Piddle Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 Basically that. What's the best way to tell a guy that you'd be open to him asking you out if he wants to? Would a major hint like 'I'm looking for a boyfriend' (I'm thinking of saying in conversation 'my coming new year's resolution is to get a boyfriend') go down well / would a normal guy who likes the girl take the hint? Or would he think it was ambiguous and be unsure that that was a hint to him. Or would a straight up 'have you ever thought about us being more than just friends? Because I have' be better? Or would the guy prefer to have a hint and then take it up himself if he wants. I'm so totally, completely useless with men. If it wasn't for alcohol I'd never have had a boyfriend And this guy I like is a non drinker so that's not going to happen
ExpatInItaly Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 Basically that. What's the best way to tell a guy that you'd be open to him asking you out if he wants to? Would a major hint like 'I'm looking for a boyfriend' (I'm thinking of saying in conversation 'my coming new year's resolution is to get a boyfriend') go down well / would a normal guy who likes the girl take the hint? Or would he think it was ambiguous and be unsure that that was a hint to him. Or would a straight up 'have you ever thought about us being more than just friends? Because I have' be better? Or would the guy prefer to have a hint and then take it up himself if he wants. I'm so totally, completely useless with men. If it wasn't for alcohol I'd never have had a boyfriend And this guy I like is a non drinker so that's not going to happen Do not say this. It makes it sound like a project and a tad on the desperate side. In my experience, men who like you and are not overly shy will make a move or drop a clear hint if they like you as more than a friend. Do you get that vibe from this guy? 1
Author Piddle Posted October 31, 2015 Author Posted October 31, 2015 Do not say this. It makes it sound like a project and a tad on the desperate side. In my experience, men who like you and are not overly shy will make a move or drop a clear hint if they like you as more than a friend. Do you get that vibe from this guy? I think I get the vibe... It's my useless record with guys so if I'm honest I don't know :laugh: I can think of times he could have dropped hints but then he could have been being friendly. So I don't know. I thought the only way of finding out for sure was to do something like that. What hint would you drop?
katiegrl Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 I think I get the vibe... It's my useless record with guys so if I'm honest I don't know :laugh: I can think of times he could have dropped hints but then he could have been being friendly. So I don't know. I thought the only way of finding out for sure was to do something like that. What hint would you drop? How about "hey, wanna go grab a coffee with me after work today"? If he says yes, then when you're having coffee, use body language to reflect your interest. Not too obvious, but subtle. Mirror him... smile (sort of coyly), make good eye contact, ask questions and be a good listener, for starters... 5
Odinani Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 "I'm looking for a boyfriend" is not a good thing to say 5
Author Piddle Posted October 31, 2015 Author Posted October 31, 2015 How about "hey, wanna go grab a coffee with me after work today"? If he says yes, then when you're having coffee, use body language to reflect your interest. Not too obvious, but subtle. Mirror him... smile (sort of coyly), make good eye contact, ask questions and be a good listener, for starters... We have grabbed coffee and dinner quite a bit ... :confused: But I know I haven't made it clear I like him - I'm not a touchy person so it's hard for me to suddenly playfully touch someone etc. I have no idea what's in his mind.
ExpatInItaly Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 Has has been touchy or flirty with you? If you've been out alone together a few times, I'd say there's probably some interest there. If you're not a naturally touchy person, you could try touching his arm or hand for emphasis while you speak. See how he responds.
Author Piddle Posted October 31, 2015 Author Posted October 31, 2015 I know I sound like a total idiot but all my relationships have started under the effects of alcohol. It's just that I'm so guarded around men (and people in general) that no guy has ever, ever made a move on me. With alcohol I feel secure in that if I jump on the guy and if they reject me I can be like 'it was the vodka' Normally what happens if I like a guy is wait for (and if) we're in a social situation and then I drink and jump This time though he doesn't drink so I literally do not know what to do and how to take it further. We have met up for coffees and dinners alone. But he could totally be just being friendly and making a social connection. There's so much room for misunderstanding signals, that it has made me think I have to say something bluntly or drop a hint that is so big that even the densest guy would get it. Any suggestions for what that hint / or what I should say would be totally appreciated :) Ps, even it isn't this guy any hints would work for future situations. It's not like I can rely on getting wasted every time I like a guy especially since I don't even like drinking anymore.
