Cancelling a date [updated]

[William]

Folks, moderation merged four threads on one apparently similar dating situation so there may be some duplication of content and references to other threads which no longer exist. Please, in accordance with our published policies, discuss each topic in the thread it was begun in. Thanks!

[katiegrl]

The upshot of all of this is that I've decided to end the relationship. I'm very satisfied with that decision.

 

Fabulous! :bunny:

[J21]

Whether or not she offered alternative date is moot.

 

Read her previous thread about this guy, it's relevant.

 

This bozo verbally abuses her ... she was smart not to offer alternative date, she needs to cancel him from her life permanently, which it appears is exactly what she plans to do, thank gawd.

Well I was assuming this was a normal, healthy relationship. Like I said, I don't follow her threads, so I'm not gonna assume this guy is abusive. Whatever information she posted (which is not much) is what I was going off of.

 

I can see if it the relationship is abusive it's a moot point, but like I said, I have no idea because she posted almost no details in the original post.

 

If the guy (in a regular normal healthy relationship) is doing all the work (setting up a date, etc), and she just cancels without offer any sort of alternative, what's the point for the guy to be in a one sided relationship? That was what I was trying to get across.

[Shining One]

Would it be considered rational or normal for a man to sulk and refuse to even speak to you if you cancel a date with him (giving 24 hours notice, not a first date)?

I admit, in my younger days, I would sulk when a woman cancelled a date. Most were less considerate than you and would cancel within hours. Nevertheless, none of them knew I was sulking. I didn't give them the cold shoulder either.

 

Now, when a woman cancels on me, I just do something else or go with someone else to the event. Sulking is a waste of time when I could just be having fun instead.

[Odinani]

Ordinani ...he IS doing harm ...some of the things he says to you are mean spirited ...aimed at leveling ...I might be a newbie to dating again but I know all the dance moves to Saturday Night Fever so I've been around a long time ...dated a ton in my 20s ... His words are not kind ...his place in your life is to show you what you don't want in a partner ... He's taught you that lesson ... I'm sure he has some good qualities but he's got a big dark spot on his heart.

 

How much harm is too much? For me ..any amount of harm is too much ...but I don't put up with crappy baggage ...I understand everyone has got some baggage ...I'd just prefer it be filled with a bag of Godiva chocolates, rye crackers and some cheese ... Crap just stinks up the plane

 

This is true

 

[lilmissjava]

The questions you are posting are more obvious to us because we are on the outside and not experiencing the things you are.

 

You are living it, and that experience alone will cloud your judgement and not the array of advisement that is posted here.

 

Simply put, he is not a good match for you. One might even go as far to say that he isn't good enough for you. The subconscious put-downs, the belittlement and the attempts to bring you down to his level of self-esteem.

 

I hope you come out of this unscathed.

[Odinani]

The questions you are posting are more obvious to us because we are on the outside and not experiencing the things you are.

 

You are living it, and that experience alone will cloud your judgement and not the array of advisement that is posted here.

 

Simply put, he is not a good match for you. One might even go as far to say that he isn't good enough for you. The subconscious put-downs, the belittlement and the attempts to bring you down to his level of self-esteem.

 

I hope you come out of this unscathed.

 

Well I'm out of it as of today. And more or less unscathed I hope

[StBreton]

He's been acting as if I owe him EVERYTHING

 

A good man will just try to make YOU happy ...not expect you to make him happy ...though you will do things out of your love and kindness to create a feeling of happiness in him. Wanting to make you happy is in a true man's DNA ... Why do you think Adam ate that apple?! Even though it got him in a lot of trouble lol

 

My tip: don't believe in this lie he's spewing. Good men do not act like your guy does. Your guy acts quite bitter. Maybe he's stuck in the poo poo stage of life emotionally ... But his attitude is pervasive and will show up in many areas ... Maybe because you haven't experienced "good love" in relationships you can't call him for what he is ... He's not a good guy ... And he is harming you as after a while he'll skew your thinking ... What good is all that counseling for?

 

I've learned this one thing in my advanced age lol ... Sometimes people are not ready to hear the message. LSers will still keep walking next to you on this path but I do understand you may not be ready to really "hear" the message (act on it because it's the right thing)

[StBreton]

Well I'm out of it as of today. And more or less unscathed I hope

 

I'm having a little Saturday Night Fever dance party over here for you

[Odinani]

I'm having a little Saturday Night Fever dance party over here for you

 

Thank you to everyone in this thread. You all contributed towards nudging me into seeing and acting on what my intuition was already telling me. :bunny:

 

[katiegrl]

I'm having a little Saturday Night Fever dance party over here for you

 

I'm on my way!! :bunny: