NEVER tell a woman you lack success in dating??

[Male]

I dont understand why many women instantly black-ball a guy if he admits that he has trouble getting dates? Without even giving the guy a chance, or taking 5 mins to judge the guy themselves, they just automatically assume he is damaged goods, and either friend-zone him, or dismiss him altogether.

 

I think a lot of women just like to hear that other women are attracted to you as well. If you make any mention that they could possibly percive that you lack success with women, it seems as if that flips a switch in most of their brains, and all of a sudden they lose all interest.

 

They also instantly label the guy as having no-confidence. That is so unbelievably unfair, and annoying to boot. There could be plenty of other reasons why a guy A doesnt get as many dates as guy B. But just automatically assuming the guy has no confidence is flat out wrong.

 

Most women dont believe this but typically the men that have the biggest self-esteem issues are the men that sleep with lots of women, or that cheat a lot. But in our F*cked up society many women label those guys as "having game". And the regular guy that doesnt live his life based on picking up women gets laughed at by women, and labeled as having no confidence.

 

I never lie to women about my dating woes. If she doesnt like it that obviously shows me her lack of maturity, her lack of intelligence, and her lack of taste in men.

[joseb]

Nothing wrong with not living your life based on picking up women!

 

But if you say you have "trouble getting dates", well yes, that will make you look bad.

 

Would you go to a job interview and say oh I'm surprised you interviewed me, noone else will, and I don't think im really that good at the job?

[d0nnivain]

When you tell a woman who has just agreed to go out with you that you have trouble getting dates, what she hears is that she is an idiot with bad taste for dating you.

 

 

It's a matter of not leading with your flaws.

 

 

Rather spin it in your own head as she has the rare good sense to see what other's missed about what a catch you are.

[basil67]

Why would you even tell a new date that you have had trouble getting dates? I agree with the poster who compared it to job interviews

[PrettyEmily77]

Most ppl like the idea that they got chosen specifically for who they are, and that they are the 'special one', not that they are the only viable option at that moment in time.

[GravityMan]

Those guys need to stop caring and thinking about "having trouble getting dates". I mean, why even bring that up? There are tons of other more interesting things to talk about on a date. Stop living in the past...you're not dating the past, you're dating the woman currently sitting across the table from you. Live in the moment.

 

I agree with the women who feel that a guy "admitting" that he's struggled with dating is a guy who lacks self-confidence. Confident guys who have had past difficulties will put that stuff out of their mind...in other words, they get over it. Dating "struggles" are minor compared to some far more serious difficulties that a person may encounter in life.

 

OTOH, if the guy and woman are already in a long-term secure relationship and his "unsuccessful" dating past comes up naturally in the context of the larger conversation and/or story, then that's probably okay. Even then, it shouldn't be embarrassing or anything; it would just be an unimportant minor detail not worth dwelling on - and then you two continue on with whatever the conversation was about.

[endlessabyss]

Every heard of hypergamy?

 

 

Brah!

[Wewon]

I dont understand why many women instantly black-ball a guy if he admits that he has trouble getting dates? Without even giving the guy a chance, or taking 5 mins to judge the guy themselves, they just automatically assume he is damaged goods, and either friend-zone him, or dismiss him altogether.

 

I think a lot of women just like to hear that other women are attracted to you as well. If you make any mention that they could possibly percive that you lack success with women, it seems as if that flips a switch in most of their brains, and all of a sudden they lose all interest.

 

They also instantly label the guy as having no-confidence. That is so unbelievably unfair, and annoying to boot. There could be plenty of other reasons why a guy A doesnt get as many dates as guy B. But just automatically assuming the guy has no confidence is flat out wrong.

 

 

Two things:

 

First agree with you and have notice this myself, admitting to having relationship problems will often get you viewed in the "something must be wrong with him" camp faster than anything.

 

Second, this isn't exclusive to women. Everybody has some concerns when they hear that a person is having consistent problems with the opposite sex. They may be a little different from men and women, but they are still there.

 

I flat out admit, if I were dating again and I met a woman that made a issue of her relationship problems, I would be more leery of her in ways that some would call unfair.

[Male]

Two things:

 

First agree with you and have notice this myself, admitting to having relationship problems will often get you viewed in the "something must be wrong with him" camp faster than anything.

