This is really annoying

[Male]

If I am discussing dating woes with people, one of them will almost always bring up the "negative energy" scenario. Stating that women can "sense" when a guy is harboring negativity even if he isnt directly vocal about it.

 

So my question back to them is....OK, if thats true, then how come I still got ignored when I first dived into dating, and had a true positive outlook, and always had a positive vibe when engaging women??

 

They are always left speechless, or they give me some dumb response like "Well I'm not a therapist so I cant help you". Really? Before I stumped you it was OK for you to give advice but now that you realize how dumb your advice sounds you dont wanna talk about it anymore?

[xxoo]

If I am discussing dating woes with people, one of them will almost always bring up the "negative energy" scenario. Stating that women can "sense" when a guy is harboring negativity even if he isnt directly vocal about it.

 

So my question back to them is....OK, if thats true, then how come I still got ignored when I first dived into dating, and had a true positive outlook, and always had a positive vibe when engaging women??

 

Negative energy isn't the ONLY reason that people struggle with dating.

 

Still, it is a reason.

 

What is confusing here?

[Male]

 

What is confusing here?

 

The fact that they have no answer for why I still got ignored when I gave off positive energy.

 

The are so dead-set on 'negative energy" yet they never gave a thought that if its true, then positive energy should return the opposite.

[xxoo]

The fact that they have no answer for why I still got ignored when I gave off positive energy.

 

The are so dead-set on 'negative energy" yet they never gave a thought that if its true, then positive energy should return the opposite.

 

Negative energy is a huge turn off.

 

That doesn't mean that positive energy is an automatic turn ON.

 

A person can have positive energy but be extremely annoying, rude, arrogant, or just socially inept, just for a few examples. Not everyone is aware of how they come across.

[basil67]

You may have been positive about dating, but were you negative or cynical about other things in life? Eg Work, school or society?

[Male]

Negative energy is a huge turn off.

 

That doesn't mean that positive energy is an automatic turn ON.

 

A person can have positive energy but be extremely annoying, rude, arrogant, or just socially inept, just for a few examples. Not everyone is aware of how they come across.

 

If you want to play that game then people can have negative energy as well, and still be attractive to the opposite sex.

 

 

THATS my exact point. The people that tell me this crap think its a proven myth written in stone.

[xxoo]

If you want to play that game then people can have negative energy as well, and still be attractive to the opposite sex.

 

 

THATS my exact point. The people that tell me this crap think its a proven myth written in stone.

 

Think of two lists: ATTRACTIVE QUALITIES and UNATTRACTIVE QUALITIES

 

The goal is to have as many as possible in the first column, and as few as possible in the second column. Many things could go under each column, of course. It's not a black and white thing!

[Woggle]

Nobody was more negative than I was after my divorce and I did great with women.

[Male]

Nobody was more negative than I was after my divorce and I did great with women.

 

Exactly my point.

 

There is so much preconceived bulls*t that comes outa people, thinking they can sum everything up with these sayings, or old wives tales, or this energy or that energy....but when you question it, or show proof otherwise, then the people that spew it typically withdraw or cave quickly.

[xxoo]

Exactly my point.

 

There is so much preconceived bulls*t that comes outa people, thinking they can sum everything up with these sayings, or old wives tales, or this energy or that energy....but when you question it, or show proof otherwise, then the people that spew it typically withdraw or cave quickly.

 

Negative energy is definitely a hindrance. Unattractive qualities can add up, just as attractive qualities can.

 

When people notice negative energy in someone who is struggling with dating, they are pointing out an area for improvement. If someone is not struggling, then obviously they don't need to change.

[Httm]

I don't see the problem here. Negativity is a turnoff. That doesn't mean that if you are positive that you will automatically get women. Is this a serious post?

[Male]

I don't see the problem here. Negativity is a turnoff. That doesn't mean that if you are positive that you will automatically get women. Is this a serious post?

 

Nope. It was just to lure you in and waste your time.

[Httm]

Nope. It was just to lure you in and waste your time.

 

Figured as much. At least you are honest!

[thefooloftheyear]

Has anyone ever heard Tom Brady talk in an interview? The guy seems like the most arrogant and douchey guy you will ever hear...Smug,...condescending,, etc...I can give other examples, but why bother?

 

Yet, he's every woman's dream man...

 

I lolz at the women that say "its such a turnoff!!!",,,,,yeah right....

 

But I will agree with the poster that said if you have negative energy and aren't working with much of anything else, then its really gonna hurt you...

 

TFY

[mrldii]

For what it's worth, OP, I haven't been around here much lately so I've lost touch with the players and their words. But, just this morning I've stumbled upon 2 of your threads, the first 2 I believe I've seen of yours. So far, they've both smacked of that "negative energy" you claim is simply a myth.

 

No matter how much of a positive attitude one tries to adopt, their true feelings (read: baggage) will come through. It comes through in their body language, the words they choose to express their thoughts, and in the topics they choose to discuss.

 

I can't speak for all people or for all women, but for me, myself, yes...I can spot negative energy from across a room or from across a continent (or planet) while online and yes, as a woman, I avoid it in the dating arena and in other areas of my personal life. Unlike the others you've mentioned who are "stumped" to tell you why, I deliberately choose not to tell others the cues I pick up on so as to stymie others' ability to fake a "true positive energy".