Versacehottie Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 Well dating is risks. You need to channel the flirty, more touchy side. And you can try to take things deeper emotionally by saying" have you ever thought about us being more than friends". People are different. But to me, I think it's easier to do the flirty-er, touchy, physical stuff and verbal flirting than present a direct question or statement like asking if he thinks about you as more than just friends. But if you're close or that suits your personality more, do that. Whatever you do don't ask the "boyfriend" question! 1
SwordofFlame Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 Well if the guy isn't getting your hints, then you may just have to tell him you like him.
Httm Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 Women fought hard for equal rights. Ask him out if interested. Stop with the games.
Imported Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 Straight up scares me most of the time since women that decide to go straight up leave little room for an easy ...not interested. Too much pressure. Don't like it. Flirt. If I don't flirt back, stop. 2
joseb Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 Basically that. What's the best way to tell a guy that you'd be open to him asking you out if he wants to? Would a major hint like 'I'm looking for a boyfriend' (I'm thinking of saying in conversation 'my coming new year's resolution is to get a boyfriend') go down well / would a normal guy who likes the girl take the hint? Or would he think it was ambiguous and be unsure that that was a hint to him. Or would a straight up 'have you ever thought about us being more than just friends? Because I have' be better? Or would the guy prefer to have a hint and then take it up himself if he wants. I'm so totally, completely useless with men. If it wasn't for alcohol I'd never have had a boyfriend And this guy I like is a non drinker so that's not going to happen OK, the boyfriend line is terrible - if I heard that I would think either 1. She wants my help to find a boyfriend. 2. She wants to call be a boyfriend before we even dated Either way it's not good. Especially the new year's resolution thing - it's like a commodity you need to add. You need need to be flirty, steer the conversation in that direction, be a little touchy feely. If he doesn't respond, then he's either not interested or completely useless. Either way, move on And do a little work on yourself so that you don't need to be pissed to be confident. I know a lot of people can be like that, but really, a lot of it is learned behaviour. 2
thecrucible Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 I like joseb's advice. I struggle with this too. I just tell myself that if a guy doesn't respond, it's no reflection on me. Most guys won't be asses about it, they'll just try and subtly show they aren't feeling it or they won't respond to your attempts. There's only one way to find out. At least by being clear you remove all doubts. I have to say I really admire a lot of guys for having the gumption to make moves. It's a bit of a shot in the dark sometimes. Not that I know anything but I definitely think telling a guy up front that you want a boyfriend is a bit too forward. I think the best way is to be flirty and playful, enough to let the guy know that he has a window of opportunity and that's his chance to pounce. If he doesn't take the bait, you certainly don't lose any dignity but the guy, unless he's totally dense, is going to understand that you're interested. 1
Httm Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 I like joseb's advice. I struggle with this too. I just tell myself that if a guy doesn't respond, it's no reflection on me. Most guys won't be asses about it, they'll just try and subtly show they aren't feeling it or they won't respond to your attempts. There's only one way to find out. At least by being clear you remove all doubts. I have to say I really admire a lot of guys for having the gumption to make moves. It's a bit of a shot in the dark sometimes. Not that I know anything but I definitely think telling a guy up front that you want a boyfriend is a bit too forward. I think the best way is to be flirty and playful, enough to let the guy know that he has a window of opportunity and that's his chance to pounce. If he doesn't take the bait, you certainly don't lose any dignity but the guy, unless he's totally dense, is going to understand that you're interested. This and the OP are all about playing games and reading tea leaves. You aren't invalids. Just ask the guy to go out some time. It won't kill you. guys have to do this all the time. Be a grown up.
thecrucible Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 This and the OP are all about playing games and reading tea leaves. You aren't invalids. Just ask the guy to go out some time. It won't kill you. guys have to do this all the time. Be a grown up. Believe me when I say I've tried that. If a guy is genuinely interested and I'm blatantly flirting with him, if he doesn't ask me out then he isn't interested or too chicken. I'm not interested in a man who's like that. Sorry. I've tested this theory out myself lots of times. I'm quite happy to initiate contact and walk up to a guy and start chatting with him, which should signal to him enough that I am interested in him. Saying that I'm also aware that just because he asks me out, it doesn't necessarily suggest he has much interest beyond asking me out. It depends.
joseb Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 This and the OP are all about playing games and reading tea leaves. You aren't invalids. Just ask the guy to go out some time. It won't kill you. guys have to do this all the time. Be a grown up. The thing is they have already gone out for coffee, etc. It's not progressed beyond that.