 

Second, this isn't exclusive to women. Everybody has some concerns when they hear that a person is having consistent problems with the opposite sex. They may be a little different from men and women, but they are still there.

 

I flat out admit, if I were dating again and I met a woman that made a issue of her relationship problems, I would be more leery of her in ways that some would call unfair.

 

Talking about relationship problems, and simply saying you havent had much success dating is two totally different situations.

 

I have heard some women admit that they havent had a lot of success getting dates, and the first thing that comes to my mind is "Wow...she is attractive, what is wrong with those guys"? I dont instantly label her as a loser or someone that has no confidence. But when you switch roles, most women do instantly label men.

 

Leave the "relationship problems" out of it....totally different topic.

[Wewon]

Talking about relationship problems, and simply saying you havent had much success dating is two totally different situations.

 

I have heard some women admit that they havent had a lot of success getting dates, and the first thing that comes to my mind is "Wow...she is attractive, what is wrong with those guys"? I dont instantly label her as a loser or someone that has no confidence. But when you switch roles, most women do instantly label men.

 

Leave the "relationship problems" out of it....totally different topic.

 

I guess we all have our opinions.

 

My point being, talking about short comings with the opposite sex is tricky business and not exclusively a female thing.

 

Its always best to put your best foot forward.

[Male]

I guess we all have our opinions.

 

My point being, talking about short comings with the opposite sex is tricky business and not exclusively a female thing.

 

Its always best to put your best foot forward.

 

I understand putting your best foot forward...but wheres the fine line between stretching the truth/lying in order to look more appealing vs being honest?

 

Most people will always lie in said situation, even though they probably wont even admit it on an anonymous forum like this.

[newmoon]

i don't think you have to tell women anything... we can know. you either come across as someone who can get dates, or who doesn't have much experience. you can't hide experience levels imo

[lgspot]

I'm pretty honest if I'm going through a bit of a slump.

I've had some pretty awesome "wing woman" help fill my dating card.

As far as dating sites, most everybody stretches the truth (or their height:)).

Once I meet a lady, then it's all on me----and I'm good with that.

Take me or leave me.....

[Male]

i don't think you have to tell women anything... we can know. you either come across as someone who can get dates, or who doesn't have much experience. you can't hide experience levels imo

 

Well I personally dont want women to see me as "that guy" that gets dates. I'd rather have a woman be interested in me for other reasons.

[Taramere]

I dont understand why many women instantly black-ball a guy if he admits that he has trouble getting dates?

 

It might be because we often add a script, in our heads, to things men tell us.

 

So you might say..."I have trouble getting dates"

 

She might hear "I have trouble getting dates, so I figure I have to lower my sights. Therefore here I am talking to you! See that really hot woman over there? Really, if I had the balls and the confidence, I'd be there hitting on her. However, I totally realise she's out of my league. But I figure that you're not. Low hanging fruit is what I should be aiming for. Maybe once I build up my confidence, I'll go after something a bit better."

 

https://lessonsfromanea.files.wordpress.com/2013/04/slamming-the-door-o.gif

[Male]

It might be because we often add a script, in our heads, to things men tell us.

 

So you might say..."I have trouble getting dates"

 

She might hear "I have trouble getting dates, so I figure I have to lower my sights. Therefore here I am talking to you! See that really hot woman over there? Really, if I had the balls and the confidence, I'd be there hitting on her. However, I totally realise she's out of my league. But I figure that you're not. Low hanging fruit is what I should be aiming for. Maybe once I build up my confidence, I'll go after something a bit better."

 

https://lessonsfromanea.files.wordpress.com/2013/04/slamming-the-door-o.gif

 

 

And obviously since many men lie, and lack open communication when women talk to them, it forces many women to rely on making assumptions or maybe educated guesses, so I understand how it can get misconstrued.

[Taramere]

And obviously since many men lie, and lack open communication when women talk to them, it forces many women to rely on making assumptions or maybe educated guesses, so I understand how it can get misconstrued.

 

You could give the same message in a different sort of way. "There aren't that many people I really click/connect with" is essentially saying the same thing - but it's likely to create a very different dynamic whereby she's likely to feel special that you connect with her (rather than suspecting that you're settling for her).

[road]

Talking about relationship problems, and simply saying you havent had much success dating is two totally different situations.

