Argument with my boyfriend

[amkxoxo]

My boyfriend and I dated for about 5 months before getting in a relationship about a month ago.

 

We sometimes have small arguments over differences, but put them aside because we care about each other.

 

He treats me well. Occasionally he does irritate me, by how he lives his life.

 

I get frustrated, because he joins these clubs or sports teams.

 

We are both 23 and I want him to have friends and a social life, but he joins these teams sometimes to drink alcohol. Like he goes to a book club on Mondays, where they hangout, watch movies, talk about books they read, and sometimes drink alcohol. They stay up until all hours of the morning, and he works at 10am the next day. Who drinks on a Monday unless for a special occasion?

 

To me it isn't very responsible, but I overlook it because it makes him happy and I like him a lot.

 

He belongs to a soccer team that meets every Sunday. They drink and eat on the field with other teams in the mornings, play their game after, then drink all day long at some bars. I understand doing this once every so often, or even once a month, but this is every single week. He loves it. He loves drinking all day and having fun with people. To me, I would rather drink alcohol on a Friday or Saturday night, not spend my whole Sunday wasted. He has asked me to come a couple times. One time it rained so I didn't want to stand out watching in the rain. Another time I truly just did not want to go. I did not want to sit drinking all day. Instead I went to the gym, hung out with friends, watched movies, went hiking. I like to do things other than drinking on a Sunday afternoon.

 

A few weeks ago he told me his game was ending at 1 PM. We made plans to go to this place that was a distance away. I figured he would finish the game, drive home, get ready, which isn't long for men, and pick me up by about 2-2:30pm. He led me to believe this by telling me he would leave right after his game.

 

I was ready by 1 and I waited. I didn't hear from him. I was patient. I waited and waited. I eventually texted him to get no answer back. It was about 3pm at this point, and the place we were supposed to go to was closing at 5pm. I knew we would never make it in time since it took an hour to get there. He finally answered me and told me he was just leaving his game. I was so mad at that point. His game was until 1pm I thought. So why was he leaving at 3pm?

 

When he came to pick me up at 4pm, he apologized. I accepted it. He told me he got caught up with his friends and he was taking shots of alcohol with them to celebrate something, and how they kept begging him to stay.I was mad, but I didn't say anything. He could have left earlier, but he got "caught up" with other people, drinking. We couldn't even go to the place we planned on because he was so late. I let it go. It wasn't a big deal.

 

How this relates to recently is that that the other day I was trying to make plans for my boyfriend and I to go on a double date with my friend and her boyfriend. My friend said she would get back to me.

 

I mentioned to my boyfriend that we might do something Wednesday night with this other couple. I mentioned maybe dinner or a movie.

 

I also let him know that my friend never got back to me, so there was no set plan.

 

I often find that I am always making plans for he and I. He wants to see me and he does reach out to ask me once in a blue moon, but very often its me asking what his schedule is.

 

Wednesday during the day I got extremely busy at my work. I also did not feel well because of a underlying illness I have. My mind was so side tracked away from plans for later. I then remembered my friends birthday was coming up and I needed a gift asap to be able to mail it to her in time. I started getting stressed about my priorities that day, that other plans slipped me mind.

 

When I got out of work, I still hadn't heard from my friend whether or not she and her boyfriend were going to go out with my boyfriend and I. So I decided now was the time to shop for a gift. It was 4pm and my boyfriend worked until 6pm. I hadn't talked to him all day since my work day was packed with work, so I could not text or call like I usually do.

 

Later while I was shopping for a gift, my boyfriend texted me asking me if he should eat dinner. I told him yes, and that I never heard back from my friend about plans, so I guess they weren't happening. I told him I was out looking for a birthday gift.

 

I was preoccupied with getting a gift. I was driving all around town to different places. Then I went food shopping because I needed food at my house. By the time I got home it was about 7pm. I then got a call from my family, whom I usually talk to everyday. I had been so busy that I hadn't talked to them in multiple days, so the conversation lasted two hours.

 

At that point I started texting my boyfriend at 9pm, asking him if he wanted to do something.

