Aching Barry Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 Ive had to join this site as ive just broke things off with my girlfriend who I still love. We have been together for just over two years. When we met she was just over 2 months out of a 12year relationship with someone else and I had been single for about 8 years. She has two kids and lived 30 miles away. Long story short we have went through so many break ups and stress that we are both on anti depressants now. The stress is always there cause I can't move up to her area cause my work is where I lived so I moved in between. It hasn't helped and she says she can't move cause of the kids. Ive broke it off so many times because I just couldn't see our future working out and ive really tried. Bonding with her family and kids. I still love her but my heads a mess with it all. We just can't seem to get it right. Please help:-(
Kehv Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 You are in a very difficult situation and you want some kind of solution to the problem but the way I see it you have to make a choice: 1. Continue your life without her. 2. Continue your relationship with her like you are doing now (and probably get more stressed). 3. Quit your job and find a new job in her area so you can live together. None of these options are great, it depends how deep your love is for this woman. Is it worth quiting your job for her? Would you forgive yourself if you break up in the future (while you gave up your job)? I don't see any other way to get out of this situation you are in.
Author Aching Barry Posted November 1, 2015 Author Posted November 1, 2015 Thanks for the reply kehv. The reason I can't move is I have my own gardening business which ive built up the past 3 years and have put my heart and soul into it. Its my dream job after having so many unsatisfying ones. If it was just a normal job working for someone else I think I would of moved up with her ages ago. I just can't leave it. I tried the travelling back and forth to her but I was doing 100 miles a day. She said a long time ago that mem do that for the women all the time but I was mentally drained from it
Author Aching Barry Posted November 1, 2015 Author Posted November 1, 2015 I think ive no choice but to choose number 1
Kehv Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 OK Yeah that makes things a bit more difficult indeed. I understand she doesn't want to move because of the kids but what if there's no other way ? You are in a tough situation, wish I could come up with a great idea but I don't think there's a lot you can do if she doesn't want to move. I think you need to make a decision.
Author Aching Barry Posted November 1, 2015 Author Posted November 1, 2015 I just wished you would see this herself and admit it can't go further because of the way it is. It would make things a bit easier so we could both move out of this constant up and down stressed relationship. She is my first love I must add which is probably why I always stayed with her. She is a good woman and mother. Many times we just sat in silence with our heads in a mess. I just don't think relationships should be this difficult. I hope im right on that
Luke22 Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 Hey Aching. From what you have written, I can see three issues that are serious. 1. You've broken up several times already 2. This situation has effected your mood to the point of seeking help 3. You have stated that this relationship is stressful. All relationships have ups and downs. However, when the stress is constant and when the relationship causes sadness to the point of seeking help, perhaps it's not a good match. Its a tough decision. It's ok for you to take some time away from the relationship to figure out what is best for you. You both deserve to be happy. This doesn't sound like either one of you have been happy for a long time.
Kehv Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 No, relationships shouldn't feel like hard work. You shouldn't give up your dreams for a woman. The sooner you move on, the better. I know it's hard at first but it get's better in time. The woman I thought I was going to marry left me out of the blue 4 months ago (6 year relationship) because she thought she could do better and immediately dated another guy who has a better job than I do. Right now I'm starting to accept it and I'm trying to move on with my life. You will find another woman near you, be positive
JustAnotherLostLove Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 (edited) Regarding your dream job, and the importance of it, I can say this... No matter what you do, a job is a job. You may love your job, but it's still just a job. I say this because I've spent my entire life working towards where I am now. And just as I started to hit it off with my ex over 3 years ago, I*told her, I'm making a run at this career, so understand, you'll have to take the back seat for a while. And for a while, she did, but it took it's tole, and now she's gone. I realize now, that NOTHING is more important than love. And it took a loss like this for me to see that. It's because of her love, that I had the strength to get where I'm at in my career. And now that she's gone, I see everything for what it really is. Before her, I thought true happiness and a sense of purpose was acquired through career success... And I was incredibly wrong. Happiness is found through love, and living for someone else. Edited November 1, 2015 by JustAnotherLostLove 1
mightycpa Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 The reason I can't move is I have my own gardening business which ive built up the past 3 years and have put my heart and soul into it.Sell it. All businesses with established and regular cash flow are worth money. Or find a working partner who will buy in to your business and expand. Then live off the selling price and your savings while you build the next one.
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