Do you think it's possible to be TRULY happy single?

[2.50 a gallon]

I had a great bachelorhood, had great hobbies, lots of friends, lots of good times, and a great sex life. I finally married at age 35, it lasted a whole six months.

At first I was truly devastated, as I found I liked being married and looked forward to having a home and family, instead of apartment living.

About the only thing good to come out of my marriage was that I discovered that I was born to do historical research, I now love libraries. It took me about a year to get back into my single life again. Added to my hobbies with raising hard to breed tropical fish. And that with the long hours I spent in libraries and then add to I was writing about what I was finding, I had no time for a serious relationship. That and I was totally down on love and marriage.

I swore I was never going to fall in love again. And yes I still had a great sex life. I could do what I wanted with whomever I wanted, whenever I wanted and had nobody to answer to. I was never lonely.

Fourteen years later, second date, first kiss, and it was already too late, I had no defense.

I knew I had a problem as when I went home that night, it hit me how lonely I was

[Odinani]

So you let yourself get taken in again?

 

I had a great bachelorhood, had great hobbies, lots of friends, lots of good times, and a great sex life. I finally married at age 35, it lasted a whole six months.

At first I was truly devastated, as I found I liked being married and looked forward to having a home and family, instead of apartment living.

About the only thing good to come out of my marriage was that I discovered that I was born to do historical research, I now love libraries. It took me about a year to get back into my single life again. Added to my hobbies with raising hard to breed tropical fish. And that with the long hours I spent in libraries and then add to I was writing about what I was finding, I had no time for a serious relationship. That and I was totally down on love and marriage.

I swore I was never going to fall in love again. And yes I still had a great sex life. I could do what I wanted with whomever I wanted, whenever I wanted and had nobody to answer to. I was never lonely.

Fourteen years later, second date, first kiss, and it was already too late, I had no defense.

I knew I had a problem as when I went home that night, it hit me how lonely I was

[TexasMan68]

Absolutely...about the time your missing a husband or wife simply log back into LS and read some posts. That alone should give you a warm and fuzzy about staying single.

[candie13]

I'm desirable in every way, not saying I'm perfect, but I am a good partner; I chose the wrong kinds of guys with whom to get into relationships, and stayed in the relationships too long, not realizing that I was the only one doing any work to hold the relationship together. I feel like I "failed" at doing what I was supposed to do, that everyone around me has successfully done. I wonder whether that's why I feel this absence in my life so acutely.

Because you absolutely want it to work and maybe you fail to really look at the person you are dating, because you're too focused on trying to get to "and they've lived happily ever after" ...

 

For instance, tonight I spent Halloween with a friend who has a young son and a sister who has three children. We were at her sister's house, in THE neighborhood for trick-or-treating. My friend's parents came over, and her husband's mom, and her dad's cousin and one of their friends, and it was a very warm and festive environment, with chili and apple crisp and cider and lots of socializing as the neighborhood kids came by. I just loved it

.

it's good to listen to yourself and spend quality time with people you love.

 

I enjoyed it so much more than I'd have enjoyed going to this party I was invited to, where I knew everyone would get drunk and traipse around town in their costumes.

You have no idea because you didn't quite get there, did you... ? I think... maybe... you just want the fairy tale without putting the work in it. You don't have to meet your mate at these sort of parties. But longing after a family and hanging out with people who are married won't get your your partner, girl. The man of your dreams is out there, making stuff happen. You'd better be where he is, because now it looks like you're going into hiding and willowing in an endless pit of selfpity...

 

I found myself feeling a bit sad inside, because I want that kind of family environment, too. And as a single person I can accomplish lots of things, but I can't "accomplish" that, not unless I have a partner to do it with.

that sounds to me like social pressure, more than anything. I understand that, I'm 35.

 

My last breakup revealed to me numerous ways in which I don't accept who I am, and I've been working hard to correct that. Overall, though, I've always been a very independent person and I know how to enjoy being by myself. But more on a day-to-day level, not on the level where it's my way of life, indefinitely. I feel like I'm missing out on something.

see the trick is, if you want a family, you'll attract men who want a family. Not men who are good for you and whom you are willing or able to have a family. You focus on the baking process before even understanding the sort of ingredients you need first, in order to make that pie.

 

It's not an universal contest "let's all get married and have children". It is about finding that one person, that unique person that rings your bells that makes you and that makes him want to stop whatever it is that you're doing to be together. It seems to me you've forgotten to talk about YOUR partner. Look at the men you meet. Get to know them much much better. Understand if you really like them. Men can feel when you don't care about them, if you consider them interchangeable... I am exaggerating, but RS are personal. And your profound and deep desire to have a family may be exactly what's preventing you from having one, because it blinds you, to the point where you don't even see the dude you're dating. You're potentially seeing the father of your children. It just doesn't work that way.

 

Find LOVE first. Focus on being happy with yourself and finding a loving, reliable partner who's only care is to make you happy. Family will come soon after.

[Myragal]

I just found this site by googling a question like this.

 

I am different from most here. I am not truly happy when single, my current state. My friends and I talk bravely about how we are independent, have our freedom, etc. but some of it is just bravado.

 

Do I need a man to feel complete? Yup. No denying it even though I try to. I'm not in any desperate state as I have friends who will set me up...no doubt Cupid's arrow will hit me hard. In a few months I'll be deep in a relationship with all the good parts and tribulations.

 

Meanwhile I'm fine. A bit of a weird feeling not being a couple. I have my career, friends, cat, health, house, activities. All is sort of ok but I like to share little things with a partner and my favourite thing in the universe is snuggling in bed when falling asleep and then before getting up in the morning.