Yellowdrawers Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 "She smells clean like artificial flowers She wears clothes that are too short on purpose She pulls them down to cover her skin She is uncomfortably beautiful" Just one stanza of a 3 page poem. He came to my studio to drop it off anonymously, but I was just across he hall. I watched him search for thumbtacks. He found them in an open container on my desk, and pinned 3 pages to the corner of my right wall. Three crumpled, coffee stained confessions. I cried as I read them, each word was so concise, so meaningful. The poem reeked of truth. He knows I'm in a relationship, and frankly I don't think he really meant for me to ever know that it was him. It's just kind of a mind screw. I've had a crush on him for awhile, but it's innocent when students crush on professors, right? But vice versa, I'm not so sure. It's confusing and exciting. I emailed him a haiku. "The internet stares/ clear drops mix with coffee stains/ they are not sad tears" The next day in class, we said nothing
kgcolonel Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 So.....yellowdrawers, What are you going to do about this? Are you looking to take this to the next level with the prof or are you going to simply feel the adoration and remain loyal in your existing relationship. You can keep this as a "crush" but understand, for your existing relationship, you're on a slippery slope. Does your SO know about the crush or the poem?
Zapbasket Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 Oooooh, very, very exciting and so seductive! As someone who had crushes on a few professors, to think of them returning my feelings that way and through the medium of literature which I love, would make me melt into a puddle. BUT: take my advice, and don't pursue this. If I were you, I'd find the professor after class or sometime when you can be alone, and tell him that it was amazing, and yes you are attracted to him, but you have a boyfriend and besides, he's your professor, and for those two reasons you don't want this to go any further, and you imagine he must feel the same. Be warm, but firm. That way, you can hold one another in mutual regard, which will enable you to move through your studies without hang-ups, and honor the reality: that professor-student relationships rarely go well. Trust me that anything you have with your current bf is WAY better than anything you could ever have with this prof, however eloquent and sincere his poetry to/about you. Congrats, though, for realizing the fantasy of many, many a college girl
lana-banana Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 If this is for real and you aren't in graduate school, you need to report it to the head of student services at your university. It is incredibly inappropriate for a grown man in a position of authority to send pages of love poetry to a student. It's also probably a violation of school policy. He clearly has issues with boundaries and does not understand acceptable instructor behavior. What happens when you don't return his affections? He already knows where you live. This could get very ugly very quickly. I know this all seems romantic now, but it's just a gross older dude manipulating a younger woman, and it may cost him his job. Five years from now you're going to think back on this and shudder with disgust. 5
Zapbasket Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 If this is for real and you aren't in graduate school, you need to report it to the head of student services at your university. It is incredibly inappropriate for a grown man in a position of authority to send pages of love poetry to a student. It's also probably a violation of school policy. He clearly has issues with boundaries and does not understand acceptable instructor behavior. What happens when you don't return his affections? He already knows where you live. This could get very ugly very quickly. I know this all seems romantic now, but it's just a gross older dude manipulating a younger woman, and it may cost him his job. Five years from now you're going to think back on this and shudder with disgust. All true. I guess I was imagining him as a young professor. But if so, even more reason for him to draw a firm line regarding relationships with his female students. If you reported this, it would instantly kill his career--very dumb move on his part. I guess in my previous post I was caught up in the fantasy of it all. In reality, you don't want these kinds of attentions from a professor, flattering as they might seem. I still recommend you tell him you know it was him and you don't want it to go anywhere, but...do it via email. That way you have on record that you told him no thank-you and that he delivered a poem to your dorm, should this escalate in any way. Protect yourself, above all else. Edited to add: And, save the poem. Put the date on it, and show it to no one. This will stand as proof that he inappropriately hit on you, should he turn on you in any way, or push for a romantic liaison with you after you clearly said no.
