Any chance I will ever hear back from him in life? or does he hate me?

[HansonGirl]

I recently sent an email to a guy i dated a few years back who i cannot stop thinking about. I felt compelled to email him because I kept having dreams about him. When we dated I couldn't understand him, and He was an a@#h0le. he even admitted to being one. But he's fully capable of being a good guy, and he wasn't completely terrible. And my reaction to how i perceived him at the time was inappropriate. I was an ice queen to him and completely ruined ANY chance of improving the relationship. I still liked him but I was full of pride and had an ego, and memories of my past. I mean so did he. But i think if i were more "forgiving" we could've seen if there was something there. for instance he actually contacted me one time to say he doesn't like me, he likes someone else. I assumed he was telling me the truth, and i was very hurt at the manner in which he did this, but it evidentally wasn't true because he kept wanting to come around and felt hurt by ME. I had defriended him on facebook prior to that and it hurt his feelings. and after he "dumped" me he wouldn't leave me alone, but it was too late because he was dead to me, or so i'd try to make myself believe. I was very mean and rude to him after that, and based onmy behavior there was no chance. I was downright abusive. One time i recall, i worked up the nerve to tell him that i liked him, and he responded in a manner i thought was mean (at the time) and said he didnt want a relationship. I ran away and he apologized. then i didnt see him for days, and when i did, i was nervous around him and embarrassed, because i felt rejected, but he came up to me and asked why i am giving him the cold shoulder. I couldn't look him in the eye because he kept staring at me. i was just too scared to look him in the eye because we were at a bar and i didnt want to hook up with him, but he left early with two friends, and i later found out that he was really upset about it and he felt snubbed.

 

My recent email said that I was sorry for how i treated him, and i'm sorry it took so long to say it. And i just (after sending my email) found out that he is dating a girl, and in their pictures he looks so happy. I had no idea he was dating this girl and if i knew that I would never have emailed. But he never responded anyways. I wished he would have responded. Now I have no idea what he thought. But i suppose that is selfish of me and i should just be glad i sent it for karma reasons. :-/

 

any thoughts. does he hate me? I think at the time i was so convinced that he was a bad person, the idea of him being hurt by anything i did was ridiculous but i had found out through other people that i did hurt him. :-( meanwhile i was so concerned about protecting myself from him. now i feel like he thinks i am a weirdo or a bad person and he has moved on with his life without me, and i am still thinking about what could have been. i know that ain't healthy. i know i can move on, but this keeps creeping back into my mind. maybe now that i have emailed him, it'll be easier to move on now...

what are your thoughts? what does he think about me? I have never met a guy who treated me in such a weird way, so that's why i acted so weird... i have also been very hurt prior to this.

[travelbug1996]

Maybe you were being mean to him because he was an ******* and you knew you would never be able to trust him.

 

Move on. He clearly has.

[HansonGirl]

Maybe you were being mean to him because he was an ******* and you knew you would never be able to trust him.

 

Move on. He clearly has.

 

yeah i know. i just can't figure out why i always revisit thinking about it. i mean it seems like it's always between other guys that i go back and think about this one. maybe i was suffering a guilty conscience because i know that wasn't my typical MO , and perhaps it wasn't because i've never met anyone who acted that way before, which would mean you are right. i guess i just was doubt myself. I see him with other people and see that he can have relationships, but maybe that's because those girls didn't treat him the way i treated him.

i have a friend who was with a guy who treated her like dirt but based on what she told me i know that i'd never have been with that guy for as long as she put up with him, and i'd give him 'the cold shoulder' way early on. they were "together" for a year though and even though i'd know about how she felt hurt and was very unhappy, the interspersed periods of when she was happy like when he'd give her flowers and take her out for valentine's day, things like that, and she must be way more forgiving than i am because i would not be able to "get over" the way he treated her , and i would say he was far worse than this guy was to me. but then again maybe that's why i am usually single longer and other people are in relationships. i mean i sort of felt like at least she was in a relationship. i wasn't.

 

In a nutshell: i think i tend to doubt myself after things like this because i feel like maybe i am being unforgiving and intolerant. like i have no idea if other women are putting up with crap. i just tend to go with my gut sometimes