Darling123 Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 Soooo where to start..... I had been dating a guy for six years (we had a short break or two in there). In October of last year he asked me to marry him - there was quite an age gap, I am 24 and he is 32. I said yes and we moved to NYC to live together. Things weren't going great- we had our ups and downs, some days were better then others. He worked a lot and I felt like I was doing a lot of the planning for the wedding. He drank a lot but all this aside I wanted to work with him and marry him, he was my best friend and my family adored him and he spent a lot of time with my uncle and brothers and both our families were very connected. Five months before the wedding I get a message from a girl who had been dating and sleeping with him, she sent me hotel reservations, messages everything. She gave me details of their night together - told me how he came home from work at 9pm and had to get up at 4am to work early (he works in construction so this is normal) only to go back to bed with her. He told her he worked nights so he could come home to me and pretend. Needless to say I was devastated, angry frustrated and full of hate. I moved out to stay at my uncles (he didn't even have the decency to leave the house) he cried and told me how sorry he was but never asked me to forgive him. I was very hurt - I cancelled all our wedding plans and I deemed the relationship over. He finally moved out and I moved back into the house. I cried for the first two days and then I felt nothing. I thought it was strange but I felt a slight sense of relief knowing the life I could have led helping him his whole life. It was like he was a stranger and i never knew who he was. A month later I meet this guy at work- he asks me on a date and I decide to go (it's a big company so they don't care about that sort of thing as we are in two different complete departments). I instantly connect with him in the most bizarre way. We go on a lot of dates over the past two months- I'm crazy about him, I can talk to him about anything. He treats me so well and acts as if I am the best thing in the world. I've never felt so connected to someone but he also had been in an 8 year relationship and split with his girlfriend as he felt they had become more friends then lovers. We have a lot of sex and it is amazing!! He always suprises me with great dates. So my question or advise I need is - is it doomed from the onset? Are we both rebounding with each other? But how come it doesn't feel like that? I want him to be my boyfriend but thats CRAZY - I was engaged! Why do I feel this way... My family and friends are completely against it but have never met him or anything. All I know is that he makes me happy but they worry I'm going to get hurt again. What to do- end it because it is doomed? Go with the flow?
StBreton Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 Hey OP Sorry you had that happen with your fiancé. That's a pretty devastating blow. Are you sure you're over that and not just using this relationship as a distraction? Need some more background info... How long since your breakup? How long since the new guy's break up? How is he doing emotionally? How long have you been seeing each other? What do you see in each other ...is there a deep connection there other than filling a short term need? I will say this ...kudos to you for not locking yourself in and sulking ...or going back to your fiancé ...his behavior was awful.
lilmissjava Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 The honeymoon phase is a phase where anything goes. The sex, the sense of love, the oxytocin free flowing throughout your body. It feels great doesn't it? When all that comes to a gradual slow down, you will then find out if it is too good to be true. That's when you begin to see each other for who you both are as a person. You see their flaws and faults for the very first time. I think the devastating blow your ex-fiancé gave you was enough to catapult you into never wanting anything to do with him again. But at the same time, have you even addressed or felt that sense of loss? To be with someone for six years is a long time, especially almost on threshold of marriage. I would suggest to take a step back and look from the outside in. Try to talk with your new dating prospect, and see if you are both on the same page where your "relationship" is headed.
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