 

All he said was "No"

 

It wasn't like him. I could tell he was mad about something. I thought it was about work etc... I asked what he was mad about. He said he was very mad at me, because he didn't hear from me about plans all day long and he thought we were going to do something and he was planning around it and then we do nothing.

 

I was taken back. I didn't realize he waited around. We didn't have any solid plans at all. I told him I was very sorry he waited around. I told him I didn't realize. I told him he could have texted me earlier in the day if he needed to know, but I also let him know my work was extremely busy. I told him my head was somewhere else all day and I didn't have time to plan after work outings. I told him that he could have tried to plan something himself for us, since I clearly was busy. I apologized again and again. I told him he could have mad other plans.

 

His responses were rude and not nice. He told me he didn't make other plans, because he thought he had plans with me.

 

I told him I was sorry again and that I wouldn't want to be kept waiting either. I let him know that it wasn't intentional and I had no idea, and that he needed to stop being so crabby towards me because I am clearly apologetic.

 

He then called me an "asss" for apologizing and then saying he as crabby.

 

I didn't like that. He could be mad at me, but do not swear at me and call me something mean.

 

I told him that. I told him it was un-called for, for him to call me a curse word, and that I did apologize many times and clearly I was apologetic and it wasn't intentional and he was acting crabby. I could have called him something else, but he was mad that I called him crabby? Really?

 

Then he told me again that I was an asss and told me he would call me that if that's what I was. I was very hurt. I truly felt bad he was waiting around, but his attitude was uncalled for. I didn't think I did anything that wrong.

 

I responded to him a while later saying that I wasn't going to argue with him. It was stressful. And I wished him a goodnight. He said "Yeah you too."

 

I haven't heard from him now in close to two days. Tonight we are supposed to go to his friends birthday party together, but I haven't heard one word from him. I don't want to text him. He was angry. I figured I would let him cool down. Now he should probably text me, since its his friends birthday. It hurts me that I haven't heard from him. I will be mad if I see he went to the party without me. That would be low. He is my boyfriend.

 

I don't even know what this means. Are we not together? I already bought him over $75 dollars worth of gifts for his birthday coming up, because I got really excited about it. Now I'm just upset. What if we just don't talk for a long time? I already apologized, so I don't feel the need to do it again. He should apologize for calling me mean things.

[xUnknown]

try giving us a summary. A lot of people don't want to bother reading a long story. If you can give us a summary it'll entice everyone to go back and read it...

[Redhead14]

My boyfriend and I dated for about 5 months before getting in a relationship about a month ago.

 

We sometimes have small arguments over differences, but put them aside because we care about each other.

 

He treats me well. Occasionally he does irritate me, by how he lives his life.

 

I get frustrated, because he joins these clubs or sports teams.

 

We are both 23 and I want him to have friends and a social life, but he joins these teams sometimes to drink alcohol. Like he goes to a book club on Mondays, where they hangout, watch movies, talk about books they read, and sometimes drink alcohol. They stay up until all hours of the morning, and he works at 10am the next day. Who drinks on a Monday unless for a special occasion?

 

To me it isn't very responsible, but I overlook it because it makes him happy and I like him a lot.

 

He belongs to a soccer team that meets every Sunday. They drink and eat on the field with other teams in the mornings, play their game after, then drink all day long at some bars. I understand doing this once every so often, or even once a month, but this is every single week. He loves it. He loves drinking all day and having fun with people. To me, I would rather drink alcohol on a Friday or Saturday night, not spend my whole Sunday wasted. He has asked me to come a couple times. One time it rained so I didn't want to stand out watching in the rain. Another time I truly just did not want to go. I did not want to sit drinking all day. Instead I went to the gym, hung out with friends, watched movies, went hiking. I like to do things other than drinking on a Sunday afternoon.

 

A few weeks ago he told me his game was ending at 1 PM. We made plans to go to this place that was a distance away. I figured he would finish the game, drive home, get ready, which isn't long for men, and pick me up by about 2-2:30pm. He led me to believe this by telling me he would leave right after his game.

