C2c9c91 Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 Hi everyone. My gf of almost 5 yrs recently dumped me. We met when I was 20 and she was 17. We just hit it off right away, had a lot in common and just clicked. Throughout our relationship I hurt her a few times getting to drunk and saying hurtful things to her and the last time was just to much I guess. We were at an event in Vermont and went out bar hopping and I got too drunk as usual. She tried to take my keys and I got in her face screaming and yelling at her. Then proceeded to get in my car, leave her and my friend at the bar, drive back to the hotel, grab my stuff and drive all the way back home to ri. I woke up the next morning ashamed and angry at what I did and decided right then I didn't want to drink anymore and I've been sober almost 5 months. Well she dumped me after that for a few days but we got back together because she said it made here realize she wanted to be with me. So now it's 4 months later and she just dumped me again yesterday. She said she hasn't been happy for the past 4 months and thinks about what I did almost daily and she hasn't gotten over it. She said she needs to find happiness and herself and that may not include me. I really love this girl and finally learned from my lesson, I just don't know if it's to late. Everything seemed fine til yesterday, we just went on a weekend trip to NH, we were looking at houses, everything seemed normal. I just don't know what to do? Any help?
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 Hi everyone. My gf of almost 5 yrs recently dumped me. We met when I was 20 and she was 17. We just hit it off right away, had a lot in common and just clicked. Throughout our relationship I hurt her a few times getting to drunk and saying hurtful things to her and the last time was just to much I guess. We were at an event in Vermont and went out bar hopping and I got too drunk as usual. She tried to take my keys and I got in her face screaming and yelling at her. Then proceeded to get in my car, leave her and my friend at the bar, drive back to the hotel, grab my stuff and drive all the way back home to ri. I woke up the next morning ashamed and angry at what I did and decided right then I didn't want to drink anymore and I've been sober almost 5 months. Well she dumped me after that for a few days but we got back together because she said it made here realize she wanted to be with me. So now it's 4 months later and she just dumped me again yesterday. She said she hasn't been happy for the past 4 months and thinks about what I did almost daily and she hasn't gotten over it. She said she needs to find happiness and herself and that may not include me. I really love this girl and finally learned from my lesson, I just don't know if it's to late. Everything seemed fine til yesterday, we just went on a weekend trip to NH, we were looking at houses, everything seemed normal. I just don't know what to do? Any help? First of all you met when she was quite young; barely out of her 'childhood'. She is most definitely not the person now, you met then. So she has evolved and progressed and frankly, this was on the cards. You met young and she's outgrown you. This is compounded by the fact that you were verbally abusive and did not control your drinking adequately. There are so many stories of guys being dumped who admit, in their first posts that they took their partner for granted, were uncaring, abusive, didn't pay attention, should have been kinder, more considerate, loving, romantic, blah blah blah.... and they all miraculously 'learn their lesson' once it's too late. Why didn't you learn your lesson BEFORE it was too late? I'll tell you. You learnt your lesson BECAUSE she dumped you. If she hadn't dumped you, the erratic behaviour would have continued. There's only so much a girl can take. I think you crossed the threshold too long ago, but she kept trying - evidently she made an effort, but in the last 4 months it all proved to her that to be honest - "Nah. I'm done." You're right to go No Contact. Check out the guide in my signature, read it through and through, and stick with it. 2
Satu Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 You behaved in an aggressive and hurtful way. There's no way of undoing it. Your sole focus should be on bettering yourself, and never repeating that behaviour with her or anyone else. Take care.
Author C2c9c91 Posted October 31, 2015 Author Posted October 31, 2015 Yea your right I did learn my lesson because she dumped me and I should have sooner but I didn't. It just sucks cause I really do care for and love this girl. And she said she still loves me to but needs to find herself. It might sound stupid but I really thought she was the one and I'm all screwed up i can't stop thinking about her. It seems like one of those stupid romantic movies it's surreal. But it helps talk about it and hear other people's opinons besides what's going on in my own head.
Author C2c9c91 Posted November 2, 2015 Author Posted November 2, 2015 So I started NC yesterday and haven't talked to her since. But today she texts me saying she hoped I had a fun night and enjoyed my Sunday??? It's so difficult not to text her back. I don't want her to think I'm a dick for ignoring her.
TaraMaiden2 Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 Please try to remember this: She didn't care what you were thinking or how you felt when things ended. She cared about herself, and decided to move on. The damage was done. Her text may have an element of care, but really it seems to me on the face of it, that she sent it because she's sensitive to her own feelings too, and wants to be clear she's doing the right thing. She is. The text is just a space-filler. She hasn't said "I'm worried for you, and know it 's hard to cope, let me know you're ok." She wants to know if you had a good time and enjoyed your sunday. Hate to be blunt, but that's not her business, and it's not relevant. Keep to No Contact. It's honest, and communicates better than any words ever possibly could, that this is the best way to go. 1
Author C2c9c91 Posted November 5, 2015 Author Posted November 5, 2015 So I haven't been talking to my ex bit last night she texted me saying she packed up my stuff and I could come get it. She then proceeded to text me 3 more times about my stuff and try to call me when I didn't respond. I finally responded and said I can't do it tmrw I'll let you know when I can. She said fine take as long as you need to come get it and sorry for being a b***h I was emotional from packing all your stuff. Then she texts me again but I was sleeping, saying she'd like to get together to talk to me sometime in the near future. Did I screw up by texting her back? What does she want to talk about? Should I ask her what she wants to talk about?
TaraMaiden2 Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 .....Then she texts me again but I was sleeping, saying she'd like to get together to talk to me sometime in the near future. Did I screw up by texting her back? No. What does she want to talk about? Who cares? it will be a gesture to appease her guilt and conscience, not anything to validate you or make you feel better.... Should I ask her what she wants to talk about? No. If you will please listen to sense, you will text back: "There's nothing to talk about. We're finished, and split up. I'll get my stuff and that will be an end to it, Then I can move on."
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