
thecrucible Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 People make mistakes so I'm not trying to be too quick to jump to conclusions. But what concerns me is how the guy responded to the mistake - by getting on the defensive and telling her she was being too sensitive. Hell sometimes I upset a friend accidentally and it makes no sense to me but then I realise and I just say "Look I'm really sorry if I made you feel that way. I didn't mean to. How can I make it up to you?". 1
katiegrl Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 (edited) Only later in the thread I read he called her an a-hole but is there a difference between being called a B or an a-hole? coming from your boyfriend. It depends, I wasn't there. They were playing around, right? She poured hot sauce on his food, as a joke? To get him back for all the pranks he pulled on her? So in a goofing way he calls her an ass-hole..... like I said, I have done it myself.... we were playing, teasing, it was a joke -- like bantering. I dunno I could be wrong, but again I wasn't there. But I can picture the scenario with him calling her that -- NOT meaning it of course, just in response to her prank... Of course I don't advocate one's boyfriend call his girlfriend an ass-hole, but in the context within which it was said -- playing around with each other - I could see it. Like I said, my fiancé is always sneaking up behind me and pulling little pranks on me, cuz he knows I startle easily, and in response, I laugh but at the same time I say "oh you ass!" LOL I don't mean it of course - again we were just playing, pranking, so maybe OP's guy didn't either. Again, wasn't there.... Edit: I think you are sensitive to it because you have been abused in the past, which is understandable....but it may not have been like that in this case. Edited November 3, 2015 by katiegrl
Gaeta Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 It depends, I wasn't there. They were playing around, right? She poured hot sauce on his food, as a joke? To get him back for all the pranks he pulled on her? So in a goofing way he calls her an ass-hole..... like I said, I have done it myself.... we were playing, teasing, it was a joke -- like bantering. I dunno I could be wrong, but again I wasn't there. But I can picture the scenario with him calling her that -- NOT meaning it of course, just in response to her prank... Of course I don't advocate one's boyfriend call his girlfriend an ass-hole, but in the context within which it was said -- playing around with each other - I could see it. Like I said, my fiancé is always sneaking up behind me and pulling little pranks on me, cuz he knows I startle easily, and in response, I laugh but at the same time I say "oh you ass!" LOL I don't mean it of course - again we were just playing, pranking, so maybe OP's guy didn't either. Again, wasn't there.... Edit: I think you are sensitive to it because you have been abused in the past, which is understandable....but it may not have been like that in this case. I understand the kind of teasing you're talking about. I don't think he was because of her post #38 This is because he looked right into my eyes and clearly said I am an a**h*** for what I did
katiegrl Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 I understand the kind of teasing you're talking about. I don't think he was because of her post #38 This is because he looked right into my eyes and clearly said I am an a**h*** for what I did Just read # 38 -- he definitely sounded remorseful and realized how he hurt the OP, which IMO I don't think he meant to - so I would advise to give him a pass this time BUT if it happens again or becomes a pattern, then re-think the RL and move on. And OP, you might want to remind him you are NOT his frat buddy! And the way he talks with his buddies is NOT the way he should talk with his girlfriend. 1
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