Frenchycois Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 I have been on several dates with this woman. She is 26, I am 31 and she has a kid. When we first started seeing each other we had a few dates and I started holding her hand but she told me she didn't feel comfortable when I was doing that, I was going too fast. So I stopped doing that, but after another couple dates, I got tired of trying to get dates and her always being busy, I thought she was just not into me, cause after all when you like someone you make time for him... so I just called it off. A couple months later, she called me and wanted to go out, we had an awesome date, it was super easy and chill (I realized that I didn't care anymore and I was just really me). Then we started to see each other again, she invited me to meet her family, we went to dinner with my parents and things seem to be going really good. And then again, 2 weeks ago, never has time for dinner, babysitter (aka her mom) not available, too busy. We plan things together (We're going to a concert in december, and we're going to sleep in the same hotel room, in the same bed), so I know she likes me. We had a talk, and I told her that I realized that she is a mom and she has her priority, and that I'm sorry that I called it off before because I know now that she is busy, and I shouldn't take things personally when she can't see me. I though she would just say that we are just friends... but she said "I want to learn to know you"... She also said that she wouldn't go to a concert (and more over sleep in the same bed) with me if she wasn't comfortable with me. Don't you think she is just trying to not hurt my feelings ? She friend zoned me without saying the words ? Or because she is a mom (And that changes a lot of things in the dating games) she is really trying to make sure I am good for her and her son ? This has been going on since March. I'm tired of thinking about her, and I'm tired of being so happy when I spend time with her but so sad when I leave because we didn't hold hands or kissed... I feel like I am in high school... it's ridiculous ! I am lost, I need a single mom advice here, or a guy who dated a single mom. I know what most guys will say "A minute of silence for our buddy in the friend zone"...
xcupid Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 Sounds like she's too busy for you. Doesn't sound like you're friend zoned yet but you're definitely not her priority. Your pace is faster than hers. Save yourself stress and pain and look for someone who is available and excited to be in a relationship with you. Good luck. 2
oberkeat Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 Sounds like there could be some serious commitment issues on her part: Obviously the relationship with the father did not work out, so she might be trying to be extra careful about the guy she f**ks around with next. Additionally, no matter what, her child will always be the first priority in terms of how she budgets her time. You will never be number one. I don't blame her. That's what a responsible parent should do. That said, this has been going on for a long time, and it clearly isn't working for you. You're not happy with her reticence to commit. You're not happy with how little time she's devoting to you. You're not happy with the pace of things. If it was me, I would move on and keep looking for a girl who doesn't have this type of baggage in her life. I would find someone who is at a similar stage in life as yourself (i.e., is single and has no kids). I have never dated a single mother, and never will for all these reasons. 1
menyou Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 If there was enough interest she would be putting in the time. There is nothing wrong with dating a single mother, I happen to be one. If I feel you are worth my time you'd be getting a lot of it.
Author Frenchycois Posted November 2, 2015 Author Posted November 2, 2015 I know she is super busy, she has an agenda with all the stuffs she needs to do every day, week, months ! It's crazy. She is putting the time when she has time I guess... She makes me feel insecure though, cause sometimes, even though I told her I understand that I can't take things personally, I feel she finds excuses to not hang out, just to go to a date with someone else... And I think that, because her excuses sometimes don't make sense... Yeah I should just stop trying. I'll go to that concert with her, make a big move... and see...
Author Frenchycois Posted November 2, 2015 Author Posted November 2, 2015 I have never realized that I actually wasn't happy... that's kinda funny. No I am not. I am when I'm with her. But that's it. I want someone that wants to be with me and shows it. It makes sense. Maybe I'll live her alone for a while and see how it goes... but in the meantime I need to find someone else.
