RIPolaris Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 So I posted my story here a couple months back but it was terribly long so here's a synopsis and an update. I was 22 and a girl (who was 19) who was engaged started working at my workplace. I had never been with another girl or had had a girlfriend. We fell for eachother, hard and fast. She broke it off with her fiancé after a couple months. She never cheated on him with me...at least physically. I didn't realize it at the time but she was cheating on him with me emotionally. Also I never asked her to leave him and I never admitted my feelings for her until she admitted hers to me, in hindsight, what I did was still very wrong. We start seeing eachother all day everyday and I couldn't have been happier, fast forward a few weeks and she's going from hot to cold over night. some days she tells me she loves me with all her heart other days she's ignoring me and says she's confused. She ignores me for a few days and then just sends me a not-so-nice text saying its over. She's back with her fiancé. She blocks and deletes all form of contact with me completely. I later find out that she cheated on me with him while we were still together (at least once that I know of). I was a mess. I had never felt such betrayal in my entire life. I cried tears of pure anger. We were a "couple" for 2 months, but I had already fallen for her completely months before that. The thing is I can't seem to get over it completely. It's been about 2.5 months since she dumped me and went back to him. Since it was a short-lived relationship (even though it was my first and I had never felt love the way I did with her) I thought I would get over it quickly. I still think about it daily. I don't dwell on it as much as I used to, but I still do at times. I have definitely gotten better (I laugh, joke, and genuinely have a good time when i go out with friends), but sometimes it creeps back into my head. I hate her. I wish I didn't, but I do. I feel as if she used me and once she was done she threw me away like a piece of trash. And now she's back with her ex all happy and with no care in the world to my well being. We've had no contact with one another since that text. I understand she's immature, and selfish, and emotionally unstable. Logically I don't understand why this is still bothering me. I've implemented everything I've learned from these forums into practice. NC, absolutely has helped me, but unfortunately sometimes NC is sometimes broken by accident due to work. One of my co-workers told me something my ex told her. My ex told her that she "wanted" to apologize to me and that she really did love me. That simply made me angry. If she "wanted" to apologize to me for what she did, why didn't she, and if she loved me, how could she cheat on me and lie to face over and over again? Because it was complete bull****, and that's what made me angry. About a week ago I heard her voice via phone (we weren't talking, again work-related) and as soon as i heard her voice my stomach turned. I felt this nasty, unpleasant feeling at the pit of my stomach. I didn't know what it was. I realized a few minutes later that it was hate. I had never hated anyone in my entire life. Not real hate. This hate that I felt when I heard her voice is the most unpleasant emotion that I had ever felt. I didn't want this feeling, but I couldn't help it. I tell myself it doesn't matter anymore, what's done is done. It doesn't matter what she's doing, what she's saying (another co-worker told me she brings my name up quite often; he told me she never speaks negatively of me, only good things), how she's doing, etc. In fact I should be happy that she's no longer my problem because apparently she had left this fiancé before and went to her ex before him. Evidently this was coming and I've been told that I dodged a bullet and should regard myself lucky that this didn't go on longer or that I impregnated her. I am bettering myself. I've reconnected with friends that i had ignored, started playing more guitar (my favorite hobby), and most importantly, I'm going back to school for nursing. Everyone has been supportive of me but I feel like I've got to let this go completely because it's only eating me up inside. I realize that she's probably not thinking of me at all and that I'm only hurting myself, I just don't know how I can let this go completely.
itsallamystery Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 this: I am bettering myself. will lead to let[ting] this go completely. all the cliche sayings and adages are true. I found this out the hard way. Sooner you make yourself better, a by-product is you will attract healthier women in your life. Opposites dont attract. Ever. Like attracts like. The sooner and more fully you get yourself to a healthy place, the sooner you will meet somebody who is also healthy. Its not easy.
Author RIPolaris Posted October 30, 2015 Author Posted October 30, 2015 \ all the cliche sayings and adages are true. I found this out the hard way. Sooner you make yourself better, a by-product is you will attract healthier women in your life. Opposites dont attract. Ever. Like attracts like. The sooner and more fully you get yourself to a healthy place, the sooner you will meet somebody who is also healthy. Its not easy. I guess it is true when I heard that bad attracts bad. In the beginning I asked myself why she would go back to her ex because from what I had gathered he didn't treat her all that great. I guess she was pretending to be something she wasn't and I had also created an image of who I thought she was. Sometimes I believe I think too much for my own good. Sometimes I believe I'm just mentally and or emotionally weak as this has been told to me before. I feel as though a strong person would've gotten past this already. I will continue to push forward. I'm not giving up. I'm not feeling sorry for myself. I know the best form of revenge and self-help is to be happy and successful.
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