LuckyxGuapa Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 I've been dating this guy now for approx 3 months. In the beginning, everything was great. He would constantly text or ring me, we'd arrange dates and he would be the sweetest. I really enjoyed his company and we got on well and had a laugh together. Over the past 2 weeks or so, it's like someone has flicked a switch and he has just gone really distant with me. No more good morning texts, no more calls, and just generally off with me. We had a little disagreement, where it came out that he didn't have the time that I deserved, and was too busy for a relationship, and "busy at work". Massive red flag. I'm not idiot, and took this as a hint that he was no longer interested. He said he still wanted to be friends but he needed to get his head together before getting in a relationship with anyone. I have tried to remain in contact with him, but it is me constantly putting in all the work, but I'm tired and don't have the energy anymore. I have a date with a new guy next weekend, and somehow this guy has found out and is now sulking. He said "you don't waste anytime do you" and was "shocked" that I could go on a date so soon. I explained, that we were never officially in a relationship, and as he said he was too busy to see me or have a proper relationship with me, I cannot wait around in the hope that one day he will become available. I said I never hear from you anymore, I initiate ALL contact, and I don't have the energy for it. He is now proper in a sulk and I just don't understand it. What is it, if he can't have me then no one can? I don't really know what to do, I feel like smacking my head against a brick wall.
Lois_Griffin Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 Your emotionally stunted man-child doesn't yet have the emotional maturity to engage in an adult relationship, so he ran and hid from you, claiming he just wanted to be friends. I would have told him I have enough friends. When you stop chasing him, he pouts even more. I'd so dump this immature loser. 3
Author LuckyxGuapa Posted October 31, 2015 Author Posted October 31, 2015 He was married for 10 years and has 3 kids! I think he's immature also, but I would hope that after being in a marriage and going through the highs and low's of having children and going through a divorce, would have made him mature a little. Clearly not!
losangelena Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 I would stop engaging with him if I were you. I know a guy like that. We went out a few times, he seemed to really be enjoying it, then all of a sudden he just vanished, and when I tracked him down, he said he felt bad and that he didn't want to be dating, etc, but that he still wanted to be friends. At that point I just left him alone. It took a few months, but he swung around and we do actually hang out now (as friends) from time to time. He's not like a friend with a capital F though, he's more like a little f friend. Then again, he never pouted about me going out with anyone else. That's just annoying. He sounds tedious, OP. I would not even waste my time. 1
Versacehottie Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 You did the right thing. Let him sulk and then see what he does next.
Vintage79 Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 My only question - why do you care what he thinks if you're moving on? Just ignore him and don't worry about it - women have responded this way to me several times - they ignore you, but once they find out you have something else they get all interested/active again...
truth_seeker Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 Sounds like he lost interest. You're doing the right moving on and he's looking like a sociopath complaining that you're seeing someone else. Cut your losses with this guy.
Author LuckyxGuapa Posted October 31, 2015 Author Posted October 31, 2015 I care because stupidly I'd rather still be dating him than someone else, but I can't continue to be messed around. I just can't work him out, 3 weeks ago I was with him and he said something that upset me and I started crying. (Stupid I know, but it was time of the month, and I can cry at the drop of a hat then). A few nights later, we went on a night out and whilst he was drunk he said to me "seeing you cry the other day, hit home to me how much I like you, and don't want to lose you". I asked him about this again, when he was sober, and he completely back tracked and said "I meant, I just didn't like seeing you cry". He makes me actually want to pull my own hair out. So frustrating!!
StBreton Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 (edited) This guy started a pace which he could not maintain. I'm sure he's busy with work and kids ... He's got a lot on his plate ... So after a fast launch with you ... He realized he can't keep up with himself. Relationships are a lot of work ... Especially new ones. Were you his first relationship post divorce? Some people forget what it takes to maintain ... This guy needs to go figure out who he is. Sorry this happened ... I'd next him. He's not ready, willing or able to be in the batters box. Just read your last post ...He wants to keep you dangling for when he wants to play with you ... He is a child. Ugh. You're setting yourself up for heartache if you stay. Hot cold push pull back forth Edited October 31, 2015 by StBreton 2
Author LuckyxGuapa Posted October 31, 2015 Author Posted October 31, 2015 He was with another woman post divorce for 2 years. Been single 10 months and then met me. I completely understand that looking after 3 kids and working full time will be stressful, but my argument is that, he has his kids 2 nights out of 7. What about the other 5? He made time for me in the beginning, still having 3 kids and a full time job, but now, 3 months later, still 3 kids and a full time job, he's "too busy" and "can't give me the time I deserve".
