Would this anger you?

[SoFrustrated]

I've recently moved in with my partner (32). We have been together for 15 months. We have a very loving relationship and I can definitely see my future with him.

 

I have had a crappy past with exes - one cheated.

 

My bf told me last week that he is going away this week for work, and that one of his female work colleagues will be going with him. They will be staying in seperate rooms. I felt uncomfortable about it, even though I know that they are friends. He promised nothing would happen.

 

He went away for work today. He wasn't returning my messages earlier, so I rang him and he finally answered...drunk. Drunk with her...and two other male work colleagues.

Is it inappropriate? I feel hurt by it. If you have read my previous posts, you'd know that he was drinking a little too much for my liking. He has since slowed right down (after many arguments), but now that he is away from me and drunk, I feel somewhat betrayed or something? Like he waited till I wasn't around. Plus he's drinking with a female...arrg I'm so irrational

[phineas]

You may think he's the one but if you keep acting like a control freak he's definitely going to change his mind about you.

 

Men and women going out of town for business is common in the corporate world.

This isn't the 60s where women are still just secretaries and can't do the same job as men.

 

I could imagine the legal knightmare for a company if they didn't send a woman on a business trip because there would be men there.

 

What do you think they are doing?

Running a train on her?

 

I'd be running for the hills if I started dating someone like you.

[road]

Dump him. His behavior is not appropriate or professional on the work trip. Plus that he ignored you trying to contact him. You are not being controlling when you expect him to show proper behavior.

 

 

Again dump him, pack and move out before he returns from his trip, change your number and block all access for him contacting you.

[Gaeta]

I see 2 issues here.

 

Your trust issues and his drinking problem.

 

It's something common for colleagues (both genders) to get together for a drink and yes sometimes it gets carried away and they get drunk.

 

Now his drinking habit. I didn't read your last thread but if at 32 he has a problem with drinking it won't slow down just cause he said so. It's a problem that is bigger than him and he won't be able to control it without seeking professional help especially that we're not talking about a 22 year old here but a man of 32 who cannot get under grip his drinking habit.

 

Personally I would not date someone who gets drunk of regular basis.

[Lois_Griffin]

I could imagine the legal knightmare for a company if they didn't send a woman on a business trip because there would be men there.

LOL - yeah, and there's NO risk of liability at ALL to this company when their employees are on a business trip acting like a bunch of drunken frat boys. Yeah, no risk there.

 

Your boyfriend sounds like a dumbass 19 year old kid who got into his father's liquor cabinet. He's just reverted back to who he really is the second he got away from your watchful eye - a guy with a drinking problem. That's who he is. And who you'll always be dealing with.

 

There isn't a man on this earth worth having to go to Al-Anon meetings for just to be able to deal with a life of living with a drunk.

[Zippy2000]

You may think he's the one but if you keep acting like a control freak he's definitely going to change his mind about you.

 

Men and women going out of town for business is common in the corporate world.

This isn't the 60s where women are still just secretaries and can't do the same job as men.

 

I could imagine the legal knightmare for a company if they didn't send a woman on a business trip because there would be men there.

 

What do you think they are doing?

Running a train on her?

 

I'd be running for the hills if I started dating someone like you.

 

I totally agree with the above.

 

You sound clingy and anxious for him going away with a female colleague. However you have no idea if she is like 50 year old with 3 grandchildren. No offence to 50 year olds but I mean they are married and comfortable in their own lives.

 

Stop thinking too much about this and its not all about sex. Its about you and your level of composure and your level headedness.

 

There's nothing more unattractive than someone who is anxious and needy and constantly phoning me or checking on how I am when I'm with my work colleagues.

[losangelena]

I've recently moved in with my partner (32). We have been together for 15 months. We have a very loving relationship and I can definitely see my future with him.

 

I have had a crappy past with exes - one cheated.

 

My bf told me last week that he is going away this week for work, and that one of his female work colleagues will be going with him. They will be staying in seperate rooms. I felt uncomfortable about it, even though I know that they are friends. He promised nothing would happen.

