B33F24 Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 I had a date last night that went very well. We met for some drinks and clicked right away. It ended up lasting about three hours and ended well. I sent her a thank you, I had a great time text after the date and suggested we meet up again soon. She responded saying she had a lot of fun and would definitely meet up again and I should let her know. My question is, are there any time frames? I don't want to necessarily suggest something too soon, but I also don't want to wait to long and give things a chance to fizzle. I was going to suggest Monday or Wednesday next week, should I push it out a bit further? Or do I just roll with the punches at this point and go for it? Thanks!
fitnessfan365 Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 My advice? Take a few days to calm down a bit, get centered, and come up w/an idea for what you want to do on the next date. Then on Sunday, give her a call and make plans w/her over the phone.
Author B33F24 Posted October 30, 2015 Author Posted October 30, 2015 That makes sense, my thing is that it's not going to be too long? To the point where she thinks interest isn't there on my part anymore? I feel like in this day and age with contact being as easy as it is, waiting three days or whatever the rule is seems pointless. Of course I'm on here asking for a reason so I could very well be wrong. Thanks
menyou Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 That makes sense, my thing is that it's not going to be too long? To the point where she thinks interest isn't there on my part anymore? I feel like in this day and age with contact being as easy as it is, waiting three days or whatever the rule is seems pointless. Of course I'm on here asking for a reason so I could very well be wrong. Thanks I will never understand the waiting games. If you are not busy just ask her out again. 1
Miss Peach Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 I agree with the waiting 3 days rule to be pointless. If a guy waits too long I assume I'm his second choice which isn't flattering. If you like her and want to go out again just ask her. She seemed interested and left the door open for you to ask IMO. I would just space your dates out so things keep a nice steady pace. I think asking her out for the next week is perfect. It shows pacing, it shows you can plan ahead, that you respect her time, etc. All good things. 2
Jejangles Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 Agreed with the other ladies, if a guy has already indicated he would like to go out again, I would then like to set a time. My schedule fills up and I appreciate someone who wants to see me enough to pick a time in advance. I don't always need to know exactly what we'll be doing, often the guy will suggest a night and then we figure it out. Next Wednesday would be good pacing if your first date was yesterday (Thursday).
Author B33F24 Posted October 30, 2015 Author Posted October 30, 2015 I agree with the waiting 3 days rule to be pointless. If a guy waits too long I assume I'm his second choice which isn't flattering. If you like her and want to go out again just ask her. She seemed interested and left the door open for you to ask IMO. I would just space your dates out so things keep a nice steady pace. I think asking her out for the next week is perfect. It shows pacing, it shows you can plan ahead, that you respect her time, etc. All good things. That sounds good too me and that was my thought as well. Why risk playing "games" by waiting "x" amount of days. Instead, I would rather just go with my feelings and contact her with a plan sooner. I do have another question, though. Would it be better to call her up on the phone or just do it via text again? Thanks!
Miss Peach Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 The only time I dislike a guy asking me out is at the end of the date. I would prefer the next day. I like to see how I feel once it's over. The reason I advise this is for this for a lot of women that is pressure and if they aren't into you or aren't sure you are more likely to get them to say yes and then cancel or flake. A lot of women won't say no to your face. 3
Miss Peach Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 That sounds good too me and that was my thought as well. Why risk playing "games" by waiting "x" amount of days. Instead, I would rather just go with my feelings and contact her with a plan sooner. I do have another question, though. Would it be better to call her up on the phone or just do it via text again? Thanks! This is one of those things where you'll hear different things from every woman IMO. Some women prefer to talk on the phone. Others hate it. My personal preference is a guy who calls. It is rare nowadays so you'll stand out. It will make you appear more confident. I am always impressed with it. A guy who texts for a date is a dime a dozen. A lot of those guys are lazy and are trying to do as little as possible IME. If she has options it will not make you stand out. That was partly why my BF got me over the other men I was seeing - they all texted for dates and I liked this guy always called me for one, asked me out in advance, had a plan, etc. It was so refreshing to see over what I typically see on the dating market. 2
Author B33F24 Posted October 30, 2015 Author Posted October 30, 2015 This is one of those things where you'll hear different things from every woman IMO. Some women prefer to talk on the phone. Others hate it. My personal preference is a guy who calls. It is rare nowadays so you'll stand out. It will make you appear more confident. I am always impressed with it. A guy who texts for a date is a dime a dozen. A lot of those guys are lazy and are trying to do as little as possible IME. If she has options it will not make you stand out. That was partly why my BF got me over the other men I was seeing - they all texted for dates and I liked this guy always called me for one, asked me out in advance, had a plan, etc. It was so refreshing to see over what I typically see on the dating market. I guess that is one thing I'm not sure of, whether or not she has a preference. I guess I would rather just take the chance and call her as it seems more personal, and as you mentioned that I am taking time to put effort into her and setting up another date. I would much rather be the guy that stands out for good reasons rather than just another face in the crowd. We clicked really well and she was more than excited to go on another one, so I'm not afraid of it being awkward or anything. Since the date was yesterday, would calling on Saturday be waiting too long? I thought about tonight but I don't want to seem over eager, either.
SwordofFlame Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 That sounds good too me and that was my thought as well. Why risk playing "games" by waiting "x" amount of days. Instead, I would rather just go with my feelings and contact her with a plan sooner. I do have another question, though. Would it be better to call her up on the phone or just do it via text again? Thanks! This is like a generational thing. Most people my age hate talking on the phone. Myself included I usually stick to text.
