ZA Dater Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 I actually in a none to subtle way asked someone out. Yes, the usual suspects here will no doubt the looking to see if the sky has suddenly turned green. Who is she, well a fairly nice looking receptionist who is temping at my office, she has been there for a week or two but I haven't had much to do with her due to extensive meetings. Gave her my card "if anyone is looking for me, or you feel inclined to look for me", winked and left for my next meeting. People say I need practice so I thought ok lets practice, I am not expecting anything to come of it but lets see. On another side of coin, things are looking up with K, suddenly she is no keen to help with various projects we share an interest in. Perhaps I am not as bad at this as I thought I am. 2
StBreton Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 Z! I'm impressed you've made a move forward. Oh the places you'll go:) Now about that wink ...couldn't do that here in America. So ...you must ask this girl if she'd like to go for lunch ... Do you need some pointers?
Author ZA Dater Posted October 30, 2015 Author Posted October 30, 2015 Z! I'm impressed you've made a move forward. Oh the places you'll go:) Now about that wink ...couldn't do that here in America. So ...you must ask this girl if she'd like to go for lunch ... Do you need some pointers? Well gave her number, lets see what comes of it. Admittedly the office isn't the best place to try but she is a temp worker anyway so am not too fussed about what she may think of me. What's wrong with a wink. I am feeling much more confident in general. Really been working hard at that lately.
Zippy2000 Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 I disagree. You didnt ask someoone out. You gave a receptionist your business card. Sorry, but its business as usual. 6
Siquijor Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 Wolf whistling in my country is seen as sexual harassment these days although I'm not sure about winking. You live in South Africa where the laws are different so I can't really comment. Anyway, good on you for being positive but like others have said, you really need to ask her out.
Author ZA Dater Posted October 30, 2015 Author Posted October 30, 2015 Wolf whistling in my country is seen as sexual harassment these days although I'm not sure about winking. You live in South Africa where the laws are different so I can't really comment. Anyway, good on you for being positive but like others have said, you really need to ask her out. Not too interested in asking her out to be honest. At the moment I am just trying to put myself out of my comfort zone, try new things, carry myself in a more positive way. Sure, if does drop me a text then I will take her out but its not a must for me. Prospects are looking up on other fronts so not too worried either way.
fitnessfan365 Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 (edited) I disagree. You didnt ask someoone out. You gave a receptionist your business card. Sorry, but its business as usual. THIS... It actually comes off as a bit weird and creepy with the wink IMO. I wouldn't be surprised if she was thinking "Why the hell do I need your card when I can just page you in your office?" Not too interested in asking her out to be honest. Then why did you claim to ask her out here ? : I actually in a none to subtle way asked someone out. Are you sure you're not just back-stepping because now you realize you didn't actually ask her out? Edited October 30, 2015 by fitnessfan365 2
Author ZA Dater Posted October 30, 2015 Author Posted October 30, 2015 THIS... It actually comes off as a bit weird and creepy with the wink IMO. I wouldn't be surprised if she was thinking "Why the hell do I need your card when I can just page you in your office?" Then why did you claim to ask her out here ? : Are you sure you're not just back-stepping because now you realize you didn't actually ask her out? Not at all, I subtly suggested that if she was interested in me she could drop me a text. Everything I do I do on a subtle basis. Seeing as I was going out for the day, she did actually need my number... The forum keeps telling me I need to try things and this was one of those times where I thought I may as well try, no expect anything from it but try it nonetheless. Is that not always the advice that is trotted out here. As I say doesn't bother me, things with K are moving more into a friend direction which as I have always maintained is enough to keep me happy.