 

I was ready by 1 and I waited. I didn't hear from him. I was patient. I waited and waited. I eventually texted him to get no answer back. It was about 3pm at this point, and the place we were supposed to go to was closing at 5pm. I knew we would never make it in time since it took an hour to get there. He finally answered me and told me he was just leaving his game. I was so mad at that point. His game was until 1pm I thought. So why was he leaving at 3pm?

 

When he came to pick me up at 4pm, he apologized. I accepted it. He told me he got caught up with his friends and he was taking shots of alcohol with them to celebrate something, and how they kept begging him to stay.I was mad, but I didn't say anything. He could have left earlier, but he got "caught up" with other people, drinking. We couldn't even go to the place we planned on because he was so late. I let it go. It wasn't a big deal.

 

How this relates to recently is that that the other day I was trying to make plans for my boyfriend and I to go on a double date with my friend and her boyfriend. My friend said she would get back to me.

 

I mentioned to my boyfriend that we might do something Wednesday night with this other couple. I mentioned maybe dinner or a movie.

 

I also let him know that my friend never got back to me, so there was no set plan.

 

I often find that I am always making plans for he and I. He wants to see me and he does reach out to ask me once in a blue moon, but very often its me asking what his schedule is.

 

Wednesday during the day I got extremely busy at my work. I also did not feel well because of a underlying illness I have. My mind was so side tracked away from plans for later. I then remembered my friends birthday was coming up and I needed a gift asap to be able to mail it to her in time. I started getting stressed about my priorities that day, that other plans slipped me mind.

 

When I got out of work, I still hadn't heard from my friend whether or not she and her boyfriend were going to go out with my boyfriend and I. So I decided now was the time to shop for a gift. It was 4pm and my boyfriend worked until 6pm. I hadn't talked to him all day since my work day was packed with work, so I could not text or call like I usually do.

 

Later while I was shopping for a gift, my boyfriend texted me asking me if he should eat dinner. I told him yes, and that I never heard back from my friend about plans, so I guess they weren't happening. I told him I was out looking for a birthday gift.

 

I was preoccupied with getting a gift. I was driving all around town to different places. Then I went food shopping because I needed food at my house. By the time I got home it was about 7pm. I then got a call from my family, whom I usually talk to everyday. I had been so busy that I hadn't talked to them in multiple days, so the conversation lasted two hours.

 

At that point I started texting my boyfriend at 9pm, asking him if he wanted to do something.

 

All he said was "No"

 

It wasn't like him. I could tell he was mad about something. I thought it was about work etc... I asked what he was mad about. He said he was very mad at me, because he didn't hear from me about plans all day long and he thought we were going to do something and he was planning around it and then we do nothing.

 

I was taken back. I didn't realize he waited around. We didn't have any solid plans at all. I told him I was very sorry he waited around. I told him I didn't realize. I told him he could have texted me earlier in the day if he needed to know, but I also let him know my work was extremely busy. I told him my head was somewhere else all day and I didn't have time to plan after work outings. I told him that he could have tried to plan something himself for us, since I clearly was busy. I apologized again and again. I told him he could have mad other plans.

 

His responses were rude and not nice. He told me he didn't make other plans, because he thought he had plans with me.

 

I told him I was sorry again and that I wouldn't want to be kept waiting either. I let him know that it wasn't intentional and I had no idea, and that he needed to stop being so crabby towards me because I am clearly apologetic.

 

He then called me an "asss" for apologizing and then saying he as crabby.

 

I didn't like that. He could be mad at me, but do not swear at me and call me something mean.

 

I told him that. I told him it was un-called for, for him to call me a curse word, and that I did apologize many times and clearly I was apologetic and it wasn't intentional and he was acting crabby. I could have called him something else, but he was mad that I called him crabby? Really?

 

Then he told me again that I was an asss and told me he would call me that if that's what I was. I was very hurt. I truly felt bad he was waiting around, but his attitude was uncalled for. I didn't think I did anything that wrong.

 

I responded to him a while later saying that I wasn't going to argue with him. It was stressful. And I wished him a goodnight. He said "Yeah you too."

