Scarlettrose Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 hi everyone , hope you guys are having a lovely day! so after a year and half of relationship, my exboyfriend broke up with me, because we have been arguing a lot and he could spend money on nights out and not comming see me after he moved to another city to study(2 weeks before the break up), everything happened so fast, I took him on a big holiday to see my family in another country, he had so much fun, i showed him all my past and where i grew up, and i have so many amazing memories there with him, and 2 months after that we break up, brings me a tear to my eye just thinking about it .. But anyway, after the break up I decided not to get in contact at all, I still have him on social media, It was a 'good' break up after all, and I absolutely love and miss his family! and I suddenly got a text from him a month after, and he asks if we could meet up, I said yes and when we met he said he still have feelings for me and that he misses me not the arguments and we both agreed that it was better like this. And indeed I felt a relief after the break up, and I went numb, It was so painful on the first days thta I went numb to stop getting hurt. The thing is after I met him it all came back to me , i held my tears whle i was in his presence but as soon as i left the place i cried so much... and texted him 2 days after saying that I miss him and that I would will in giving it a try but he said 'I thing we both agreed it was better the way it is' . He likes some of my photos, messaged me on my birthday and texted me saying how his life was doing at the new city. Now I dont know what to do, I miss him, and remember all the plans we had for the future, and that was all I wanted, and I dont want to let it go because of my stubborn self. but it is hard to read his side. recently I was thinking of asking him when he is next near the town I live so we could go for drinks, but then again im not sure. I just need a opinion from someone outside the relationship, im so confused!
PegNosePete Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 but it is hard to read his side. Err, sorry, but it's really not. You asked if he wanted to try it again, and he replied 'I think we both agreed it was better the way it is'. That is as plain as day: he does not want to try again. The best option for you at this point is to cut all contact with him. To keep in contact will keep you in pain. There is no shame in cutting contact. You can simply tell him that you still have feelings, and being in contact with him is causing you pain. Then say that when the pain has ended maybe you can be friends, but for now, you can't do it. Delete - block - move on.
Author Scarlettrose Posted November 2, 2015 Author Posted November 2, 2015 I dont elieve that blocking him will help , will only numb my feelings. It what we had was just so beautiful to be destroyed and it hurts so much. thank you for your adivice
PegNosePete Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 It may have been too beautiful to you, but clearly he feels differently. It takes 2 to tango. He has clearly stated that he does not wish to re-try. There's nothing you can do or say to change his mind. I'm afraid you're in denial of the truth, which is that the relationship is as dead as a dodo. The only thing for you to do is to begin the process of moving on.
Author Scarlettrose Posted November 2, 2015 Author Posted November 2, 2015 i belive you are right, but what if i want to fight for it? do you think I can?
PegNosePete Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 It doesn't matter how hard you fight, if he doesn't want to fight back then there's no chance. He has quite clearly stated that he does not want to try the relationship again. "Fighting" (what does that even mean?) will not change his mind.
Shock148 Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 What do you need to do? It's pretty simple, give up your false hope and moved on. You told him point blank you are willing to give this another try and he told you no, it is better this way....aka I do not want to be in a relationship with you. It is hard, it sucks to accept, I know and I get it. However, you keeping in contact with him is going to slow down your healing process so much. You need to heal and move on from him. I would suggest not contacting him at all. If you do not want to block him or NC, then just reply to him when he texts you and keep the conversation short.
anika99 Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 i belive you are right, but what if i want to fight for it? do you think I can? No. It's not attractive to fight for someone after they say they don't want you. If you start chasing him, he will be turned off and see you as unappealing. Notice how after a months of not hearing from you he got in contact with you first? That's because you gave him space and time. Don't chase him, it will make him run. The best thing you can do now is go back to no contact so that you can fully heal. Once you do you may find that this guy really wasn't the one for you. You can't see the whole picture while you are in pain. I have a lot of great people in my past who have given me awesome memories but that doesn't mean we were meant to be together forever.
Shock148 Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 i belive you are right, but what if i want to fight for it? do you think I can? Fight for what? He flat out told you he does not want a relationship with you. You cannot force someone to be with you and it will make you look pathetic and weak if you beg him to work it out or get pushy with him. He will definitely lose respect for you if you go this route. The best thing you can do is say that you want to work things out but you understand and respect his wishes. If he ever changes his mind then he should contact you, but other than that you need to move on with your life.
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