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Cancelling a date [updated]

Odinani

By Odinani
in Dating

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While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

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Odinani Established Member

Odinani

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Is it a very new relationship? how many dates?

 

only about 7 dates.

katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

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No he does know that. I should tell him?

 

 

Yes of course! It's called communication. :)

 

 

How do you expect him to know what's important to you if you don't tell him? Do you think he's a mind reader or something?

 

 

Perhaps the women he was with prior to you didn't need to be complimented. Maybe they were happy that he was physically affectionate with them and gave them attention in others ways, like spending time with them, listening to them, supporting them (emotionally), being there for them. Or the way he simply looked at them made them feel beautiful.

 

 

Not all women crave compliments the way you do... .to the point of becoming fed up and pissed off if they don't receive them.

 

 

Sure telling you that you look nice once in a while is nice, but seriously, is it the end of the world if he shows you in other ways how beautiful he thinks you are?

 

 

Anyway, yes communicate with him. Tell him how nice it would make you feel if he acknowledged how pretty he thinks you are once in a while.

 

 

DON'T be mad and don't accuse him of doing anything "wrong." Just tell him what's important to you. That's what you do in a RL, you communicate with each other.

 

 

Frankly, I am surprised you don't know that. I assume you've been in a RL before?

  • Like 1
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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hhhmmm not sure I would tell him about wanting compliments after 7 dates only.

 

I would try something else before.

 

Next time you see him ask him something like

 

* you like my new haircut

* you like my new dress

Anything like that

 

When he says, yes I really like that dress on you then reply with: Thank you I LOVE IT when you give me compliments!!

 

He will catch on unless he's a hopeless clueless nerd.

  • Like 3
katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

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only about 7 dates.

 

Another alternative to telling him what's important to you is.... why not try to understand him a little bit better and learn to ACCEPT what he DOES give you.

 

 

Like the fact he's physically affectionate and the way he looks at you and spends time with you.

 

 

Try not to take his lack of complimenting skills so personally. You know you're beautiful, right? You know HE knows you're beautiful. That's all that really matters IMO.

 

 

If you can't accept what he does give you, and you are absolutely miserable without the compliments, then just move on.

katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

Posted
Posted
hhhmmm not sure I would tell him about wanting compliments after 7 dates only.

 

I would try something else before.

 

Next time you see him ask him something like

 

* you like my new haircut

* you like my new dress

Anything like that

 

When he says, yes I really like that dress on you then reply with: Thank you I LOVE IT when you give me compliments!!

 

He will catch on unless he's a hopeless clueless nerd.

 

 

When I wrote my previous post, didn't know it had only been seven dates.

 

 

But yeah that's a perfect way to let him know! Subtle but to the point.

  • Like 1
katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

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because I am attracted to him, find him intelligent and funny and aside from lack of compliments and this silly comment today he treats me beautifully

 

 

Well there ya go!!

 

That is awesome... do you know how many women would love to say that about the guy they're dating?

  • Like 1
  • Author
Odinani Established Member

Odinani

Posted
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Yes of course! It's called communication. :)

 

 

How do you expect him to know what's important to you if you don't tell him? Do you think he's a mind reader or something?

 

 

Perhaps the women he was with prior to you didn't need to be complimented. Maybe they were happy that he was physically affectionate with them and gave them attention in others ways, like spending time with them, listening to them, supporting them (emotionally), being there for them. Or the way he simply looked at them made them feel beautiful.

 

 

Not all women crave compliments the way you do... .to the point of becoming fed up and pissed off if they don't receive them.

 

 

Sure telling you that you look nice once in a while is nice, but seriously, is it the end of the world if he shows you in other ways how beautiful he thinks you are?

 

 

Anyway, yes communicate with him. Tell him how nice it would make you feel if he acknowledged how pretty he thinks you are once in a while.

 

 

DON'T be mad and don't accuse him of doing anything "wrong." Just tell him what's important to you. That's what you do in a RL, you communicate with each other.

 

 

Frankly, I am surprised you don't know that. I assume you've been in a RL before?

 

When you put it like that. I suppose there is the fact he can't stop kissing me ;-)

 

 

  • Author
Odinani Established Member

Odinani

Posted
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How is a man who is shy able to be very proactive in taking the initiative to arrange dates, make his interest very clear and initiate lots of kissing? I'm just curious as the guy I am with is shy (he even describes himself as shy) but somehow has no problem at all initiating everything.

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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If he has motivation, he will push himself.

  • Like 1
J21 Established Member

J21

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Probably depend on his mood or he is pushing himself not to be as shy.

 

As a result, some days he may feel less shy than others.

  • Like 1
fitnessfan365 Established Member

fitnessfan365

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He's probably shy but becomes more proactive/social/confident when he starts dating someone. After the ball gets rolling, there's no reason to be shy anymore.

carhill Established Member

carhill

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Is the guy globally shy or just shy with you?

 

One example would be how do you activate your overt expressions of desire for someone? If you can understand the process in yourself, that can help you empathize with it in another. If you're not 'shy', examine why not. What's different.