 

I haven't heard from him now in close to two days. Tonight we are supposed to go to his friends birthday party together, but I haven't heard one word from him. I don't want to text him. He was angry. I figured I would let him cool down. Now he should probably text me, since its his friends birthday. It hurts me that I haven't heard from him. I will be mad if I see he went to the party without me. That would be low. He is my boyfriend.

 

I don't even know what this means. Are we not together? I already bought him over $75 dollars worth of gifts for his birthday coming up, because I got really excited about it. Now I'm just upset. What if we just don't talk for a long time? I already apologized, so I don't feel the need to do it again. He should apologize for calling me mean things.

 

Any relationship that brings me to an advice site and prompts me to write this much and is so frought with drama would be ended before I got through the first paragraph . . .

[meeji]

I read your post.

 

I don't think you did anything wrong either. Maybe you should tell him that you feel the same way when you're waiting around for him for hours and you find out the reason he's late or not responding is because he is drinking!

 

Now he will know how you feel. It sounds like he is inconsiderate and clearly only thinking about himself.

 

Maybe the drinking is a problem... I couldn't date a guy who chooses alcohol over me.

 

I know you like the guy but what if you married him and had children.. Would Daddy miss little Johnny's birthday party because he's out drinking with friends? Explain that to your kids.. Do you really have a future with this guy?... It seems like the two of you are incompatible. All the things you want to do, he doesn't. It might be a good time to evaluate why you are staying with him.

 

Just saying.

[amkxoxo]

Summary:

 

Boyfriend and I dated 5 months and have been in a relationship for one month. I had mentioned to him that we may go on a double date with a friend of mine and her boyfriend on Wednesday. Maybe dinner or a movie. I was just waiting to hear back from them. We had no set plan.

 

Wednesday came around and I got very busy at work. I also got preoccupied from an illness I have. I then remembered I also had my friends birthday this weekend and needed to get and mail a gift, since she lives far away.

 

Since I didn't hear back from the other couple, I figured plans were off. I went shopping for a gift after work. I ended up stopping at the supermarket as well. I left work at 4pm, my boyfriend texted me at 5pm asking if he should eat dinner. I told him yes because I never heard back from the other couple so I guess plans were off. He got out of work at 6pm, I shopped until 7pm, then talked to my family on the phone until 9pm. Then I texted my boyfriend to come over.

 

He was rude and mad at me for what he felt was me leaving him hanging all day long. I felt bad and apologized a bunch of times, and let him know it wasn't intentional. I reverberated my crazy day and how busy I was. He was being rude. I told him I was sorry again and I told him to stop being crabby. He got mad and called me an "asss"

 

Then I was hurt that he called me a curse word and told him so. He told me I was an asss again for apologizing and calling him crabby. He told me he would call me an asss if that's what I was being. I will not stand for a man to talk to me that way, especially since I did not intentionally hurt him. All he had was a free night to himself instead of making plans. No big deal.

 

We haven't talked in two days. We are supposed to go to his friends birthday party tonight, but I haven't heard from him. I'll be mad if he goes without me, since I was invited too and I'm his girlfriend. I'm afraid we are over for good? What if we just don't talk? I already bought him a ton of birthday gifts for his upcoming birthday. I don't know what to do?? I'm trying to give him space to cool off. But I truly don't think I did anything that bad.

[meeji]

My summary: Dump his ass!

 

 

It's harsh but you sound like a sweet guy dating a dick.. If he wanted to see you so bad he should've reached out to you about plans.. and IF the lack of plans was the problem he would have said yes when you asked to make plans together.

 

Sounds like he was upset because he missed drinking with his buddies to go with you and your friends and then it didn't happen.

 

I;ve dated alcoholics and it only gets worse.

[kismetkismet]

I didn't read the whole thing, but from the sounds of it you are incompatible. You don't like the way he lives his life and are very judgemental about it, assuming that your lifestyle is superior. that's getting off on the wrong foot to begin with. I suggest finding someone who wants to live their life the same way that you do. Not because either is better or worse (personally your boyfriends activities sound amazingly fun to me) but because you should be with someone you are compatible with.

[hippychick3]

I read the whole thing.

 

My first thoughts were that the two of you are completely incompatible. There's really nothing wrong for a single guy to live the life he is living, and there's nothing wrong with your distaste for his way of living. You're just not a good match.

