Tell me what stage of your break up are you in and how you are dealing with it

[TheLoveBelow92]

Well most people here have seen my story from here and understand where I am coming from, those who dont, you can check out my posts and threads, Its 4 months since my break up and my has it been a roller coaster of emotions that I never knew existed, This time last year I was so loved up for the first time in my life I felt like nothing could stop me from doing or achieving anything in life, Happiest ive been in my life but not the happiest I will ever be again.

 

Since my break I have been so full of emotion id compare it to shaking a bottle of champagne, could explode at any minute, for any reason. Not ever having experienced a broken heart or the feelings of whats to come. I was completely lost in the dark like many here searching for answers. I put so much emphasis on my ex since the break, I blamed her for all my pain, from loosing my job, my house my car and my friends. Watching someone you loved more than anything you ever experienced in life walking away from you day by day, week by week and month by month is the hardest thing I have ever done, Why? because I had no control and knowing there was nothing I can do crushed me more than I ever thought existed.

 

To where I am now. The Letting Go stage... My ex leaving me is not my fault and not hers, and she is not to blame for me loosing control of my emotions, I am, things didnt work out and I tried, but she moved on in life, What did I do you ask?... stayed right there behind her for almost 4 months watching her, waiting for her to come back and looking for answers or breadcrumbs. you get to one point after the break either sooner than me or after me but we all get there.

 

"Acceptance" Its Hard to accept something you never wanted to leave and that was my problem and still is but im working through it. you will read something on LS soon after a break up and you wont listen to it, weeks later or months you will read it again and think why couldn't i listen or understand it then, because you where not at that stage yet and thats ok. I have to accept everything the way it is, the fact she moved on and where im standing now. Its brutal to go from what made you the happiest to you ever been with someone to walking past like complete strangers. dont ever hide from your feelings because they will always come back.

 

I have to be ok with her not wanting to be with me anymore, I have to be ok If shes dating someone again. I just have no hard feelings anymore or trying not to, you just have to be ok with how things are its about self respect and respecting her too no matter how horrid the break, Life can be very hard sometimes and it will come after you and throw things in your face and you know what you have to do...Just be Ok with it. See the problem, break it down and tackle it and move to the next and eventually the sun will come back out and you will wonder where did the night go.

 

Hope this helped... Tell me your story?

Happy Halloween

[positivityonly]

Hey man,

 

I'm just about 2 months, I was a complete mess the first month, then at the 6th week things became more clear, I wasn't getting treated very well, I can do better. The whole first month was just daydreaming of her coming back and didn't think I'd move on for years, or ever!

 

Now at almost 8 weeks, I'm going out with new people and staying open minded, which is so new because my ex and I for 2 years only hangout with eachtoher and left all our friends, bad idea.

 

I have been in NC since doomsday, It was the hardest thing I've ever done but made me where I am today. It gets easier, never thought I could go actually a few hours or even half a day without thinking of her and I actually am.

 

Crazy what time and NC can do, and her actions speaks volumes. Were all here for eachtoher. Feel free to PM me whenever.

 

One love brother.

[jrode23]

I am 2 1/2 weeks out from my ex breaking up with me and it still hurts a lot. Some day are better than others, but I still think about her all the time and miss her immensely. She initiated NC and, after I kept reaching out to try to get answers, she blocked me on social media (after I unfriended her on Facebook). It has been 1 1/2 weeks since I implemented NC for myself.

 

Every day I hope I wake up to a text or some sort of communication from her. Every day I hope that she realizes she made an emotional decision based on other stressors and will come back to me. But, as the days pass, I realize that's probably just not going to happen.

 

I fear that I'll never meet anyone like her again. I have been out on a date since we broke up, just to experience that again and, while it was fun and friendly, it just wasn't the same.

 

I feel like no matter what I do or who I do it with, a huge piece of my life is missing. I had spent 15 months being with her and her group of friends most of the time. Now I feel like my world has caved in around me. Other than one or two friends who I still have in the area (who are somewhat available and not attached to a relationship all the time themselves), I have no one left outside of co-workers now and then.

 

The older you get (I'm almost 29), the more difficult these things become. I just wish she would come back. We had such a good thing.