losangelena Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 He was with another woman post divorce for 2 years. Been single 10 months and then met me. I completely understand that looking after 3 kids and working full time will be stressful, but my argument is that, he has his kids 2 nights out of 7. What about the other 5? He made time for me in the beginning, still having 3 kids and a full time job, but now, 3 months later, still 3 kids and a full time job, he's "too busy" and "can't give me the time I deserve". OP, LISTEN to him—he's telling you everything you need to know. Yes, it's confusing and he says he cares about you and is sort of flip-flopping, but the thing he said, in bold, is what he really means. It can be hard, but women need to listen when a guy says he's too busy and can't give enough time. It sucks because you like him and he's giving mixed signals, but really, he's giving you the gift of freedom. Don't wait on this dude; go find someone else. 3
Author LuckyxGuapa Posted October 31, 2015 Author Posted October 31, 2015 That's fine, but then don't bloody sulk when I meet someone new. 1
Versacehottie Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 People do this (especially guys, sorry guys!). You are doing the right thing. You can't influence or explain it--you just have to let him go through it. The best thing you can do is show that you are moving on. He's sulking because he doesn't like that, doesn't want to lose you, wants things vague and the way it suits him. It backs him into a corner of making a decision to step up or not. It may be a real concern of how to juggle the time commitments, he may be unsure of his real interest, he may just be freaking out emotionally about getting serious with you or someone or if you've pushed the time or commitment part, he's pushing back and now doesn't like the result. You are doing the right thing. If I had a dollar for all the girls that have been through this exact thing.... Time will tell. There are no promises for what he will end up doing. But what you did is the best way to get him to decide. Let him sulk--don't try to fix that or even address it. That's his problem and you will be showing him he can get to you with bad behavior! Not something you want to encourage. Be nice and your best self when in contact. But show him you are going to keep moving unless he does something. Don't say it; show it! Like it sounds like you are doing. 4
losangelena Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 That's fine, but then don't bloody sulk when I meet someone new. But that's the part that you need to go ahead and let go of emotionally. Like Versace said, that's HIS problem, not yours. Brush your shoulders off, girl. Let him be his big baby self and pay no mind. 3
Versacehottie Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 But that's the part that you need to go ahead and let go of emotionally. Like Versace said, that's HIS problem, not yours. Brush your shoulders off, girl. Let him be his big baby self and pay no mind. The sulking should make you over the moon. It means you are affecting him. You should tease him about it. Act non-chalant. Now would be the time to remind him that "we are "here" due to his choice. If you let him be a baby and have it work on you, you will end up dating a baby. If you stay the course and unaffected by his bad behavior, you "might" get the guy you were dating that was tryng to impress you at the beginning back.
Author LuckyxGuapa Posted October 31, 2015 Author Posted October 31, 2015 But that's what I said to him. I asked why he was annoyed I was going on a date and he said "I just didn't think you would go on a date so soon". So I said "but you were the one who said you wanted to be friends, and I've tried to keep that up, but without sounding rude, I get nothing from you anymore. I am the one to initiate all contact, and I don't have the energy to do it anymore. You said you didn't have the time for me, so I cannot wait around for a guy who doesn't want me/isn't available". He never replied. 1
lilmissjava Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 His decision to not continue on with you. You were right in reiterating what he told you that he needed to get his head together. Do not feel bad or harbor any regrets where this boy is concerned (yes I mean boy, little boys pout and sulk when they don't get their way). As for not wasting any time moving on with your life, he expected some sort of chase from you. Stop all contact and keep dating. In the end, you don't need someone who plays such games like he does. 2
LoveRefreshed Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 *some men are babies. Fixed your title. Because we all love complete generalizations. Seems like his ego is bruised that you moved on so fast. I'd tell him too late. He had his chance. Then move on and go NC
Author LuckyxGuapa Posted October 31, 2015 Author Posted October 31, 2015 Sorry, yes, SOME men are babies 1
carhill Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 Yes, men can be babies, especially when the doctor snaps that latex glove on to check our prostate! In this case, the guy simply isn't into the deal and IMO needs some alone time rather than moving from marriage to relationship to dating. However, it's unlikely he will take that time so replacement will likely occur quickly. That's OK! Next!
Httm Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 That's fine, but then don't bloody sulk when I meet someone new. You shouldn't even be in contact with him anymore. You are CHOOSING to listen to him sulk. Block him and move on. If you won't then that is your choice. 2
Maggie4 Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 Fix your title again: Some men are weird babies. Aggravating. But we love them
katiegrl Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 He was with another woman post divorce for 2 years. Been single 10 months and then met me. I completely understand that looking after 3 kids and working full time will be stressful, but my argument is that, he has his kids 2 nights out of 7. What about the other 5? ***He made time for me in the beginning, still having 3 kids and a full time job, but now, 3 months later, still 3 kids and a full time job, he's "too busy" and "can't give me the time I deserve".**** No, it's not that he "can't" give you the time you deserve.... he "does not want" to give you the time you deserve... If he wanted to , he would be! He had the time in the beginning, he has the time now. Just doesn't want to. Sorry. He's acting jealous about this other guy, making it seem like YOU are the *bad guy* here, because he feels guilty about dumping you, and would rather make you the bad guy to alleviate his own guilt. It's fairly typical, so don't read too much into it.... Have fun with this new guy and move on... JMO 1
losangelena Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 Fix your title again: Some men are weird babies. Aggravating. But we love them Yeah, but it doesn't sound like there's much to love about this one.
xcupid Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 What you do is stop contact with this guy and move on. He's not available. He's told you he can't make time for you. Move on and find someone who will give you his time. 1
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