Kalolaina Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 I have now gone out on dates with about 20 guys over a span of 3 years I have met on a variety of online dating sites. I am in my early 30's and am looking for something with long term potential at this point in my life but haven't had anything lately last more than a few months. I usually let the guy pursue me online and ask me out. Most of the time before meeting up they will give me their number asking if we can text and get to know each other better before the initial date. Out of these 20 guys, only a couple wanted to talk to me on the phone before meeting. I am wondering if it's a preference these days for guys to stick with texting instead of calling in the beginning. My preference would be to get to know someone better over the phone rather than texting so much. I feel like texting is pretty impersonal when it comes to getting to know someone. I don't really want to be the first to call so should I give them my number and tell them to call me if it seems they want to take things off the dating site? I'm thinking talking on the phone at least once prior to a date might save me some time if there is little connection on the phone. It just seems that most guys either just want to text and meet or meet without exchanging phone numbers. In reality I think the only way to know if you really click is to meet each other in person. Another thing is quite a few guys put they aren't looking for something serious on their online profiles. Sometimes these people still message me even though my profile is clear about wanting a relationship. I also get a lot of messages that just say hi how's it going or mention something about my looks which I rarely reply to. I am much more likely to respond if they ask me a question or make comments pertaining to the things I mentioned in my profile. Should I give these guys a chance and respond to their messages if their profile looks interesting or should I just weed them out? Any thoughts or advice would be appreciated Thanks in advance.
madjac74 Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 Make them call you before you will agree to any further interaction. you will probably weed most of them out right away. Most guys and even girls resort to texting because society today has made it acceptable to not verbally talk to people. I remember the difficulty before cell phones in actually having to call a girl I like. Facebook and texting take all that away. It's so fake 2
PegNosePete Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 Out of these 20 guys, only a couple wanted to talk to me on the phone before meeting. It is a growing trend especially in the younger demographics. I am with you, I always tried to have a phone conversation before meeting. Although I would not suggest "getting to know" someone on the phone - the phone is simply a more convenient way to arrange a meeting, assess interest and confirm identity (avoid catfish). My initial phone calls before meeting were generally 5-10 minutes, followed by a "looking forward to meeting you" text the day before our meeting (in case they had to cancel and forgot to tell me!). I don't really want to be the first to call so should I give them my number and tell them to call me Well I am the guy but what I always did is after a couple of messages, I would say "My number is 1234567890, give me a call or text me yours and I'll call you". Usually they would text me theirs and I would call, which would usually go to voicemail (I'm not quite sure why, I guess they want me to leave a message so they can hear my voice before talking back?). Then I'd call the next day and they would answer. I met a few without speaking, when they didn't want to give out their personal data before meeting. Another thing is quite a few guys put they aren't looking for something serious on their online profiles. Well, sometimes people just put that for very strange reasons. I do profile reviews on the POF forums and quite a few guys say they picked "casual dating - no commitment" not because they aren't looking for anything serious, but because they don't want to jump into marriage with a stranger. That logic is flawed of course, but that is how some people's brains work. I would go by the actual content of their profiles rather than ruling them out for one bad selector. The guys who genuinely aren't after anything serious can usually be spotted a mile off from their profile contents, or if you're not sure, you can just ask them. Having said that, there are a lot of guys looking for NSA sex and it's almost impossible to put them off, because they don't read the profiles. So whatever you write on there won't matter because they don't even read it. If I were you I'd prioritize guys who write proper, funny, interesting messages but if the profile of the "hows it going" guys looks good, why not give them a go. Generally I would return a message in kind. If the message they sent you took 3 seconds to write, then write a 3-second reply. If they put thought into it and write a proper message and obviously read your profile to find common ground, then a more detailed reply is warranted. Alternatively browse for guys you like, and message them.
genwalt Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 Give them a chance.. Maybe, that's the way they they approach a woman in an online dating sites. So, my advice is to reply to them and ask their phone number if you feel that they interesting to you. Then, ask them to call you instead of texting you. If they don't argree with you then, better not to bother yourself anymore communicating with them. They are not serious commiting a relationship with you. Hope this helps you out!
Httm Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 I much prefer to meet up quickly and text briefly before meeting. You learn more in two seconds of meeting than endless phone conversations or texting. Also, 20 dates over 3 years is nothing. As for guys ignoring your profile or giving lame messages, that is extremely common. Focus on guys who have profiles that express desires for a future that align with yours. Go out and meet a LOT more people... Eventually one will click. 2
Toodaloo Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 Another thing is quite a few guys put they aren't looking for something serious on their online profiles. Sometimes these people still message me even though my profile is clear about wanting a relationship. These guys are worth giving a chance. I also get a lot of messages that just say hi how's it going or mention something about my looks which I rarely reply to. I am much more likely to respond if they ask me a question or make comments pertaining to the things I mentioned in my profile. Should I give these guys a chance and respond to their messages if their profile looks interesting or should I just weed them out? These guys are not. They will have got someone else to write their profile and after many attempts to give them a chance I can tell you its juts not worth it. Keep your boundaries up and your red flag antenna turned on. Keep looking in RL as well. OLD is just one of many tools to meet men.
kendahke Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 Another thing is quite a few guys put they aren't looking for something serious on their online profiles. Sometimes these people still message me even though my profile is clear about wanting a relationship. I also get a lot of messages that just say hi how's it going or mention something about my looks which I rarely reply to. I am much more likely to respond if they ask me a question or make comments pertaining to the things I mentioned in my profile. Those guys didn't read your profile. They saw your pictures and that's as far as they got. Should I give these guys a chance and respond to their messages if their profile looks interesting or should I just weed them out? Weed them out. If they're not looking for anything serious and you are, what's the point? You both want different things.
SwordofFlame Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 I much prefer to meet up quickly and text briefly before meeting. You learn more in two seconds of meeting than endless phone conversations or texting. Also, 20 dates over 3 years is nothing. As for guys ignoring your profile or giving lame messages, that is extremely common. Focus on guys who have profiles that express desires for a future that align with yours. Go out and meet a LOT more people... Eventually one will click. That is my approach to online dating. I usually ask to meet after 3-5 messages and do something like drinks or coffee. Just make up an excuse to bail early if you clearly know it's not going somewhere.
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