 

Regarding the argument..I could see why he would be somewhat upset thinking the plans were set and you had not contacted him. Although, he could have easily communicated with you too.

 

However, there is absolutely NO excuse for calling you an ass once let alone twice. You apologized and that should have been the end of it. He way overreacted and behaved like the biggest ass of all.

 

I think you're better off finding a nicer guy who is much more compatible. You sound like a tolerant and forgiving person...you deserve better.

[d0nnivain]

Actually I have a a different take.

 

You have a bit of a thin skin. I do too sometimes.

 

Over the course of the relationship you set yourself up as the leader / planner. Then without telling him in so many words that you wanted him to plan something the night your GF flaked, you got snippy when he was annoyed after all of your plans fell through. Somewhere earlier, if you had said, My friend flaked but I have these gifts to buy can you figure out something for us to do, much of this could have been avoided. But he didn't know you wanted him to do that & from his perspective you seemed to be blowing him off.

 

He told you he was also out of sorts. Hence him calling you a name. Now I'm not saying calling you an "ass" was a good thing but one curse word while he was upset . . . in the grand scheme of things, it's not something that should outweigh all the good things in your relationship.

 

As for his drinking, that you need to take a long hard look at his social life. I don't think his drinking is a problem but if you don't like it, you need to figure out if you can live with it. Assume it never changes and or gets worse. If you see this as a problem get out now because you can't assume he will ever cut down.

[SwordofFlame]

Do you live in a big city? This is some fairly normal behavior for an early to late 20s single guy. I usually spend Friday nights out drinking. Sometimes even go out more than one night for drinks if a work or some other event is going on. However, not all guys are like this and not all take it to the level that your bf does.

[ExpatInItaly]

I read the whole thing.

 

My first thoughts were that the two of you are completely incompatible. There's really nothing wrong for a single guy to live the life he is living, and there's nothing wrong with your distaste for his way of living. You're just not a good match.

 

Regarding the argument..I could see why he would be somewhat upset thinking the plans were set and you had not contacted him. Although, he could have easily communicated with you too.

 

However, there is absolutely NO excuse for calling you an ass once let alone twice. You apologized and that should have been the end of it. He way overreacted and behaved like the biggest ass of all.

 

I think you're better off finding a nicer guy who is much more compatible. You sound like a tolerant and forgiving person...you deserve better.

 

I was about to post this, too. You have quite different priorities and lifestyles and I doubt either one of you is going to want to change much. This might be the perfect moment to step back and re-asses whether this is going to work in the long-run; it doesn't sound like it at this point. This argument didn't need to go this far and I think his reaction is rather out of proportion to the original issue. Imagine if you'd conflicted over a more serious problem.

 

Also, as a sidenote, I wouldn't count on going to this birthday party with him. I'd try to make other plans to take a night to myself. I don't think it'd be very enjoyable to attend a social event together right now with so much unresolved tension.

[Httm]

There is zero communication in this relationship. There is a lot of passive aggressive behavior as well. He seems a bit childish and unreliable. In the end, you live different lifestyles. Move on.

[amkxoxo]

I appreciate all your responses. Its good to hear it from different sides. It also reaffirms what I think too.

 

I'm very upset. His friends birthday is in an hour and he still hasn't contacted me. Very doubtful that he will. I'm so sad and upset. I don't think I did anything so bad to deserve this. I dealt with this type of stuff a lot with a past man in my life and it broke me. I didn't think this would too. I'm so sad. I just don't want to give in and text him, because I don't want to make it okay that he can call me mean things. I don't understand why this was so blown out of proportion.

[katiegrl]

Actually I have a a different take.

 

You have a bit of a thin skin. I do too sometimes.

 

Over the course of the relationship you set yourself up as the leader / planner. Then without telling him in so many words that you wanted him to plan something the night your GF flaked, you got snippy when he was annoyed after all of your plans fell through. Somewhere earlier, if you had said, My friend flaked but I have these gifts to buy can you figure out something for us to do, much of this could have been avoided. But he didn't know you wanted him to do that & from his perspective you seemed to be blowing him off.