 

Since he's mentioned that he is shy, it appears he's open to communication about that. If you wish to understand him better and enable a more assertive approach, work the communication angle first and match up what you're hearing with experience and take it from there. If your minds can meet, no need to delete.

Philosopher Established Member

Philosopher

Posted
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He probably really likes you and feels comfortable around you, hence his shyness is less of an issue when he is around you.

  • Like 1
SwordofFlame Established Member

SwordofFlame

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Are you sure he's shy? Maybe he's an introvert. There is a difference. I consider myself an introvert but not shy.

carhill Established Member

carhill

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OP, apologies for misreading.....

 

You were interested in understanding how a man who describes himself as shy can still be overt in his interest in you.

 

That's pretty easy to answer:

 

With sufficient attraction, a shy person will act in an overt fashion consistent with what we'd otherwise term 'normal' or 'not-shy' behavior.

 

Another way of putting it is that his personal attraction to you overshadowed any shyness he might otherwise have.

  • Like 2
thecrucible Established Member

thecrucible

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Sometimes it's easy to make assumptions about shy men. But the truth is some people get shy in certain situations but not in others and there are others who are shy at first but fine once they warm up. I'm a shy-ish woman so I understand.

  • Like 1
Guyouthere Established Member

Guyouthere

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It is likely he just feels very comfortable with you.

 

How does he act around others?

 

I can be either or, depends on who I am around and how they are acting themselves.

 

I will normally be open with people to see how they are. If they respond favorably, I will too. I can clam up, walk away, if I feel as though they can't or don't want to hold a normal conversation.

 

He likely sees himself as shy because he is somewhat reserved, which is a good thing.

 

He likely hates phoniness as much as I do.

CalvinM Established Member

CalvinM

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I'm pretty shy, especially on first dates, but I've learned through occasional success to go for a kiss, or reach for their hand, etc. Sometimes it works, often it doesn't.

 

I wasn't shy at all with the last two women. I knew immediately that I was attracted to them and wanted a second date, so I went for it and both times were successful.

 

There are varying degrees of shyness, as there are varying degrees of how forward guys can be. Dating more frequently can help you find a balance that works best for you.

Ami1uwant Established Member

Ami1uwant

Posted
Posted
How is a man who is shy able to be very proactive in taking the initiative to arrange dates, make his interest very clear and initiate lots of kissing? I'm just curious as the guy I am with is shy (he even describes himself as shy) but somehow has no problem at all initiating everything.

 

Coming from someone who tends to be shy when it comes to dating/relationships.

 

I'm shy when it comes to being able to read if she is interested in random meetings. I'm shy in approaching women and not good at small talk or a good charmer.

 

Online dating has been very beneficial to me because it's easier for me in dating. After I get past the initial communication I gave no problem setting up dates or asking her out and communicating with her.

Guyouthere Established Member

Guyouthere

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Be a man.

 

Go for it.

 

If you are attracted to her, show it.

 

Most she can do is say no, or show it (hopefully not with a .357) hehehe

 

Be assertive, but in a respectful manner.

 

My opinion is if she doesn't respond to affection, even the most basic showing of it, I can't handle that.

 

You begin to doubt yourself as a man if you are with someone who refuses your affection. The last lady I was with was cold, I understood why. I still had patience with her, was VERY affectionate towards her when I saw her.

 

But then I realized she had another guy too.

 

That said it all.

Wewon Established Member

Wewon

Posted
Posted
How is a man who is shy able to be very proactive in taking the initiative to arrange dates, make his interest very clear and initiate lots of kissing? I'm just curious as the guy I am with is shy (he even describes himself as shy) but somehow has no problem at all initiating everything.

 

I used to be really shy and it can be done, but it is a growth process. Don't expect him to turn a corner tomorrow and he's the life of the party.

 

You can help matters along by understanding that he's shy and not pushing him in too much or expecting his attempts to look smooth and refined; they won't be, they will likely be deliberate and a little clumsy the first few times.

 

As he warms up to you and the trust grows his shyness will dissipate.

  • Like 1
  • Author
Odinani Established Member

Odinani

Posted
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Would it be considered rational or normal for a man to sulk and refuse to even speak to you if you cancel a date with him (giving 24 hours notice, not a first date)?

  • Like 1
Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

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Posted
Would it be considered rational or normal for a man to sulk and refuse to even speak to you if you cancel a date with him (giving 24 hours notice, not a first date)?

 

No it is not rational if the cancellation was done properly and for a clearly valid reason.

 

Why did you cancel?

  • Like 1
SwordofFlame Established Member

SwordofFlame

Posted
Posted
Would it be considered rational or normal for a man to sulk and refuse to even speak to you if you cancel a date with him (giving 24 hours notice, not a first date)?

I think he senses something is wrong and thinks the relationship is probably over. Otherwise, it's not rational or normal.

  • Like 1
katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

Posted
Posted
Would it be considered rational or normal for a man to sulk and refuse to even speak to you if you cancel a date with him (giving 24 hours notice, not a first date)?

 

Considering your last thread about this guy, and now this .... you need to cancel on him permanently!!

 

How much more evidence do you need to recognize this guy is a controlling, emotionally abusive asshat?

 

Come on now Ordiani, you are smarter than this...

  • Like 3
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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