One_Love Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 (edited) So earlier this month I started a thread on dating my coworker. We've been dating for roughly around 3 weeks or so and have been on around 4 dates. We have not been intimate yet as I want to take things slowly with her, the most we've done is make out and some touching. Now each time we hangout after work, it's great! We get along, talk about everything and anything for hours. I think there is a connection at least. But the weird thing is recently our texting has waned a bit. She sometimes initiates conversations but takes hours to reply sometimes, but when I text her she sometimes gives short answers and doesn't keep the ball moving and she ignores my texts completely sometimes. Like when I say, goodnight or have a good day at work for example. Also when I see her at work, it's like she almost doesn't want to be seen with me? Mind you, I don't hug her or do anything "luvy duvy" or something. For example, she stopped by my department before she got off her shift to "talk" for a bit but our conversation lasted like 30 seconds, I asked where she was going she said she was off and just walked away. Later that day she asked me if we were going to do something Tomorrow via text. I replied, "sure! I'll call you when I am off." She said ok, cool. And we just started talking about random crap afterwards. So tomorrow has arrived and I will see her later today, but I am not sure if she is losing interest or what not. I'll see how she will be. She calls me out sometimes when I don't respond to her texts, but that's mainly because she works early in the morning and I don't want to keep her up. Is she doing the same to me? We also don't have any titles or anything yet, we are just dating. Any advice will help! Edited October 30, 2015 by One_Love Grammar
Zippy2000 Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 Its still early days and besides. Communication sometimes can be hard work. Give her a couple of days radio silence. Sometiems not talking for a while you get time to catch up. My advice is dont be too keen and do your own thing without her being there. You have to have your own life too.
d0nnivain Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 You can judge anything by texts so stop trying. If she's cool at work, she's probably schooling herself to be that way because she wants to maintain good boundaries. If everything else is going well, go with the flow.
lilmissjava Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 If you are "just dating", try not to have too many expectations from her. She may be realizing the same thing. Also, a workplace romance isn't ideal.
Jejangles Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 Are you asking her out regularly and ahead of time? I was wondering if the desk "stop by" and later text to ask about the next day is her being frustrated at the pace of dating. And if she has called you out about not replying to her texts, I wonder if her non response is her mirroring / doing the same thing back... Finally, have you taken her on any dates beyond "hanging out" after work?
Author One_Love Posted October 30, 2015 Author Posted October 30, 2015 To be honest, going cold doesn't work with every girl. I honestly hate playing mind games lol. Nah, I don't ask her out like every day or anything. Our work times are actually opposite, I start when she leaves usually. I try to set something up at least once a week. And yes I do take her out on dates, I just say "hang out" or "do something" because I am trying to play it cool. But they are dates, we usually kiss by the end. I agree with the too many expectations, it's just kind of hard because I don't multi date other girls.
fitnessfan365 Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 Saying "goodnight" or "have a good day at work" are statements that don't require a response. I think this is a perfect example of how people psych themselves out unnecessarily over texting. If you want her to keep the ball rolling, you send her questions/open ended statements, something that will make her laugh or that made you think of her, etc..
PogoStick Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 I'll tell you a super secret way to find out how she's feeling about you. Ask her. And here is the super secret way to find out what her texting habits mean. Ask her. I'll bill you for the hour.
Author One_Love Posted October 30, 2015 Author Posted October 30, 2015 Yeah, I am gonna ask her later tonight. Probably gonna get a few drinks in us first though.
d0nnivain Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 Yeah, I am gonna ask her later tonight. Probably gonna get a few drinks in us first though. Bad plan. One for liquid courage -- maybe. More than that. . . just bad plan. If you can't have this discussion sober, perhaps you should not be having it.
Witeee Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 You need to sleep with her like... last week. 2nd or 3rd date is the average for a girl who is into you. So if you don't want her putting you in the friend zone I would get romantic right about now. When you're not on a date with her try and be by yourself aswell. Don't text her either unless its to sort out a romantic date. That will keep the spark alive and the mystery going. I know its hard when you work with her but minimum contact outwith a romantic setting is the best approach.
Author One_Love Posted October 30, 2015 Author Posted October 30, 2015 Yeah I slept with girls after a few dates and the relationship always only lasted a few months. I am doing something different this time around and only want to move forward when we're both ready. I don't like playing mind games but I admit, it has worked in the past. After tonight I'll give her space and see what's up.
kismetkismet Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 It's really difficult to tell with texting what is going on with someone because everyone's texting etiquette is so different. I think it's time to sort of try to take to the next level, physically and/or emotionally, and see where things go. She may be wondering how into it you are as well. As for her behaviour at work - my boyfriend and I work together and we basically don't talk at work.. I didn't want people to know when we first started dating because I'm a pretty private person and wanted to figure out what we were before people caught on. Most people know indirectly that we're a couple now, but we still don't really interact while at work which I think is mostly my doing.. From my perspective I just don't want people to think that our relationship is going to affect the work place at all. So if they can't tell that we are together now, then they won't be able to tell if we fight or break up either. We hang out with people from work outside of work, and in those situations we behave like any normal couple, but we basically act like strangers at work. Mind you we work in totally different departments and don't really cross paths. Now that I say all of this out loud I realize it might be a bit weird of me.. but just so you know, her not being affectionate at work doesn't necessarily mean anything. I think it's particularly hard for women because we have to work a bit harder to be taken seriously in some industries.
ravfour4 Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 Lol 2nd or 3rd date is average? Only for needy and/or very sexual women. Respectable women looking to take it slow and feel out the guy first do not do that.
kismetkismet Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 Ravfour, what you think is respectable does not apply to everyone. Women can do whatever the f*** they want. Just like men can Some people do find that having sex too soon can create certain kinds of attachment too quickly, but most women that i know sleep with guys around that time, and i know alllllll kinds of women. Sexual compatibility is as important as emotional compatibility if you want a healthy, steady, stable, happy relationship. Personally, the last three guys that I dated - one of them i slept with on the third date and we dated for 8 months (breakup had nothing to do with sex). the next I slept with the night that I met him and we were together 2 years and were very happy, and the most recent one I slept with right away as well and we're crazy in love. I didn't sleep with anyone in between either even though there were large gaps of time between each one. I don't sleep around, I just know what I want. To each their own.
Author One_Love Posted November 2, 2015 Author Posted November 2, 2015 Well we went out and just walked around, talked etc for like 4 hours. We had a good time. I didn't ask about the whole texting thing. We also didn't drink at all. We talked about a lot of things and while we were walking around she told me I was not very affectionate. I never hold her hand in public or anything. I told her that I am not trying to be super clingy or anything. I am gonna definitely change that next time we do something together. She was making a lot of sexual jokes though, like me going down in her, or doing her. She followed up with a wink a "just kidding". I just laughed and said, "let's take it slow first again." I am not rejecting her, I just don't want to rush anything. Well the annoying part is after our time together the next day is Halloween. She wants to drink with her friends even though she works early in the morning the next day. She texted me saying she won't get too effed up. I then told her to have fun. Should I be worried that she didn't invite me to go with her? She also didn't reply to my texts that night or the next day. Well, she actually did reply back to my text... Like 16 hours later. And even then it was super short. I just didn't reply back because it seems like she doesn't want to converse with me.
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