 

He told you he was also out of sorts. Hence him calling you a name. Now I'm not saying calling you an "ass" was a good thing but one curse word while he was upset . . . in the grand scheme of things, it's not something that should outweigh all the good things in your relationship.

 

As for his drinking, that you need to take a long hard look at his social life. I don't think his drinking is a problem but if you don't like it, you need to figure out if you can live with it. Assume it never changes and or gets worse. If you see this as a problem get out now because you can't assume he will ever cut down.

 

I read her summary post, and in the third paragraph, she said at 5:00pm, after he asked about dinner with friends, she told him he should eat dinner as plans to get together with her friends were OFF. No other plan to get together was discussed.

 

Nowhere in her post did she say she expected or even hoped he would make another plan. Did I miss something?

 

Anyway, after that she went shopping, then was on the phone with parents for two hours.

 

Where did he get that they were going to get together? And how did she leave him hanging? According to him...

 

At 5:00pm, she told him the plans were OFF, remember?

 

Then, at 9:00pm, she casually asks him to come over. And, in response, he calls her an ass?

 

Not once, but twice, maybe more, and for what? Because he expected they would get together after she already told him plans were OFF?

 

Now he is ignoring her completely. Blowing her off after making plans to attend his friends bday party together. Not cool!

 

I usually agree with you d0nnivain, but don't understand your take on this one.

 

amkxoxo, HE is the ass here, not you!

Edited October 31, 2015 by katiegrl

[amkxoxo]

I don't know if I should call him or text him. Try to make amends. Give in and let it go. I don't want to seem desperate. He could have called me or texted me to make a plan for this party. He hasn't. He will go off and have a great time, and I will be crying my eyes out. The last guy I dated did this every weekend. My boyfriend now did not, until now. I'm hurt.

[katiegrl]

I don't know if I should call him or text him. Try to make amends. Give in and let it go. I don't want to seem desperate. He could have called me or texted me to make a plan for this party. He hasn't. He will go off and have a great time, and I will be crying my eyes out. The last guy I dated did this every weekend. My boyfriend now did not, until now. I'm hurt.

 

Do not call or text, under any circumstances.

 

You have already apologized, even though you did not do anything wrong to apologize for!

 

You teach people how to treat you.

 

If you call or text, you teach him that he can behave like an ass, even call you an ass, for no reason that makes any sense, and you will reward that behavior by chasing after him.

 

This only invites further bad treatment by him, so don't do it!

 

Can you visit with your family this weekend?

[amkxoxo]

Yeah I'm thinking of visiting my family. They are the people I always run to when I am feeling down. They mean everything to me. They are my #1.

 

I can't believe this is happening to me. I'm such a hopeless romantic. After the last guy hurt me over and over again, I shut down. I was depressed for so long. Everything was so dark and I was hurting so much. I finally learned more about myself, built myself back up and became the girl I once was. I found happiness and security within myself. I have so much good going for me. I finally let someone in. Someone who was my friend first. I trusted him. I don't care that he might have been mad. I do not want to be called an ass. I didn't deserve that. I didn't mean to leave him hanging. It was not purposeful. But for him to just ignore me, the girl who he claims to care about so deeply. He tells me all the time. He is slowly cracking my heart. Cracking leads to a break.

[lana-banana]

No healthy relationship should be facing this kind of turbulence at six months. You two are fundamentally incompatible, and your bond isn't strong enough to overcome those incompatibilities. That's not because either of you have failed in some way; you're simply not a good match. I'm so sorry you're hurting! If I was there I'd fix us a bowl of popcorn, open a bottle of Bordeaux and start binge-watching American Horror Story.

[katiegrl]

Yeah I'm thinking of visiting my family. They are the people I always run to when I am feeling down. They mean everything to me. They are my #1.

