oberkeat Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 (edited) I'm going on a date tonight with an attractive girl I met on okcupid who has "casual sex" listed as one of the things she's looking for. Frankly, I'm not really sure what that means. One night stand? Weekly sex? Daily sex? I haven't brought up sex in any of my messages with her and have been focussing on getting to know her. Does anyone have any experience dating a girl who had this on her profile? I have not, so I'm not sure how to approach this. The thing is, I want a woman with a high sex drive, and I want sex, but not just a one night stand. I've hit and quit before, and it doesn't appeal to me. I want a relationship where we have regular sex in addition to boyfriend/girlfriend things like going to the movies, etc. Is there a way I can communicate this without seeming needy? Edited October 31, 2015 by oberkeat
phineas Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 The fact you are worried about this over a woman you haven't even met will most likely ensure you wont be sleeping with her. Why are you even meeting her if you want a relationship? 5
Speika Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 You might not even like her when you meet up. You don't need to worry about this yet. If her having casual sex is something that bothers you don't go on a date with her. It'll never stop bothering you. If it doesn't then don't worry about it yet. She's presumably got short term and long term dating on what she's looking for as well so go on the date and feel her out. You can always subtly ask her what she's looking for then. 1
Author oberkeat Posted October 31, 2015 Author Posted October 31, 2015 You might not even like her when you meet up. You don't need to worry about this yet. If her having casual sex is something that bothers you don't go on a date with her. It'll never stop bothering you. If it doesn't then don't worry about it yet. She's presumably got short term and long term dating on what she's looking for as well so go on the date and feel her out. You can always subtly ask her what she's looking for then. Thanks. You're exactly right, she does have those listed as well.
Author oberkeat Posted October 31, 2015 Author Posted October 31, 2015 The fact you are worried about this over a woman you haven't even met will most likely ensure you wont be sleeping with her. Explain this portion so I don't think you're just being rude. Why are you even meeting her if you want a relationship? As I mentioned, she has short term long term on there as well. The casual sex part adds an unknown quantity to the equation.
fitnessfan365 Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 My advice is try to get better at being a realist and taking women on a case by case basis. Since you haven't even met her yet, it's a little early to be wondering if she's "relationship material". First make sure you enjoy her company in person. Then if you want to see her again, take it one date at a time. But think about it. Dating begins w/casual sex right? I mean you're presumably going to sleep with a woman before you get into a relationship. It doesn't become a LTR until it gets more serious over time. 1
Author oberkeat Posted October 31, 2015 Author Posted October 31, 2015 My advice is try to get better at being a realist and taking women on a case by case basis. Since you haven't even met her yet, it's a little early to be wondering if she's "relationship material". First make sure you enjoy her company in person. Then if you want to see her again, take it one date at a time. But think about it. Dating begins w/casual sex right? I mean you're presumably going to sleep with a woman before you get into a relationship. It doesn't become a LTR until it gets more serious over time. I suppose I am jumping the gun a little bit here. I guess the thing to do is forget about what the profile says and treat it like any other meeting where I'm getting to know the person in front of me. 2
d0nnivain Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 Go on the date with an open mind. Since she is open to a variety of arrangements, see where you think you might want to land with her, if anywhere. 1
losangelena Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 Did she also say she was looking for a relationship, or just casual sex? I agree with the others in that you are overthinking things a bit at this point. I would first suss out whether or not you're even interested in being in a relationship with her, and go from there. FWIW, I don't think stating your relationship goals and what you're looking for is "needy." You want a relationship—if she doesn't want one with you, shouldn't it behoove you to figure that out sooner than later?
xcupid Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 She may be looking for a FWB arrangement or a relationship depending on who she connects with. But way too early to tell until you meet her and see how and where it goes. 1
TheBathWater Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 I'm going on a date tonight with an attractive girl I met on okcupid who has "casual sex" listed as one of the things she's looking for. Frankly, I'm not really sure what that means. One night stand? Weekly sex? Daily sex? I haven't brought up sex in any of my messages with her and have been focussing on getting to know her. Does anyone have any experience dating a girl who had this on her profile? I have not, so I'm not sure how to approach this. The thing is, I want a woman with a high sex drive, and I want sex, but not just a one night stand. I've hit and quit before, and it doesn't appeal to me. I want a relationship where we have regular sex in addition to boyfriend/girlfriend things like going to the movies, etc. Is there a way I can communicate this without seeming needy? I've been with a number of women from OkCupid who list casual sex in their profiles. First, you are already doing good by not bringing up sex in your messages and focusing on getting to know her instead. Ask any woman with an online dating profile to show you the messages they receive, and you'll be horrified. Ask a woman who lists casual sex to show you, and it gets worse. For this reason, I actually find it easier to engage women who lists casual sex in her profile for the very reason that most men probably see them as easy and put little effort or thought into their messages. What a shame. A little goes a long way. As for how to treat her, do just like you would with any other woman you date. In my experience, most women who sleep with a guy who doesn't come on too strong or act like a boyfriend too quick will want to keep hooking up with him and seeing him...even women who claim they are not looking for a relationship (I say this from having both pursued women too hard and having been more challenging - the difference is obvious). If she truly is just looking for casual sex and nothing more, you'll get the vibe pretty quick, and can decide what to do from there. Funny I'm writing this, I'm about to go meet up with one of these casual sex women from OkCupid. 1
theredpill Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 I don't think the above poster was being rude, just straight to the point. This girl is clearly being as open and honest as she can be, this is a good sign. What she's basically saying is I'm probably going to date multiple guys and the best one of them will win a relationship with me. She's nearly weeded you out as a potential partner already dude and you haven't even met her. What would your response be if you did start dating her and she told you she's dating other men as well? Would you be cool or get angry... your posts already suggest you'd get butt hurt, am I wrong?