 

I have heard some women admit that they havent had a lot of success getting dates, and the first thing that comes to my mind is "Wow...she is attractive, what is wrong with those guys"? I dont instantly label her as a loser or someone that has no confidence. But when you switch roles, most women do instantly label men.

 

Leave the "relationship problems" out of it....totally different topic.

 

 

 

 

Not getting dates is a relationship problem. The relationship can not be started. That is the relationship problem.

 

 

No matter how hard it is to get a date no man should ever tell the girl he wants to date that. There is no reason to bring up your past dating history or ask about her's.

[joseb]

 

I have heard some women admit that they havent had a lot of success getting dates, and the first thing that comes to my mind is "Wow...she is attractive, what is wrong with those guys"?

 

Yeah I'd probably have the same thought initially.

But I bet that it would soon be followed, perhaps subconsciously, by the thought of what's really wrong with her.

 

OP, you don't have to flat out lie at all even if you have trouble getting dates. You just don't focus on it. I've never actually been on a date where the other person has said something like "I have trouble getting dates". I've been on a few where they talk about past date disasters (not sure its a great idea but still) but it's in a humorous way.

And I've been with women who admit to not having been with anyone in a few years, but they don't make it out to be a big negative. It didn't bother me at all, but it might have if they said something like "I have trouble getting someone to sleep with me"!

[xxoo]

This is a case where the absolute truth can be perceived in different ways, and your perception says more about you than the raw number of dates and relationships you've had.

 

"I've had a difficult time getting dates," says you are feel your dating life is out of your control, and that you maybe haven't been able to connect with someone you really want (and therefore are dating your 3rd, 4th, or 5th choice...or even last choice).

 

"I'm selective and haven't found the right connection," says that you feel your dating life is in your control, and that you are reserve your attention for your 1st choice.

[Mrlonelyone]

Don't pour your heart out with people you just met. If you have been dating a woman for a while and you confide that you had trouble before her and then she turns on you..... to heck with her.

[Toodaloo]

I don't have trouble getting dates. I have trouble getting dates with the right sort of men.

 

Massive difference.

 

If I were that way inclined I could get laid every day of the week by different men.

 

I get offers every day.

 

SO I think its how you project yourself. Instead of saying you can't get dates how about you can't get dates with the right sort of women?

 

For what its worth I just had a sneek peek at the paid OLD site I was on where no one would talk to me. Made me laugh as all the same men who didn't want to talk to me are still there over a year later. Poor them missing opportunities!

Edited November 2, 2015 by Toodaloo

[Male]

I don't have trouble getting dates. I have trouble getting dates with the right sort of men.

 

Massive difference.

 

If I were that way inclined I could get laid every day of the week by different men.

 

I get offers every day.

 

SO I think its how you project yourself. Instead of saying you can't get dates how about you can't get dates with the right sort of women?

 

I understand the play on words, but technically its still lying.

 

Its obvious that women want to size a guy up when they ask "have you dated anyone since your divorce"....or sometimes its "have you had any serious relationships since your divorce".

 

I guess a good answer would be "I've met a few women, but have been enjoying the single life, spending extra time with friends and family".

 

 

For what its worth I just had a sneek peek at the paid OLD site I was on where no one would talk to me. Made me laugh as all the same men who didn't want to talk to me are still there over a year later. Poor them missing opportunities!

 

Yea, I've noticed the same thing with many of the women in my area. A lot of them were there when I first joined, and many of them are still there today. Theres obviously a large percentage of people that are so picky that they may never find anyone.

[Odinani]

Most ppl like the idea that they got chosen specifically for who they are, and that they are the 'special one', not that they are the only viable option at that moment in time.

 

Exactly. I had a date tell me something similar and it was such a turn-off. It made me ultimately decide to never go out with him again.

[sambolini]

Well I personally dont want women to see me as "that guy" that gets dates. I'd rather have a woman be interested in me for other reasons.

 

I personally think cultivating a little sense of "Yes, I can get dates when I want them" is a good thing. It shows that you are considered a guy who's in demand and who has confidence.

 

Look, you can't tell if you're going to love the person on the first date. Getting the first date is step one. There are a million days after that where you can prove you're "not that guy". But denying yourself something that could increase your chances of getting that first date is, I believe, a little self-defeating.