Guyouthere Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 So evidently the one I asked out last night, who played "nice and calm" was really a 2 face. My friend/coworker who I am good friends with there, said that the "woman" I asked out politely had come to her and another and complained she was "being hit on", and that she "handn't been back in that sort for a long time for just that reason". Well, evidently some other coworker there was really obnoxious to her (according to what she said). So me asking her out evidently "brought back memories" of what some other guys did to her. I was told the lady she complained to went to my boss too, but I saw my boss today and he said nothing about it. My boss knows I am a good guy, they also know the crap I went through with this last lady. My friend/coworker who told me this today, said that this "incident" would qualify as "sexual harassment" of a customer. Lets not forget all I did was ask her out for a coffee. I doubt anything else will be mentioned about this, as I said, boss didn't say a word about it to me today, and I saw him often as I always do. So much for this country,,, Makes me think I should have just remained with the last one. Why not, they are all nuts anyway.
CalvinM Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 (edited) She wasn't interested in your advances. Youre not at work to hit on women or to bring up your fondness for whips and chains. I'm guessing the coworker gave you a heads up, because your boss was probably annoyed he lost a customer. Tread lightly Op. You're replaceable, customers aren't. Edited November 1, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 7
scorpiogirl Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 The only surprising thing about this is that it took this long for a complaint to be laid. I have told you, as have others that what you're doing is inappropriate. Your reaction is typical though. Blame the women. 5
J21 Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 Is this the one that had the boyfriend? I dont know man, not to knock you, but I don't think it's appropriate to ask out someone (even to just coffee) during work hours. Always keep the personal and professional life separate.
xcupid Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 And that is why you should separate workplace/business and personal life. Too messy. Too easy to be misinterpreted. Too much drama.
Author Guyouthere Posted November 1, 2015 Author Posted November 1, 2015 No, not the coworker I mentioned in the last post. I did see her today as well, we chat normally, but no "dating" stuff, and as said, she is currently with a guy for his money anyway. The one who told me this today is a really good friend I have there, she is really sweet and actually met her current husband as a customer. They have known each other for many years now (so much for those who say is wrong to mix pleasure and work). I'll also remind you that there are many people who come in and we talk about all types of things, including their lives. I deal with mostly an older crowd too, and (as also said by me) too in the past, they also tend to be a "better quality folk" as well (older generation was generally raised better). This one was just a B (coworker described her as such). Evidently she just had a "flashback" coz of the guy who did make her feel really bad in the past. (I get subliminally associated in her head with some past event I was't even part of). Evidently this woman wasn't too normal herself. They lose customers all the time there from staffing issues, so they wouldn't care anyway, trust me. And by the way, as said before as well, I get many women who flirt with me and have been downright physical too (like the one who grabbed me and dragged me while saying she wanted to take me home). There are just all kinds out there. I had some customer actually pulling things off the shelves and throwing the items on the floor while screaming he couldn't find something, made a BIG scene in there. Good and bad out there, but overall this area does not have quality people, especially this time of the year when they begin coming from up north. It shows.
GemmaUK Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 My friend/coworker who told me this today, said that this "incident" would qualify as "sexual harassment" of a customer. Your co-worker is correct. The boss delegated the responsibility for telling you to your co-worker. Take responsibility for your actions being inappropriate. 2
Author Guyouthere Posted November 1, 2015 Author Posted November 1, 2015 well i think it a very sad case if society can even make an issue of something as simple as asking someone out nicely for cup of coffee. No wonder the USA is so messed up.
MovingOnIsHard Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 well i think it a very sad case if society can even make an issue of something as simple as asking someone out nicely for cup of coffee. No wonder the USA is so messed up. As an employee, it would be best to conduct yourself in a professional manner by not openly flirting and asking your customers out. Like c'mon! Most people are there for one reason and it's not to find a date. There is a time and place for everything and the workplace is not the place to find dates. Try a meetup meeting instead.
Author Guyouthere Posted November 1, 2015 Author Posted November 1, 2015 As an employee, it would be best to conduct yourself in a professional manner by not openly flirting and asking your customers out. Like c'mon! Most people are there for one reason and it's not to find a date. There is a time and place for everything and the workplace is not the place to find dates. Try a meetup meeting instead. Tell that to the women who go after me. lol
scorpiogirl Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 Tell that to the women who go after me. lol This is your problem. They're not going after you! 2
Author Guyouthere Posted November 1, 2015 Author Posted November 1, 2015 This is your problem. They're not going after you! grabbing my arm and pulling me and telling me they are taking me home…. i believe,,,, would qualify as such lol
GemmaUK Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 grabbing my arm and pulling me and telling me they are taking me home…. i believe,,,, would qualify as such lol Nope, it really doesn't. You work in the hardware section, people who shop in there are looking for a product to 'fix' something. Women will mess about and banter and do just exactly what you've posted above just as banter. It doesn't mean she fancies you at all. I posted before that I go into my hardware store in flirt mode so that I get decent help - simply because it works. This is a common thing to do amongst women in that type of store/situation. Thankfully the guys at my local store are all professionals and absolutely 'get it' 1
J21 Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 (edited) well i think it a very sad case if society can even make an issue of something as simple as asking someone out nicely for cup of coffee. No wonder the USA is so messed up. Tell that to the women who go after me. lol I find it odd you see nothing wrong with what you did, and shift the blame to the entire "USA as being messed up" or blame the "women who go after me". In your mind, it's everyone's fault except your own. Your actions were not welcomed or appropriate--those are the cold hard facts. You can twist it in your head all you want, but that's not the reality. Not one person here agrees what you did was appropriate or disagrees with the complaint filed by the customer. There is nothing wrong with asking someone out for coffee--however, it is definitely inappropriate to ask out a customer when you are working. Edited November 1, 2015 by J21 1
ExpatInItaly Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 well i think it a very sad case if society can even make an issue of something as simple as asking someone out nicely for cup of coffee. No wonder the USA is so messed up. Your actions would be considered out of line in many other countries too, including where I reside now. Keep your professional and private spheres separate, and be more accountable for your behaviour. Trying to justify and make excuses only exacerbates the situation. 1
katiegrl Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 (edited) I find it odd you see nothing wrong with what you did, and shift the blame to the entire "USA as being messed up" or blame the "women who go after me". In your mind, it's everyone's fault except your own. . Interesting and very astute observation! What is also interesting is that the OP has been so quick to label his ex, and others, narcissistic.... when the very behavior describied above ^^, which he exhibts, is indicative of narcissism as well. Something to consider and think about anyway Guyouthere... introspection is a good thing. Edited November 1, 2015 by katiegrl 1
GemmaUK Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 Your actions would be considered out of line in many other countries too, including where I reside now. Agreed, it's the same in the UK too.