[pointless]

Its been 5 hours since we said goodbye. I'm stuck in a hotel room.

I feel like I've been run over by a truck. I can't eat. I can't stop crying and smelling the pillow where he lay. We are trying NC for the second time and I'm so scared.

I feel like my whole world is caving in.

[Aching Barry]

Its not even been a day since I broke it off with her and my hearts killing me. I know hers is too. Love can be cruel sometimes-- I don't know what tomorrow will bring

[xpaperxcutx]

Im 11 months post break up. Things have gotten a lot better and I am living without him. I recently only started thinking about him because it's the holidays. It's also going to be my birthday in 2 days, so it's been a little emotional. But I have stopped thinking praying and wishing that he will come back for me. He left and he has been with his gf in the interim.

 

 

Sometimes things happen for a reason. And I have both stopped blaming myself and God for everything that has happened.

[bmajor]

I broke it off. I loved him, still do. He was wonderful to me in every way except telling the truth. Always seemed to be little untruths around every corner. I made excuses well because that's what we do. I stuck to NC until last night I responded to his email. He wanted to know if we could talk, that he's realized all his mistakes, but I'd heard this so many times before. I responded ..." It would take an act of God. I mean this literally not grudgingly. You don't do the things you did to someone you love".

I felt like blunt truth would be best but deep down I was hoping he'd maybe seek God for a hope for us... I'm hurting. I want him to knock on my door and change but deep down I'm afraid for this to happen. I'm tired of the pain. And honestly I'm relieved to not have to wonder who he's texting, what he's deleting, and what he's lied about today.

Thanks for letting me share.

[darkbloom]

10 months.

 

Still not all the way over it. Much better than the first six months. Those were rough.

[sweetwhispers]

Husband left 5 months ago.....been a rough week

[Salina]

My ex broke up with me some months ago. I had done a lot of thinking and had so much more I wanted to tell him to try and make it work but recently I found out he's got a new girlfriend. It's killing me on the inside, I feel heartbroken all over again. He's a wonderful man, absolutely, so I know she's very lucky to have him.

Accepting this is really freakin' hard at the moment. I'll get there eventually I guess....

[imtrying211]

Almost 7 months post breakup. Finally starting to accept this is my life now. Was a wreck for the first 4.5 months, crying every single day. Still have my moments of weakness, but am able to pull myself back to reality a lot quicker than before. Didn't think I'd get to this point, but still have a long way to go. I still love and miss him.....

[HowCouldShe]

About 5 weeks since she moved out. We were together for 2 years. October was an extremely rough month and I so looked forward to yesterday, Nov 1st...only to hurt extremely hard that day. She got the last of her stuff about 9 days ago and I got some semblance of closure (not totally, but probably the most I will get)...been NC ever since and have blocked her on FB. I will not beg and plead...I've told her what I've wanted to tell her... I took complete accountability for my part in the relationship ending but ultimately this was her decision so I figured instead of constantly chasing her and getting to a point where she ends up thinking I'm "needy" or "annoying" I'd leave her with somewhat of a positive remembrance of me. That I was a man who truly did love her but was too comfortable to see the changes that I needed to make. Therefore I'm respecting her decision to move on and leaving it alone.

 

 

I still think about her everyday and miss her like crazy. But I went out with a buddy of mine and had a drink for the first time since the breakup on Halloween. Felt good to get out, but like I said, the next day I had another set back. Just taking it day by day. I realize this holiday season is going to suck but if I chase her it will make it that much worse throughout the whole thing. She chose this path and she's the only one who can undo it. Which I doubt she ever will.

[NVO]

I'm in my sixth month now, and I think I've reached the acceptance stage for about two to three weeks. It all started with my new job that I really love and it makes me feel so happy to do that work with passion. I can say that I feel happy again although the void of my ex is not completely gone. Neither did someone else fill it. I kissed with one girl, could've banged one and asked some girls out with negative response. It set me back a couple of times, but mostly I'm glad I did it my way and not living the macho single life after I was dumped. But anyone should do it their own way. Watch out for alcohol because that set me back a lot of times. Going out and walking home alone and drunk can be very painful. I stopped drinking for a while because I would feel much healthier and happier when I was sober. One thing was a little gayish because I never knew the exact lyrics of The Script - Nothing although I always liked the song when it came on the radio. One day I found out the lyrics and boy, this was so me. The song helped me though haha.