Miss Peach Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 As a single mom there are so many things that could be going on here. We would need more info to help figure this out. A lot of the ones I know have no or very little help. So that would be one of my first questions. Is the child school aged? So they have a job? Do they have daycare/family/etc. Does the dad see the child? If the answer to these are no, it will impact how much time she spends away from the child. For example if she has 50/50 I would say she's blowing you off unless there was something else going on such as your work schedules don't match, she's in school, etc. But if she is a single mom with an absent dad she might not be blowing you off. The other thing is that there are a lot of guys out there who are scared off by it, they are only after sex so they won't get to the point of meeting the child, etc. A lot of single parents like to take things slow - especially with involving their child. Another thing to keep in mind is that the child will always be number one. If this isn't the case it's a red flag IMO. A lot of guys can't handle sharing early on in a relationship (this is stressful even later in a two parent household on when a couple has more of a foundation). A lot of men make demands which is the wrong way to do it. Instead you need to problem solve as a team, help her, etc. 1
Author Frenchycois Posted November 2, 2015 Author Posted November 2, 2015 So she is a single mom working as a dental assistant, of a 4 years old son, the dad comes to see the kid... once in a while (They don't have a 50/50 custody, more like 90/10, he doesn't really care). She has a lot of help from her family (Her sister and her sister's bf live with her and her parents live 15mn away). Saying that I am not scared would be a lie, but I really like her, and I am not in this for fun. I want to build something with her, and her son. And I spent some time with him, and I really like him, and I think he does too. He calls me by my name and plays with me, it made my heart melt the first time, and I told her that. She knows what I feel about the kid, and I told her I know he is her number one priority, and she knows that I like her. And frankly if I was in this only for sex, I'd probably be gone by now ! So I guess, as a lot of our common friends say, just enjoy the moments you spend together, and things are gonna arrive naturally if it is meant to be... Don't rush things... I have to work on my impatience I guess...
Httm Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 1. She has no real babysitter. This means she can't date. 2. She has no time to make dates. This means she isn't able to date. Move on.
Httm Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 As a single mom there are so many things that could be going on here. We would need more info to help figure this out. A lot of the ones I know have no or very little help. So that would be one of my first questions. Is the child school aged? So they have a job? Do they have daycare/family/etc. Does the dad see the child? If the answer to these are no, it will impact how much time she spends away from the child. For example if she has 50/50 I would say she's blowing you off unless there was something else going on such as your work schedules don't match, she's in school, etc. But if she is a single mom with an absent dad she might not be blowing you off. The other thing is that there are a lot of guys out there who are scared off by it, they are only after sex so they won't get to the point of meeting the child, etc. A lot of single parents like to take things slow - especially with involving their child. Another thing to keep in mind is that the child will always be number one. If this isn't the case it's a red flag IMO. A lot of guys can't handle sharing early on in a relationship (this is stressful even later in a two parent household on when a couple has more of a foundation). A lot of men make demands which is the wrong way to do it. Instead you need to problem solve as a team, help her, etc. Sorry, but the whole "child will always be number one" is tired and has no real meaning, especially since dating doesn't in any way require you to choose on over the other. A single parent who is interested in dating for real will not only have real babysitter(and not just rely on one person volunteering when they feel like it) but will make the time for you in their life. Period. That is what babysitters were invented for. 1
salparadise Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 A lot of the ones I know have no or very little help. So that would be one of my first questions. Is the child school aged? So they have a job? Do they have daycare/family/etc. Does the dad see the child? If the answer to these are no.... I've dated several single moms, and am dating one right now. I can tell you for a fact that if the child's dad isn't in the picture and eager to spend plenty of time with the child/children then it makes a relationship nearly impossible. Close to 100 percent of the time you get with the woman is because the Dad has the kids. I guess if her Mom lives close by that might help some. The only other option is for you to spend the night with the kids there, and I won't date a women who would do that.
Httm Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 I've dated several single moms, and am dating one right now. I can tell you for a fact that if the child's dad isn't in the picture and eager to spend plenty of time with the child/children then it makes a relationship nearly impossible. Close to 100 percent of the time you get with the woman is because the Dad has the kids. I guess if her Mom lives close by that might help some. The only other option is for you to spend the night with the kids there, and I won't date a women who would do that. This isn't true. If they have a babysitter, they could easily go out twice a week. Most single parents don't have their lives together enough for that though.
Recommended Posts