 

I can't believe this is happening to me. I'm such a hopeless romantic. After the last guy hurt me over and over again, I shut down. I was depressed for so long. Everything was so dark and I was hurting so much. I finally learned more about myself, built myself back up and became the girl I once was. I found happiness and security within myself. I have so much good going for me. I finally let someone in. Someone who was my friend first. I trusted him. I don't care that he might have been mad. I do not want to be called an ass. I didn't deserve that. I didn't mean to leave him hanging. It was not purposeful. But for him to just ignore me, the girl who he claims to care about so deeply. He tells me all the time. He is slowly cracking my heart. Cracking leads to a break.

 

You did not leave him hanging. You told him at 5:00pm the plans were off and that he should eat dinner. No other plan to get together was ever discussed!

 

I think all his drinking has killed some of his brain cells, cause I have no idea how he thinks you left him hanging.

 

I think he might be using that as an excuse to distance himself, for whatever reason, and blame you.

 

It makes NO sense!

 

Yes go visit your family. Try not to think about him, he is not worth it.

 

You are a sweet girl, you deserve better!

 

hugs

[Qboro90]

A couple things. I think there's a little bit of hypocrisy going on here and things work both ways. As a guy in my late 20's who has a full time career I can tell you that the extra curricular sports teams/clubs (softball, football leagues) are essential for me to live a happy life. As an ex college athlete I still need that comradary, competition, activity in my life in order to feel content, after a weeks long of working hard and busting my ass. I keep it to 1-2 days a week, usually a weeknight and a weekend morning so that my girlfriend time isn't affected, which works out perfectly.

 

Your BF is doing this as well. Not sure why you're so upset over it. There are still 5 other days in the week he's all yours and the days he plays aren't always taking up the entire day. He's entitled to a day to himself every now and then. If you were 30 and engaged or married then it's a different story, but your right out of college, he's not required to have a wife and the responsibilities that go with that just yet.

 

When he invites you to Go to his games, GO every once in a while. I understand if it's raining or you have other things to get done. But just saying "I didn't feel like it" is a careless and inconsiderate thing to say. Even if you're not into it, HE is... A big part of a healthy relationship is doing things you know make your partner happy, even if you get nothing out of it. Attending a club sports game isn't the hardest thing to do and I guarantee that if you're there, he will curtail his drinking and end the day shorter than usual.

 

You also can't leave him hanging and tell him days in advance that you're trying to make plans with a friend of yours for a dinner date. As a guy I can tell you that when my gf tells me things like that in advance I just assume that it will get sorted out by the time that day comes and she's telling me in advance so that I don't make other plans. Your boyfriend did the right thing and waited for you.

 

How many times have you heard a girl say "why couldn't he just take 2 minutes or 10 seconds out of his day to send me a text and let me know he was busy or wasn't gonna be home for dinner!?!?" ..... You can use as many excuses as you want.... Getting a birthday gift, talking to your mom for 2 freaking hours, etc.... But the fact of the matter is that you could have easily taken 1 minute to call or text him and let him know that nothing was going on and if he wanted to see what else was going on and get back to you then he should.

 

The spiteful "I'm not gonna text him first" act is going to just make what should be a minor argument/disagreement into something bigger. You can either start being the adult that you want him to start acting like, or continue the same back and forth game you've been doing and most likely break up at some point for silly reasons.

[katiegrl]

Qboro, always appreciate what you have to say, but did you miss the part where she told him at 5:00 pm (as soon as she realized plans were off), to eat dinner because the plans were off?

 

And no other plan to get together was discussed?

 

It was AFTER that conversation she went shopping for bday present and called her parents. After she told him plans for dinner were OFF.

Edited October 31, 2015 by katiegrl

[katiegrl]

Qboro, always appreciate what you have to say, but did you miss the part where she told him at 5:00 pm (as soon as she realized plans were off), to eat dinner because the plans were off?

 

And no other plan to get together was discussed?

 

It was AFTER that conversation she went shopping for bday present and called her parents. After she told him plans for dinner were OFF.

 

Qboro, did you also miss the part where she said they had plans to get together after his game one day, but he blew her off cause he was doing shots and drinking with his friends after the game? No call, no text letting her know he would be three HOURS late.

 

By the time he arrived, it was too late to go to the place they had planned to go to.

 

Did you miss the part where he called her an ass several times and is now ignoring her?