Author Yellowdrawers Posted October 31, 2015 Author Posted October 31, 2015 Hello all, My guess is that, from this point on, nothing will be said about it between us. If he does approach me at some point, I will probably just tell him that I'm in a relationship and that, regardless, I would much rather discuss it after I'm out of his class. He is quite a young professor, and there is only a 7 year age difference between us- so those who are imagining a 60 year old hitting on a 19 year old, it's not like that at all. But, you're right, it's inappropriate. Which is unfortunate, because it is one of the most romantic things that has happened to me. I told my significant other about the entire thing, and he just laughed it off... a bit concerning on his part. But that's neither here nor there.
lana-banana Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 Hello all, My guess is that, from this point on, nothing will be said about it between us. If he does approach me at some point, I will probably just tell him that I'm in a relationship and that, regardless, I would much rather discuss it after I'm out of his class. He is quite a young professor, and there is only a 7 year age difference between us- so those who are imagining a 60 year old hitting on a 19 year old, it's not like that at all. But, you're right, it's inappropriate. Which is unfortunate, because it is one of the most romantic things that has happened to me. I told my significant other about the entire thing, and he just laughed it off... a bit concerning on his part. But that's neither here nor there. At your age, seven years is a significant difference, and more importantly he's in a position of authority over you. You are so young and inexperienced; that's why this seems romantic rather than ridiculously creepy. Make no mistake: this guy is taking advantage of your naivete. A woman his own age would be horrified by someone who sought out her place and tacked three nasty coffee-stained pages of probably terrible poetry to her door. Instead you clasp the pages to your breast and proclaim "they reek of truth". Barf. It is disconcerting that your SO doesn't seem too bothered, but it's also disconcerting you don't seem to recognize this as the massive transgression that it is. If he was a worthwhile man, he would have waited until you were no longer his student and then approached you formally to ask you on a date. Instead he skipped straight into full-on stalker mode, apparently not caring that it could cost him his career. This is not a stable or healthy individual. 1
Author Yellowdrawers Posted October 31, 2015 Author Posted October 31, 2015 At your age, seven years is a significant difference, and more importantly he's in a position of authority over you. You are so young and inexperienced; that's why this seems romantic rather than ridiculously creepy. Make no mistake: this guy is taking advantage of your naivete. A woman his own age would be horrified by someone who sought out her place and tacked three nasty coffee-stained pages of probably terrible poetry to her door. Instead you clasp the pages to your breast and proclaim "they reek of truth". Barf. It is disconcerting that your SO doesn't seem too bothered, but it's also disconcerting you don't seem to recognize this as the massive transgression that it is. If he was a worthwhile man, he would have waited until you were no longer his student and then approached you formally to ask you on a date. Instead he skipped straight into full-on stalker mode, apparently not caring that it could cost him his career. This is not a stable or healthy individual. Woah woah woah. Where are you getting that he tracked down my place? My studio is located in the school. It is an art school, and they are public spaces, and I had brought him there to see my work before. Secondly, okay, I have already said that I'm going to tell him to back off. No need for the ridicule and condescension. I am 19 years old, not 9.
lana-banana Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 (edited) Woah woah woah. Where are you getting that he tracked down my place? My studio is located in the school. It is an art school, and they are public spaces, and I had brought him there to see my work before. Secondly, okay, I have already said that I'm going to tell him to back off. No need for the ridicule and condescension. I am 19 years old, not 9. Okay, my apologies; I read "studio" as "studio apartment", not an art studio. That's better but not by much. Nor am I trying to ridicule you. It's still wildly inappropriate, and you all but encouraged him with a bewildering haiku rather than notify someone about a creep in the faculty making untoward advances to students. Edited October 31, 2015 by lana-banana
Author Yellowdrawers Posted October 31, 2015 Author Posted October 31, 2015 Okay, my apologies; I read "studio" as "studio apartment", not an art studio. That's better but not by much. Nor am I trying to ridicule you. It's still wildly inappropriate, and you all but encouraged him with a bewildering haiku rather than notify someone about a creep in the faculty making untoward advances to students. Well, he tried to make it anonymous in the first place. I'm not uncomfortable with the situation and he is actually a really good professor. He is well liked and I don't want him to get fired by any means. I admit that writing the haiku was an impulsive mistake, and I will tell him this if he ever approaches me about it. But as it stands, I don't think he's done anything that deserves to be reported.
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