kendahke Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 don't eliminate her without having even met her.
Author oberkeat Posted November 1, 2015 Author Posted November 1, 2015 I think the consensus from the replies is that there is no consensus. "Casual sex" could mean many things. It's not that straightforward. As others have mentioned, I won't know what either of us wants until I meet her.
Popsicle Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 Back when I was OLD, I had a problem with men putting this in their profile, and trust me, a whole lot more men put down that they are open to both casual sex, short and long term dating in one profile. I figured that so many of them said that because they didn't want to limit their options and just want to be open to anything and everything that might come up, provided they liked the woman. But, after thinking about it for a while, I decided that I really want a guy who KNOWS that he doesn't want casual sex. So, yes, I would eliminate a guy based on him saying that in his profile. I mean, it's totally contradictory. Some people know what they want and have self-reflected about it. I don't think it's all that unusual to eliminate people based on things they say in their profile, assuming those things don't fit your lifestyle or wishlist. That is what profiles are for, after all, right - to screen with little information? I mean, how many of you would go out with someone who said in their profile that they are interested in doing hard drugs, or criminal activities, or any other thing that you know is a turn off? OP, it's perfectly fine if you eliminate her based on her saying that. I would think just because she said it alone (yes, just the mere typing of those words) means that she would be open to casual sex with other guys, which is something that you only need one night or one date for, and may not talk to them ever again.
Author oberkeat Posted November 1, 2015 Author Posted November 1, 2015 Back when I was OLD, I had a problem with men putting this in their profile, and trust me, a whole lot more men put down that they are open to both casual sex, short and long term dating in one profile. I figured that so many of them said that because they didn't want to limit their options and just want to be open to anything and everything that might come up, provided they liked the woman. But, after thinking about it for a while, I decided that I really want a guy who KNOWS that he doesn't want casual sex. So, yes, I would eliminate a guy based on him saying that in his profile. I mean, it's totally contradictory. Some people know what they want and have self-reflected about it. I don't think it's all that unusual to eliminate people based on things they say in their profile, assuming those things don't fit your lifestyle or wishlist. That is what profiles are for, after all, right - to screen with little information? I mean, how many of you would go out with someone who said in their profile that they are interested in doing hard drugs, or criminal activities, or any other thing that you know is a turn off? OP, it's perfectly fine if you eliminate her based on her saying that. I would think just because she said it alone (yes, just the mere typing of those words) means that she would be open to casual sex with other guys, which is something that you only need one night or one date for, and may not talk to them ever again. Along those lines, though, I don't have casual sex listed in mine, and never have. She could have refused a date with me and picked some guy who does have it in his profile.
SwordofFlame Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 Back when I was OLD, I had a problem with men putting this in their profile, and trust me, a whole lot more men put down that they are open to both casual sex, short and long term dating in one profile. I figured that so many of them said that because they didn't want to limit their options and just want to be open to anything and everything that might come up, provided they liked the woman. But, after thinking about it for a while, I decided that I really want a guy who KNOWS that he doesn't want casual sex. So, yes, I would eliminate a guy based on him saying that in his profile. I mean, it's totally contradictory. Some people know what they want and have self-reflected about it. I don't think it's all that unusual to eliminate people based on things they say in their profile, assuming those things don't fit your lifestyle or wishlist. That is what profiles are for, after all, right - to screen with little information? I mean, how many of you would go out with someone who said in their profile that they are interested in doing hard drugs, or criminal activities, or any other thing that you know is a turn off? OP, it's perfectly fine if you eliminate her based on her saying that. I would think just because she said it alone (yes, just the mere typing of those words) means that she would be open to casual sex with other guys, which is something that you only need one night or one date for, and may not talk to them ever again. Even if the guy doesn't list casual sex, if the girl wants it, most guys are going to give it to her despite what his original or future intentions may be. 2
Popsicle Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 Even if the guy doesn't list casual sex, if the girl wants it, most guys are going to give it to her despite what his original or future intentions may be. Yep, you are exactly right.
One_Made_of_Silver Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 Even if the guy doesn't list casual sex, if the girl wants it, most guys are going to give it to her despite what his original or future intentions may be. She's gonna do what she wants, guys, regardless of what OP wants or any of us think she will do. My suggestion is just to relax, have fun, and see where it leads.
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