[amkxoxo]

A couple things. I think there's a little bit of hypocrisy going on here and things work both ways. As a guy in my late 20's who has a full time career I can tell you that the extra curricular sports teams/clubs (softball, football leagues) are essential for me to live a happy life. As an ex college athlete I still need that comradary, competition, activity in my life in order to feel content, after a weeks long of working hard and busting my ass. I keep it to 1-2 days a week, usually a weeknight and a weekend morning so that my girlfriend time isn't affected, which works out perfectly.

 

Your BF is doing this as well. Not sure why you're so upset over it. There are still 5 other days in the week he's all yours and the days he plays aren't always taking up the entire day. He's entitled to a day to himself every now and then. If you were 30 and engaged or married then it's a different story, but your right out of college, he's not required to have a wife and the responsibilities that go with that just yet.

 

When he invites you to Go to his games, GO every once in a while. I understand if it's raining or you have other things to get done. But just saying "I didn't feel like it" is a careless and inconsiderate thing to say. Even if you're not into it, HE is... A big part of a healthy relationship is doing things you know make your partner happy, even if you get nothing out of it. Attending a club sports game isn't the hardest thing to do and I guarantee that if you're there, he will curtail his drinking and end the day shorter than usual.

 

You also can't leave him hanging and tell him days in advance that you're trying to make plans with a friend of yours for a dinner date. As a guy I can tell you that when my gf tells me things like that in advance I just assume that it will get sorted out by the time that day comes and she's telling me in advance so that I don't make other plans. Your boyfriend did the right thing and waited for you.

 

How many times have you heard a girl say "why couldn't he just take 2 minutes or 10 seconds out of his day to send me a text and let me know he was busy or wasn't gonna be home for dinner!?!?" ..... You can use as many excuses as you want.... Getting a birthday gift, talking to your mom for 2 freaking hours, etc.... But the fact of the matter is that you could have easily taken 1 minute to call or text him and let him know that nothing was going on and if he wanted to see what else was going on and get back to you then he should.

 

The spiteful "I'm not gonna text him first" act is going to just make what should be a minor argument/disagreement into something bigger. You can either start being the adult that you want him to start acting like, or continue the same back and forth game you've been doing and most likely break up at some point for silly reasons.

 

Thats the thing. I work a full time 9-5 job. He does not. He works part time. He works 30-35 hours a week. He works 10-6 most days. Then he has book club Monday. Sports Thursday. And Sports all day Saturday where most of it is a giant drinking party from 11am-9pm. I don't go to the games because I don't want to drink all day. One time he told me thats what we would do. He wanted me to go so I could watch him play, but he was more excited to tote me around the bar after and drink all day.

 

I would love to watch him play, but the drinking is included in that. I support him playing these games and being on a team. I like his friends and don't mind him having this time.

 

I was extremely busy at work so I could not text him or call him that day. I didn't feel well because I have a disease that made me feel bad that day. I figured he would get it that we weren't doing anything since I didn't get back to him. And even so I did finally tell him at 5 when he asked what the plan was.

[katiegrl]

amk, just curious, but when did you know for sure plans for dinner were off?

 

I thought you were still waiting to hear from your friend all day, and by 5:00 pm, when you had not heard from her, you figured the plans were off.

 

Did you definitively know for sure before that?

 

If you knew at let's say 1-2:00 pm ..., you might have taken 30 seconds to let him know. Common courtesy.

[amkxoxo]

Normally I would have checked in with my friend, but I was so busy at work that I didn't have time. At that point, I figured I would give my friend some time, because my boyfriend did not get out of work until 6pm anyway. When I didn't hear at that point I knew plans were off, since it was already dinner time. He asked if he should eat and I said yes, and I told him that I never heard back so the plans were off. I let him know I was out shopping for my friends birthday. We didn't talk back and forth since I was shopping then in my car and couldn't touch my phone. I figured since I told him to do what he wanted for dinner that he would do his own thing. By the time I got home it was 7pm. Like I said I talked to my mom for two hours, during which I couldn't talk to him. When I hung up at 9pm, I decided to see what my boyfriend was doing. He said he was at home and doing nothing. I asked him to come over, and he started getting rude and snippy.