Greekboy Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 Hi guys, I was posting a few months ago about my break-up with my short term ex of 6 months. I was doing better and slowly recovering while in no contact for 2 months +. A couple of days ago I was hanging out with my mates and we crossed paths with my ex and her group of friends. I had no intentions of talking to her but she gave me a warm smile and greeted me, then sat close to my group of friends. I foolishly thought that maybe things were different and decided to approach her and talk to her in person for a while. She was all smiles acting as if nothing ever happened between us and was totally indifferent towards me. I couldn't help it but broke down and told her that I still have feelings for her and if she feels like it she should give me a call so that we would go out for a drink. She told me once more that she doesn't want a relationship, she is emotionally unavailable and that the guy she was dating before me traumatised her to the point that she isn't interested in all that anymore. I even asked her twice if she is dating anyone else at the moment to which she didn't reply. At that point I got really frustrated not but what she said but mainly because of the tone of her voice and her facial expressions that seemed like our relationship didn't matter at all and I was just a dude. (She never apologised for anything after our breakup and didn't show a sign of remorse). Obviously things heated up and we ended up getting frustrated at each other, she even said I embarrassed her in front of her friends so I left. Its been 3 days since then and I just can't stop blaming myself for acting so insecure and needy again. I find it really hard to forgive myself for letting her take control of my emotions and can't help but thinking if I could have done anything differently. To top it all off I texted her 10 minutes later saying I still have feelings for you and If anything changes you know where to find me. I just hate myself for being so weak but I just find it so hard to move on and get over her. I'm back to No Contact now and hoping I wont see her on Sunday as we both bought tickets for a rock gig. Any opinions people? I could do with some emotional support right now Thank you
TheLoveBelow92 Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 Hi guys, I was posting a few months ago about my break-up with my short term ex of 6 months. I was doing better and slowly recovering while in no contact for 2 months +. A couple of days ago I was hanging out with my mates and we crossed paths with my ex and her group of friends. I had no intentions of talking to her but she gave me a warm smile and greeted me, then sat close to my group of friends. I foolishly thought that maybe things were different and decided to approach her and talk to her in person for a while. She was all smiles acting as if nothing ever happened between us and was totally indifferent towards me. I couldn't help it but broke down and told her that I still have feelings for her and if she feels like it she should give me a call so that we would go out for a drink. She told me once more that she doesn't want a relationship, she is emotionally unavailable and that the guy she was dating before me traumatised her to the point that she isn't interested in all that anymore. I even asked her twice if she is dating anyone else at the moment to which she didn't reply. At that point I got really frustrated not but what she said but mainly because of the tone of her voice and her facial expressions that seemed like our relationship didn't matter at all and I was just a dude. (She never apologised for anything after our breakup and didn't show a sign of remorse). Obviously things heated up and we ended up getting frustrated at each other, she even said I embarrassed her in front of her friends so I left. Its been 3 days since then and I just can't stop blaming myself for acting so insecure and needy again. I find it really hard to forgive myself for letting her take control of my emotions and can't help but thinking if I could have done anything differently. To top it all off I texted her 10 minutes later saying I still have feelings for you and If anything changes you know where to find me. I just hate myself for being so weak but I just find it so hard to move on and get over her. I'm back to No Contact now and hoping I wont see her on Sunday as we both bought tickets for a rock gig. Any opinions people? I could do with some emotional support right now Thank you Look man, Stop beating yourself up, these things are hard especially in a moment of weakness, People here will tell you to keep busy to adjust to life without her and you thought you where fine until you spoke to her, you still have feelings for her that you thought you had under control but lost it a little, Happened me too and happens all of us. read some of my threads that will give you better insight I was broken hearted for 3 months and in the last month ive been in no contact, Its really hard because I didnt want to break up, I wanted to fix things and never leave, but no contact is for me to heal, I have healed somewhat. Its incredibly hard to walk away from someone you love that has already walked away from you, you dont have a choice and it sucks man it really does and I feel for you, I have a video that helped me ever since I was growing up and I hope it helps you too: Hope this helps but if you need advise Ill do what I can and pm me You will get through it we all do. 1
Shock148 Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 You had a moment where you believed maybe after 3 months of no contact you could see if she changed at least a little. Yes, I can understand why it was difficult for you to hear and see her react as if the relationship didn't matter and it is human nature to get upset and angry, but do not beat yourself up over it. It just shows that she does not care, will not care, and why do you want to be with someone like that? Just move on, she is not worth it and at the same time it is best that it happened so quickly into the relationship than a year or more after being together. Honestly, after this little incident any chance you think you could have had of her missing you and wanting to reconcile or apologizing to you went out the window. Only way she might apologize to you now about ending the relationship is if she gets into another relationship and that guy treats her badly. Other than that, it is best to just move on. Do not apologize to her because she will not really care. She made it clear what she wants for her and when she is ready to be in another relationship, I do not believe she will be going back to you. She will try out a new person and not go backwards in her life. 1
Author Greekboy Posted November 2, 2015 Author Posted November 2, 2015 The Love Below - I can't find a way to message you, I think I need to be a premium member for that? If not hit me up mate. Shock148 - What you are saying is the truth and exactly what I need to hear but somehow I've been struggling with accepting it during the last 3 months. I've been both broken up and broke up with people a fair amount of times but I was never that emotionally vulnerable. I just can't forgive myself for still being that effected by her and clinging into hope. Also, I have always had good relationships with all my ex's and even though we broke up we still care about each other. This one acts as if I never existed and as if our relationship didn't matter at all. She even told me when we broke up that she never felt that connection with me and she doesn't even care about what is going on in my life. Ultimately, what I don't get is how someone that introduced me to her parents as the one and was supposed to be in love with me can be so cruel and disrespectful in a matter of months!