 

Man, looking back it was one hell of a ride. I remember the first weeks I would think 'I wish I could fast forward a couple of months' so many times. But you should appreciate the ride you are going through now. It may sound strange, but do it. You will get to know yourself all over again. You will feel insecure, you will feel hurt. You will be scared to put yourself out there again. But with every new interaction, every new connection, you will start to grow and become another, better version of yourself. But please, do learn from your mistakes. Do not blame yourself for it, for I did and it did not get me anywhere. But learn from them. Over time, you will see things in perspective and see you did not do everything as bad as you might think in the beginning. But even then you have learned some important life lessons that you would not have learned when you and your ex did not break up.

Edited November 2, 2015 by NVO

[learnbyliving]

I'm 4.5 months breakup and strict NC. I am finally feeling like I can move on with other people. However, when experiences go sour, I still have the urge to contact my ex because I remember how great we were. But I haven't because I know I can never have him the same way again so what would it achieve.

[freebird31]

I am at the "acceptance" stage. It took me 2.5 years to get here of course. (2.5 years since we have been broken up).

 

I remember being in all of these stages that are being described. Heartbroken, devastated, even had suicidal thoughts.

 

It took me 2 and a half years to truly realize and understand my own value. To know that in the end, even when i know ill always have love for him, i am better off without him.

 

So trust in time. It takes time to really heal. To really accept that its over. And to feel perfectly okay with that.

 

You will always have this love for them, that part will never go away. And you will always have the scars. But ultimately, this experience helped shape my perspective on my own self-worth. It has only made me realize that i can do better than my ex.

 

If someone could not realize your worth or what they had when you were together, they don't deserve you. And you dont deserve that. I used to always hear people on here tell me that "if they could not value you, they dont deserve you" and at the time it just sounded like words, with no meaning.

 

But trust me, time puts everything into perspective. You deserve to be loved whole-heartedly. We're all struggling on here because we miss this person that doesnt want to be with us, who rejected us, and it may hurt now. but it wont sting so bad forever. Eventually u will move on, the pain wont be so much anymore. And hopefully you will realize that you deserve everything.

 

Especially, if you were a good partner in the relationship. Trust that someday someone will come around to appreciate everything you after offer and love and respect all of you.

 

Trust in time. And believe in healing (:

[purpledooze]

8 months post breakup.

Quit my job.

 

I'm feeling so much better than I did months ago. I'm not pining for him anymore. Just the occasional rubber-band snap when he posted pics of himself partying with friends for Halloween.

 

He has recently tried to hack into my Facebook. And when I confronted him, he came up with some sort of excuse, and I thought to myself, "I want you back, but the lies and the deceit will always be there. This is the last time you tried to play with my head."

 

Then blocked him on Skype.

[JustAnotherLostLove]

A little over 1 and a half months since we split. Every day as a whole thus far has been incredibly difficult. The place where I stay is a mess, I drink every night, go days without showering, have trouble falling a sleep, trouble waking up, lol. I know it sounds like I'm joking, but I'm not. We were together for 3+ years, planned on marriage, family, and everything else that goes with it. I love her, deeply, so I don't reach out to her. I want her to be happy, regardless of what it cost me, and it's costing me tremendously. I can't even tell you about some of the thoughts that go through my head, they're just too dark. However, a brighter day is on the horizon, for all of us I'm sure. But personally, I can't handle anything less than forever next time.

[TheLoveBelow92]

Its funny even after all this time you still get a feeling of loss, I worked so hard the last couple of months to get a job to move back out on my own again. But I feel I didnt do it for me but for my ex, maybe to take notice that " Hes after pulling up his socks, and getting his act together, he has a job a car and a house, Maybe ill give him another chance". In reality tho she hates my guts more and more as time goes on shes been with someone the last 6 months, while im fighting my own thoughts on the daily, I believe things get better and its so easy to get lost in your own thoughts, the days on the calendar flick past all too quickly and with that you feel not everything that is broken can be fixed.

 

I just wish I didnt miss you as much as I do and I hate the way I have to try make myself move on from something I never wanted to leave. What makes it worse is no matter how much pain you caused you never seemed to care and I wish I never cared at all.

