Speika Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 Hi, I started dating someone at the start of August. At first she seemed very interested. She made a point on a number of occasions of telling me that she liked me. She seemed to want to pay for things for me a lot. Made quite a few comments about the future. She wanted to buy and pay for tickets for us to the theatre for a few weeks down the line before we'd even been on our third date. I made a comment on our fourth date about it being the fourth as it was bit of an impromptu meet up and she asked me if I'd still be counting on our fiftieth. We'd had a small version of the talk about us both wanting to see where it went and had started to become quite couply. However she then started to cancel dates with me. At first I let it slide as we always rearranged and met up but after our sixth date things changed. Things felt different from her and she seemed to be blowing hot and cold. She forgot we had plans to do something for her birthday which is a pretty big red flag but she's a doctor and had been working long hours non stop for the past week including on the day. She then cancelled again. I phoned her to ask what was up and to simply let me know if she wanted to end things rather than stringing me along. She reassured me that she did want to still see me. We made plans for the following Sunday and I agreed as long as she wasn't going to cancel again...She cancelled again. She sent me a text apologising and said she'd been stressing out about an exam she had coming up which she needs to pass for her job and asked if we could wait till she'd done her exam to see each other again. This would have been more than a month since we last saw each other. I basically said no as I didn't feel she was really into this and didn't want to wait another couple weeks just to be cancelled on again. She was very apologetic and explained that she had a lot of pressures in her life and wasn't in the right place for a relationship however would like to still see me. I didn't reply as I was a bit annoyed especially as we'd already had a talk about relationships and what it was we were doing. A couple of weeks ago, three weeks since we'd last spoken she contacted me out of the blue saying her exams were over and if I ever wanted to hang out again she'd like to see me. I ended up agreeing to meet up again despite my better judgement however she then wanted to reschedule due to work and I suggested the Thursday or Sunday. On Thursday she cancelled again due to work. On Saturday having not heard from her I asked if we were meeting up the following day and she told me she'd failed her exam and basically didn't want to as she was pretty upset. I told her I was sorry to hear that and haven't heard from her or contacted her since then, last Saturday. She does actually have a lot going on. Her job's obviously pretty stressful with long hours. She also suffers from an illness which affects her mentally and physically to a certain extent as well as suffering from anxiety. Despite all this I'm not sure why you'd cancel so many times or even forget about a date if you were actually interested in someone. I really like this girl a lot. She's amazing in so many ways. It was incredible when we were together and it really seemed like this was going somewhere. The last date wasn't bad. In fact it was really nice and she seemed just as into me as before and still talking about things in the future. Should I just let this one go or is it worth contacting her again? at least to have some kind of closure.
Jejangles Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 Let it go for now. She clearly likes you but is not in a good space in her life for a relationship. I would end it but leave the door open. Say something like "I really like you but I can see you don't really have time for dating right now. Feel free to contact me in the future when your schedule opens up and you have less on your plate, but in the meantime, good luck with everything!" Chances are the two of you won't speak again, and by the time she might pop up, you will likely have forgotten all about her. But seeing as there was a connection, just bad timing seemingly, it's worth leaving the door at least ajar.
Author Speika Posted October 30, 2015 Author Posted October 30, 2015 Only two replies but they both say to forget it. I'm not sure why she got back in contact about the time she said she wanted to see me again after her exams and then proceeded to cancel again and disappear. It sucks as I was starting to get over her by then but now the false hope has messed with me a bit. I was hoping for a bit more insight into this and her actions, especially after she'd seemed so keen for it to be something lasting. I hope she wasn't messing me about. I thought I meant something to her. I guess I'll do what the first person said and leave the door ever so slightly ajar.
ravfour4 Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 She likes you, but not enough to hang out with you, at least not right now.
lilmissjava Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 She seems like she has a lot to juggle at the moment and it seems that she chose to focus on one part of her life to continue on in her career (not to imply you aren't important). It is understandable, and I know I would have been gone after the second cancellation, there is only so much rejection one should be able to take no matter how into her you are. I agree that if at some point in the future she reaches out to you again, that it would be a good idea if you left the door open for her to do that if you are both still available. That being said, you also shouldn't wait around for that to happen and live life the way you have been. Keep dating and let her do what she has to as it seems she is more dedicated to her career at the moment.