dumbass2 Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 Don't worry about what happened. It happens to us all in some shape or form. The good thing is that she didn't try and lead you on and give you mixed signals. She said it like it is and her actions backed that up. There is zero interest on her part. Use this as a reminder that it is done and in the future stay clear of her. Don't try to be friendly again. You're just not ready for that. 1
Author Greekboy Posted November 2, 2015 Author Posted November 2, 2015 Don't worry about what happened. It happens to us all in some shape or form. The good thing is that she didn't try and lead you on and give you mixed signals. She said it like it is and her actions backed that up. There is zero interest on her part. Use this as a reminder that it is done and in the future stay clear of her. Don't try to be friendly again. You're just not ready for that. I never tried to be friendly with her and I never will, I was pretty straightforward with what I want. Again what I'm struggling with is how can somebody change from introducing me to her parents and saying you are the one to I don't care about you at all/ you mean nothing to me in a matter of months. It just doesn't sit well with my values, ethics and I've never had that happen to me before!
Shock148 Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 The Love Below - I can't find a way to message you, I think I need to be a premium member for that? If not hit me up mate. Shock148 - What you are saying is the truth and exactly what I need to hear but somehow I've been struggling with accepting it during the last 3 months. I've been both broken up and broke up with people a fair amount of times but I was never that emotionally vulnerable. I just can't forgive myself for still being that effected by her and clinging into hope. Also, I have always had good relationships with all my ex's and even though we broke up we still care about each other. This one acts as if I never existed and as if our relationship didn't matter at all. She even told me when we broke up that she never felt that connection with me and she doesn't even care about what is going on in my life. Ultimately, what I don't get is how someone that introduced me to her parents as the one and was supposed to be in love with me can be so cruel and disrespectful in a matter of months! She probably just used to as a rebound. She saw you as a nice guy and introduced you to her parents but really did not mean what she said. Think about it, 3 months and you really think a woman would introduce you to her parents and say you are the one and really mean it? Maybe her ex boyfriend was someone they did not approve of or she was a bad boy or something and she just wanted to show her parents that she can make good choices in her life, but it was all show. She clearly stated she never felt a connection with you like that and flatly told you she does not care about you or what you do from here on out. It sucks, it hurts, you were played and used, but you will recover and be a lot stronger next time.
Author Greekboy Posted November 2, 2015 Author Posted November 2, 2015 She probably just used to as a rebound. She saw you as a nice guy and introduced you to her parents but really did not mean what she said. Think about it, 3 months and you really think a woman would introduce you to her parents and say you are the one and really mean it? Maybe her ex boyfriend was someone they did not approve of or she was a bad boy or something and she just wanted to show her parents that she can make good choices in her life, but it was all show. She clearly stated she never felt a connection with you like that and flatly told you she does not care about you or what you do from here on out. It sucks, it hurts, you were played and used, but you will recover and be a lot stronger next time. Well to be fair I did the same thing, we even spent Easter with my family! That's why I refuse to accept that. Maybe she didn't realise I was her rebound at the time? Perhaps a case of bad timing and deeper psychological issues(Her dad left her when she was 10) ? I'm obviously still in love with her but I can at least see things clearly now and I want to believe she is not the kind of person that would do that.