BLND Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 The common denominator between this post and the one before is in both cases, the women are to blame. You blamed your co worker for hitting on you, when she clearly mentioned she has a boyfriend thus being absolutely not interested in you. And you blame a customer for saying she's taking you home. You even went as far as to say these women are lowlife and low quality. When in all honesty, so far, the only person that's looking absolutely delusional is you. 2
Author Guyouthere Posted November 1, 2015 Author Posted November 1, 2015 Interesting and very astute observation! What is also interesting is that the OP has been so quick to label his ex, and others, narcissistic.... when the very behavior describied above ^^, which he exhibts, is indicative of narcissism as well. Something to consider and think about anyway Guyouthere... introspection is a good thing. I dont blame the USA for all of the problems, but it is most certainly clear, this society as a whole is very much more self centered and selfish than most other places out there. Even my ex wife said the same thing (she was from Brasil). Many others have also agreed. There is nothing wrong with asking someone out, at work or anyplace else. To think there is, is only a result of a lot of the caring most people have for each other. After all, I by no means acted like the guy who really did insult her. And as said, people do it all of the time, including my coworker friend. Only difference is she is a female who was decent. Evidently that woman I asked was just s bad apple (and/or mental case herself). Yes, I will do it again, there is nothing wrong with it.
Author Guyouthere Posted November 1, 2015 Author Posted November 1, 2015 The common denominator between this post and the one before is in both cases, the women are to blame. You blamed your co worker for hitting on you, when she clearly mentioned she has a boyfriend thus being absolutely not interested in you. And you blame a customer for saying she's taking you home. You even went as far as to say these women are lowlife and low quality. When in all honesty, so far, the only person that's looking absolutely delusional is you. who said i blamed the woman wanting to take me home? I thought it humorous and quite flattering. I "enjoyed" that to a degree. The coworker with a boyfriend,,, yes she was interested in me. She still asks me personal questions to this day. I saw her yesterday. I keep my distance because I know what she is now.
LoveMachine67 Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 There is nothing wrong with asking someone out, at work or anyplace else. Evidently that woman I asked was just s bad apple (and/or mental case herself). Yes, I will do it again, there is nothing wrong with it. Wrong Wrong Wrong! Listen to yourself man.. Never sh*t where you eat. That is a place of business, which also happens to be where you earn your paycheck. In what alternate reality would you ever think it's acceptable that ANY female customers would okay with being approached by you to "have coffee"? If your GF or wife went to the grocery store, how would YOU feel when they returned home and tells you that a stock clerk asked them out for "coffee"? Continue your way of thinking at your own peril, and you will be "Guy-Out-There" standing in the unemployment line....
Author Guyouthere Posted November 1, 2015 Author Posted November 1, 2015 Wrong Wrong Wrong! Listen to yourself man.. Never sh*t where you eat. That is a place of business, which also happens to be where you earn your paycheck. In what alternate reality would you ever think it's acceptable that ANY female customers would okay with being approached by you to "have coffee"? If your GF or wife went to the grocery store, how would YOU feel when they returned home and tells you that a stock clerk asked them out for "coffee"? Continue your way of thinking at your own peril, and you will be "Guy-Out-There" standing in the unemployment line.... how would i feel? I wouldn't care coz I trust my gf or wife (or should be able to). I would think it boost her self esteem and be happy, and honestly I would see it as VERY inappropriate if my wife/gf took a step to complain about a guy doing so PROVIDED he wasn't disrespectful to her. IF he was, then she would most definitely have the right and should most definitely make a complaint/say something. I wasn't disrespectful to that woman whatsoever. I was "grouped" together with the last guy who was. And that is not my fault. It is her "issue". Im sure my boss asked exactly what I said,,, and of course all that was said was what I told you I said. He had nothing to say about the incident.
GemmaUK Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 He had nothing to say about the incident. Because he delegated it to your co-worker. Your boss (nor even your co-worker) should have to tell a 49 year old man that whilst at work asking a customer out is completely inappropriate.
Author Guyouthere Posted November 1, 2015 Author Posted November 1, 2015 I just thought of this too… just realized this……. And something I know my friend knows….. That I am looking for a relationship. So even if this woman moves in, we will "all" be living in a house here, my "date coming over, etc." Thats going to make it very awkward. Bringing a date over and have the roommate here too? another female? My gut tells me that this woman is not looking for just a cohabitation. But as said, I need to "interview" her to know more. And will.
LoveMachine67 Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 Because he delegated it to your co-worker. Your boss (nor even your co-worker) should have to tell a 49 year old man that whilst at work asking a customer out is completely inappropriate. ^^^^^ Does your employer not provide annual Ethics Training? 1
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