[Heatemyheart89]

Its funny even after all this time you still get a feeling of loss, I worked so hard the last couple of months to get a job to move back out on my own again. But I feel I didnt do it for me but for my ex, maybe to take notice that " Hes after pulling up his socks, and getting his act together, he has a job a car and a house, Maybe ill give him another chance". In reality tho she hates my guts more and more as time goes on shes been with someone the last 6 months, while im fighting my own thoughts on the daily, I believe things get better and its so easy to get lost in your own thoughts, the days on the calendar flick past all too quickly and with that you feel not everything that is broken can be fixed.

 

I just wish I didnt miss you as much as I do and I hate the way I have to try make myself move on from something I never wanted to leave. What makes it worse is no matter how much pain you caused you never seemed to care and I wish I never cared at all.

 

Time to do things for you now. You will get over this, get/be good for you.

[TheLoveBelow92]

Time to do things for you now. You will get over this, get/be good for you.

 

just one of those days my friend there becoming less often but theres too many what ifs and questions that come round far too often... im not the first to go through it and not the last. nice having support tho

[thespacey1]

8 months post breakup.

Quit my job.

 

I'm feeling so much better than I did months ago. I'm not pining for him anymore. Just the occasional rubber-band snap when he posted pics of himself partying with friends for Halloween.

 

He has recently tried to hack into my Facebook. And when I confronted him, he came up with some sort of excuse, and I thought to myself, "I want you back, but the lies and the deceit will always be there. This is the last time you tried to play with my head."

 

Then blocked him on Skype.

 

Good for you, blocking him. Question:how can you tell that he tried hacking your FB? My ex may have tried doing that to mine.I kept receiving an email to accept him his as a friend and/do I know him...,but it was in French. When I asked him about it via email he never ever responded. Funny thing is he responded to every single email ,accept for that one. So I just went on with my life ignoring those emails...

[lucy14]

Im six weeks today and every time I feel im getting there he contacts me in some way and when I respond he ignores me and sets me back.

We were only together 6 months but had known each other for years, it was a fun filled jam packed 6 months, then he dumped me without it seems a second thought.

I keep thinking about him just getting on with his life whilst im heartbroken.

[Raina314]

I don't know where I am. Sometimes I feel relatively good but at the end of the day I still feel emptiness and miss him. Writing down the list of his faults/the not-so-nice memories I have of him really helped though. Even though I'm still sad and feel like I can't love anyone else, I think I'm at least beyond the self-loathing phase, which has been tearing me up for months, so I hope that means I'm getting somewhere.

[PLT]

The first 3 or 4 weeks were hell. Some days I didn't even get out of bed.

And then a light bulb went on.

 

After 3 years of happiness, she showed her true colours (she showed them MUCH earlier than that in reality, but I chose to ignore ALL the early warning signs). These past 6 months, all the disgusting things she's said to me, the horrific way she treated me with absolutely NO respect for my feelings. THAT would have been my entire future if she didn't vanish on me/discard me.

 

That's not a future I want.

 

So yeah, I'm beginning to see the shoots of recovery. Long road ahead but I'm on the right track.

Edited March 30, 2016 by PLT

[thespacey1]

I was still working and trying to pretend everything was normal when I first left my ex-fiance. However, deep down inside I was in pain and shouldnt have even been working. I should've taken a few weeks off or at least one straight week of to grieve... About 6 months after the BU I started really grieving, which may be why I'm still not completely over the situation/BU. I have a thread about it. It's been about a year+1/2...

 

I've gone out with a few guys since the BU, by I still think of my ex almost every day. I'm better though. Now the thoughts are less intense and more about just missing his family I met and like if I should every notify him & vice versa of something happens to either of our family, parents, etc. He even contacted me when one of his friends passed away. But after all this time passing perhaps that wouldn't apply anymore... I just wish thoughts of him wouldn't still be on my almost unconscious mind... How can you wake up thinking about someone? Can a psychiatrist or therapist hypnotize people into erasing thoughts. Probably sounds crazy but that's how desperate I am to stop thinking about him and why I had to even go through meeting him, loving him then leaving him to ultimately keep my sanity... Life is crazy sometimes.