Luci Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 We have been dating for 3 months and everything was perfect, he has been the sweetest guy and I really like him but yesterday I met his friends. First he told me to seat on his lap so I did and he was holding my hands, kissing me and hugging me all the time but then he started to talking about sex with me in front of his friends. He suggested that we where going to have sex and then in the party that we went he did the same in front of all his guy friends, he was also touching me (discreetly) I am 19 and he is almost 21. Guys usually turn like this when they are with his friends? I am very sad and I am not taking his phone calls because right now I am so confused and I do not understand why he did that to me. Please give me an advice.
Author Luci Posted November 1, 2015 Author Posted November 1, 2015 What did you say to him about how he acted? At the end of the night he was drunk so it was impossible to talk. I didn't speak with he or his friends. Then we went to his house because it was very late and we agreed that I was going to sleep in his house. Te next morning I told him that I was hurt and he was ashamed. Now I am not answering his messages but is being hard because I really like him.
kendahke Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 (edited) Eventually, you're going to have to talk to him about how his behavior made you feel if you want to keep him around. For me, this would cause me to take a huge step back from him. If you consider what goes on between you two to be just that--between you two--then he's going to have to agree that flexing in front of his boys has got to go--and that the next time he does that, it's over between you two. There is a song by an artist named Sippie Wallace whose title I'm going to paraphrase for him: "Dude, don't advertise your woman". You don't talk to your friends about what is going on, intimately, between you and your boyfriend/girlfriend. That's just rude and immature. Now, he's let his friends know a side of you that was none of their business, but now he's made it everyone's business. Not. Good. At. All. How does one face these people now that your boyfriend has told them all what you two do sexually? Who's going to be the first of his frenemies to step to you because of what he said? If he was drunk when he did this, then perhaps he needs to stop drinking since he can't keep his mouth shut. Edited November 1, 2015 by kendahke 1
Buddhist Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 (edited) We have been dating for 3 months and everything was perfect, he has been the sweetest guy and I really like him but yesterday I met his friends. First he told me to seat on his lap so I did and he was holding my hands, kissing me and hugging me all the time but then he started to talking about sex with me in front of his friends. He suggested that we where going to have sex and then in the party that we went he did the same in front of all his guy friends, he was also touching me (discreetly) I am 19 and he is almost 21. Guys usually turn like this when they are with his friends? I am very sad and I am not taking his phone calls because right now I am so confused and I do not understand why he did that to me. Please give me an advice. Sounds like he has exhibitionist tendencies. If you're not into that better get a different boyfriend. It's a kink and....he wants to show you off. Also both of you are practically still children in terms of emotional maturity. Take Kendahke advice if it bothers you but also don't expect him to change on a dime. This could be a case where you need to walk if it's not to your liking. Edited November 1, 2015 by Buddhist 1
KatZee Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 I personally don't like this. There's having a fetish, and then there's being completely disrespectful. I think your boyfriend falls into the latter category. When you have a fetish, you don't just spring it on your partner, especially one as public as "exhibitionism." You don't just go out in public and start fondling your partner in front of friends, you don't just sit there while he talks about when/where/how you're going to have sex. He doesn't sound like an exhibitionist, he sounds like an immature loser desperate for attention from his friends, and just wants bragging rights that he's banging a chick and they're not. I dabbled mildly with exhibitionism years ago, and when we BOTH participated in it, the people around us were unaware, WE were the only two people that knew what was going on, it was something for US to experience, not just walking around bragging to other people. If he has a true fetish, the right thing to do is tell you about it and ask if you're comfortable with it, you're clearly not. I personally would not be comfortable dating this kind of person either, nothing you two do will be private, and honestly it sounds like he wants you around for the show of it. This is not normal behavior, this is not what boyfriend's do the FIRST time you meet their friends. I've had many boyfriends throughout my life and none of them ever "turned this way" around their friends. 5
TaraMaiden2 Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 How many of his friends were there? Did any of them have their GFs there? How many ladies were present? See, if you were the only girl there, he was showing off his prowess and parading you as a sexual conquest, which is incredibly rude, immature and utterly unacceptable. Had I been you, I wouldn't have stood for that kind of talk form the outset. I would have said to him "Come with me, a minute".... and got off his lap... then away from his friends, I would have wiped the floor with him.... As it is, I agree with Kendahke; You ARE going to have to confront him about this at some point, but you're right to not engage with him for a day or two. I think that alone sends a good clear message to him that you are definitely NOT best pleased! 2
Author Luci Posted November 1, 2015 Author Posted November 1, 2015 How many of his friends were there? Did any of them have their GFs there? How many ladies were present? See, if you were the only girl there, he was showing off his prowess and parading you as a sexual conquest, which is incredibly rude, immature and utterly unacceptable. Had I been you, I wouldn't have stood for that kind of talk form the outset. I would have said to him "Come with me, a minute".... and got off his lap... then away from his friends, I would have wiped the floor with him.... As it is, I agree with Kendahke; You ARE going to have to confront him about this at some point, but you're right to not engage with him for a day or two. I think that alone sends a good clear message to him that you are definitely NOT best pleased! There where other girls at the party but I didn't know them. Then he took me outside wit his friends because they were going to smoke and that was when he started with the inappropriate comments, there were just guys and maybe like 6 of them. I really don't understand because he doesn't look like that kind of guy at all, he has been doing a lot of sacrifices for me and I though that he was perfect.