 

He went away for work today. He wasn't returning my messages earlier, so I rang him and he finally answered...drunk. Drunk with her...and two other male work colleagues.

Is it inappropriate? I feel hurt by it. If you have read my previous posts, you'd know that he was drinking a little too much for my liking. He has since slowed right down (after many arguments), but now that he is away from me and drunk, I feel somewhat betrayed or something? Like he waited till I wasn't around. Plus he's drinking with a female...arrg I'm so irrational

 

Mmm ... he's drinking with a female and 2 male coworkers. It's not like he's going out with her on some romantic tryst. What time was it when you called? If it was after work hours, I see nothing wrong with tying one on with a few work colleagues. I think the fact that she's there is irrelevant. What were they going to do, exclude her?

 

Why are you suspicious of this particular woman? Has something happened between them? Are they inappropriately close? He promised you nothing would happen, but what makes you think something will happen?

 

The drinking thing—I think he's definitely curbing his usage for you, it doesn't sound like he's interested in doing it for himself, and that is an eventual recipe for disaster. I would not be so much angry about that, but I would start to wonder about the future with someone like that.

 

No offense, but you do sound a bit controlling. He probably feels under a microscope. You take issue with his coworker, you don't like him to drink so much ...

[Michelle ma Belle]

I've recently moved in with my partner (32). We have been together for 15 months. We have a very loving relationship and I can definitely see my future with him.

 

I have had a crappy past with exes - one cheated.

 

My bf told me last week that he is going away this week for work, and that one of his female work colleagues will be going with him. They will be staying in seperate rooms. I felt uncomfortable about it, even though I know that they are friends. He promised nothing would happen.

 

He went away for work today. He wasn't returning my messages earlier, so I rang him and he finally answered...drunk. Drunk with her...and two other male work colleagues.

Is it inappropriate? I feel hurt by it. If you have read my previous posts, you'd know that he was drinking a little too much for my liking. He has since slowed right down (after many arguments), but now that he is away from me and drunk, I feel somewhat betrayed or something? Like he waited till I wasn't around. Plus he's drinking with a female...arrg I'm so irrational

 

I'm in agreement with Gaeta that the two red flags in this relationship is your trust issues and his drinking. Both are deal breakers in my humble opinion.

 

I'm also a bit curious regarding your comment in bold. Did you tell him that you were uneasy with him going out of town with her? Do they have a history together other than just friendship?

 

I guess I don't understand why your boyfriend would feel the need to "promise" anything when you're supposedly in a committed relationship. There shouldn't be a need to defend himself unless you were making a big deal of it in which case you may want to think about treading more carefully on the subject. This is YOUR issue and unless he's given you reasons to doubt his loyalty to you, you risk ruining a really good thing.

 

As for his drinking, that is another issue altogether. He may have limited his drinking when he's with you because of the pressure you've put on him but that hasn't solved anything long term. If anything, it only fuels his need to get sh*tfaced whenever he's away from you. It's like the saying, when the cat's away and the mice will play kind of thing. The problem is that binge drinking can lead to some really bad decision making.

 

The bottom line is you BOTH have some work to do on yourselves if you want to continue to be in this relationship and have it be a healthy and happy one.

 

Good luck.

[katiegrl]

OP, between this thread and previous, why on earth did you move in with him?,

 

Why are you still with him at all?

 

He's an alcoholic (clearly), he ignores you when you sick, telling you your being sick annoyed him, you are incompatible sexually and socially, you admitted you are miserable, good grief girl, what were (are) you thinking?

 

Nearly everyone advised you not to move in, but you apparently went ahead and moved in anyway?

 

I don't understand....

 

In any event, if it were me, I would pack up my stuff and move out today.

 

Enough is enough.

 

Your relationship is dysfunctional and toxic.

[kendahke]

He's drinking because mommy isn't there to punish him for drinking with his colleagues.