fitnessfan365 Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 Everything I do I do on a subtle basis. Seeing as I was going out for the day, she did actually need my number. The problem w/subtlety is that something may be clear to you, but not to someone else. Check out the movie "500 Days of Summer" and watch the scenes where he tries to be subtle to win her over at work. Confidence comes from being direct and going after what you want. Not making a woman read between the lines. 1
candie13 Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 While I am happy to hear that you are breaking out of your shell, you really shouldn't try to blossom at the office. I would be really really put off by a man hitting on me at my work. Like really really ! It may also be perceived as a power play because it's not like she can leave the reception if she doesn't want to talk to you. You are using your position and authority on her. Even if she does hate you and your moves, provided she really wants the job and she needs a permanent position, she may try to keep things smoothly and not say anything - to you or anyone else. It still is abuse of your position in my book, because her rejecting you bares the risk of affecting her position. That is NOT what decent people do, ZA.Just stay away from anyone close to your work. You also want to think of your own reputation inside the company - especially if you are seen as socially awkward. Do you go to a gym ? Why don't you try to do this with women over there - receptionists etc ? Or library. Or book club. 2
fitnessfan365 Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 Do you go to a gym ? Why don't you try to do this with women over there Unfortunately approaching women at the gym has become a social taboo. As a personal trainer, I've personally seen so many guys try/fail over the years. Female clients will say the one thing they hate the most is being hit on at the gym and that's why they wear headphones, etc.. A better place to strike up conversations w/women in a fitness capacity in my opinion is outdoors on hiking trails, etc.. But your other suggestions were good and I agree that hitting on people at work is never a good idea.
Author ZA Dater Posted October 30, 2015 Author Posted October 30, 2015 Well the fact is today was her last day at the office, the regular lady who as been off on extended sick leave is back. I agree the work place is never idea but we are a smallish firm and my dating woes are fairly well known. I did try date a co worker about 4 years ago and we ended up flirting daily for over a year and nothing happened, barring one forgettable date. I gave up trying to hide the fact I battled with dating ages ago, it something I am quite happy to talk about. Gym, not into going to the gym, I have what I need at home and as fitnessfan says I don't think gym is the place to try and pick up people. My objective remains the same as its always been just now I am actually taking constructive steps to get there as opposed to moaning about not being there. 1
GemmaUK Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 The forum keeps telling me I need to try things and this was one of those times where I thought I may as well try, no expect anything from it but try it nonetheless. Is that not always the advice that is trotted out here. 100% correct ZA it is the advice here.and it's not bad advice at all. You aren't expecting anything of it - it was just outside of your comfort zone. That is the most important part. Sod it, well done ZA!!! Whoop! Going out of your comfort zone is a biggie for you! Love it! Having gone out of mine in the past....and I usually do each time to be fair..I get it. I'd go on a date with ya. 1
Haydn Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 Easy son.... Well smart! Well pleased! Best dating trousers on! 1
GemmaUK Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 Easy son.... Well smart! Well pleased! Best dating trousers on! ZA, know what? Haydn is a cool character on here. Thing is though, he is pleased for you - 'well smart' is soooo UK! Lol! Haydn has been there, as have I. We have both been 'not so cool or not so great with dating. I have never even mailed Haydn - but I just know. He found his way is all. You will find yours too ZA. Haydn, tell me you were always a stud..that great looking, massively paid, fit toned..blah... You're just you aren't you Haydn. You are by no means perfect. I say that as a statement only because I am checking I am right. I think I might be.. : 1
Qboro90 Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 Well done and taking a chance outside your comfort zone. Perhaps next time you can ask the receptionist or whoever the girl is for her number in return. "Here take my card... Oh and here's another one, write your number on the back in case anything comes up and I need to reach you". Is an easy way to do it. And anytime I gave a girl my number it's always a smart idea to get hers in return. Two reasons - 1. If she does text you, you don't have to send the awkward "um hi, who is this?" Text in response and make the convo start off that way. 2. If she doesn't text you, that's not the end of the world, you can send her a text after 2-3 days and say "hey, just saw someone new at the front desk, gotta admit, I was a little disappointed it wasn't you.... Think you'll be back? Or onto bigger and better things?" ... That'll start the convo and is more personal as well. Best of luck. Keep pushing yourself to expand your horizons.
lino Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 Do you go to a gym ? Why don't you try to do this with women over there - receptionists etc ? Or library. Or book club. Terrible, TERRIBLE advice! DO NOT hit on women in the gym. Ever. That is an environment where you wait for them to come to you.
JustGettingBy Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 I disagree. You didnt ask someoone out. You gave a receptionist your business card. Sorry, but its business as usual. While this is true, it still shows that he's comfortable in a situation where he thinks he's giving a woman his number, and that he's taken an important step.
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 Sounds like a break-through for you
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