cyrene426 Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 my husband of 25 years left one day after I found out he was in a relationship with a girlfriend from his childhood. he told me he has always loved her and still does. He left for one day and then came back saying it was all a mistake. We have been seeing a counselor and working on our communication and how we got to that point. i am so frustrated because i am doing all the work in putting our marriage back together. he still won't open up. he's depressed. i am feeling worthless and angry and sad. Why do i have to do all the work for his mistake?? For his leaving? It's not fair. He is loving for a day or two and then back to being cold and withdrawn. when do you know enough is enough? I want more from a relationship - romance and love.
Mr. Lucky Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 i am feeling worthless and angry and sad. Why do i have to do all the work for his mistake?? For his leaving? It's not fair. He is loving for a day or two and then back to being cold and withdrawn. Counseling is a safe place to express those feelings and ask hard questions. Are you still going ? Do you feel any progress is being made? Mr. Lucky
Author cyrene426 Posted October 29, 2015 Author Posted October 29, 2015 yes we are still going. He doesn't talk much there either. It's like he talks for awhile to make things better and then back to old ways. If i left everything up to him, we would go back to acting like roommates.
Akashsingh Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 In this situation you need to be approacheable. While he was honest with you about his gf, he is not honest or does not feel like speaking his heart. Moreover , I think, he feels intense chemistry towards the new woman at the same time he is overcome with guilt of leaving you after 25 years. You need to take it a bit easy and let him make his own decisions. You can not change him but you can change yourself.
aerogurl87 Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 Alright, so first question is, is he still in contact with his presumably ex girlfriend? If he is, then he needs to go NC before you two can make any progress. If he isn't, then maybe you two should try some separate counselling in addition to marriage counselling. It may be what he needs to open up more.
Popsicle Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 I recommend you post this in the Infidelity section. There are a lot of people there with experience in this who can help you. They may not read it here.
chew123 Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 Tell him to leave until he gets his act together. He is the one who strayed it is up to him to do the heavy lifting if he wants you back. Do the 180 for yourself. The 180 is the way to get yourself in shape whether he comes back or not. Search for it on this site, it is quoted often. Until he is willing to open up, quit seeing new girl and be truthful MC is a waste of time. Go to IC probably more valuable.
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