 

Unless you're going to call his company's HR department and tell them they cannot allow female employees to go on business trips when your boyfriend is going, you're going to have to get that under control. This is the 21st century: women go on business trips with male colleagues now.

 

If what others have said is true, then against all good advice and against your best interests, you chose to throw in with a man who is not a good fit for you. This is the consequence of doing that.

[d0nnivain]

No that would not anger me. Most people do not have a choice when their employers require them to go out of town for business. They also don't get a choice about the gender of the other employees who are sent on the trip.

 

 

It's not uncommon for people to socialize on these trips & I would expect that the interaction includes alcohol.

 

 

Just because they have drinks together does not mean they will be intimate. Even drunk people have moral compasses & self control.

 

 

While it would have been nice for him to have called you or answered your calls, you don't know exactly what his schedule was. If he was at a client dinner, he may not have had time.

 

 

When DH goes away for business we try to chat before happy hour starts

[sandylee1]

Why did you move in when his behaviour never changed? He got ticked off that you were sick..went out for 12 hours and returned drunk and throwing up....you can't say any of this is a suprise.

 

You will just waste your good years with him...then settle because you think it's too late.

 

Before you move in with a guy...you want them to match up to your needs..if not. ..then why bother?

 

There is also no trust at all. My husband travels for business and he never has to promise anything won't happen ...I don't expect anything to happen.

 

Big mistake moving in with him.

[phineas]

LOL - yeah, and there's NO risk of liability at ALL to this company when their employees are on a business trip acting like a bunch of drunken frat boys. Yeah, no risk there.

 

Your boyfriend sounds like a dumbass 19 year old kid who got into his father's liquor cabinet. He's just reverted back to who he really is the second he got away from your watchful eye - a guy with a drinking problem. That's who he is. And who you'll always be dealing with.

 

There isn't a man on this earth worth having to go to Al-Anon meetings for just to be able to deal with a life of living with a drunk.

 

I'm sorry but you are wrong.

People get trashed at these things all the time.

Corporations are not sued into oblivion daily over it.

 

But is he really a drunk or a drunk in her eyes?

Real alcoholic's don't usually get to go business trips because they can't function at work.

Well some can function being drunk all the time but not most.

Edited November 3, 2015 by phineas

[KatZee]

I originally came here to say that this isn't a big deal, that you're making mountains out of mole hills, and that you are letting your past (cheating ex) influence how you behave with this guy.

 

But then I read some of your past threads, and I have to say, you have much bigger problems than him drinking with co-workers.

 

Drinking and getting drunk with co-workers is not an uncommon occurrence at all. I've had many a holiday party at my company, and I've attended many a company party at other organizations. When the boss is away, the kids will play.

 

That all being said, I read your thread from Sept. 9. "Wasting Time"

 

After all that, YOU MOVED IN WITH HIM?????????????????? From everything I've read about this guy, he seems to be a straight up piece of s.hit.

 

:confused::confused:

 

What part of you thought that was a smart idea, and what part of you actually thinks this dude is husband and life long material???? Honest question here.

 

You've had more than enough reason to leave this guy, instead you continue to stay, and so everything you experience from this point onward, is on you. You cannot change this guy, this guy will not change for you. He's going to continue doing whatever the hell it is he feels like doing, and why not? You're a doormat and you allow it.

Edited November 3, 2015 by KatZee

[Ami1uwant]

I don't know the past threads....if he is an alcoholic or not or if he doesn't drink but when he does it doesn't take much to get drunk. Many the female egged him on yo do shots and he had to show his manhood.

 

You are jealous because he has female coworks. You have no trust.

[SpiralOut]

No it would not bother me. He was not alone with her. He was out in a group with other people. What is he supposed to do, not be around other women ever? For all you know she may think your boyfriend is unattractive and feel no interest whatsoever. Maybe she's madly in love with someone else. You are going to push him away if you keep acting this way.

Edited November 3, 2015 by SpiralOut