smackie9 Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 Man-child.....you dodged a bullet. Ignore him and move on. 1
xxoo Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 What is it, if he can't have me then no one can?. More like: he doesn't want to commit to you and prioritize you, but he's disappointed that you are moving on. 2
Versacehottie Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 But that's what I said to him. I asked why he was annoyed I was going on a date and he said "I just didn't think you would go on a date so soon". So I said "but you were the one who said you wanted to be friends, and I've tried to keep that up, but without sounding rude, I get nothing from you anymore. I am the one to initiate all contact, and I don't have the energy to do it anymore. You said you didn't have the time for me, so I cannot wait around for a guy who doesn't want me/isn't available". He never replied. You should have left it at the bolded first part AND MAYBE said: you said you didn't have time for me---I'm just living my life. I don't think you are being particularly shrill or reprimanding but the negative stuff is unnecessary to make your point and in his head he is justifying that he's making the right choice. It's implied with a positive, easygoing happy attitude. Like if you don't snap me up someone else will and you will need to step it up. I think he didn't reply because, to him, he is half justifying it because what you said and how puts him on the defense. You just tell him what YOU are doing. Especially since you two have already discussed the issue. Ok, well all you can do is wait and see. Go on the new guy date and have fun. And phewwww, eye roll, of course he's going to try to make you feel bad about how quickly you are on another date. You don't have to take it though. just ignore. You are dating; just like you were dating him. And i'd have to go back and re-read but that wasn't that long either. He's being delusional and you should take that with a grain of salt. It's an attempt at a guilt trip but it will only work if you react to it.
Ami1uwant Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 No, it's not that he "can't" give you the time you deserve.... he "does not want" to give you the time you deserve... If he wanted to , he would be! He had the time in the beginning, he has the time now. Just doesn't want to. Sorry. He's acting jealous about this other guy, making it seem like YOU are the *bad guy* here, because he feels guilty about dumping you, and would rather make you the bad guy to alleviate his own guilt. It's fairly typical, so don't read too much into it.... Have fun with this new guy and move on... JMO For the most part I agree...he has a job and 3 kids. If his job is a type that has large variations in work can matter. Fir summer the low season is summer then it picks up big time come October. Instead of working 7 hrs a day he now has to put in 10-11 hrs. On top of that and his kids. Now with the school year back up snd running he likely is involved with his kids and school so if one foes outside school activities he is involved in like watching his child play sports or be in a school play. He may be involved more with the kids and homework so 2 nights a week he either is going over to work with them or talking to them on the phone. The idea if he really lived you he'd make time is true to a point. He isn't sacrificing his career to date you. I don't know enough to know if it's something where you love him a lot more than he lives you.
chapter44 Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 That is just the dating process. Better to find out now that after you've become emotionally invested. If he can't commit now he probably isn't going to and you just need to move on. 3
Buddhist Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 I care because stupidly I'd rather still be dating him than someone else, but I can't continue to be messed around. I just can't work him out, 3 weeks ago I was with him and he said something that upset me and I started crying. (Stupid I know, but it was time of the month, and I can cry at the drop of a hat then). A few nights later, we went on a night out and whilst he was drunk he said to me "seeing you cry the other day, hit home to me how much I like you, and don't want to lose you". I asked him about this again, when he was sober, and he completely back tracked and said "I meant, I just didn't like seeing you cry". He makes me actually want to pull my own hair out. So frustrating!! Emotionally stunted, wide berth for that one. He just likes creating a drama rollercoaster to continuously assure himself that the other person is more invested in the relationship than he is. These guys are not worth a second thought. 1
Popsicle Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 (edited) I would stop engaging with him if I were you. OP, LISTEN to him—he's telling you everything you need to know. Yes, it's confusing and he says he cares about you and is sort of flip-flopping, but the thing he said, in bold, is what he really means. It can be hard, but women need to listen when a guy says he's too busy and can't give enough time. It sucks because you like him and he's giving mixed signals, but really, he's giving you the gift of freedom. Don't wait on this dude; go find someone else. This. Popsicle Edited November 1, 2015 by Popsicle