Author B33F24 Posted October 30, 2015 Author Posted October 30, 2015 This is like a generational thing. Most people my age hate talking on the phone. Myself included I usually stick to text. So you suggest a text over a call? I guess I am indifferent personally lol which is why I'm asking.
SwordofFlame Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 So you suggest a text over a call? I guess I am indifferent personally lol which is why I'm asking. I'm 27 and usually date women my age to a few years younger. None of them have ever asked or told me to call them. I figure if your date is in the same age range, to just text.
menyou Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 I'm 27 and usually date women my age to a few years younger. None of them have ever asked or told me to call them. I figure if your date is in the same age range, to just text. I hate to say it but because you prefer texting over a phone call it actually shows your interest that much more by being out of your own comfort zone to be more personal
Jejangles Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 I have never been a fan of talking on the phone with strangers (and after one date, you're not much more on that)! So I'd be happy with a text to set up date two, but I would also be open to setting up a time when we could talk. Once I am dating someone, I like spontaneous phone calls. I just don't love them in the early days. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 (edited) That makes sense, my thing is that it's not going to be too long? To the point where she thinks interest isn't there on my part anymore? I feel like in this day and age with contact being as easy as it is, waiting three days or whatever the rule is seems pointless. Of course I'm on here asking for a reason so I could very well be wrong. Thanks Well you contacted her right after the date and said that you'd like to see her again. So there was no "rule" or "waiting games" involved. I was simply saying that you're still kind of amped up from the date and overthinking things a bit. Taking that time will allow you to relax and get centered again. Plus, it's Halloween weekend. You're far more likely to get her on the phone Sunday after Halloween than today or tomorrow. Edited October 30, 2015 by fitnessfan365
Author B33F24 Posted October 30, 2015 Author Posted October 30, 2015 Hah well now I'm not sure if I should call or just text, damn. As for a time period to do so, is waiting until Sunday too late? We had already talked after the date last night and made a general plan to go on another date, we just need the specifics now. I know tomorrow is Halloween and we're both going to be busy, but if Sunday is too long I can just do it then. Thoughts? Thanks again everyone!
fitnessfan365 Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 (edited) ^^^^ Dude..this is exactly why my advice was to wait. I mean it'd be one thing if you were calm and confident. But right now you're over analyzing everything and anxious. Acting from a place of fear/desperation is never a good thing. So if you take the next few nights to have fun and chill out a bit, you'll be in a much better place when you reach out. Now as the ladies in this thread are saying, waiting games like the "three day rule" are BS. But that applies to when you first reach out after a date. You contacted her that night right away and let her know you want to see her again. She was enthusiastic and said to let her know. I mean you did have a life before this one first date right? No need to become unraveled over it. Have fun this weekend, and call her Sun. That's still plenty of notice for Wed. Edited October 30, 2015 by fitnessfan365
Author B33F24 Posted November 1, 2015 Author Posted November 1, 2015 That sounds good, I appreciate the advice and help. I am still pretty new at online dating so getting some pointers definitely helps out a lot. I will give her a call today, then. Thanks!
Miss Peach Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 OP - I highly suggest you read "The Real Rules" by Barbara DeAngeles and "Date Like a CEO" by Nina Atwood. Both talk a lot about how to build confidence, self-esteem, and how if someone likes you they whole bag of games is stupid (unless you come off as stalkerish or something like that). In the woman's version of the Nina Atwood book she talks a lot about not controlling the outcome. This is a good lesson IMO because in dating you can't control the outcome. If she doesn't like you or does, isn't what you are looking for, etc. isn't in your hands. All you can do if figure out what YOU want and hold out for that. I think the one thing I've learned in dating if even though you may really like someone they might not the right person for YOU. Or they may be a great friend but not a great GF/BF/spouse. I'm not saying that people are disposable but you do need to be grounded enough that if you are faced with something almost right you can determine whether it's something you can compromise on or need to move on even if it's hard. As for date timing, I think you can ask as soon as the next day. In fact if I don't hear from a guy until 3-7 days after I take it as a sign he's either playing games or doesn't like me too well. If I have better contenders I may choose one of them over a guy like this. I just suggest not to ask at the end of the date as you are more likely to be cancelled on or stood up. I hate to say it but because you prefer texting over a phone call it actually shows your interest that much more by being out of your own comfort zone to be more personal Agreed I guess that is one thing I'm not sure of, whether or not she has a preference. I guess I would rather just take the chance and call her as it seems more personal, and as you mentioned that I am taking time to put effort into her and setting up another date. I would much rather be the guy that stands out for good reasons rather than just another face in the crowd. We clicked really well and she was more than excited to go on another one, so I'm not afraid of it being awkward or anything. Since the date was yesterday, would calling on Saturday be waiting too long? I thought about tonight but I don't want to seem over eager, either. I suggest a call for two reasons even though it is more uneasy and can be a bit more complicated trying to call at a good time. First is that it sets you apart from 99% of the other guys who text. Second is you can gauge her voice to see how into you she is. IMO an emoji and a few exclamation points is really a stupid way to gauge this stuff. I'm 27 and usually date women my age to a few years younger. None of them have ever asked or told me to call them. I figure if your date is in the same age range, to just text. I'm only a couple years older and I still prefer calls. I will accepts texts but it doesn't set you apart from all the other guys trying to get my time and attention. I suggest calls at least occasionally if you want to stand above the crowd. They do not need to be long calls either.
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