LilaMarie Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Since the majority of western males are betas...you better do all the work. You schedule the dates, you make the move, because betas are too insecure and afraid of rejection. They are like jellyfish...pointless.
Httm Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Believe me when I say I've tried that. If a guy is genuinely interested and I'm blatantly flirting with him, if he doesn't ask me out then he isn't interested or too chicken. I'm not interested in a man who's like that. Sorry. I've tested this theory out myself lots of times. I'm quite happy to initiate contact and walk up to a guy and start chatting with him, which should signal to him enough that I am interested in him. Saying that I'm also aware that just because he asks me out, it doesn't necessarily suggest he has much interest beyond asking me out. It depends. It is convenient that your solution is to stop doing what you've predetermined that you didn't want to do. If you want to find someone who appreciates direct communication and honesty, then it makes sense to be that way as well. Otherwise, you are just doing the typical, "well, he should know!" dance.
Httm Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Since the majority of western males are betas...you better do all the work. You schedule the dates, you make the move, because betas are too insecure and afraid of rejection. They are like jellyfish...pointless. Labels are generally worthless because it puts people into convenient, but unrealistic boxes. The world isn't so black and white. 1
katiegrl Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 (edited) It is convenient that your solution is to stop doing what you've predetermined that you didn't want to do. If you want to find someone who appreciates direct communication and honesty, then it makes sense to be that way as well. Otherwise, you are just doing the typical, "well, he should know!" dance. Personally, I am one of the most honest and direct people one could ever know. However, the truth of the matter is, when it comes to who does the pursuing (in the early stages).... it just doesn't get my panties wet when I do the pursuing. What can I say.... it just doesn't. I will flirt, tease, mirror, brush up against him, smile, laugh, etc....but I leave the pursuing to him.... in the very early stages. Once I feel confident he's into me....and it appears a RL is developing, then I do my fair share of initiating (and pursuing) as well. But in the beginning.... for me to respond positively to him, he pursues, I respond. That is what turns me on... And boy do I respond! He would have to be a complete moron NOT to know how into him I am... based on how I respond to him. I like strong, masculine, take charge confident guys (like my fiancé)...... those are the guys who excite me, and wet the panties.... presuming he's a good guy with all the other redeeming qualities I like in a guy... and we have great chemistry and connection. Conversely, for men, I am sure there are things about women and dating that excite them as well. It's all about what each of us responds positively to and what we don't. It's all about how we complement (not compliment) each other and bring out the best in each other. I am sure there are women who have no problem pursuing. Perhaps even enjoy that role. And ideally, the men they are pursuing prefer that too. Again, it's what we all personally respond to and how we complement each other in the best way possible... to bring out the best in each other so we can move forward together and develop a happy, healthy RL. Edited November 4, 2015 by katiegrl
new2dating123 Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 I am not very smart at reading small signals from women . I need a '' hay i like you '' can i spend some time with you type thing from the girl . Some people touch such as hand on an arm or back for a second , that tells me nothing . I want to hear ... i would like to see you more and spend some time together .
katiegrl Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 I am not very smart at reading small signals from women . I need a '' hay i like you '' can i spend some time with you type thing from the girl . Some people touch such as hand on an arm or back for a second , that tells me nothing . I want to hear ... i would like to see you more and spend some time together . And that's okay! You need a more aggressive girl. That is what works for *you*. Obviously you and I would never click, but there is someone for everyone. Again, someone who complements you (and vice versa) and brings out the best in you (and you her). Embrace the differences! To each his (or her) own.
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