Popsicle Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 I wouldn't get too caught up in anger or blaming (yourself or him). He's just not ready. Accepting this and moving on will be the best thing you can do for yourself and him. 1
Popsicle Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 (edited) But that's what I said to him. I asked why he was annoyed I was going on a date and he said "I just didn't think you would go on a date so soon". So I said "but you were the one who said you wanted to be friends, and I've tried to keep that up, but without sounding rude, I get nothing from you anymore. I am the one to initiate all contact, and I don't have the energy to do it anymore. You said you didn't have the time for me, so I cannot wait around for a guy who doesn't want me/isn't available". He never replied. Lol because you TOLD him, girlfriend. Good for you! You did and are doing the right thing. Unlike some of the others in this thread, I don't think he's going to come around just because you're now seeing other men. I agree with the poster "chapter 44", if he doesn't commit now, he never will, but he WILL take up your time playing games. Edited November 1, 2015 by Popsicle
anika99 Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 I care because stupidly I'd rather still be dating him than someone else, but I can't continue to be messed around. I just can't work him out, 3 weeks ago I was with him and he said something that upset me and I started crying. (Stupid I know, but it was time of the month, and I can cry at the drop of a hat then). A few nights later, we went on a night out and whilst he was drunk he said to me "seeing you cry the other day, hit home to me how much I like you, and don't want to lose you". I asked him about this again, when he was sober, and he completely back tracked and said "I meant, I just didn't like seeing you cry". He makes me actually want to pull my own hair out. So frustrating!! Well this explains a lot. At first I couldn't understand why you are even still talking to the guy but now it seems that you are engaging and participating in this dysfunctional dance in the hopes of still snagging him. Why? He has shown you his immaturity and his fondness for playing mindf*ck games and yet you still think he is a catch? If you catch him then one day you will be posting on a board like this about how awful he is to live with or be married to, yet if you continue with this guy after he has already shown you exactly who he is then you will kind of deserve what you get.
Redhead14 Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 I've been dating this guy now for approx 3 months. In the beginning, everything was great. He would constantly text or ring me, we'd arrange dates and he would be the sweetest. I really enjoyed his company and we got on well and had a laugh together. Over the past 2 weeks or so, it's like someone has flicked a switch and he has just gone really distant with me. No more good morning texts, no more calls, and just generally off with me. We had a little disagreement, where it came out that he didn't have the time that I deserved, and was too busy for a relationship, and "busy at work". Massive red flag. I'm not idiot, and took this as a hint that he was no longer interested. He said he still wanted to be friends but he needed to get his head together before getting in a relationship with anyone. I have tried to remain in contact with him, but it is me constantly putting in all the work, but I'm tired and don't have the energy anymore. I have a date with a new guy next weekend, and somehow this guy has found out and is now sulking. He said "you don't waste anytime do you" and was "shocked" that I could go on a date so soon. I explained, that we were never officially in a relationship, and as he said he was too busy to see me or have a proper relationship with me, I cannot wait around in the hope that one day he will become available. I said I never hear from you anymore, I initiate ALL contact, and I don't have the energy for it. He is now proper in a sulk and I just don't understand it. What is it, if he can't have me then no one can? I don't really know what to do, I feel like smacking my head against a brick wall. You do know what to do and you're doing it -- going on dates with other people Let this guy go. He doesn't know what he wants -- besides having his cake and eating it too. That being said, it is not uncommon for a guy to pull away for a little bit when his feelings are getting deeper for someone. He may "come back" a little stronger now. So you'll need to decide if you like him enough to stick it out a bit longer with him. But don't wait, keep seeing others until this guy gets clear with you and himself. 1
salparadise Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 He is now proper in a sulk and I just don't understand it. What is it, if he can't have me then no one can? I don't really know what to do, I feel like smacking my head against a brick wall. Emotionally unavailable is my guess. Immaturity too. What to do... quite initiating with him and date other people. You didn't take him to raise, right?
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