Gaeta Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 Only two replies but they both say to forget it. I'm not sure why she got back in contact about the time she said she wanted to see me again after her exams and then proceeded to cancel again and disappear. It sucks as I was starting to get over her by then but now the false hope has messed with me a bit. I was hoping for a bit more insight into this and her actions, especially after she'd seemed so keen for it to be something lasting. I hope she wasn't messing me about. I thought I meant something to her. I guess I'll do what the first person said and leave the door ever so slightly ajar. Don't put any value in her contacting you back. Men I briefly dated in the past contact me again often. They do it when they're bored or need attention. I don't have enough fingers to count how many times a man I saw 4-5 times disappeared then came back with 'oh I'm sorry I was so busy' then he sees me again 1 or 2 times and he disappears again. Your lady is not any different than these guys. Bottom line is when people want to see you they make time to see you whether they have a busy schedule or not. You know that right? Even if it would be a 1 hour lunch or desert with you later at night. Let her go. Don't let her fool you again. 4
Miss Peach Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 I agree to let it go too. For me at least having their life in order and being able to make and keep promises, act responsible, etc. are things I want. I want a reliable partner. So when I meet the male equivalent of that I move on. Usually people are on their best behavior in the beginning so when I see bad behavior and actions not matching words I find it a red flag.
kismetkismet Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 I would let it go. This behaviour isn't going to change.. even if she does have a busy life, you want to be a priority for the person that you're dating. It's totally disrespectful of other people's time to continually cancel plans on them. If she was serious about wanting to pursue something with you she would find the time.
LoveRefreshed Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 Hi, I started dating someone at the start of August. At first she seemed very interested. She made a point on a number of occasions of telling me that she liked me. She seemed to want to pay for things for me a lot. Made quite a few comments about the future. She wanted to buy and pay for tickets for us to the theatre for a few weeks down the line before we'd even been on our third date. I made a comment on our fourth date about it being the fourth as it was bit of an impromptu meet up and she asked me if I'd still be counting on our fiftieth. We'd had a small version of the talk about us both wanting to see where it went and had started to become quite couply. However she then started to cancel dates with me. At first I let it slide as we always rearranged and met up but after our sixth date things changed. Things felt different from her and she seemed to be blowing hot and cold. She forgot we had plans to do something for her birthday which is a pretty big red flag but she's a doctor and had been working long hours non stop for the past week including on the day. She then cancelled again. I phoned her to ask what was up and to simply let me know if she wanted to end things rather than stringing me along. She reassured me that she did want to still see me. We made plans for the following Sunday and I agreed as long as she wasn't going to cancel again...She cancelled again. She sent me a text apologising and said she'd been stressing out about an exam she had coming up which she needs to pass for her job and asked if we could wait till she'd done her exam to see each other again. This would have been more than a month since we last saw each other. I basically said no as I didn't feel she was really into this and didn't want to wait another couple weeks just to be cancelled on again. She was very apologetic and explained that she had a lot of pressures in her life and wasn't in the right place for a relationship however would like to still see me. I didn't reply as I was a bit annoyed especially as we'd already had a talk about relationships and what it was we were doing. A couple of weeks ago, three weeks since we'd last spoken she contacted me out of the blue saying her exams were over and if I ever wanted to hang out again she'd like to see me. I ended up agreeing to meet up again despite my better judgement however she then wanted to reschedule due to work and I suggested the Thursday or Sunday. On Thursday she cancelled again due to work. On Saturday having not heard from her I asked if we were meeting up the following day and she told me she'd failed her exam and basically didn't want to as she was pretty upset. I told her I was sorry to hear that and haven't heard from her or contacted her since then, last Saturday. She does actually have a lot going on. Her job's obviously pretty stressful with long hours. She also suffers from an illness which affects her mentally and physically to a certain extent as well as suffering from anxiety. Despite all this I'm not sure why you'd cancel so many times or even forget about a date if you were actually interested in someone. I really like this girl a lot. She's amazing in so many ways. It was incredible when we were together and it really seemed like this was going somewhere. The last date wasn't bad. In fact it was really nice and she seemed just as into me as before and still talking about things in the future. Should I just let this one go or is it worth contacting her again? at least to have some kind of closure. It is of my experience that a woman interested will make time for you. She will squeeze you in an hour no matter what if she wants you. The fact she is playing like this, she probably is treating you more like a friend than anything. She is probably is super busy! But she's probably spending her thin free time with a man she's crushing on. I'd go no contact, and the next time she asks to see you, I'd tell her I'm too busy to block off a time with someone who flakes. Then I'd stop talking to her again. I don't know, flakes are annoying.
Author Speika Posted October 31, 2015 Author Posted October 31, 2015 Thanks for the replies. It seems unanimous that this isn't worth pursuing. I kind of knew that but was secretly hoping to be convinced it was. I've honestly never met someone I felt so at ease around and who I clicked with so well. She seemed to feel the same way based on things she was saying and the way she was acting but I guess either that wasn't really the case or something changed. Not sure why it took more than a month for her to figure that out or why she made a point to stay in contact and ask for meet ups long after that but there's not much I can do about it. I let my guard down with her completely what with all her talk of things in the future. really thought this was going somewhere. It'll take a while to get over this one but thats all I can do I suppose. Dating sucks.
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