Strahatmak Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 I met a guy on OLD. We've been out for once for a quick meetup. He acted normal, didn't say sweet things to me, and he talked many things about him. I told him that I wanted to start off to be friends and to get to know each other. I didn't have a good experience knowing someone online so I want to take things slow. He's not a total stranger because we have a few mutual friends. I check him up with one of the friends. They were friends years back and haven't seen each other for a few years. I felt my friend was trying to hold back on telling him off in front of me. He said the guy wasn't a bad guy, but they didn't get along after a while. He asked me to watch out if he had any other objective. Plus, he told me this guy was quite explicit on sex topic, and loved to random chat with girls, too. My friend made it very subtle that he didn't "recommend" this. Sure I'm taking precaution, but there's not a single positive thing about him from my friend throws me off a bit. I do understand that no one is perfect and no one can be friend with anyone, though. Is it a completely waste of time to keep contact with this guy?
d0nnivain Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 Your "source" hasn't seen this guy for 8 years. That is a very long time especially if they were young when they knew each other. The guy may have grown up. You need to form your own independent opinions about someone. I suspect you may have already damped his interest on your own by saying you want to be friends 1st. Post high school that is almost always the kiss of death. Instead, embrace the concept of dating. The date itself is the vehicle through which you get to know somebody. You mis-categorize your own objective -- to find a nice compatible man to possibly have a romantic relationship with -- when you say you want to be friends 1st.
kpl Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 After telling him you were interested in friendship, is he going to stick around?
Author Strahatmak Posted October 31, 2015 Author Posted October 31, 2015 He is still sticking around. We exchange message everyday and had the first date. He said he wanted a sceond date. I know many of you disapprove the "getting to know each other" idea. I want a normal flow in our interactions, like friends which can talk about many things. Yes, we know we are dating. I get it. There are certain risks I need to take, that is why I'm giving this a shot. When we met up, the way he talked and the topic he brought up sometimes confused me, like he told me twice that his last ex's actions had irritated him, and he always talked about certain people like a (girl) friend he knew online. Coincident? My friend has some negative comments on the way he communicates. He did admit that he told my friend off and things went downhill. No, they were not young when they were closer.
d0nnivain Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 I know many of you disapprove the "getting to know each other" idea. I want a normal flow in our interactions, like friends which can talk about many things. Yes, we know we are dating. I think getting to know someone is a fabulous idea. It's one that more people ought to embrace. My issue was the word choice to describe that process. You say "just friends" which to me automatically takes romance off the table. I'd describe the interaction as dating -- getting to know somebody slowly but keeping the possibility of romance open. 2
Gaeta Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 It's been too long to pay attention to what your friends are saying. Get your own opinion on this man. On a side note: Playing friends is the best way of ending in the friendzone. If you want to get to know someone you date, you start by casual dating then slowly build it to more serious if you connect. I dump any man throwing the word 'friend' at me. 1
Author Strahatmak Posted November 5, 2015 Author Posted November 5, 2015 We are still on good term. We will have the second date next. I think the way he talks is kinda "funny"... I don't know a more descriptive way. What he says meaning no harm but to cheer me up, but it sounds otherwise. An example would be I told him I hated to do something again and again and I was very stressful going through this (and I truly meant it), he said I shouldn't feel stressful because I would become an expert to it. I was annoyed by this; luckily we were charting online or the moment would become awkward. I would say sometimes he's a bit socially awkward, so he can easily annoy people, and I bet that was how he annoyed my friend. I'm not complaining; he's much better then the last date I have. At least he's more mature on handling my down time. Thanks for telling me to get my own opinion; I know I should. I had some really bad experience before by not listening to my friends, and that's why I care my friend's opinion.
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