could i get her back?

[jabba9]

My girlfriend broke up with me out of the blue the other day. We have been going out for a year.

 

Im not sure if it would qualify as an LDR as we lived 75 miles away from each other. The drive typically took 2 hours , though.

 

After 7 months together she wanted me to move in with her. She also has two kids. I agreed to do it and i started looking for a job in her area. I was sending my resume out but not having much luck getting call backs.

 

Recently i could tell the distance and the drive was really started to bother her. I think she thought i wasn't trying hard enough to get out there. A few weeks ago she said it was physically and emotionally exhausting and she didnt know how much longer she could do it.

 

Just last week she told me she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me. But two days later she broke it off. She said she wasn't as in love with me as she used to be. Were all the i love you's she would say to me just a lie? It was very confusing.

 

In the same conversation she said she would come to my house and get her things and that we should return the keys to each others places that we have. She said it would be best if I wasn't there when she does this.

 

I'm devastated to say the least. I still can't get over the shock of it. Against my better judgement i was texting her the next day and asking for answers. All she could basically say was that she's sorry for hurting me and she feels horrible about it.

 

A day went by with no contact and then she texted me and asked how I was doing.We chit chatted over text about what we were both doing for halloween. Later that night she texted me that she cares for me and misses me and that she's not heartless.When she texted that i thought there was a possibility that the door wasn't completely shut on the relationship. But then later on it was more texts about how she is sorry she hurt me and it was never her intention.

 

If she picks up her things and takes back her key does that mean the door is completely shut?

 

im going to go NC for awhile. Im feeling a bit crummy for not trying harder to move there. Is 1 year too long for that kind of relationship to last? When she asked me at 7 months to move in i thought at the time it was rushing things.

 

Just the other day she said that the thought of not having a future with me scares her. Then she goes and breaks it off.

[madjac74]

Tell her not to bother coming to get her stuff. You will have them shipped to her.

[jabba9]

Tell her not to bother coming to get her stuff. You will have them shipped to her.

 

why? I have no problem with her coming to my apt to get her stuff.

[emi]

Well, if she want to be in a relationship with you, she would be. This is not a relationship anymore since the second she said she wanted to end it with you.

You should have some backbone and tell her all in or all out.

If u intend to apply NC, then do it properly. No contact means no texting, no meeting, no whatsoever.

She made a choice, let her live with the consequence. Even you want her back, feel like there is possibility to get back together, etc.. Dont fall for this trap. U need to think long and clear here... The only way it may happens is when she told actually so

[Lois_Griffin]

Stop being such a damned push-over.

 

You've been jumping around like a trained seal trying to move heaven and earth to pick up your life and your career and move it out toward her. Instead of appreciating it, she's acting like a spoiled brat and throwing a tantrum because you didn't do it fast enough.

 

Instead of respecting yourself and standing up for yourself, you're trying to kiss her ass and worm your way back into her good graces. It's crystal clear that you WANT her to come to your place to pick her crap up so you can beg her for another chance. You're sitting there blaming yourself because "you could have tried harder" to find a way to move out there.

 

What it really sounds like is she's looking for someone to move in and help her with her bills and her kids. When you didn't do it fast enough for her liking, she slammed the window shut. Don't be surprised when you find out she's shopping for another guy she can groom to move in and help her. Don't be surprised, because it's going to happen.

 

BOTTOM LINE - if she truly loved you, she wouldn't DUMP you simply because you couldn't move out there within a certain timeframe that pleases her. Don't you SEE that? People who truly love others DON'T dump you for that reason. They can get frustrated about it. They can feel helpless or hopeless that it's never going to happen, they can be depressed because it hasn't happened YET, but they don't dump you.

 

You don't realize it yet, but you've dodged a HUGE bullet.

 

Something tells me you're going to beg her to give you more time then you're going to go nuts canvassing her area trying to find ANY job you can. You'll get one, you'll move out there, and you'll find out that it isn't quite the Happily Ever After you expected and you're just there to make her life easier.

 

You'll see.

[jabba9]

Stop being such a damned push-over.

 

You've been jumping around like a trained seal trying to move heaven and earth to pick up your life and your career and move it out toward her. Instead of appreciating it, she's acting like a spoiled brat and throwing a tantrum because you didn't do it fast enough.

 

Instead of respecting yourself and standing up for yourself, you're trying to kiss her ass and worm your way back into her good graces. It's crystal clear that you WANT her to come to your place to pick her crap up so you can beg her for another chance. You're sitting there blaming yourself because "you could have tried harder" to find a way to move out there.

 

What it really sounds like is she's looking for someone to move in and help her with her bills and her kids. When you didn't do it fast enough for her liking, she slammed the window shut. Don't be surprised when you find out she's shopping for another guy she can groom to move in and help her. Don't be surprised, because it's going to happen.

 

BOTTOM LINE - if she truly loved you, she wouldn't DUMP you simply because you couldn't move out there within a certain timeframe that pleases her. Don't you SEE that? People who truly love others DON'T dump you for that reason. They can get frustrated about it. They can feel helpless or hopeless that it's never going to happen, they can be depressed because it hasn't happened YET, but they don't dump you.

 

You don't realize it yet, but you've dodged a HUGE bullet.

 

Something tells me you're going to beg her to give you more time then you're going to go nuts canvassing her area trying to find ANY job you can. You'll get one, you'll move out there, and you'll find out that it isn't quite the Happily Ever After you expected and you're just there to make her life easier.

 

You'll see.

 

im actually not going to be there when she gets her stuff from my place. So, I'll disagree with you there. Also, the best way to get her back is not to confront her and beg for her to take me back. The best way and only way is to go NC and give her the space she needs. If during that time she realizes she made a mistake and misses me too much then that is my only chance.

 

 

People responding aren't privy to the inner workings of the relationship. You my be right about her intentions. But the distance put an enormous amount of strain on the relationship and i think she just hit her breaking point.

[Luke22]

Lois Griffin has a good point...you dodged a huge bullet. Your instincts were right about moving in after seven months. She has two children. That's a decision to not take lightly.

 

Give yourself credit. You did try. You began the job search and you drove countless hours back and forth to be with her. IMHO, one does not dump someone they love for the reasons you stated.

 

If she is going to pick up her stuff and leave the keys, let her do it. IF you can control yourself and not be there. If this is a way to have contact, I agree with the previous member's opinion...ship it to her.

 

Go NC for you, not to get her back. The more time that passes, the more realistic you will view this relationship. She dumped you for petty reasons, what would her actions be when something significant happens down the road? You have seen a glimpse of how she handles stress...not a good reaction.

Edited November 4, 2015 by Luke22