blue_jay_bird Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 I was at a Halloween party as the new girlfriend. I didn't know anyone and was nervous. I'm a big girl ...but through out the night I noticed my boyfriend was talking to the girl in the blonde wig. He was so close to her and getting drunk and loud. I was getting pretty lonely so I went to bed. He followed me to the room ... I said, nothing is wrong. I went to bed. I don't want to sound like a insecure jealous girlfriend. But, I felt so alone that night. It's not like anything is/was going to happen with this girl. It was the attention... I told him I was sad. but I want to talk to him. but I don't know what to say. Or if I'm just being insecure.
thecrucible Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 Did he talk to you during that night? I know how you feel as I once had a boyfriend who would flirt with other women in front of me and it felt horrible. I think any girl would be if it was their boyfriend. When your boyfriend asked you what was wrong, you should have just told him.
Author blue_jay_bird Posted November 2, 2015 Author Posted November 2, 2015 I didn't want to come off as insecure and start something. But I didn't say anything. He can talk to girls if he want to as I can talk to guys. But, no. He didn't really give me attention. I felt alone. How should I tell him?
thecrucible Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 I didn't want to come off as insecure and start something. But I didn't say anything. He can talk to girls if he want to as I can talk to guys. But, no. He didn't really give me attention. I felt alone. How should I tell him? If he wasn't paying you attention at all, it sounds like it's more about that than the girl in question. I would feel alone as well. I guess you can explain to him that you don't expect to be joined at the hip but you wanted to spend more time together and felt lonely. You can explain all this in a non-accusatory and calm manner and see how he responds. 1
Zippy2000 Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 He's allowed to have his own life too. I'd say don't come across as too needy. Us blokes find that off putting. What you should of done is speak to other men there. See I'd he picks up on that 1
losangelena Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 I didn't want to come off as insecure and start something. But I didn't say anything. He can talk to girls if he want to as I can talk to guys. But, no. He didn't really give me attention. I felt alone. How should I tell him? I would probably tell him that it made you feel alone and neglected. He may not have been purposely trying to exclude you, but that's how you felt. How long have y'all been dating? It doesn't matter if you're a "big girl," and she was wearing a blond wig. He's YOUR boyfriend, and that entitles you to have needs and wants. I know it can be a fine line between acting out of some insecurity and stating a legitimate hurt, but I'd say err on the side of speaking up for yourself, if only to not let resentment start to form. 2
thecrucible Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 He's allowed to have his own life too. I'd say don't come across as too needy. Us blokes find that off putting. What you should of done is speak to other men there. See I'd he picks up on that Yeah I don't think he was necessarily doing it deliberately. I think some men are very social and will naturally expect their lady to be busy socialising as well. So I understand what you are saying. I was in a similar situation to the OP once and I felt uncomfortable as my boyfriend at the time was practically ignoring me while putting his arm around another woman and it really upset me. There's nothing wrong with talking to another woman at all- it just depends on what vibe you get from the interaction.
Author blue_jay_bird Posted November 2, 2015 Author Posted November 2, 2015 (edited) We have been dating for four months. I don't know. I don't want to come up insecure. I don't want to flirt with other men to get my boyfriends attention. I just didn't feel right. I can only compare this to other relationships. and I remember laughing together and joking together. I just remember him talking to her and me sitting here alone thinking I'm I here. Not playing the game at the table. It was multiples of 7 game. ..or something. Can't he tell I'm not having a good time. I mean . He was laughing and well I was invisible. Edited November 2, 2015 by blue_jay_bird
angel.eyes Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 Context is key here. Was he talking to different women (people) randomly all night?Or did he spend an inordinate amount of time focused on this one woman to the exclusion of you and every other woman in the room? If it were the latter, there's nothing needy about stating the obvious. I don't do that to guys I date out of respect for them...i assume you don't do that either. In the same vein, you shouldn't expect to be treated that way when you socialize together. You sound as if you don't have the best self worth. It wouldn't occur to me to worry about seeming needy or insecure. This is simply about sharing your expectations, concerns, and what you find acceptable...or not.
preraph Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 You don't know what the relationship is there. Could be she's a buddy -- or not. It's done. I'd wait until next time you do something like that and tell him before hand you'd appreciate it if he'd not leave you alone because you feel awkward, not really knowing anyone. If he doesn't tend to you well and at least circle around frequently, between visiting with others, you just might not be a good fit.
angel.eyes Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 We have been dating for four months. I don't know. I don't want to come up insecure. I don't want to flirt with other men to get my boyfriends attention. I just didn't feel right. I can only compare this to other relationships. and I remember laughing together and joking together. I just remember him talking to her and me sitting here alone thinking I'm I here. Not playing the game at the table. It was multiples of 7 game. ..or something. Can't he tell I'm not having a good time. I mean . He was laughing and well I was invisible. On the other hand, I don't see it as his job to entertain or baby sit you all night. It's a party! The point is to mingle and meet the people there. If you only want to socialize with him, then don't go out to party. Do something for two instead.
Versacehottie Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 ooh, tough one. Well you have to be careful. A lot of guys will be turned off by girls that feel insecure at a party. That's no excuse for him to not act like a gentleman and your bf. I'd be excited to show my new bf how social I am and how I easily I make friends--but not everyone is that outgoing and even for outgoing people sometimes the party just doesn't have that vibe or it's an off night. Plus things kind of spiral downward once you feel a certain way and then it's backed up by more and more evidence. I think you need to talk to him and realize he's still getting to know you and your comfort levels with certain things; however in the meantime you have a standard of what you find to be acceptable and like him bc his previous behavior up until that night was as a good bf and a gentleman, but that you felt it was lacking last night. I would also cop to your faults of being a little sensitive and maybe needing just a little help before you totally were managing on your own that night. And then remind him that your favorite person to be with is him and that you would have liked a bit more of that. See if you can come to a compromise where he agrees to be more sensitive and chivarlous and you less sensitive. Then next time do it. Just because you like each other and may be falling in love doesn't mean there aren't things to negotiate, still learn about each other, come to compromises about. It also won't mean that the other person will anticipate our every need or manage everything perfectly. As long as you feel he wasn't being disrespectful (in which case you should have called him out on it--although you still can), you just need to communicate who you are and your expectations and find out what his are. I do know couples who have broken up over this sort of stuff. Sometimes people's social personalities just don't mesh so you should find out if they will and try now before you get in too deep. Good luck
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