Guyouthere Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 Many of you know my story, but you don't know it all, so I will say more here. I do have some questions,,,, related to life and future choices I will make. Many of you know I am here in Florida, been married earlier in life for 15+ years, then the last girl who I had planned a real future with, but of course she wasn't who I thought. So it left me with some thoughts,,,, serious ones. And tonight, mom got me thinking too….. you know she lives here with me as I take care of her (she is 90). She asked me if I wanted to sell the house and leave and start over somewhere else. She said she is bored to hell with this place… at her age, she can't get out and do much on her own, and depends on me, but I work too, and it is only her and I on our own. We have no family here . We do have a very good neighbor, but they are here only half the year. I want her to be happy, and I want to be happy. This area I live in doesn't have anything for the elderly, not unless they can drive, and she can't go out much anyway. She has a friend who is disabled, and depends on her son to help, which he does. Now perhaps mom has Parkinsons, we will know in another week if this is the case or not. So I don't want to uproot her from the area or make her go through the stress of moving. As it was, the last girl I was with was asking me to take mom to the UK. Of course now that is gone. The house is too large for us. It was big for the 3 of us (ex wife, mom, and I) even when the ex was here. I remodeled it as a duplex under one roof, so basically it is 2 homes in 1. I live in the one half, mom the other. My job is stable, but it isn't my career either. I was a marine biologist for all of my life, 25+ years experience in the last project as well. I currently work in a home building supply, which is rewarding, but doesn't pay what I feel I need/like for a better quality life. I know I can simply do better with a job in my field in another area. Basically I needed the break for a while from stressful work too when the ex left 2+ years ago. But I remained in this "position" to also sacrifice for mom, and for that reason, I am not regretting doing that whatsoever. She is all I have now. I will take care of her to the end. But I know there will come a point where she isn't here. I'll have the ability to simply sell all and leave, move, go somewhere and begin anew. Truly no strings attached at that point. I can do anything. I won't be under pressure with a house because I would buy one outright after selling this one. I'd look for a new job as well. I am not old enough to retire, nor would I anyway anytime soon. The dating thing here I feel is also very unstable. Of course I know there are good women out there in this area, and I haven't been out to "test the waters" much either, given I was married for so long and then the "last". The area here has a lot of "partying" types, something I am not into at all. I am older and have my standards, and that type of atmosphere does not interest me at all. I see what comes in the store I work in now, and most women I wouldn't even want to go near. I can do the hobbies I love in other areas. I just need to be near the ocean. That is a must. Where would you go if you had the choice? I am an American, and was thinking about the Virgin Islands. I grew up on Miami Beach, but that area is too crime ridden now, so I would never go back. My memories are there. I had thought my future was in the UK with the last girl, but all of you know that story. I just feel I need to plan ahead now.
gaius Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 What part of Florida are you in Guy? I just moved down here in June after some extremely negative experiences up in Massachusetts and I'm enjoying the change of scenery and fresh start. It might be good for both of you if you can come up with some solid plan about how you're going to make it work. I can't really think of a place I'd rather live than here though.
Author Guyouthere Posted October 30, 2015 Author Posted October 30, 2015 What part of Florida are you in Guy? I just moved down here in June after some extremely negative experiences up in Massachusetts and I'm enjoying the change of scenery and fresh start. It might be good for both of you if you can come up with some solid plan about how you're going to make it work. I can't really think of a place I'd rather live than here though. Im on the east coast, along the ocean, 2 hours north of Miami. I feel like moving mom wouldn't be good for her. I am stable here, nothing is forcing me out, just need to make plans for what would happen someday. I kinda feel too that perhaps I am being "led" away from here too, in many ways. The last girl and I had plans of living in the UK. The one before her who tried to "get me" had also talked about plans of us living in the Bahamas, although I never actually dated her, she wanted a future with me too. So both would have "pulled me outa here". I just think there is something to it. Do you miss Massac. at all?
gaius Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 I miss certain things about it, Boston, the Mashole attitude, the subway, but I don't miss being there or wish I was back. Association is a powerful thing and despite the love I have for the state and the people (most of them) I just had too many bad experiences there and it was time to go. There were too many reminders. RedRobin was recently talking in a thread about moving to the pacific northwest and how much good it's doing her so it's not an uncommon experience really, or result when you do end up moving. If you're not in a big city I can see why there isn't much for mom to do. It seems like the area's between the big cities in Florida are really sparsely populated. I remember how much good just taking my grandmother out and getting her around people used to do her when she was getting senile, so while it might end up being a pain in the ass to move if you end up somewhere bigger it might end up benefiting her in the long run. And even moreso if her main social company, you, ends up happier because of it. Timshel's probably going to be waking me up in 5 hours so I have to go to bed or I'm gonna be hurting today but from one guy who had to take care of an elderly family member to another I wish you the best of luck man. There probably isn't a more important but less appreciated job in the world.
Author Guyouthere Posted October 30, 2015 Author Posted October 30, 2015 Florida has its different cultures. Up your way. it is mostly the southerners who have original roots in places like Georgia. My first serious girlfriend was from Georgia, and has relatives up your way. My experience with that culture is a very good one…. sincere and loyal people (southern hospitality). she remains a good friend to this day, some 20+ years later, even though she is married. I also grew up on Miami Beach, many Spanish there, and they too tend to be good sincere and loyal people and friends. I enjoyed those years there for many reasons. Come this way now, even though I am only 100 miles north of Miami, it is a totally different culture here. I can't say it is good. We have too much of a mixture here,,, most everyone here is to themselves because it is a transient area, people just tend to be either partiers or if they are stable, stick to their inner circle and don't want anyone else intruding in on it. I don't get along well with those types at all. I admire you taking care of your relative like that… most folks just dump them into a home and forget them. You are right about taking them out, I take mom out when I can. The neighbor we have is really nice, and mom and her get along well. For 6 months of the year, she is happy. I can sell this place now, and really do anything, go anywhere. Proof of that was how I had planned all with that last girl. Pros of where I live now include little crime, living on a dead end street, and the neighborhood is really nice, all things I look for. The river here is really polluted, something that also pushes me to move. As it is, I do a lot of diving down south of here already. I guess there is a certain peace and power in having no real attachments anymore. Life changed greatly when the ex-wife left.
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