Shock148 Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 (edited) Well to be fair I did the same thing, we even spent Easter with my family! That's why I refuse to accept that. Maybe she didn't realise I was her rebound at the time? Perhaps a case of bad timing and deeper psychological issues(Her dad left her when she was 10) ? I'm obviously still in love with her but I can at least see things clearly now and I want to believe she is not the kind of person that would do that. By you saying "Well to be fair I did the same thing" are you referring to also introducing her to your family? If that's the case that really means nothing. You felt like you had a connection with her, she never felt it. Whether you believe it or not really does not make a difference. A woman would never lie about something like that. During breakups the dumper always tells the truth and never sugarcoats anything. If she told you flat out she never really had a connection with you, then sorry to say she never really had a connection with you. She could have said I did have some sort of connection, but it went away or faded, but she specifically said she never had one. And maybe at the time she did not see you as a rebound or maybe she did. There is no way that a woman would meet someone, introduce them to their parents right away, claim he might be the one to them, and then end the relationship in 3 months. Thats way too quick for such a powerful statement as that which is why I fully believe it was mostly show and bs when she did that to just show her parents. Also, her actions after the breakup back this up as seeing you 6 months later and showing/telling you that she doesn't really care about the past relationship or what you are currently doing is even more proof. Women can be deceiving if they want to be and honestly she probably knew that she was using you as a rebound. Edited November 2, 2015 by Shock148
Author Greekboy Posted November 2, 2015 Author Posted November 2, 2015 Yeah thats what I meant, my parents embraced her as if she was one of us! Especially after knowing about her past issues with her family. She ended the relationship after 6 months and I saw her after 3, not that it matters. Shock I really appreciate your honesty but it is all a bit contradicting and that is the main reason I'm still stuck. She told me that there was no connection but then again when we mutually broke up at first she told me that she will miss me and she will find it impossible not to reach out to me in the future. Also, when we ran into each other a few days ago I asked her if what we had was just sex etc to which she replied that it obviously was more than that. See why I'm confused, its just a bunch of things that contradict each other and to be fair it just didnt feel like a rebound relationship from the get go. I've been in one and I know what its like but with this one it was all chemistry and butterflies in the beginning. That's why I say it might have been bad timing and she wasnt in a good place emotionally. Just to clarify this, it has nothing to do with me being still in love. I'm trying to accept the current situation and I'm in strict no contact again. Its more about me making peace with what happened and my emotional well-being. Thanks for your time by the way my man, I really appreciate it
Shock148 Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 Yeah thats what I meant, my parents embraced her as if she was one of us! Especially after knowing about her past issues with her family. She ended the relationship after 6 months and I saw her after 3, not that it matters. Shock I really appreciate your honesty but it is all a bit contradicting and that is the main reason I'm still stuck. She told me that there was no connection but then again when we mutually broke up at first she told me that she will miss me and she will find it impossible not to reach out to me in the future. Also, when we ran into each other a few days ago I asked her if what we had was just sex etc to which she replied that it obviously was more than that. See why I'm confused, its just a bunch of things that contradict each other and to be fair it just didnt feel like a rebound relationship from the get go. I've been in one and I know what its like but with this one it was all chemistry and butterflies in the beginning. That's why I say it might have been bad timing and she wasnt in a good place emotionally. Just to clarify this, it has nothing to do with me being still in love. I'm trying to accept the current situation and I'm in strict no contact again. Its more about me making peace with what happened and my emotional well-being. Thanks for your time by the way my man, I really appreciate it I hear ya man and that is why we are here to help each other understand and heal. Honestly, it could have been bad timing and she might not have been in a good place emotionally. I have been there too and it sucks when it is a case of right place wrong time. Unfortunately it is what it is and all you can do is just accept what is currently in front of you. The relationship ended and she does not want a relationship with yourself or anyone else according to her. She needs time to work on herself, but as for you, you just need to NC and heal from this so that you can move on with your life and find someone better. If she changes her mind and wants to be with you, she will contact you. 1
Author Greekboy Posted November 2, 2015 Author Posted November 2, 2015 I hear ya man and that is why we are here to help each other understand and heal. Honestly, it could have been bad timing and she might not have been in a good place emotionally. I have been there too and it sucks when it is a case of right place wrong time. Unfortunately it is what it is and all you can do is just accept what is currently in front of you. The relationship ended and she does not want a relationship with yourself or anyone else according to her. She needs time to work on herself, but as for you, you just need to NC and heal from this so that you can move on with your life and find someone better. If she changes her mind and wants to be with you, she will contact you. I hear you brother, I'm trying to accept that I need to let go even if I'm still in love! I was supposed to do my masters degree in Edinburgh this year but I had to postpone it because of the breakup. Regretting it now since everything here reminds me of her.
Shock148 Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 I hear you brother, I'm trying to accept that I need to let go even if I'm still in love! I was supposed to do my masters degree in Edinburgh this year but I had to postpone it because of the breakup. Regretting it now since everything here reminds me of her. Man thats horrible. That would have been the perfect thing to do because a new environment with a goal in mind is the perfect distraction for you to focus on important things and moving forward. Who knows, you could have met someone at the school library or class and hit it off. If you can, go next semester. I think it is best you go away and work to better your life especially when your current environment has a lot of things that remind you of her. Good luck to you and whenever you are feeling down or weak, always post here and members can always try to give you a pick me up. 1
Author Greekboy Posted November 2, 2015 Author Posted November 2, 2015 Man thats horrible. That would have been the perfect thing to do because a new environment with a goal in mind is the perfect distraction for you to focus on important things and moving forward. Who knows, you could have met someone at the school library or class and hit it off. If you can, go next semester. I think it is best you go away and work to better your life especially when your current environment has a lot of things that remind you of her. Good luck to you and whenever you are feeling down or weak, always post here and members can always try to give you a pick me up. I know but i was in such an emotional mess at the time I couldn't even eat or sleep properly. Yeah hopefully next year unless a girl breaks my heart again haha. Thanks mate, much appreciated! Im sure I'll be posting again shortly.
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