supermaddud Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 It's been almost 5 months now, and 3 months NC. Why can't I move on from a girl that dumped me over text, who basically destroyed me, and left me to pick up the pieces. I'm depressed, some days I don't go into school/work because of it, I don't want to see anybody. In public I act indifferent to the whole thing, but at home I still hurt so much. I don't know what to do, I've talked to other girls, but it's never the same, I never get the same feeling as I did talking to her for the first time. I can't bear it, and I know that she will have non of these problems, it was too easy for her to just walk away. The thing I want to do is contact her but it would be the worst thing. I've not contacted her for 3 months now and I can't go back to square one.
K2z Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 It's called hope. And sometimes it can be toxic. I suffer from a case of it too, and the advice that makes sense on this forum is to cultivate the self that you are -- and that she fell in love with, whenever. Strengthen yourself. Run, Lift, Study, Read. It's a boot camp. It will do nothing to reduce your chances with the woman, and may bring you to a stronger position in dealing with her should you interact again. 2
Liono84 Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 It's called hope. And sometimes it can be toxic. I suffer from a case of it too, and the advice that makes sense on this forum is to cultivate the self that you are -- and that she fell in love with, whenever. Strengthen yourself. Run, Lift, Study, Read. It's a boot camp. It will do nothing to reduce your chances with the woman, and may bring you to a stronger position in dealing with her should you interact again. Yup! K2z, nailed it. You may think you've accepted the reality that it's over, but in reality you have not. The main reason why people have difficulty in moving on is because they still carry hope, whether it's conscious or not. Only when that hope has completely gone away, can you move on. 2
Liono84 Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 It can take as long as you want it to take. If you continue to dwell, feel sorry for yourself, put this girl up in a pedestal and start thinking no other girl will compare, while having false hope she'll return back someday, it may take you year(s) to get over her. It all comes down to you, my friend. Please, help yourself and accept that this relationship is over. Start engaging in other activities/hobbies and self-improve. It's normal to continue having thoughts about your ex, but they should diminish with frequency and with the passing of time. You have to learn to consciously track your thoughts. The moment you think about her, quickly tell yourself you're not going to dwell. Say this out loud!! You gotta learn to divert your thought onto something else to moment you have them. Another thing is you gotta look for other potential partners. It's not easy, but you can't let this F with you. Learn from the mistakes of the past, but continue to open your heart. Give other girls a chance, and start having hope again. Hopefully, you'll find someone else that you're interested in and is also interested in you, and once this happens, your mind will be more focused on this new potential partner. 1
K2z Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 I'm terrible at taking my own advice on the above though. I'm utterly obsessed, feel empty, drink like a hobo, and teeter on the brink of insane. I am a wreck. But a "hopeful" wreck.
Draper Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 Just as the first step in solving any problem is admitting there is one, the first step in moving on is admitting to yourself and believing that it's over for good. Not as easy as saying it, I know that, but you've got to make a declaration that you will won't let this ruin you - you'll come out on the other side as a better and stronger person. In fact, if you can find the strength to move on and do things like K2z said (lift, study, etc), one day you may even be able to look back on this and be thankful it happened. The key to it all is accepting that the past is the past, and believing that you will come out of it as an even better man than you were before. 1
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