isabellemarss Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 (edited) I have a guy friend who I'll refer to as C. He's really confusing. First of all, he currently has a girlfriend; they've been together for a little over a year. When we first met at school on February 2014, he'd talk and flirt with me frequently. I didn't think anything of it and I didn't flirt back. I was seeing another guy. Towards the end of the school year I didn't see him around campus a lot. During the summer we were both selected for an exclusive camp. I approached him excitedly and said, "Hi C! You got in too?" He nodded wordlessly. Before, he would always say hi and hug me. He was quite cold with me during the camp, even slightly rude sometimes. That stung because he was very chummy with everyone else. We were okay again a couple of months later (I told him I was hurt, that seemed to work), and he started dating someone, his current girlfriend. One time, when I told our friends how I always end up being the rebound, C piped up casually, "Well, I liked you before, but you didn't respond. If only you did, you wouldn't be saying this." Over the past few months, he began to flirt with me jokingly and joke about liking me or having sex with me. He'd try to hold my hand, attempt to kiss my cheek, etc. (he's generally a "touchy" person, but I don't respond well to his physical contact because that's just me). He'd joke about us being together in secret. He only does these things when we're alone or around our close friends. He seems to disapprove of me being with other guys. "You're gonna flirt with a bunch of guys again?", "Don't bother inviting me, you're going with one of your guys anyway", etc. He's suspicious of my guy friends. He'd bother me to no end if he assumes I'm dating someone. But during his birthday, he introduced me to his high school friends and encouraged them to talk to me. "So-and-so, isn't she pretty? She's single, go talk to her". At a friend's birthday I confronted him about his behavior and he simply told me I "wouldn't understand anyway", and the answer is "for me to find out". We had a long convo last night on the streets. It started with him asking me if I ever liked him before. I told him no, and he responded dryly and sarcastically "Oh, okay", "Is that it?", "Yeah, good to know", etc. I asked him, "Why are you disappointed? Why would you want me to like you?" He said, "Nothing, it's just to clear the air and have this discussed openly, and I wanted to know how you feel." I told him he's being unfair because he has a girlfriend. He said, "Silly, I'm asking about that time we met. You're thinking about now? You're really something else!" I asked him why "clear things up" when there's no issue in the first place. He dodged the question with the same "I just want to talk about it" response. I told him that normal friends don't ask each other stuff like this, and he told me we weren't normal friends. "I'm different from your guy friends, and you're different from my girl friends". Later he joked that if a guy tried to make a move on me he'd have him interrogated, tortured, and killed. He took it back and said "Of course not, I'd just support your decision." I asked him why he always bothers me about guys while my other male friends don't do that: "I'm just a more concerned friend than any of them." He's giving me a headache. I don't believe him because he always seems to be joking. Last night I told him that and he denied it. I think I might have feelings for him but that could be just him messing with my head. Edited November 1, 2015 by isabellemarss
preraph Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 Well, I think he likes you and goes about things in a very roundabout way which would certainly make me uncomfortable. Sounds like he'd like to know all the answers before he can muster himself up to just ask you on a date. I don't like that. On the other hand, he did get carried away and indicate he likes you. It shouldn't be this difficult to just get asked on a date, but if I were going to encourage him in any way at all, I'd tell him, "Wouldn't those things be more appropriate to discuss if you had ever asked me on a real date. Hint, hint."
loverboy69 Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 Sounds like you kinda like him too thus the long post. You say you act a little aloof with him. That's enough for some men who tend to be a little love shy to take a step back or to over think the situation which can cause awkwardness and hot & cold behavior to you. The first wrench in your story is the part where he introduces you to his guy friends as if he was trying to hook you up with one of them. Honestly most guys would never do this if they have romantic feelings for you. I said "most guys," because some of us are really that clueless when it comes to social graces. He sounds like he's a little awkward but in an endearing way. The second wrench is his girlfriend. If he's currently with her then he should be off limits with you and vice versa. We can't always help whom we're attracted to but we can control our actions. If he flirts heavy with you or gets touchy with you while maintaining a GF then it's a bit of a red flag in my opinion and something you need to consider. The bottom line: Men like him need a lot of encouragement. They'll continually dance around the topic driving themselves and any mutual crush of theirs up the wall with their erratic behavior. These guys aren't purposely trying to cause any drama but they tend to lack a bit in the self esteem department and need very clear deliberate signs that you are interested before they muster up the courage to ask you out properly. Be careful though: Even if he does like you it doesn't mean he'll accept your advances should you make your case clear or admit to harboring mutual feelings. Please let us know how things turn out.
Author isabellemarss Posted November 2, 2015 Author Posted November 2, 2015 Well, I think he likes you and goes about things in a very roundabout way which would certainly make me uncomfortable. Sounds like he'd like to know all the answers before he can muster himself up to just ask you on a date. I don't like that. On the other hand, he did get carried away and indicate he likes you. It shouldn't be this difficult to just get asked on a date, but if I were going to encourage him in any way at all, I'd tell him, "Wouldn't those things be more appropriate to discuss if you had ever asked me on a real date. Hint, hint." I'm kind of scared of doing that because I might have misunderstood the whole thing and then he'd turn me down. There were things that he "couldn't tell me about" during that late night talk we had, and I hope I'll find another opportunity to get him to say something that I'm completely unaware of. Sounds like you kinda like him too thus the long post. You say you act a little aloof with him. That's enough for some men who tend to be a little love shy to take a step back or to over think the situation which can cause awkwardness and hot & cold behavior to you. The first wrench in your story is the part where he introduces you to his guy friends as if he was trying to hook you up with one of them. Honestly most guys would never do this if they have romantic feelings for you. I said "most guys," because some of us are really that clueless when it comes to social graces. He sounds like he's a little awkward but in an endearing way. The second wrench is his girlfriend. If he's currently with her then he should be off limits with you and vice versa. We can't always help whom we're attracted to but we can control our actions. If he flirts heavy with you or gets touchy with you while maintaining a GF then it's a bit of a red flag in my opinion and something you need to consider. The bottom line: Men like him need a lot of encouragement. They'll continually dance around the topic driving themselves and any mutual crush of theirs up the wall with their erratic behavior. These guys aren't purposely trying to cause any drama but they tend to lack a bit in the self esteem department and need very clear deliberate signs that you are interested before they muster up the courage to ask you out properly. Be careful though: Even if he does like you it doesn't mean he'll accept your advances should you make your case clear or admit to harboring mutual feelings. Please let us know how things turn out. Haha, you're quite right. I like someone else, but let's just say that C has caught my attention after he pretty much guilt-tripped me about turning him down before and said that I wouldn't be complaining about useless guys if that didn't happen. Maybe he's just trying to manipulate me and it's working, idk. Hmm, interesting points, but he doesn't seem to have low self-esteem. He's actually very popular and charismatic. He's an athlete and a student leader. Whenever we talk about personal issues, he's mature and doesn't come across as having low self-esteem. So I'm not sure if his self-esteem is the issue here. Maybe he's just messing with me just because he can. Why he has to pick me of all people, I don't know. I actually have another friend similar to him who jokes about liking me and has admitted that he almost had a crush on me if I wasn't dating somebody else at a certain point. But the reason why he's not a problem to me at all is that: 1) He talks to me about girls 2) I talk to him about boys, and he doesn't show undue disapproval or "jealous" behavior 3) He also flirts with his other friends as a joke C is none of those things and that's where it gets a bit bothersome.
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