 

While it may appear that I'm avoiding giving more "dumb advice", it's more *like* why the person about to administer a polygraph test doesn't tell the person about to be hooked-up how to best beat the machine...it kinda defeats the purpose of the exercise.

 

Your own words, which you chose to use, sum it up best:

 

... how come I still got ignored when I first dived into dating, and had a true positive outlook, and always had a positive vibe when engaging women??...

 

It appears you believe your troubles with dating women have created your current negative outlook on life; it's not quite the solution to the 'chicken or the egg came first' dilemma...it's more a yin-yang thingy. That is, your negative outlook on life created/creates your poor *success* ratio with women. Your negative outlook on life is what is causing your distress with women, and women are the current target for the focus of your negative outlook in life.

 

Yes, most *normal*, healthy, well-adjusted women avoid being a man's virtual punching bag like the plague.

 

Best of luck to you, OP...

[xxoo]

Has anyone ever heard Tom Brady talk in an interview? The guy seems like the most arrogant and douchey guy you will ever hear...Smug,...condescending,, etc...I can give other examples, but why bother?

 

Yet, he's every woman's dream man...

 

I lolz at the women that say "its such a turnoff!!!",,,,,yeah right....

 

But I will agree with the poster that said if you have negative energy and aren't working with much of anything else, then its really gonna hurt you...

 

TFY

 

Because he obviously has some extremely attractive qualities: wealth, celebrity, athlete prime body, champion status. He's really well beyond the norm in "attractive qualities". A few negative qualities barely register. He'd be more attractive if he were charming, certainly.

 

The average guy can't afford to have a negative attitude. Neither can the average woman.

[thefooloftheyear]

Because he obviously has some extremely attractive qualities: wealth, celebrity, athlete prime body, champion status. He's really well beyond the norm in "attractive qualities". A few negative qualities barely register. He'd be more attractive if he were charming, certainly.

 

The average guy can't afford to have a negative attitude. Neither can the average woman.

 

 

OK...Ill admit I used an extreme example...and I agree with your post...

 

I just don't agree that even "normal" guys have to be bubbly and effusive...You hear women constantly saying stuff like this, yet they themselves don't even take their own advice..

 

 

If a guy has some attractive qualities, confidence, some good looks,. a good physique, money or a good career etc...Then those aspects(attitude, "niceness" , charm, etc),,become far less critical..

 

TFY

[Imported]

MrTurk, no one here knows you well enough to be specific about why you fail.

[Woggle]

I think the reason I did well was because despite my attitude towards women back then I did great in other areas of my life. After my divorce is when I started getting a lot of money and I went for mine in life which is attractive to women. Sure I had a negative view of women but until I met a woman I actually cared about my mentality was expect nothing from them and they can never break your heart. I never shared that with women but they probably mistook my coldness for confidence and took to it.

[Httm]

The OP reeks of negativity and anger, as does his responses.

[RedRobin]

Nobody was more negative than I was after my divorce and I did great with women.

 

Because you lived in Jersey... Where there are lots more women than men.

[Male]

I think the reason I did well was because despite my attitude towards women back then I did great in other areas of my life. After my divorce is when I started getting a lot of money and I went for mine in life which is attractive to women. Sure I had a negative view of women but until I met a woman I actually cared about my mentality was expect nothing from them and they can never break your heart. I never shared that with women but they probably mistook my coldness for confidence and took to it.

 

I think many women are absolutely terrible as assessing which guys have confidence and why they think they have it.

[Imported]

I think many women are absolutely terrible as assessing which guys have confidence and why they think they have it.

 

I think what you have and confidence is two different things.

[Got it]

I agree, negativity plays a factor, which one may not have had their whole life, but other areas factored in. Unless people were about to observe you in action there is no way to assess based on your limited perception of the chain of events to properly evaluate and advice.

 

And I have found that one's general view of life, positive or negative, does not change. Some are glass half empty and some are glass half full. It may not be apparent in all areas but this tends to be pretty consistent. So I question your optimism in the beginning of dating and would assume it was more of a neutral stance than optimistic one.

 

While this was a view point very much overlooked by myself early on in dating, after my first marriage I pretty much see it as a dealbreaker in both romantic and platonic relationships. I detest half empty perception and feel it emotionally draining to be around said people. I really don't think people who are perpetual Eeyores understand the effect they have on others and how self inflicting it is on their whole lives.

[BlueIris]

If I am discussing dating woes with people, one of them will almost always bring up the "negative energy" scenario. Stating that women can "sense" when a guy is harboring negativity even if he isnt directly vocal about it.

 

So my question back to them is....OK, if thats true, then how come I still got ignored when I first dived into dating, and had a true positive outlook, and always had a positive vibe when engaging women??

 

They are always left speechless, or they give me some dumb response like "Well I'm not a therapist so I cant help you". Really? Before I stumped you it was OK for you to give advice but now that you realize how dumb your advice sounds you dont wanna talk about it anymore?

 

It might be that they are just trying to offer a solution when you complain and then when you counter their suggestion they give up. They were just offering a possible reason but they’re not going to debate you over your problem.

 

I’m guessing that you respond the same way to people's complaints about whatever bothers them- you offer a possible reason or interpretation and if they say, “no, that’s not it because of _______” you probably respond, “well, then I don’t know.” Just because your suggestion is countered with additional information doesn't mean that you're in battle with them or that you have ill will toward them.