justinje Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 Well its been three weeks NC. The first three days after the breakup I was really upset, but then the first week after I was almost fine. Sure I thought about her some but I had a list of things I was going to do, things I was going to start and I was excited about the prospect of doing some of the things I didn't when I was with her. And I was pissed, I thought I was better without her in my life. Then the last week + I've regressed some, the anger is gone and now I'm missing her more. But I've had a revelation, and I'm wondering if anyone else has realized this or what they did to mitigate it. While I do miss her and the conversations we had, the level of intimacy and understanding we had I realized that I am more scared of the fact that I know how rare finding that is. That I'm scared it will be a long while before I meet someone I'll feel that way about again. That I'm scared of going out and having to get to know someone new, either not liking them or them rejecting you, just the whole dating game. I'm 27, have had a fairly extensive and successful dating life, multiple long term relationships. So I know I'll meet someone again. But before this girl that just broke up with me it was almost 2.5 years previous to that that I had felt those strong emotional feelings for someone. There had been many girls in between but the level of feelings weren't there. Those fears coupled with missing her, and the breakup had almost 0 closure and in the middle of the convo I just stopped responding and haven't reached out since. Half of me doesn't want to hear from her, lets me form my own opinion of things, the other half of me wants to get a text from her to let me know she hasn't completely forgotten and that this hurt her as much as me. She said she cried more in the three days before she decided to end it than any time in the last 3 years.... Sorry for the book, just been having these thoughts and needed to get them out. Any advice, insight, or comments are welcome. Thanks guys. 1
jrode23 Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 Well its been three weeks NC. The first three days after the breakup I was really upset, but then the first week after I was almost fine. Sure I thought about her some but I had a list of things I was going to do, things I was going to start and I was excited about the prospect of doing some of the things I didn't when I was with her. And I was pissed, I thought I was better without her in my life. Then the last week + I've regressed some, the anger is gone and now I'm missing her more. But I've had a revelation, and I'm wondering if anyone else has realized this or what they did to mitigate it. While I do miss her and the conversations we had, the level of intimacy and understanding we had I realized that I am more scared of the fact that I know how rare finding that is. That I'm scared it will be a long while before I meet someone I'll feel that way about again. That I'm scared of going out and having to get to know someone new, either not liking them or them rejecting you, just the whole dating game. I'm 27, have had a fairly extensive and successful dating life, multiple long term relationships. So I know I'll meet someone again. But before this girl that just broke up with me it was almost 2.5 years previous to that that I had felt those strong emotional feelings for someone. There had been many girls in between but the level of feelings weren't there. Those fears coupled with missing her, and the breakup had almost 0 closure and in the middle of the convo I just stopped responding and haven't reached out since. Half of me doesn't want to hear from her, lets me form my own opinion of things, the other half of me wants to get a text from her to let me know she hasn't completely forgotten and that this hurt her as much as me. She said she cried more in the three days before she decided to end it than any time in the last 3 years.... Sorry for the book, just been having these thoughts and needed to get them out. Any advice, insight, or comments are welcome. Thanks guys. I can relate somewhat, though this was the first time I had ever felt this close/strongly about someone. I am 28 and my ex (25) of 15 months just broke up with me a few weeks ago, citing the fact that, while she still loved me, she just didn't see a future with me and that it wasn't what she felt would be fulfilling for her. This really hurt, as it was pretty out of left field and I had been very vocal about my feelings for most of the relationship. She knew how I felt about her and what I wanted and, though she is someone who doesn't express her emotions as freely/openly, she reciprocated these things numerous times. I know that she will probably never contact me again or look back. I wish she would, but I'm almost positive she won't. I went out on a date the other night, just to get back out there and try to enjoy myself. The girl was nice and the conversation flowed very smoothly, but it just wasn't the same. My ex and I really were a perfect match from a personality standpoint and the things we liked to do/enjoyed. That's what really makes it hard. I am very worried that I will never find anyone that I will click with as well as I did with her. We just understood each other very well and I felt like she was my best friend. It hurts that she, apparently, didn't feel the same way. And as easy as it is to say, "move on, there will be others," the notion of finding someone who can connect with me as well as she did feels bleak. 1
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