stillafool Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 You rewarded his behavior by sleeping over. You should have made him take you straight home. Is he going to be your ex now? 2
No Limit Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 He doesn't sound like an exhibitionist, he sounds like an immature loser desperate for attention from his friends, and just wants bragging rights that he's banging a chick and they're not. This. Had a guy friend - had - who behaved like this too, and even got to the point where he annoyed everyone he knew was single (guys as well as girls) with lines like "Hey, why are you single? Can't find anybody? Maybe you and x should just hook up eh?"
KatZee Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 There where other girls at the party but I didn't know them. Then he took me outside wit his friends because they were going to smoke and that was when he started with the inappropriate comments, there were just guys and maybe like 6 of them. I really don't understand because he doesn't look like that kind of guy at all, he has been doing a lot of sacrifices for me and I though that he was perfect. You can't know the full extent of who a person is in a mere three months, let alone be able to call him "perfect." You haven't yet seen him in all scenarios and unfortunately, you've just learned of another aspect of who he is. This is the part where you establish your boundaries and let him know that you are not comfortable with that type of behavior, you don't appreciate being touched, and spoken sexually about in front of his friends, and you won't tolerate it again. If he gets angry or gets defensive, I'd walk. Because that means he doesn't think what he did was wrong and he's not going to stop. But honestly, I wouldn't even be comfortable sleeping with him anymore, or doing anything with him. Who knows what he's running back to his friends and saying. 1
CosmicGate7 Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 is the OP serious, you're actually asking if it's okay if your boyfriend belittles you in front of friends? Wow just wow no OP, the answer is not. I wouldn't treat my dog like that, much less a potential girlfriend. 2
TaraMaiden2 Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 There where other girls at the party but I didn't know them. Then he took me outside wit his friends because they were going to smoke and that was when he started with the inappropriate comments, there were just guys and maybe like 6 of them. I really don't understand because he doesn't look like that kind of guy at all, he has been doing a lot of sacrifices for me and I though that he was perfect. Darling, anybody that age is never, ever perfect. He has plenty of growing up to do yet, by a long chalk. Look; his brain isn't even fully-developed yet. Neither is yours, admittedly, but there are some spheres of the male brain which develop more quickly and efficiently than those of the female brain, and some in the female brain which do likewise... Emotionally speaking, he's still about 2 or 3 years "behind" you. He WILL catch up. But not for a few years... I think things pan out around 25 or so.... He's a dolt, and a tactless twit... 'Sacrifices' don't mean diddly-squat if he talks about you in such a disrespectful way in front of other guys. And to have done it outside, with no other ladies present, was a calculated move on his part, you have to understand that. He made sure he had a suitable audience ready. Had just one other lady been there, I promise you, he would have kept his trap shut. Keep him at arm's length for a couple of days, then make contact, but ensure you let him know in no uncertain terms that what he did was utterly unacceptable, and he owes you an apology. But you should really decide for yourself whether you can live alongside someone with the emotional age of a pubescent teenager.... 1
kendahke Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 I though that he was perfect. There is no such thing. He's human, prone to imperfection. 1
avintagegirl Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 First he told me to seat on his lap so I did and he was holding my hands, kissing me and hugging me all the time but then he started to talking about sex with me in front of his friends. He suggested that we where going to have sex and then in the party that we went he did the same in front of all his guy friends, he was also touching me (discreetly) No matter how perfect or sweet you think he has been, this is not ok. It is 100% disrespectful to you, and no woman deserves to be treated this way. He was being a jerk and trying to show off. This man regardless if he says he cares about you, he does not respect you. You said he was too drunk at the end of the night to talk about his behavior - to me that is another red flag. I think it is best to show this boy the way to the door. You deserve better. He may whine and think you are being uptight because you are calling him out, but honey, you don't need his opinion. You want to surround yourself in this life with those that respect you and love you. If this boy cared anything of you he would have more respect for you. I have had men treat me this way I showed them the door. I never regretted the choice.
stillafool Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 Is he going to be your ex now? Of course not!
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